What I Learned By Watching... "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" (2009)
Creature features are where it's at for cheesy, brain-dead fun. It's my goal to watch a metric sh!t ton of them year - the cheesier, the better. I learn so many interesting...facts...from them...and I hope to share them all with you :)
I'm starting the series off with "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" (2009, 85 minutes, rated R). So here we go, in no particular order...
Things I Learned:
- It is perfectly acceptable to knock boots, eat, and drink in a science lab.
- You know you're doing your science right when your beaker starts glowing like Slimer's ectoplasm.
- Scientists working with chemicals at home don't need to wear lab coats. Scientists staring at a whale carcass on the beach do need to wear lab coats.
- Irish people and computers are magic!
- Government officials don't need to follow the standard MIB dress code as long as they are willing to look like a skinny Steven Seagal instead.
- Machine guns look a lot like spraypainted Nerf guns, and submarine controls look a lot like joysticks.
- Both the American and Japanese Navies favor identical uniforms, and are surprisingly willing to let their captains be bossed around by random civilians.
- Both the American and Japanese Navies hand out mini-subs like candy.
- Remember, kids, this is a monster flick, not a slasher flick - stick with the chick (even post-coitus) if you wanna live.
- Sharks like to eat bridges, planes, cars, and submarines.
- Who needs cryogenics when you have the polar ice?! Did you hear that, Walt Disney? How about you, Ted Williams?
- You can cruise around in a mini-sub in the Artic for hours and hours, wearing only a tank top, without getting hypothermia, goosebumps, or high beaming.
- A movie called "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" will only show said shark and octopus for 5 minutes' worth of screen time, max.
Questions:
- Are most viewers impressed by the psuedo-scientific/military jargon?
- Did Debbie Gibson always have a lisp?
Props:
- The woman MC solved two of the three major problems without male assistance
- The Asian MC was a sex symbol and romantic lead
Stay tuned for more life lessons!
I'm starting the series off with "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" (2009, 85 minutes, rated R). So here we go, in no particular order...
Things I Learned:
- It is perfectly acceptable to knock boots, eat, and drink in a science lab.
- You know you're doing your science right when your beaker starts glowing like Slimer's ectoplasm.
- Scientists working with chemicals at home don't need to wear lab coats. Scientists staring at a whale carcass on the beach do need to wear lab coats.
- Irish people and computers are magic!
- Government officials don't need to follow the standard MIB dress code as long as they are willing to look like a skinny Steven Seagal instead.
- Machine guns look a lot like spraypainted Nerf guns, and submarine controls look a lot like joysticks.
- Both the American and Japanese Navies favor identical uniforms, and are surprisingly willing to let their captains be bossed around by random civilians.
- Both the American and Japanese Navies hand out mini-subs like candy.
- Remember, kids, this is a monster flick, not a slasher flick - stick with the chick (even post-coitus) if you wanna live.
- Sharks like to eat bridges, planes, cars, and submarines.
- Who needs cryogenics when you have the polar ice?! Did you hear that, Walt Disney? How about you, Ted Williams?
- You can cruise around in a mini-sub in the Artic for hours and hours, wearing only a tank top, without getting hypothermia, goosebumps, or high beaming.
- A movie called "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" will only show said shark and octopus for 5 minutes' worth of screen time, max.
Questions:
- Are most viewers impressed by the psuedo-scientific/military jargon?
- Did Debbie Gibson always have a lisp?
Props:
- The woman MC solved two of the three major problems without male assistance
- The Asian MC was a sex symbol and romantic lead
Stay tuned for more life lessons!