What makes you different makes you pitiful.
What's going on in my life these days?
Well, not much, really.
I've been awfully depressed lately. I get to feeling isolated and very homesick at times. I miss not only my family and my friends, but my little routines. The walks to and from work, at both The Daily and at Coborn's. The times when legendof12world and I would walk out on our work break, to get coffee and sodas from the nearest coffee shop. Or when we'd walk out to Walmart in the middle of the night, for basically no reason. Or when I used to hang out with her and usa__ on Tuesdays and we'd watch House together. I also miss being able to make a way for myself, have money and few responsibilities so I actually could buy a coffee or a few clothes when I wanted to. I guess that's just growing up. But I imagine it's harder when you're in the process of immigrating to a new country, so you have no money and worse, have no way to make any and contribute in any way to the quality of your life. I will be so happy when I've been approved for permanent residency. There's always the doubt in our minds, the worry that maybe for some silly reason I'll be rejected. I try to ignore that doubt whenever it springs up, because it's depressing and because of its sheer unlikeliness. We have a very straight-forward case, which should be processed with ease. It's all just a matter of waiting it out. Which is hard. I get depressed, and I think of all the things I'm desperate to do as soon as it's resolved. Finally taking my husband's last name, finally being able to work again, finally being able to make plans like visiting my family and attending loved_gamgee's wedding. I met a girl named Mary who lives nearby, in Thornhill, and who is also immigrating from the U.S. Being able to provide her with advice and insight about the immigration process has helped to pull me out of my depression a little bit. I've always said, when you're depressed it's because you're focusing too much on your own problems, and when you step outside yourself and help someone else it's much easier to crawl out of that hole. On the other hand, I'm a tortured soul. Sometimes we talk about maybe moving back to the U.S. one day in the future, when we can afford to try. That idea, and how much I miss Mitchell, makes me afraid of making friends in Canada. I'm not very good at making friends anyway, but I seem to occasionally stumble into friendships, despite my own apparent attempts to sabotage myself at every turn. I'm afraid of meeting people I would miss. I'm afraid of setting myself up to be miserable no matter where we settle down. I like Canada. I don't hate it here. Richmond Hill is like the perfect city, because it's not the city, but it's way bigger than Mitchell. I just miss everything so much. If we could afford to visit home a few times a year... I don't know, then maybe I'd feel differently. I know we're just in a bad place right now. And I know that's our fault. We knew we were sacrificing our short-term future happiness when we got married so soon. But it was better than being apart. It's still better than being apart. It's just hard. I don't feel like it's fair that I'm being punished just because I didn't fall in love with an American. I don't feel like it's right that our lives are temporarily held hostage because of an invisible line.
Meanwhile, I wait desperately for spring. It is way too cold and miserable here right now, and I think some warmer weather would certainly help my mood a tad. I'm so over winter.
Sam's Club is closing, before we even really got a chance to shop there. So that... sucks. To further that suckiness, our refund was given to us in the form of a Walmart gift card. Gee, thanks. Our closest Walmart is a bus ride away. We can't really afford to take the bus right now, and could have really used that $42 in our wallet.
Christopher swears that I'm finally going to meet his friend Ken soon. We've been in Canada for a year and almost 3 months now, and I haven't met him yet. Does anyone else think that's weird?
I was bored, so I made a wishlist on the U.S. Walmart website. So my family can send me pretty clothes for my birthday in July. lol
Well, not much, really.
I've been awfully depressed lately. I get to feeling isolated and very homesick at times. I miss not only my family and my friends, but my little routines. The walks to and from work, at both The Daily and at Coborn's. The times when legendof12world and I would walk out on our work break, to get coffee and sodas from the nearest coffee shop. Or when we'd walk out to Walmart in the middle of the night, for basically no reason. Or when I used to hang out with her and usa__ on Tuesdays and we'd watch House together. I also miss being able to make a way for myself, have money and few responsibilities so I actually could buy a coffee or a few clothes when I wanted to. I guess that's just growing up. But I imagine it's harder when you're in the process of immigrating to a new country, so you have no money and worse, have no way to make any and contribute in any way to the quality of your life. I will be so happy when I've been approved for permanent residency. There's always the doubt in our minds, the worry that maybe for some silly reason I'll be rejected. I try to ignore that doubt whenever it springs up, because it's depressing and because of its sheer unlikeliness. We have a very straight-forward case, which should be processed with ease. It's all just a matter of waiting it out. Which is hard. I get depressed, and I think of all the things I'm desperate to do as soon as it's resolved. Finally taking my husband's last name, finally being able to work again, finally being able to make plans like visiting my family and attending loved_gamgee's wedding. I met a girl named Mary who lives nearby, in Thornhill, and who is also immigrating from the U.S. Being able to provide her with advice and insight about the immigration process has helped to pull me out of my depression a little bit. I've always said, when you're depressed it's because you're focusing too much on your own problems, and when you step outside yourself and help someone else it's much easier to crawl out of that hole. On the other hand, I'm a tortured soul. Sometimes we talk about maybe moving back to the U.S. one day in the future, when we can afford to try. That idea, and how much I miss Mitchell, makes me afraid of making friends in Canada. I'm not very good at making friends anyway, but I seem to occasionally stumble into friendships, despite my own apparent attempts to sabotage myself at every turn. I'm afraid of meeting people I would miss. I'm afraid of setting myself up to be miserable no matter where we settle down. I like Canada. I don't hate it here. Richmond Hill is like the perfect city, because it's not the city, but it's way bigger than Mitchell. I just miss everything so much. If we could afford to visit home a few times a year... I don't know, then maybe I'd feel differently. I know we're just in a bad place right now. And I know that's our fault. We knew we were sacrificing our short-term future happiness when we got married so soon. But it was better than being apart. It's still better than being apart. It's just hard. I don't feel like it's fair that I'm being punished just because I didn't fall in love with an American. I don't feel like it's right that our lives are temporarily held hostage because of an invisible line.
Meanwhile, I wait desperately for spring. It is way too cold and miserable here right now, and I think some warmer weather would certainly help my mood a tad. I'm so over winter.
Sam's Club is closing, before we even really got a chance to shop there. So that... sucks. To further that suckiness, our refund was given to us in the form of a Walmart gift card. Gee, thanks. Our closest Walmart is a bus ride away. We can't really afford to take the bus right now, and could have really used that $42 in our wallet.
Christopher swears that I'm finally going to meet his friend Ken soon. We've been in Canada for a year and almost 3 months now, and I haven't met him yet. Does anyone else think that's weird?
I was bored, so I made a wishlist on the U.S. Walmart website. So my family can send me pretty clothes for my birthday in July. lol