(no subject)
Ya know what...fuck it. Fuck it all. No one with the exception of maybe two or three people are even giving a fuck about this whole situation I'm in. People keep questioning if what I'm doing is right for me, or why everything is dramatic, blah blah. Well I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't feel it was right or worth it...and I can't help that it's gotten as bad as it has. I didn't have any control over it after it started. I tried to stop it, but everyone just fuckin ignored me. And people wonder why it got so bad. Cuz no one listens to Jim. Nope nope. Jim's such a horrible person. Worst boyfriend ever. I'm starting to believe it -_-;...
Don't judge me or my situation unless you've been in it before. Which none of you do...so I'm just not even going to bother posting about what's going on with Liz or anything like that, because no one gives a fuck. I'm starting to wonder if even I do, ugh. Starting to think I'm fighting a losing battle no matter what the outcome...
And to add to the frustration...due to my memory card being a piece of shit for some unknown reason, I just lost about...120 hours worth of gameplay in PSO. Went to quit and save a character I was playing...and when it went to save, it said all of my files were corrupted and HAD to be deleted >_>. I tried working around it...but sadly I couldn't. Lost a level 20 RAmar, level 56 HUcaseal, level 81 HUmar, and my kickass level 88 RAmarl. Like I said...easily 120 hours worth of work...right down the fuckin drain. Ugh...
I'm just going to rot in some random corner right now. Like I have anything else better to do -_-;...
*wave*
EDIT: Thanks for the comments Myao and sevenetta...truly do appreacite it, but now I bear some news which...I hope is only temporary:
Since I don't feel like getting into any depth right now since I'm fuckin depressed...I'll just paste the convo:
LochNessRocks: but yea i talked to liz bout u 2 a bit
LochNessRocks: she says it totally over
Catamax64: >_>
LochNessRocks: like that she really doen'st wanna b friends w/ ya either
Catamax64: o_O
LochNessRocks: yea
Catamax64: w. t. f.
LochNessRocks: i was like, isn't it supposed to b short term
LochNessRocks: and she said no, she doesn't wanna get together again
Catamax64: Once again, i ask her why she's making this decision when she hasn't seen me in over two weeks >_>
LochNessRocks: dunno
LochNessRocks: just wait for her to call
Catamax64: The way you make it sound, I doubt she will.
LochNessRocks: i'll try to see if i can get her to talk to u soon so she'll changer her mind
LochNessRocks: i doubt she will 2
LochNessRocks: but mayb she hasn't realized what she lost yet
Catamax64: I hope she does soon. She hasn't been able to see me in two weeks. I even explained to her how this is just like post-Wildwood, except she's in my position. I hope she realizes the mistake she's making as fast as I did.
She wants it to be over? She's going to toss away all this effort and time we've spend on each other on a whim? She's going to let go of a guy who she has admitted several times that he makes her happy? All of this...for nothing?
Mass o' friends - This is what feels right. I'm not going to give up on Liz so easily. I don't care what it takes...because I do love her. And love is also worth it.
Marcy - The point has been stated. I don't like you getting involved in my fights and problems. If you have something harsh to say, keep it to yourself. You say you want Liz to be happy, yet you fight with all your might to drive away one of the few sources of happiness she has? You can't get much more hypocritical than that. If you honestly care for Liz and want her to be happy, you'll know that Liz and I being together is for the better of everyone.
Liz - I hope you change your mind Liz, for the better of you, me...and just everything. I want to be happy...and you make me happy, just by simply being with you. You say I make you happy...please, let me see you, and let me be that man who makes you feel happy and special again. I'm human...I make mistakes. But I also have a heart, and I have forgiven and forgotten all of the shit that has happened. I still love you. I hope you realize you do too...cuz love just doesn't disappear like that. Please...just let me come over and let me hug you, hold you...snuggle you with every bit of love I have for you ;__;. I know deep down inside of you, a voice is crying out to be loved...and that voice is answered by my own soul shouting back that I have all this love to offer. Please...listen...to me...I miss you more than I could ever express in words ;__;.
But I really should shut up for now. I should probably be going to bed too. I've got work at Noon, so I should probably go to bed...I hope I sleep this time...and I hope Liz reads this...so she can see how much I'm hurting too through all of this -_-;...*sigh*...
Don't judge me or my situation unless you've been in it before. Which none of you do...so I'm just not even going to bother posting about what's going on with Liz or anything like that, because no one gives a fuck. I'm starting to wonder if even I do, ugh. Starting to think I'm fighting a losing battle no matter what the outcome...
And to add to the frustration...due to my memory card being a piece of shit for some unknown reason, I just lost about...120 hours worth of gameplay in PSO. Went to quit and save a character I was playing...and when it went to save, it said all of my files were corrupted and HAD to be deleted >_>. I tried working around it...but sadly I couldn't. Lost a level 20 RAmar, level 56 HUcaseal, level 81 HUmar, and my kickass level 88 RAmarl. Like I said...easily 120 hours worth of work...right down the fuckin drain. Ugh...
I'm just going to rot in some random corner right now. Like I have anything else better to do -_-;...
*wave*
EDIT: Thanks for the comments Myao and sevenetta...truly do appreacite it, but now I bear some news which...I hope is only temporary:
Since I don't feel like getting into any depth right now since I'm fuckin depressed...I'll just paste the convo:
LochNessRocks: but yea i talked to liz bout u 2 a bit
LochNessRocks: she says it totally over
Catamax64: >_>
LochNessRocks: like that she really doen'st wanna b friends w/ ya either
Catamax64: o_O
LochNessRocks: yea
Catamax64: w. t. f.
LochNessRocks: i was like, isn't it supposed to b short term
LochNessRocks: and she said no, she doesn't wanna get together again
Catamax64: Once again, i ask her why she's making this decision when she hasn't seen me in over two weeks >_>
LochNessRocks: dunno
LochNessRocks: just wait for her to call
Catamax64: The way you make it sound, I doubt she will.
LochNessRocks: i'll try to see if i can get her to talk to u soon so she'll changer her mind
LochNessRocks: i doubt she will 2
LochNessRocks: but mayb she hasn't realized what she lost yet
Catamax64: I hope she does soon. She hasn't been able to see me in two weeks. I even explained to her how this is just like post-Wildwood, except she's in my position. I hope she realizes the mistake she's making as fast as I did.
She wants it to be over? She's going to toss away all this effort and time we've spend on each other on a whim? She's going to let go of a guy who she has admitted several times that he makes her happy? All of this...for nothing?
Mass o' friends - This is what feels right. I'm not going to give up on Liz so easily. I don't care what it takes...because I do love her. And love is also worth it.
Marcy - The point has been stated. I don't like you getting involved in my fights and problems. If you have something harsh to say, keep it to yourself. You say you want Liz to be happy, yet you fight with all your might to drive away one of the few sources of happiness she has? You can't get much more hypocritical than that. If you honestly care for Liz and want her to be happy, you'll know that Liz and I being together is for the better of everyone.
Liz - I hope you change your mind Liz, for the better of you, me...and just everything. I want to be happy...and you make me happy, just by simply being with you. You say I make you happy...please, let me see you, and let me be that man who makes you feel happy and special again. I'm human...I make mistakes. But I also have a heart, and I have forgiven and forgotten all of the shit that has happened. I still love you. I hope you realize you do too...cuz love just doesn't disappear like that. Please...just let me come over and let me hug you, hold you...snuggle you with every bit of love I have for you ;__;. I know deep down inside of you, a voice is crying out to be loved...and that voice is answered by my own soul shouting back that I have all this love to offer. Please...listen...to me...I miss you more than I could ever express in words ;__;.
But I really should shut up for now. I should probably be going to bed too. I've got work at Noon, so I should probably go to bed...I hope I sleep this time...and I hope Liz reads this...so she can see how much I'm hurting too through all of this -_-;...*sigh*...