baby steps...
so, thats it. i finally saw jim.
he called sunday night (the 23rd) as i was in transport back home. i called him back late, only letting the phone ring twice before i hung up. now, note to all: he was at home, and has no cell phone. so i found out later i woke up his mom and must have hung up a millisecond before she picked it up. he figured it was me, so called me back. i gave him dates and times and he said he'd let me know bc he needed to figure out how he was going to get into the city. fine. whatever. i started getting upset and called jake. he told me he didn't think i was ready to see him and that i dont owe jim anything, and i probably shouldn't see him. but i wanted to do this. i wanted to get it over with, whether it hurt or not. it's something i will eventually need to do, so why not do it now?
he called wednesday night, letting me know he would be attending thursday's matinee, because his brother and sister-in-law were seeing the matinee of Peter Pan. so i purchased a ticket for him to make sure he got one (cause we've over-sold every show this week), and had him call me when he knew when he was going to get into the city and then to the theatre. as i was on my way down to meet him to give him the ticket, i had a mini panic attack. shortness of breath, heart pounding, massive freaking out. i took a deep breath and continued downstairs. i found him, then didn't look up from the floor or the people i was trying to get by until i got to him. gave him a hesitant hug, and said hi to his brother dan, and got a hug from him too, which was nice (i guess).
peter pan started a half hour before greater tuna, so i took jim upstairs and showed him the theatre, because our house wasn't open yet. showed him backstage (yeah, that took all of 7 seconds) and introduced him to everybody (all other 4 people that work on this show). he made the comment, "oh, so this is what a real backstage looks like." which them prompted me to take him backstage of peter pan real quick before they started the show, and he really enjoyed seeing that. i then stopped in the production office to pick up paychecks, because it was then i remembered it was payday, and introduced him to Bethann (asst. prod manager that i worked with for my first two months).
i took him back upstairs and got ready for the show. he picked the perfect seat to be picked on. (i told the guys to pick on him, we made a note on the call sheet, and i hung a photo of us with an arrow pointing at him. lol)
he really seemed to enjoy the show (and i later confirmed that).
when we talked on the phone the night before, i asked if he was going to be able to stay around for dinner or something. he said probably, but it depended on how he was getting in and out of the city. so no definite plans. after the show, i asked if he was staying around, and he said that him, dan and allison were probably going to get dinner and i could come. i told him i was uncomfortable going out with all of them, and was going to decline the invite along. he then said that it was really up to allison and whether or not she wanted to get back to her son, who is about 6 months old and with jim's parents for the day. i walked jim downstairs, and it turned out that they were going home, and dan asked him "is that ok?" i looked at jim, and he responded, "yeah, thats fine." so i asked what else he was up to over break, and that he should give me a ring and we could hang out while he's home. he said he would, and we parted.
now. i was doing pretty well all day. before the show after i dropped him in the lobby, i was feeling really good about the whole thing and was glad i got to see him, and that he had the opportunity to come, and i was good. so when we parted, and i was making my way back upstairs, i wanted to cry. i wanted to stop on the landing, crouch in the corner and cry. i didn't let it get the best of me though, got over myself for the time being, and ended up getting dinner with john and jess.
i emailed him asking him to call me later that night. he did, and we actually got a chance to talk, since we really didn't when i saw him. he basically said hi, saw the show, and said bye. so we talked for a bit, about the show, what he liked/didn't like, about characters, costumes and such, and about what he's up to during break. i doubt i'll see him again before he goes back to Lehigh, though. oh, ALSO.... he never paid for his ticket, dammit. originally i was thinking, he can get dinner when we go out. but then we didn't, so there I go spending more money on him that i shouldn't have (this traces back to his birthday present that got fucked up and i lost money on).
so anyway, a generally positive update. i am very glad i got to see him. fine, i only made eye contact with him maybe 2 or 3 times, but i took a step. the first step. which i thought was going to be so hard for the past 2 months. at dinner, i told jess and john that it was probably better that he didn't stay. because i probably would have said something inappropriate and gotten upset. and i feel like this was a good segway into our next meeting. whenever that may be.
i'm generally feeling good about life. greater tuna closes tomorrow night, and i will miss ben and john and jess. but sara and i get to work together until the end of june. :^)
for new years, originally i was supposed to go to the theatre's party, but i think thats gonna be lame, so jess and i are going to go to a bar and meet some people. we're gonna go to Fado, where she went last year and had a good time. I feel that the peter pan people and many of the apprentices are clicky, and i don't quite fit in with them because i don't work with them, or even see them. but jess and i have gotten very close, so we're gonna go off and do our own thing. and i won't be ignored by coworkers. i will be ignored by strangers. but hopefully some of them will be interesting, and we'll strike up a conversation.
is it odd that i would rather spend new years with a bunch of strangers than a bunch of people i know because i work in the same building as them and we have a lot in common (obviously) because we do theatre?
also, saw the dresden dolls last night at TLA. wonderful. amazing. amanda can still belt it beautifully even when she has the flu. :^) :^) :^)
he called sunday night (the 23rd) as i was in transport back home. i called him back late, only letting the phone ring twice before i hung up. now, note to all: he was at home, and has no cell phone. so i found out later i woke up his mom and must have hung up a millisecond before she picked it up. he figured it was me, so called me back. i gave him dates and times and he said he'd let me know bc he needed to figure out how he was going to get into the city. fine. whatever. i started getting upset and called jake. he told me he didn't think i was ready to see him and that i dont owe jim anything, and i probably shouldn't see him. but i wanted to do this. i wanted to get it over with, whether it hurt or not. it's something i will eventually need to do, so why not do it now?
he called wednesday night, letting me know he would be attending thursday's matinee, because his brother and sister-in-law were seeing the matinee of Peter Pan. so i purchased a ticket for him to make sure he got one (cause we've over-sold every show this week), and had him call me when he knew when he was going to get into the city and then to the theatre. as i was on my way down to meet him to give him the ticket, i had a mini panic attack. shortness of breath, heart pounding, massive freaking out. i took a deep breath and continued downstairs. i found him, then didn't look up from the floor or the people i was trying to get by until i got to him. gave him a hesitant hug, and said hi to his brother dan, and got a hug from him too, which was nice (i guess).
peter pan started a half hour before greater tuna, so i took jim upstairs and showed him the theatre, because our house wasn't open yet. showed him backstage (yeah, that took all of 7 seconds) and introduced him to everybody (all other 4 people that work on this show). he made the comment, "oh, so this is what a real backstage looks like." which them prompted me to take him backstage of peter pan real quick before they started the show, and he really enjoyed seeing that. i then stopped in the production office to pick up paychecks, because it was then i remembered it was payday, and introduced him to Bethann (asst. prod manager that i worked with for my first two months).
i took him back upstairs and got ready for the show. he picked the perfect seat to be picked on. (i told the guys to pick on him, we made a note on the call sheet, and i hung a photo of us with an arrow pointing at him. lol)
he really seemed to enjoy the show (and i later confirmed that).
when we talked on the phone the night before, i asked if he was going to be able to stay around for dinner or something. he said probably, but it depended on how he was getting in and out of the city. so no definite plans. after the show, i asked if he was staying around, and he said that him, dan and allison were probably going to get dinner and i could come. i told him i was uncomfortable going out with all of them, and was going to decline the invite along. he then said that it was really up to allison and whether or not she wanted to get back to her son, who is about 6 months old and with jim's parents for the day. i walked jim downstairs, and it turned out that they were going home, and dan asked him "is that ok?" i looked at jim, and he responded, "yeah, thats fine." so i asked what else he was up to over break, and that he should give me a ring and we could hang out while he's home. he said he would, and we parted.
now. i was doing pretty well all day. before the show after i dropped him in the lobby, i was feeling really good about the whole thing and was glad i got to see him, and that he had the opportunity to come, and i was good. so when we parted, and i was making my way back upstairs, i wanted to cry. i wanted to stop on the landing, crouch in the corner and cry. i didn't let it get the best of me though, got over myself for the time being, and ended up getting dinner with john and jess.
i emailed him asking him to call me later that night. he did, and we actually got a chance to talk, since we really didn't when i saw him. he basically said hi, saw the show, and said bye. so we talked for a bit, about the show, what he liked/didn't like, about characters, costumes and such, and about what he's up to during break. i doubt i'll see him again before he goes back to Lehigh, though. oh, ALSO.... he never paid for his ticket, dammit. originally i was thinking, he can get dinner when we go out. but then we didn't, so there I go spending more money on him that i shouldn't have (this traces back to his birthday present that got fucked up and i lost money on).
so anyway, a generally positive update. i am very glad i got to see him. fine, i only made eye contact with him maybe 2 or 3 times, but i took a step. the first step. which i thought was going to be so hard for the past 2 months. at dinner, i told jess and john that it was probably better that he didn't stay. because i probably would have said something inappropriate and gotten upset. and i feel like this was a good segway into our next meeting. whenever that may be.
i'm generally feeling good about life. greater tuna closes tomorrow night, and i will miss ben and john and jess. but sara and i get to work together until the end of june. :^)
for new years, originally i was supposed to go to the theatre's party, but i think thats gonna be lame, so jess and i are going to go to a bar and meet some people. we're gonna go to Fado, where she went last year and had a good time. I feel that the peter pan people and many of the apprentices are clicky, and i don't quite fit in with them because i don't work with them, or even see them. but jess and i have gotten very close, so we're gonna go off and do our own thing. and i won't be ignored by coworkers. i will be ignored by strangers. but hopefully some of them will be interesting, and we'll strike up a conversation.
is it odd that i would rather spend new years with a bunch of strangers than a bunch of people i know because i work in the same building as them and we have a lot in common (obviously) because we do theatre?
also, saw the dresden dolls last night at TLA. wonderful. amazing. amanda can still belt it beautifully even when she has the flu. :^) :^) :^)