Lavender Dream
Lavender Dream
Chansoo
Summary:
Their love was like breathing, no need to think of how, why or when. Their life was supposed to be like the flowing water, continuous and steady until the timely end. Yet in a field of lavender, he kissed him and wistfully bid his farewell. Lavender dream, of trilling chime and mellow song, peacefully he dreamt and softly he mourned. If only dreams never end; if only lavenders never wilt.
I dream of sweet lavender fields.
They colour heaven’s floor
in endless drifts,
scented billows that float
through a familiar cloudscape
that sings of home.
Lavender Dream
[Chanyeol x Kyungsoo]
Park Chanyeol opened his eyes.
Soft morning sunlight streamed in through the large window and dusted all the surfaces in the small room with a thin layer of gold. From the mismatched furniture to the trinkets scattered in the room, everything seemed to emanate homely warmth under the shimmering sunlight. It was neither a large place nor a sophisticated place, and most of the articles may be old and worn, but it was home.
“Our home.”
Chanyeol smiled as his whispered and shut his eyes again. Sinking deeper into the weathered leather couch facing the window, Chanyeol basked in the sunlight and stretched his limbs. Lazily, he breathed in the crispy morning air and caught a faint whiff of lavender. A slight breeze brushed against the wind chime by the window and a trill of silver bells echoed in the room.
‘Where is Kyungsoo?’
Cracking his eyes open again, Chanyeol surveyed around for the familiar figure of his lover. Kyungsoo was nowhere to be seen in their compact apartment, but Chanyeol was certain the other was just around the corner. There were still fresh water droplets on the plants, arranged neatly on the small corner shelf unit. Unlike Chanyeol, who was an avid fan for indoor greeneries, Kyungsoo felt no particular enthusiasm towards the several pots of plants his lover had brought home one evening. However after witnessing how the seedlings’ young lives almost ended in the hands of the gentle giant in merely a week’s time, Kyungsoo took over the responsibility of plant caring in their home. Despite the grumbles and mumbles, Kyungsoo always took extra efforts to take care of the plants, especially the small pot of lavender. The smell of lavender was Chanyeol's favourite, but Kyungsoo insisted the only reason he kept it alive so far was because they got the flower as a gift from Sehun two Christmases ago. ‘I can't just leave it to wilt,’ he’d mumble from time to time, ‘it's not like I'm growing lavender because of you or anything...’ In those instances, Chanyeol would simply grin like an idiot while wrapping his long arms tightly around Kyungsoo. With upmost satisfaction, he’d watched as his lover’s serious face reddens steadily as he furiously misted the small pot of lavender.
Reaching over to the side of the couch, Chanyeol grabbed his guitar leaning against a crooked wooden table. Loose leaflets of music sheets scattered across the table top, weighted down by the several notebooks gingerly balanced on the slightly unstable structure. That unfortunately looking side table was Chanyeol and Kyungsoo's first and last wood shop project. But like many other items in the crowded apartment, a wonderful and loving memory was attached to it and so, like the many other items, the failed woodwork found a place to stay. For seven years, the couple lived in the small apartment that progressively became more and more crowded since their university days. They could afford to move to somewhere that was larger and grander, but they chose not to. This was their first home, where they fell in love, gotten hurt and healed, and where they’ve grown as humans alongside each other; surprisingly, both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are people of nostalgia. They could not bear to part with this apartment.
Plucking the strings leisurely, the sound of acoustic guitar blended in harmoniously with the occasional trill of the wind chime. Chanyeol smiled absentmindedly; he could not remember the last time he was feeling this relaxed.
A composer and a vocal trainer, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo’s lives intersected in their first year of university when they shared a dorm room in the music department. If Chanyeol was like the heat before a thunderstorm, Kyungsoo was like the cool after the downpour. Despite their differences, they complimented each other seamlessly well. Naturally and without much fuss, they became friends then fell in love. Was it on that winter night or was it during that summer afternoon, neither could remember any longer but they did not care much because what mattered was they were together. That was enough for both of them; to be together for the rest of their lives even if they could no longer remember why or since when.
“Our love is just like breathing,” as Kyungsoo calmly described to his parents with a bruised cheek marked by a burning handprint, “you don’t think about how, why or when to do it. You just breathe and we just love. Without each other, there’d be no meaning to life. Just like breathing, that’s our love.”
Until his death, Chanyeol held those words close to his heart.
Sensing another presence next to him, the gentle giant raised his head and looked straight into orbs as dark and as deep as the midnight sky. Smiles were in his voice as he greeted his lover, still plucking away at the same tender tune.
“There you are,” he grinned, “I was wondering where you went.”
Replying with just a nod, Kyungsoo took a seat next to his gentle giant and listened quietly to the familiar melody. He recognized the tune as one of Chanyeol's original composition, ‘River’, a wordless song the other had written for him two years into their relationship. This was the first song Chanyeol had written for Kyungsoo and the one he would play for his lover every year until he could no longer pluck the guitar strings. As always, each note of the song seeped into Kyungsoo’s heart like water flowing calmly through the forest, purifying all that was dark and cynical inherently dwelling in the shadow of his soul. Between the two, this simple tune symbolized their commitment to each other and it replaced the many unsaid words of love. They both knew, the promises and vows they felt too embarrassed to say were all embedded in the mellow melody.
"I was inspired by the river we came across on that hike we took in the forest,” as Chanyeol explained shyly to Kyungsoo in the dim light of the candles during an unexpected power outage years ago, "I hope our life together would be like the flowing water we saw: continuous and steady. Simply, naturally, and calmly, I hope we can walk together hand in hand until the end."
As he strummed the last note, accompanied by another trill of the wind chime, Chanyeol observed Kyungsoo closely. The streaming sunlight also dusted the handsome young man with a golden glow, across his round forehead, on the tip of his long lashes and over his plump lips. A thin layer of morning mist clouded his usually clear black eyes and in a daze, Kyungsoo sat quietly by his loved one. Placing his guitar to the side, Chanyeol ruffled his small lover’s hair lovingly with a silly grin plastered on his face; instead of punching the other like usual, Kyungsoo leaned in to the playful touch and nuzzled for a hug. Pleasantly surprised but also a little worried, Chanyeol enveloped Kyungsoo in a bear hug.
“What’s wrong?” he whispered intimately, “it’s so rare for you to be so affectionate.”
Kyungsoo simply tightened his hold around Chanyeol’s body. The smell of lavender was in the air and faintly in Kyungsoo’s hair. Chanyeol returned his lover’s embrace with the same intensity and inhaled the other’s familiar scent. If only time could stop in that moment.
“Chanyeol, do you believe in reincarnation?” Kyungsoo spoke suddenly.
“Eh?”
“Do you believe in reincarnation?” Kyungsoo asked again softly, his voice muffled by the folds of Chanyeol’s shirt.
“Mmmm…” Chanyeol pondered seriously with a slight frown in between his brows, “I guess I’d like to.”
Kyungsoo’s tightened the hug even more with a slight tremble of his hands.
“Hey… what’s wrong?” Chanyeol questioned worriedly as he rubbed Kyungsoo’s back in soothing circles, “Kyungsoo?”
A chilly breeze blew in from the window and rattled the wind chime, clattering silver bells against each other.
“Let’s believe in reincarnation,” Kyungsoo finally replied after a long pause as he raised his head from Chanyeol’s embrace. His eyes no longer misty but clear like the sky after a storm, and he gazed straight into Chanyeol’s eyes that were filled with confusion.
“If there is reincarnation, then we will meet again, in the next life and the lifetimes afterwards.”
“… Kyungsoo?”
“Even if the time we had with each other was so short, if there is reincarnation then it’ll be okay because we will meet again.”
Chanyeol’s mouth thinned into a line as he stared nervously at Kyungsoo. He was at a loss for words and a sense of dread washed over him, sending ominous shivers down his back.
SCREEEEEECH ― He could see the tail of the truck swinging towards them at an unusually fast speed.
He had forgotten something, something very important.
In the near distance, fire crackled and people were shouting. A pair of arms wrapped tightly around him. Darkness could not even cover up the glaring pool of spilt blood.
Wincing from the sudden onset of a migraine, Chanyeol squeezed his eyes shut.
‘Kyungsoo… Kyungsoo! Keep your eyes open, keep them open!’ The sound of sirens whirled around in the wind like a sorrowful wail. Amongst the smell of blood, burning tire, and smoke, he picked up the scent of lavender in the other’s hair.
Kyungsoo gently placed one hand on Chanyeol’s cheek and glided his other hand over eyes that were pressed close. “Do you remember now?” he whispered with a sad smile.
‘They are both in critical condition, especially the shorter male.” A stranger’s voice echoed in the sterile hallway alongside the sound of squeaking wheels and many sets of rushing feet. ‘He shielded the driver from a lot of the impact… it may be too late for him…’ A single tear inconspicuously slid down his injured cheek, blending in with the streaks of blood marked on his face.
“Kyungsoo…” Chanyeol croaked as he peeled his eyes open again; his eyes stung sorely and they watered at the sight of Kyungsoo's sad smile. The soft sunlight pouring in through the window dimmed but the person beside Chanyeol was still covered in a golden glow, making him appear intangible and faded. Scared of losing the other, Chanyeol reached out his hands and grasped Kyungsoo tightly around the other’s slender waist.
‘Chan…yeol…’ in the darkness, he heard the weak call of his name, ‘Chanyeol…’
Bouquets and single stems of lavender sprouted rapidly from the ground and in the blink of an eye, their home disappeared and face to face, they stood in a lavender field. Behind them, the orange sun was setting and from somewhere far away, the wind chime still rung. Then, Chanyeol remembered it all. He remembered it was in a field of lavender, as he stood shoulder to shoulder with Kyungsoo that spring day, he realized he had fallen in love with his university roommate and best friend. He remembered it was also in the same lavender field Kyungsoo had first clumsily pressed their lips together. He remembered the sunlight, the distant sound of a train passing by, the whistling of the wind, and the happy smile on the other’s still childish face. That was why lavender was his favourite smell; it was the smell of love, the smell of home and the smell of him.
Chanyeol remembered it was Kyungsoo’s birthday and they were on their way home. They had just enjoyed a weekend away at a ski resort, to celebrate Kyungsoo’s birthday as well as the beginning of another year. The snow was bellowing and visibility was extremely poor on the highway. Nervously, Chanyeol drove carefully in the dark with his headlight on bright. Next to him, the normally quiet Kyungsoo even kept a string of light-hearted conversations going in hopes of taking some stress off of his lover. But it all happened so quickly.
‘He was only 26,’ a familiar voice choked in between sobs, ‘they only had eight years of time together… this is not fair… to either of them, life is too unfair.’
Out of nowhere, twin lights of alarming red flashed into view and the large body of the transport truck crashed mercilessly towards their car. Shocked, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo's paled and neither had the chance to even utter a sound. Subconsciously, Chanyeol swerved the car towards the passenger side to protect his lover from the impact of the crash, but Kyungsoo too planned to protect his loved one; without thinking, Kyungsoo dove in front of Chanyeol as their car was whipped across the highway by the tail of the truck. Like snowflakes in the bitter wind, their battered car tumbled violently into the darkness until its passengers were flung out. Tightly gripped on to each other, the couple lied breathless on the road. The distorted headlight illuminated their feeble, huddling bodies, as well as the growing stain that added a gruesome splash of colour to the snow. Chanyeol remembered the helplessness in Kyungsoo's eyes and the subtle movements of his bloody lips. He remembered the muffled whistle of the chilling wind and the muted pounding of the other's heart. Large snowflakes continued to fall, as if God had ruthlessly ripped the feathers off of angel wings and scattered them from heaven. Cruelly silencing their soft cries and desperate last words, the snow continued to fall.
‘It’s… okay,’ he whispered listlessly as more blood dripped onto the white snow, like poppies blooming in the spring time, ‘Chanyeol-ah… don’t… cry…’
“It’s not okay,” Chanyeol stammered as he remembered everything. Large droplets of tear rolled down his face like pearls on a broken string, “It’s not okay. You’re leaving me behind, it’s not okay.”
Still smiling sadly, Kyungsoo wiped away the hot tears. Left, then right, he wiped fruitlessly.
“Stop crying, you idiot. You look ugly when you cry, didn’t I tell you that before?” Kyungsoo scolded but there were only adoration and pity in his soft voice. The corners of his eyes also dampened as he took in Chanyeol’s weeping face, “You’re already 26 yet you’re still such a crybaby. What are you going to do when I’m not around anymore? Not everyone is as accepting as I am.”
Kyungsoo’s voice cracked with emotions, but he kept on speaking while continued to wipe away the endless stream flowing from Chanyeol’s swollen eyes.
“So don’t cry anymore, Chanyeol. Take better care of yourself when I am not around. Don’t always sleep so late and don’t drink so much coffee. I know sometimes your job gets stressful, but can you at least try to quit smoking? It’d save you some money too… and don’t skip meals. With the amount of coffee you drink, if you skip meals too often, you’d hurt your stomach. You’re still young so don’t destroy your body like that. Remember to drink water often; you always forget to drink water when you’re working… and, it’s okay to forget me and move on. I don’t want to trap you for the rest of your life. I want you to be happy. I want you to have a fulfilling life.”
“No, I won’t forget you! I won’t be happy again, not without you.” Chanyeol mumbled as he cried. Roughly, he pulled Kyungsoo into a suffocating hug, “Don’t go, Kyungsoo. Don’t go.”
Heaving a shaky sigh, Kyungsoo relished the warmth from Chanyeol’s hug in contrast to the coolness of his body. He willed his tears back and pulled away. Leaning their foreheads together, Kyungsoo pecked Chanyeol’s quivering lips.
“I’m already gone, Chanyeol," he said as he wiped away more tears from the other’s stained cheeks, “This is my goodbye. We’ve missed each other in reality, so in your dream I’ve come to say goodbye.”
The sun gradually disappeared behind the two and the golden glow around Kyungsoo dimmed. Chanyeol watched helplessly as his lover became more and more transparent with the disappearance of daylight. Wistfully, Kyungsoo held Chanyeol’s face in his hands and he kissed him on the forehead, by the corners of his eyes, on the tip of his nose and finally on his lips. He lingered the last of his warmth with the kiss and before he completely disappeared, he closed Chanyeol’s eyes with his hands.
“Thank you for everything,” his voice echoed in the breeze passing by, “I love you, Chanyeol.”
“… I love you too, Kyungsoo.”
From somewhere far away, the sound of wind chime reverberated, but only the faint scent of lavender was left behind for a moment of reminisce.
---
Park Chanyeol opened his eyes.
Misty moonlight poured in through the window and dusted all the surfaces in the hospital room with a thin layer of silver. From the beeping medical equipment to the uniformed white and beige furniture organized neatly in the room, everything seemed to emanate impersonal coldness under the ghostly moonlight. Slumped on the edge of the bed, Byun Baekhyun frowned in his slumber. His slender fingers tangled loosely with Chanyeol’s bandaged ones. Unconsciously, Chanyeol twitched his fingers and instantaneously, Baekhyun’s eyes snapped open.
“Chanyeol!” he screeched in surprise as he regarded the injured man with swollen eyes accentuated by dark circles, “Chanyeol, you’re awake! I’ll call the doctor!”
Swiftly, Baekhyun reached for the call button and within a minute, a team of nurses and doctor rushed into the room. As Chanyeol was subjugated to a brief medical examination, Baekhyun watched on and tear welled up again in his already red eyes. He was glad his best friend had finally woken up, but he knew much pain and heartache awaited his friend from now on. In the past three days, Baekhyun often pondered perhaps it would be better if Chanyeol never woke up because then, he would never have to face the cruel reality.
Much too soon for Baekhyun’s liking, the doctor and nurses left Chanyeol to rest again. The room fell into silence and it sharply contrasted against the ruffle and shuffle happening in the room merely minutes ago. Blinking slowly, Chanyeol bitterly recalled his dream. Sharp pain pierced through his heart and the corner of his eyes moistened. The lingering smell of lavender was replaced by the stinging smell of antiseptic, and the beeps of various medical devices substituted the crisp trills of the wind chime. Avoiding Baekhyun’s anxious gaze, Chanyeol tilted his head slightly towards the window and spotted the small pot of withered lavender plant placed on the bedside table. Raising a shaky finger, he wordlessly motioned at the plant. Confused at Chanyeol’s action, Baekhyun followed his friend’s gaze.
“The lavender plant?” Baekhyun questioned hesitantly, “Sehun brought that for you because you like the smell of lavender, but either of us knows how to take of it and so it wilted. If Kyungsoo was her-” Catching his words, Baekhyun abruptly stopped talking and mentally punched himself. Nervously, he dreaded for Chanyeol to start questioning the whereabouts of his lover, but instead his friend had only motioned towards the plant again. Teary eyed, Chanyeol pointed at the plant and spoke in a low raspy voice.
“Bring it closer to me, Baekhyun,” he said, disregarding Baekhyun’s worried eyes, “please bring the lavender plant to me.”
Nodding dully and perplexed at Chanyeol’s request, Baekhyun handed his friend the withered plant. To his surprise, Chanyeol hugged the withered lavender close to his heart and began to sob quietly.
“Ch-Chanyeol?”
“He came to say goodbye in my dream, Baek” Chanyeol wept, “Lavender field… the lavender field… Kyungsoo, he… Kyungsoo… in the lavender field…” Dumbfounded, Baekhyun watched as Chaneyol continued to repeat himself time and after time again.
“Kyungsoo… the lavender field… in the lavender field…”
Until deep into the night, when he had ran out of tears and breath, and the snowflakes started to dance again in the wind, Chanyeol hugged the wilted lavender close.
If only dreams never end; if only lavenders never wilt.
FIN.
Author's note: urrrrrggggggggg. Okay this is like the after effect of writing For the words we could not say. That story left so much angst in me, I can't seem to write anything happy or fluffy D:< So, I think with this story, I've gotten the left over angst out of me. Why lavender? Because my roomate started using this lavender candle haha and also because I came across that poem in the foreward :) So lavender. I realized that Kyungsoo is always the one dying in my stories =___= For the next angst, I may consider killing Chanyeol off instead. Though usually the one that's left behind feels more pain right? I guess this goes to show that Kyungsoo is my number 1 bias LOL. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this story. Please leave a comment after reading and I look forward to hearing any feedbacks from you :D
Chansoo
Summary:
Their love was like breathing, no need to think of how, why or when. Their life was supposed to be like the flowing water, continuous and steady until the timely end. Yet in a field of lavender, he kissed him and wistfully bid his farewell. Lavender dream, of trilling chime and mellow song, peacefully he dreamt and softly he mourned. If only dreams never end; if only lavenders never wilt.
I dream of sweet lavender fields.
They colour heaven’s floor
in endless drifts,
scented billows that float
through a familiar cloudscape
that sings of home.
Lavender Dream
[Chanyeol x Kyungsoo]
Park Chanyeol opened his eyes.
Soft morning sunlight streamed in through the large window and dusted all the surfaces in the small room with a thin layer of gold. From the mismatched furniture to the trinkets scattered in the room, everything seemed to emanate homely warmth under the shimmering sunlight. It was neither a large place nor a sophisticated place, and most of the articles may be old and worn, but it was home.
“Our home.”
Chanyeol smiled as his whispered and shut his eyes again. Sinking deeper into the weathered leather couch facing the window, Chanyeol basked in the sunlight and stretched his limbs. Lazily, he breathed in the crispy morning air and caught a faint whiff of lavender. A slight breeze brushed against the wind chime by the window and a trill of silver bells echoed in the room.
‘Where is Kyungsoo?’
Cracking his eyes open again, Chanyeol surveyed around for the familiar figure of his lover. Kyungsoo was nowhere to be seen in their compact apartment, but Chanyeol was certain the other was just around the corner. There were still fresh water droplets on the plants, arranged neatly on the small corner shelf unit. Unlike Chanyeol, who was an avid fan for indoor greeneries, Kyungsoo felt no particular enthusiasm towards the several pots of plants his lover had brought home one evening. However after witnessing how the seedlings’ young lives almost ended in the hands of the gentle giant in merely a week’s time, Kyungsoo took over the responsibility of plant caring in their home. Despite the grumbles and mumbles, Kyungsoo always took extra efforts to take care of the plants, especially the small pot of lavender. The smell of lavender was Chanyeol's favourite, but Kyungsoo insisted the only reason he kept it alive so far was because they got the flower as a gift from Sehun two Christmases ago. ‘I can't just leave it to wilt,’ he’d mumble from time to time, ‘it's not like I'm growing lavender because of you or anything...’ In those instances, Chanyeol would simply grin like an idiot while wrapping his long arms tightly around Kyungsoo. With upmost satisfaction, he’d watched as his lover’s serious face reddens steadily as he furiously misted the small pot of lavender.
Reaching over to the side of the couch, Chanyeol grabbed his guitar leaning against a crooked wooden table. Loose leaflets of music sheets scattered across the table top, weighted down by the several notebooks gingerly balanced on the slightly unstable structure. That unfortunately looking side table was Chanyeol and Kyungsoo's first and last wood shop project. But like many other items in the crowded apartment, a wonderful and loving memory was attached to it and so, like the many other items, the failed woodwork found a place to stay. For seven years, the couple lived in the small apartment that progressively became more and more crowded since their university days. They could afford to move to somewhere that was larger and grander, but they chose not to. This was their first home, where they fell in love, gotten hurt and healed, and where they’ve grown as humans alongside each other; surprisingly, both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are people of nostalgia. They could not bear to part with this apartment.
Plucking the strings leisurely, the sound of acoustic guitar blended in harmoniously with the occasional trill of the wind chime. Chanyeol smiled absentmindedly; he could not remember the last time he was feeling this relaxed.
A composer and a vocal trainer, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo’s lives intersected in their first year of university when they shared a dorm room in the music department. If Chanyeol was like the heat before a thunderstorm, Kyungsoo was like the cool after the downpour. Despite their differences, they complimented each other seamlessly well. Naturally and without much fuss, they became friends then fell in love. Was it on that winter night or was it during that summer afternoon, neither could remember any longer but they did not care much because what mattered was they were together. That was enough for both of them; to be together for the rest of their lives even if they could no longer remember why or since when.
“Our love is just like breathing,” as Kyungsoo calmly described to his parents with a bruised cheek marked by a burning handprint, “you don’t think about how, why or when to do it. You just breathe and we just love. Without each other, there’d be no meaning to life. Just like breathing, that’s our love.”
Until his death, Chanyeol held those words close to his heart.
Sensing another presence next to him, the gentle giant raised his head and looked straight into orbs as dark and as deep as the midnight sky. Smiles were in his voice as he greeted his lover, still plucking away at the same tender tune.
“There you are,” he grinned, “I was wondering where you went.”
Replying with just a nod, Kyungsoo took a seat next to his gentle giant and listened quietly to the familiar melody. He recognized the tune as one of Chanyeol's original composition, ‘River’, a wordless song the other had written for him two years into their relationship. This was the first song Chanyeol had written for Kyungsoo and the one he would play for his lover every year until he could no longer pluck the guitar strings. As always, each note of the song seeped into Kyungsoo’s heart like water flowing calmly through the forest, purifying all that was dark and cynical inherently dwelling in the shadow of his soul. Between the two, this simple tune symbolized their commitment to each other and it replaced the many unsaid words of love. They both knew, the promises and vows they felt too embarrassed to say were all embedded in the mellow melody.
"I was inspired by the river we came across on that hike we took in the forest,” as Chanyeol explained shyly to Kyungsoo in the dim light of the candles during an unexpected power outage years ago, "I hope our life together would be like the flowing water we saw: continuous and steady. Simply, naturally, and calmly, I hope we can walk together hand in hand until the end."
As he strummed the last note, accompanied by another trill of the wind chime, Chanyeol observed Kyungsoo closely. The streaming sunlight also dusted the handsome young man with a golden glow, across his round forehead, on the tip of his long lashes and over his plump lips. A thin layer of morning mist clouded his usually clear black eyes and in a daze, Kyungsoo sat quietly by his loved one. Placing his guitar to the side, Chanyeol ruffled his small lover’s hair lovingly with a silly grin plastered on his face; instead of punching the other like usual, Kyungsoo leaned in to the playful touch and nuzzled for a hug. Pleasantly surprised but also a little worried, Chanyeol enveloped Kyungsoo in a bear hug.
“What’s wrong?” he whispered intimately, “it’s so rare for you to be so affectionate.”
Kyungsoo simply tightened his hold around Chanyeol’s body. The smell of lavender was in the air and faintly in Kyungsoo’s hair. Chanyeol returned his lover’s embrace with the same intensity and inhaled the other’s familiar scent. If only time could stop in that moment.
“Chanyeol, do you believe in reincarnation?” Kyungsoo spoke suddenly.
“Eh?”
“Do you believe in reincarnation?” Kyungsoo asked again softly, his voice muffled by the folds of Chanyeol’s shirt.
“Mmmm…” Chanyeol pondered seriously with a slight frown in between his brows, “I guess I’d like to.”
Kyungsoo’s tightened the hug even more with a slight tremble of his hands.
“Hey… what’s wrong?” Chanyeol questioned worriedly as he rubbed Kyungsoo’s back in soothing circles, “Kyungsoo?”
A chilly breeze blew in from the window and rattled the wind chime, clattering silver bells against each other.
“Let’s believe in reincarnation,” Kyungsoo finally replied after a long pause as he raised his head from Chanyeol’s embrace. His eyes no longer misty but clear like the sky after a storm, and he gazed straight into Chanyeol’s eyes that were filled with confusion.
“If there is reincarnation, then we will meet again, in the next life and the lifetimes afterwards.”
“… Kyungsoo?”
“Even if the time we had with each other was so short, if there is reincarnation then it’ll be okay because we will meet again.”
Chanyeol’s mouth thinned into a line as he stared nervously at Kyungsoo. He was at a loss for words and a sense of dread washed over him, sending ominous shivers down his back.
SCREEEEEECH ― He could see the tail of the truck swinging towards them at an unusually fast speed.
He had forgotten something, something very important.
In the near distance, fire crackled and people were shouting. A pair of arms wrapped tightly around him. Darkness could not even cover up the glaring pool of spilt blood.
Wincing from the sudden onset of a migraine, Chanyeol squeezed his eyes shut.
‘Kyungsoo… Kyungsoo! Keep your eyes open, keep them open!’ The sound of sirens whirled around in the wind like a sorrowful wail. Amongst the smell of blood, burning tire, and smoke, he picked up the scent of lavender in the other’s hair.
Kyungsoo gently placed one hand on Chanyeol’s cheek and glided his other hand over eyes that were pressed close. “Do you remember now?” he whispered with a sad smile.
‘They are both in critical condition, especially the shorter male.” A stranger’s voice echoed in the sterile hallway alongside the sound of squeaking wheels and many sets of rushing feet. ‘He shielded the driver from a lot of the impact… it may be too late for him…’ A single tear inconspicuously slid down his injured cheek, blending in with the streaks of blood marked on his face.
“Kyungsoo…” Chanyeol croaked as he peeled his eyes open again; his eyes stung sorely and they watered at the sight of Kyungsoo's sad smile. The soft sunlight pouring in through the window dimmed but the person beside Chanyeol was still covered in a golden glow, making him appear intangible and faded. Scared of losing the other, Chanyeol reached out his hands and grasped Kyungsoo tightly around the other’s slender waist.
‘Chan…yeol…’ in the darkness, he heard the weak call of his name, ‘Chanyeol…’
Bouquets and single stems of lavender sprouted rapidly from the ground and in the blink of an eye, their home disappeared and face to face, they stood in a lavender field. Behind them, the orange sun was setting and from somewhere far away, the wind chime still rung. Then, Chanyeol remembered it all. He remembered it was in a field of lavender, as he stood shoulder to shoulder with Kyungsoo that spring day, he realized he had fallen in love with his university roommate and best friend. He remembered it was also in the same lavender field Kyungsoo had first clumsily pressed their lips together. He remembered the sunlight, the distant sound of a train passing by, the whistling of the wind, and the happy smile on the other’s still childish face. That was why lavender was his favourite smell; it was the smell of love, the smell of home and the smell of him.
Chanyeol remembered it was Kyungsoo’s birthday and they were on their way home. They had just enjoyed a weekend away at a ski resort, to celebrate Kyungsoo’s birthday as well as the beginning of another year. The snow was bellowing and visibility was extremely poor on the highway. Nervously, Chanyeol drove carefully in the dark with his headlight on bright. Next to him, the normally quiet Kyungsoo even kept a string of light-hearted conversations going in hopes of taking some stress off of his lover. But it all happened so quickly.
‘He was only 26,’ a familiar voice choked in between sobs, ‘they only had eight years of time together… this is not fair… to either of them, life is too unfair.’
Out of nowhere, twin lights of alarming red flashed into view and the large body of the transport truck crashed mercilessly towards their car. Shocked, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo's paled and neither had the chance to even utter a sound. Subconsciously, Chanyeol swerved the car towards the passenger side to protect his lover from the impact of the crash, but Kyungsoo too planned to protect his loved one; without thinking, Kyungsoo dove in front of Chanyeol as their car was whipped across the highway by the tail of the truck. Like snowflakes in the bitter wind, their battered car tumbled violently into the darkness until its passengers were flung out. Tightly gripped on to each other, the couple lied breathless on the road. The distorted headlight illuminated their feeble, huddling bodies, as well as the growing stain that added a gruesome splash of colour to the snow. Chanyeol remembered the helplessness in Kyungsoo's eyes and the subtle movements of his bloody lips. He remembered the muffled whistle of the chilling wind and the muted pounding of the other's heart. Large snowflakes continued to fall, as if God had ruthlessly ripped the feathers off of angel wings and scattered them from heaven. Cruelly silencing their soft cries and desperate last words, the snow continued to fall.
‘It’s… okay,’ he whispered listlessly as more blood dripped onto the white snow, like poppies blooming in the spring time, ‘Chanyeol-ah… don’t… cry…’
“It’s not okay,” Chanyeol stammered as he remembered everything. Large droplets of tear rolled down his face like pearls on a broken string, “It’s not okay. You’re leaving me behind, it’s not okay.”
Still smiling sadly, Kyungsoo wiped away the hot tears. Left, then right, he wiped fruitlessly.
“Stop crying, you idiot. You look ugly when you cry, didn’t I tell you that before?” Kyungsoo scolded but there were only adoration and pity in his soft voice. The corners of his eyes also dampened as he took in Chanyeol’s weeping face, “You’re already 26 yet you’re still such a crybaby. What are you going to do when I’m not around anymore? Not everyone is as accepting as I am.”
Kyungsoo’s voice cracked with emotions, but he kept on speaking while continued to wipe away the endless stream flowing from Chanyeol’s swollen eyes.
“So don’t cry anymore, Chanyeol. Take better care of yourself when I am not around. Don’t always sleep so late and don’t drink so much coffee. I know sometimes your job gets stressful, but can you at least try to quit smoking? It’d save you some money too… and don’t skip meals. With the amount of coffee you drink, if you skip meals too often, you’d hurt your stomach. You’re still young so don’t destroy your body like that. Remember to drink water often; you always forget to drink water when you’re working… and, it’s okay to forget me and move on. I don’t want to trap you for the rest of your life. I want you to be happy. I want you to have a fulfilling life.”
“No, I won’t forget you! I won’t be happy again, not without you.” Chanyeol mumbled as he cried. Roughly, he pulled Kyungsoo into a suffocating hug, “Don’t go, Kyungsoo. Don’t go.”
Heaving a shaky sigh, Kyungsoo relished the warmth from Chanyeol’s hug in contrast to the coolness of his body. He willed his tears back and pulled away. Leaning their foreheads together, Kyungsoo pecked Chanyeol’s quivering lips.
“I’m already gone, Chanyeol," he said as he wiped away more tears from the other’s stained cheeks, “This is my goodbye. We’ve missed each other in reality, so in your dream I’ve come to say goodbye.”
The sun gradually disappeared behind the two and the golden glow around Kyungsoo dimmed. Chanyeol watched helplessly as his lover became more and more transparent with the disappearance of daylight. Wistfully, Kyungsoo held Chanyeol’s face in his hands and he kissed him on the forehead, by the corners of his eyes, on the tip of his nose and finally on his lips. He lingered the last of his warmth with the kiss and before he completely disappeared, he closed Chanyeol’s eyes with his hands.
“Thank you for everything,” his voice echoed in the breeze passing by, “I love you, Chanyeol.”
“… I love you too, Kyungsoo.”
From somewhere far away, the sound of wind chime reverberated, but only the faint scent of lavender was left behind for a moment of reminisce.
---
Park Chanyeol opened his eyes.
Misty moonlight poured in through the window and dusted all the surfaces in the hospital room with a thin layer of silver. From the beeping medical equipment to the uniformed white and beige furniture organized neatly in the room, everything seemed to emanate impersonal coldness under the ghostly moonlight. Slumped on the edge of the bed, Byun Baekhyun frowned in his slumber. His slender fingers tangled loosely with Chanyeol’s bandaged ones. Unconsciously, Chanyeol twitched his fingers and instantaneously, Baekhyun’s eyes snapped open.
“Chanyeol!” he screeched in surprise as he regarded the injured man with swollen eyes accentuated by dark circles, “Chanyeol, you’re awake! I’ll call the doctor!”
Swiftly, Baekhyun reached for the call button and within a minute, a team of nurses and doctor rushed into the room. As Chanyeol was subjugated to a brief medical examination, Baekhyun watched on and tear welled up again in his already red eyes. He was glad his best friend had finally woken up, but he knew much pain and heartache awaited his friend from now on. In the past three days, Baekhyun often pondered perhaps it would be better if Chanyeol never woke up because then, he would never have to face the cruel reality.
Much too soon for Baekhyun’s liking, the doctor and nurses left Chanyeol to rest again. The room fell into silence and it sharply contrasted against the ruffle and shuffle happening in the room merely minutes ago. Blinking slowly, Chanyeol bitterly recalled his dream. Sharp pain pierced through his heart and the corner of his eyes moistened. The lingering smell of lavender was replaced by the stinging smell of antiseptic, and the beeps of various medical devices substituted the crisp trills of the wind chime. Avoiding Baekhyun’s anxious gaze, Chanyeol tilted his head slightly towards the window and spotted the small pot of withered lavender plant placed on the bedside table. Raising a shaky finger, he wordlessly motioned at the plant. Confused at Chanyeol’s action, Baekhyun followed his friend’s gaze.
“The lavender plant?” Baekhyun questioned hesitantly, “Sehun brought that for you because you like the smell of lavender, but either of us knows how to take of it and so it wilted. If Kyungsoo was her-” Catching his words, Baekhyun abruptly stopped talking and mentally punched himself. Nervously, he dreaded for Chanyeol to start questioning the whereabouts of his lover, but instead his friend had only motioned towards the plant again. Teary eyed, Chanyeol pointed at the plant and spoke in a low raspy voice.
“Bring it closer to me, Baekhyun,” he said, disregarding Baekhyun’s worried eyes, “please bring the lavender plant to me.”
Nodding dully and perplexed at Chanyeol’s request, Baekhyun handed his friend the withered plant. To his surprise, Chanyeol hugged the withered lavender close to his heart and began to sob quietly.
“Ch-Chanyeol?”
“He came to say goodbye in my dream, Baek” Chanyeol wept, “Lavender field… the lavender field… Kyungsoo, he… Kyungsoo… in the lavender field…” Dumbfounded, Baekhyun watched as Chaneyol continued to repeat himself time and after time again.
“Kyungsoo… the lavender field… in the lavender field…”
Until deep into the night, when he had ran out of tears and breath, and the snowflakes started to dance again in the wind, Chanyeol hugged the wilted lavender close.
If only dreams never end; if only lavenders never wilt.
FIN.
Author's note: urrrrrggggggggg. Okay this is like the after effect of writing For the words we could not say. That story left so much angst in me, I can't seem to write anything happy or fluffy D:< So, I think with this story, I've gotten the left over angst out of me. Why lavender? Because my roomate started using this lavender candle haha and also because I came across that poem in the foreward :) So lavender. I realized that Kyungsoo is always the one dying in my stories =___= For the next angst, I may consider killing Chanyeol off instead. Though usually the one that's left behind feels more pain right? I guess this goes to show that Kyungsoo is my number 1 bias LOL. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this story. Please leave a comment after reading and I look forward to hearing any feedbacks from you :D