"You Wanna SUCK My WHAT? (Volume 6, Issue 7)
The movie just let out, so now my posse (Rice Lady, Chels, Nelly, Autumn) and I are on our way home. FYI, George Romero's Diary of the Dead... funniest movie since Silent Hill--I HATE it when zombie movies try to have a serious message. Puh-lease. *eye roll* Anyway, after accusing every drunk pedestrian of being a brain-munchin' zombie, an OVER-THE-MOON excited Nelly tells us that DJ Irene is spinning at SONAR in Baltimore tomorrow night. "You coming with?" FUCK YEAH, girl! Not only am I excited because DJ Irene so well known in the gay community but also because BJ, my hottie driving instructor extended to me an open invitation to SONAR, one of his favorite clubs.
After the sun rises and sets, Nelly swings by my place, we pick up Chelsey and Elsey (a fellow ASK sorority girl who goes to UMBC with them), and head downtown because parking is always insane. During the entire trip, Nelly plays a bunch of DJ Irene's CDs. Gotta say, her show MOST DEFINITELY is not for children of all ages. Here's an indication: the very first track is the "You Wanna S**k Intro." Why SUCK is suddenly a curse word, I have no clue. *shrugs*
We finally arrive in the city, and park in SONAR's "private parking lot," under the bridge... yeah, where trolls live, I know. As we pull in, some random, sketchy guy (maybe an employee, maybe an indigent) jumps in front of the car and wildly gestures that we turn into the right parking space... in a lot with like 100 spaces and only 10 cars already there. Although I'm not the snooping type *wink-wink*, NONE of us can help but look into the car parked beside us. It's packed to the rim with over-the-hill club kids, chugging their water (probably to wash down all the E), changing outfits, getting their knee pads ready for some hardcore dancing. Okay... Just when we're ready to give out the award for Craziest Carpool, a red compact rolls up with three blonde girls inside. And to our shock and horror, they all literally RUN out of the car and wrap their arms around homeless guy and they drag him into the backseat. *cringe* I bet they think he's Dave Chappelle. WhAAAAT? OKAY!
Having arrived nearly two hours before DJ Irene's scheduled to perform (11PM), the girls and I just sit in the car grooving to the techno, hoping that homeless guy won't try to rape one of us. It's 10:30 on the dot, and we decide to toss all our shit in the trunk and finally go in. From the outside, you wouldn't even know that SONAR is a dance club; seriously, it looks like a bank in an old, abandoned warehouse. I LOVE the urban decay motif--authentic graffiti on the columns, caution tape instead of a velvet rope, windows caked in muck... Grungy.
We walk inside where this hard-looking, 8 foot bouncer is staring me down for some reason as he gives me my Over-21 bracelet. "Proceed." The club's divided into two rooms: the lounge and the dance room. I peer into the Dance Room and can't help but laugh 'cause there are 20 people standing around and just ONE pale, skinny guy goin' BUCKWiLD in the corner. Uh Oh, UH OH, THE GLOW STICKS ARE OUT!! XD Since I'm still not sure what kind of scene this club is, I decide I'll stay dignified for now, undoing one button every half-hour until it's SKIN TO THE WIND, BABY, OWWW! During our stay in the lounge, we're lucky enough to witness a "Glow Down," between "The Hummingbird" and "Yokozuna." It's interesting to see how their speeds are so incredibly different... guess it's 'cause HE took SPEED and HE took MaryJane. Around 10:40 or so, Nelly gets a call from Steph (who was also invited); unfortunately, she and her World Of Warcraft-obsessed beau have flaked on us. Boo.
After watching the clock and checking the time every 3 minutes, it's finally 11PM, time for the main act... or NOT. The thumpa-thumpa of the dance room beckons, we go in and stand on the wall waiting for DJ Irene to take over. I grab a chocolate martini (good stuff, BTW), chug that bad boy, and dance in place while my wallflower companions just stand there... I can't wait to jump into the fray! I tell my girls, "Okay, I want glow sticks by the end of the night!" M'hmm. Much to my surprise and joy, Jerry, a tipsy 25-year-old clubber overhears me and lets me borrow his sticks. Awwww. Later into the night, he throws his arm around me and opens up about his wild & reckless youth, telling me how he loves to go out dancing 'cause it allows him to let his guard down. *sigh* Why is it always the STRAIGHT ones that hit on me? Curses!
Around 12:30 in the AM, we start losing all faith that Irene's performing, so I go up to the bartender and ask. "Yeah, I heard something about that. Should be any minute, sir!" SwEEt. Lo and behold, a few minutes later, the freshly mohawked DJ finally emerges and it's time to SLUT IT UP, WOOOOO! The dancefloor comes alive as the harsh techno beats and bass cause the entire room to vibrate. After a while, Nelly and I really start gettin' into it, really blending in with the crazies, and people are handing us glow sticks up the yinyang. I guess this means we are worthy. :-D Too bad it's not a gay bar 'cause then, they'd definitely play, "Dive in the Pool." If you aren't gay already, that song will definitely leave you feelin' conflicted. I know you wanna dive in the pool. C'mon, COME ON, Let's Go, Let's Get Soakin' Wet!! And that's when the flags come out and the sprinklers turn on. Oooo-ah, Ooo-ah!
Eventually Nelly and I browbeat Chels and Elcee into shakin' a tailfeather, and by the end of the night, I'm confident that everyone enjoyed themselves. After her incredibly short set (a little over an hour), DJ Irene sticks around for a while to dish out high-fives, hugs, and pics... what a gal. It's so awesome that I got to see her perform LIVE--I don't think I've had that much fun in a lonnnng time. Thanks for the invite, Nelly-Nell!