I hate my life
I feel so lonely, and yet not. I thought that once I got out and started being more available to guys, that I woul dhave someone that is interested. But nothing. I just feel so hopeless. No one wants me.I can't even get one date. That first night I went out after I moved, seemed like a good begining, but since then it's been down hill. Why is it, no matter how unattractive a friend I bring out with me, they always have a bunch of guys interested in them and no one in me. I try so hard to look better, to dress more like my friends, and put myself out there like them, but nothing. I asked my friend Christa' ex boyfriend once if he thought I was cute. He said yes, but I wasn't his type, that was fine but then he said I wasn't confident enough. Which he's right, I was confident before Sage. And in all other aspects of my life I am very confident. But after 4 years of feeling like a blob, that can't even get the attention of someone ,who is supposed to love me, I feel like shit. I always think about how many guys I had interested in me in High school, now none. I used to have my pick from a few guys, but now I can't even get guys to look at me. I am just so down, I can't stand it. I tried hard, then I tried just letting things happen, if they are going to.And still nothing. It's not like I want another serious relationship, I just want to feel desired, and get some affection from someone. I look at my friend Christa, and she is so ready(or thinks she is)to get married, that any guy who shows interest,she jumps on and throws herself into a serious relationship, usually with out the guy having the same mind set. She just totally smoothers them until they can't take it. She is just dying for a husband and new father for her daughter, that she can't see how thay realy feel. I am so glad I am not that desperate, but even with her way too strong approach, she still has fifty times as many guys coming around, then I ever will. I hate feeling this way. I like to be independant, and not need a man to feel complete. And in the past it was that way, i didn't. But now after a failing relationship, that I still haven't gotten over, I need some kind of reasurance that someone will ever want me again, or was my day for that back in High school, and I will never have anyone again. Will I ever be in love again, and this time with someone that loves me back the same. Ok well I am really sad now, and I am sure I am sickening anyone reading this. I mean how pathetic am I.