"Double Agent" (Volume 6, Issue 6)
Renowned poet Reinaldo Arenas once said, "Coito Ergo Sum," loosely translated as "I fuck, therefore I am." *pause* Now THAT's my kind of guy! :-D Really, over recent years I've received sooo much flack from my peers for holding the belief that one's identity is intimately linked with one's sexuality. Many people say that sexuality has nothing to do with who we are as people, and personally, I couldn't disagree more because I know how profoundly ignorant I was before I discovered my sexuality. It changed me, for the better I believe.
Recently, my friend, "Corny Kyle" (formerly known as "Spunky Kyle" but just hasn't lived up to it) approached me and a few others for his ethnography project on the black, gay, male community. We meet at Servo where we're joined by his friend, Sean, and only a few minutes into the conversation, I'm asking myself, "How much jail time would I get for strangling this S.O.B.?!" What? I'm not gonna strangle him ALL THE WAY--just a little bit. I really wish Trav was here to act as a buffer between us.
Why so violent, you ask? Well, here's the thing: despite our shared skin color and sexual orientation, Sean and I could not be more different. Unlike me, he considers sex a dirty word. According to him, the subject NEVER comes up with him and his friends, and thus, he never addresses his sexuality. He's one of those guys who needs someone to come up and ask if he's gay, in order for him to even acknowledge that part of himself. And I hate that! To me, I see that as a passive way of "passing" as a straight person. In other words, if you don't talk about it, then it doesn't exist. But the thing is, we SHOULD feel comfortable talking about it, because if we don't, then it looks like we're ashamed AND it completely destroys the chance of enlightening someone. And as my boy Brian Kenney (Queer As Folk) would say, "The only queers worth laughing at are the ones who don't admit the truth."
Another hot button topic comes up during our conversation: guys "on the down low," also known as "committed, straight guys who fuck men on the side." Personally, I see them as one of the most pathetic forms of life. No self-respecting gay man would date one of those, even though I have a little crush on one of them... but that'll never come to fruition, so no biggie. ;-) Anywho, Sean seems to totally understand their choice to remain in the closet because of their hostile environment (but seriously, Brooklyn vs Gettysburg, come on), HOWEVER the main problem I have with "Down Low" guys is how they use women as "beards" or "covers." Playing with someone's heart is, without a doubt, a very shitty thing to do.
And then he brings it home with the assertion that he LOATHES Gay Pride parades, and is embarrassed and ashamed of the participants he sees on TV. He talks about how the parade has men in leather chaps and drag queens, and criticizes them for "acting a fool." Hearing THAT, all I can think is, "How can you be gay, and yet be so tragically close-minded?" The point of a Gay Pride parade is to celebrate the sexual freedom that our predecessors fought for at Stonewall in the 70s; thus, the presence of hypersexual iconography. And as for all the "stereotypical" gay people in the parade, I believe that most stereotypes are rooted in reality. People like this DO exist, they're apart of our community, and most importantly, you've got to accept the fact that not all gay people are like YOU! Talk about stereotyping, Geez...
By the end of the conversation, I'm ashamed FOR HIM, I'm listening to him spout off about how these flamboyantly gay people should act "normal." They should repress their true selves, so they'll fit in with polite, homogenized society? Like you? Pfft! Hell, if I kept my trap shut every now and then, I could pass for straight too. But then, I would just blend into the background, and history would just go on repeating itself as we remain "the invisible minority." Well, just know that I'm gonna fight and claw and do everything I can to keep that from happening.