Hold My Silence (Chapter 5)
Title: Hold My Silence
Author: casy_dee
Rating: T
Characters/Pairing: Connor/Abby
Spoiler: Series 3
Warning: Angst
Genre: Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Summary: Abby has secrets in her past, but is it right to keep them there? Can Connor accept it? Set in the Cretaceous...
Part: 5/?
Chapter one is here
Chapter two is here
Chapter three is here
Chapter four
Chapter Five of Hold My Silence is Behind The Cut
A/N: Gah, this fic is difficult! I hope you enjoy it, and thank you to all those that took a moment to review. Connor and I both need encouragement sometimes…
Chapter Five
"You're bleeding all over the place. Let me see it," Abby demanded.
"No. Answer the question, Abby," he implored.
Connor's dark eyes were deathly serious and he wasn't backing down or dropping his eyes or backpedaling as he usually did. Her blood began to boil as her discomfort grew; she didn't like being put on the spot, and she didn't like feeling off-balance. She clenched her fists and glared back at him, but so far she managed to keep control of her tongue. This wasn't what she had intended to happen. Connor wasn't supposed to push back like this, and he certainly was not supposed to argue with her. She drew breath to tell him where he could shove his question, but then she saw it. His façade was cracking before her eyes.
His mouth twitched, the corners turning down before he pressed his lips together tightly. She knew he didn't want her to see it, but she did. He looked down as eyes began to fill, unable to hold his resolve any longer. His throat worked but he didn't speak. He stood abruptly and walked away from her, standing at the edge of the cliff outside of their cave, cradling his hand against his body.
"Connor…" she began, still unsure of what she was going to say to him.
His shoulders tensed but he didn't turn to face her.
"I guess I have my answer then, don't I?" he said, his voice strained and tight.
He shook his head and sighed.
"I am such an idiot," Connor said quietly, almost quiet enough so she couldn't hear it… but Connor didn't have the best grasp of volume control.
She swore that Connor brought out the worst part of her sometimes. Frustration surged through her at her inability to act like a normal human being for once. She wanted to reach out to him, to wrap her arms around him and take away all his pain… pain that she caused. She wanted to argue that he was not the idiot, she was. She stood, rooted to the spot, mute and frozen in indecision. He was waiting for her to go away, but she couldn't… not like this.
He swayed on his feet and made a strange strangled noise in the back of his throat. Shit! He was going to go over the edge if she didn't get him back away from it. She reached for him to ease him back away from the cliff, and staggered backwards under his weight as he stumbled back and almost fell into her.
"Don't feel well," he said weakly.
She eased him down on the ground, his head resting in her lap, their argument forgotten for the moment. The front of his hoodie was covered in blood where he had held his hand against it. He'd sliced open his hand from the heel of his thumb across his palm to the edge of the other side; it was a deep cut, and still bleeding. Connor's skin grew pale and clammy, his hair stuck to his forehead and she brushed it away gently… he'd been quietly bleeding out while they argued. Idiot!
She covered the cut with the edge of his shirt again and pressed her hand against it to try to stop the bleeding. He'd stopped trying to push her away, but she thought it was likely because he felt too ill to keep trying rather than him giving in.
"I told you to show it to me, and now look what happens. Daft fool," she chastised.
Connor's eyes were glazed; he didn't even try and answer back. She tried not to panic. He had lost a little bit more blood than he should have, but it was far from life threatening if she could just get it to stop. She'd felt much the same when one of the ARC medics took too much blood on an empty stomach, she knew it felt horrible. He would feel better in a few moments though, as soon as his blood pressure normalized and he lay down long enough for the nausea and dizziness to pass. She was glad she was sat in the shade, Connor weighed more than he looked like he did, and she wouldn't want to have to try to carry him.
When he regained more of his color, she peeked at the cut on his palm and winced. It was fairly deep, but she thought it would be alright without stitches. The best she could do would be to wrap it tightly, and if she absolutely had to she would try to stitch it up. She helped him to sit up and bid him to keep pressure on his palm while she searched for something to wrap it with.
Connor ended up coming up with a solution; he used a small strip from the bottom hem of his hoodie to cushion the injury, and then some of the leather from the sleeve of his jacket to fashion a guard and secured it with the ties from his hoodie. He would need to be careful, but it should work to protect it until it healed. His gloves would have been ideal, but they had long since been destroyed beyond the point of wearing, the yarn utilized as thread and fishing line. He was able to use his fingers, and he wasn't complaining so Abby let him be when he said that he was fine.
After she'd helped patch him up, Connor had gone quiet and contemplative on her again. Knowing Connor, he was likely in the process of self-flagellation for injuring himself. He had lectured her often enough about the need to be careful. One infection, one broken bone… and it could mean death or permanent disfigurement. If they were to survive, neither one of them could afford to be reckless. Connor was probably the most easygoing and even-tempered person Abby had ever met, but he had cut his hand because he had lost his temper.
Abby had lived with Connor for three years, and she understood something about Connor that very few other people did. He got angry… he just didn't act on it. For him to let loose was a rarity. Abby had often wished she had an eighth of his control; she had a tendency to snap and snipe without thought to the consequences. This was just more evidence that being trapped here was getting to him, and Abby wasn't helping matters by adding to his stress. Still, she was getting what she asked for. Connor was giving her space… perhaps more than she wanted.
Abby's stomach growled audibly; she was hungry. They needed to replenish their supplies desperately, surviving here was exhausting and it was made worse by the scarce food supply. They had managed a few small lizards, and of course their small meals of snails and edible foliage, but she was beginning to forget what being full felt like. Connor cast a slant eyed glance at her and she knew he had heard her stomach rumbling. He nodded to himself and went inside the cave, coming back out with spear in hand.
"Gonna try for something bigger this time," he stated, not looking at her still.
Connor was determined to take down something large enough to feed them for a few days. The traps were a good supplement to a food source, but they would starve if they depended on them solely. Abby followed along behind him silently… if she couldn't go anywhere by herself then the same should apply for him. Connor didn't try to dissuade her; he acted as if he had expected her to come along as he handed her a stout branch to use as a club. He motioned for her to stay quiet. He hadn't spoken to her since she had helped him wrap up his hand. He hadn't even looked her in the eyes.
She had asked for space and she had gotten it, but not like she wanted. Connor had probably made up his mind that she was rejecting him again. She wasn't… not exactly. Okay, to be honest she had thought about it… briefly, though. After dealing with him giving her the cold shoulder all day she was a little bit angry, too. Did he expect her to just jump into his arms and snog him senseless because she said she was willing to give a relationship with him a try? What was he expecting from her now? She really wasn't sure. She wondered if he would tell her if she got up the courage to ask him. She shook herself, this was not the time to be lost in thought. She was supposed to be watching Connor's back. If something happened to him because she was careless she would never forgive herself.
Abby was sweating and tired, but she knew that Connor wasn't ready to give up even though he had been hunting for what seemed like hours. If he could do it, so could she. So far, they'd had to circle back to avoid two large dinosaurs and had yet to make a successful strike against anything small enough to take down. The sun was getting lower on the horizon and if they didn't find something soon it would mean snails for dinner again. Connor held up his hand for silence; he had seen something. She stared out through the trees and saw movement. She froze, watched in astonishment as Connor crept up silently behind what looked like a very strange bird the size of a turkey. Gone was her goofy friend that loved campy horror films and made bad jokes and had a love for funky socks… this was a different side of him.
Hunger had to be part of it. Connor had never had any spare fat on his body to begin with, and he had lost even more weight since they had been stuck here. He often pushed what little food they did have on her, saying he had enough. He forgot to eat when he was involved in a project, and he always seemed to be doing something he deemed more important than eating. He had spent many fruitless hours on the anomaly opening device in an attempt to get one working with parts from the one they had found here and the one they had taken from the future, and more time devising the traps, and still more time making weapons. She didn't like seeing him so thin, and it worried her.
Stress had to play another part, stripping away the softer edges of him. He was trying so hard to keep them alive, to keep them healthy and fed… to get them home safe. He was trying, and the failures were eating at him despite her reassurances that he was doing as much as he could and she knew it. His blindingly bright smile was a rare occurrence lately; he more often wore a look of pensive sadness. He tried to act positive, but Abby knew it for what it was…
This determined hunter sneaking up on what she hoped was their dinner was yet another departure from what she knew of Connor. His dark eyes were intense as he moved forward in a low crouch, moving in behind the creature purposefully. He took a running start and thrust the spear downward into the spine of the creature. She flinched as Connor struck a killing blow, felling it quickly. He turned to look at her with utter amazement plainly written on his face.
"Yes! Woohoo!" he shouted, before he remembered where they were.
She ran over to get a better look at it, and gasped as a laughing Connor picked her up in a joyful bear hug. It was the old Connor… almost.
"What is it?" she asked curiously after he put her down.
"Velociraptor," he answered quickly.
"I thought they were bigger... and less… feathered," she commented.
He rolled his eyes, "Don't tell me you are trying use Jurassic Park as your example. Please."
She shrugged a little self-consciously, "I didn't think it would look like this."
He chuckled and turned his full-out broad dimpled grin on her. God, she had missed that. She looked up into his dancing brown eyes and smiled back warmly. Realization flickered behind his eyes and the smile slid from his face along with all the joy behind it. He cleared his throat and took a step back. Abby swallowed down her disappointment and tried to act as if she wasn't bothered.
"I'll clean it if you build up the fire, yeah?" he offered.
She knew how to clean animals… truth be told she was better at it than Connor, but he knew she hated to do it. He had dissected enough things at Uni so that he had a passable skill at it even if it wasn't pretty, but with his hand injured it would be difficult for him. She wondered if it was a peace offering of sorts. She hoped so, the tension between them had continued to build throughout the day and his excitement at his successful hunting had broken it somewhat. She wanted to fix it.
"Don't be ridiculous, Connor. You're hurt. I'll clean it, you get the fire ready… then we can both go wash up in the river while it roasts," she proposed.
He looked as if he might argue, but then he just nodded. He slit the creature's throat to let it bleed out, and then they made their way back to the river so she could clean the kill away from the campsite. Connor stood watch while she made quick work of it and then he took over the cooking. Dinosaur meat left a lot to be desired in the taste category, but it was calories and that meant survival. The first time, they had eaten it raw. Since that, no matter what they ate it was palatable in comparison. She wasn't complaining.
Dinner seen to, they made their way back down to the base of the waterfall, watching carefully for the family group of Deinonychus. Before they had headed down, Connor had flatly stated that the base of the waterfall was off limits when they were alone. They would go together, or not at all. She had taken one look at the stubborn set of his jaw and decided that it wasn't worth it to argue. He was right, and he wasn't going by himself either so she didn't have a good basis for an argument anyway.
The traps were empty. Dinosaur for dinner, then. She pulled off her jacket and dropped it on the rocks and then told Connor to go first, and then he could watch for her. He began trying to rinse out his hoodie, struggling to do it one-handed. Sighing, Abby took it from him and rinsed it until no more blood ran from it and then lay it on the rocks to dry. She had to help him off with his black t-shirt, and once again she was reminded of what she had said to him about thinking he was well fit and turned away to hide her blush.
"Hurry up, Connor," she said nonchalantly, hoping he didn't realized how he affected her.
She heard him splash behind her, washing off all traces of blood. She pulled off her striped hoodie as she waited and began to rinse it out as she waited for him to finish. She was angry that the illusion of safety of this place had been destroyed for her; it had been one of her favorite places to relax. Now she just wanted to hurry up and get back to their camp.
"Alright Abby," he called out.
She turned to face him again and thrust the spear into his good hand. She expected him to turn around immediately, but he didn't. She found her eyes chasing a rivulet of water down his chest and snapped them back up to his face… oh god, now she was staring at his lips! She blinked rapidly and then motioned impatiently for him to turn around. He stared at her for a moment, challenge in his gaze before slowly turning his back on her. Evidently he had remembered what she said about his body, as well. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and tried to get the image of him out of her mind. It wasn't working so well while she was staring at his wet naked back and tight arse covered in wet black denim.
She stared resolutely down into the water and rinsed off quickly, inwardly cursing herself and Connor, and dinosaur meat and the Cretaceous, the traps, the sun, and the frigid water as she rinsed her clothing out, squeezed as much water as she could from it and then pulled it back on. She called out to Connor as she made her way out of the water, not pausing to wait for him as she scooped up her jacket and headed back. He hurried along behind her, likely as anxious to get back to the camp as she was.
That sat across from each other in front of the fire after eating their fill. Abby watched Connor from under her lashes. He was staring into the fire, expression bleak. He had retreated into himself, in as dark a place as she had ever seen him in. He didn't try to make conversation, didn't pretend to smile. He was in pain and he was letting Abby see just how much. It hurt, to see him like this… hurt even more knowing that it was because of her.
She would ask him what he expected from her. That was as good a place to start as any, between them. She just knew that this tension between them couldn't continue as it was. He had said he would wait another three years for her to be ready if he had to, but in her experience people often didn't truly mean what they said. His reaction to her this morning certainly didn't give her any hope that he had meant it.
But what if he did? She wanted her best friend back, and perhaps more than that. She took a deep breath and gathered her courage. Abby was a tough girl, and she didn't let go of what she wanted without a fight… and she wanted that big bright smile back in her life.
TBC
A/N: These two are such a train wreck, if they could just see how much they meant to the other. *sigh* You know, Connor was beginning to get more assertive towards the last part of season three… I think he was finally getting to the point where he could have enough belief in himself to say what he wants and just maybe to believe he deserves more. I also think he is so desperately in love with Abby at this point that it is killing him to not be with her… the little crumbs she has been giving him aren't enough for him anymore. Not after that kiss, not after what she told him about her life, and not after she just admitted she loved him and kissed him again.
Author: casy_dee
Rating: T
Characters/Pairing: Connor/Abby
Spoiler: Series 3
Warning: Angst
Genre: Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Summary: Abby has secrets in her past, but is it right to keep them there? Can Connor accept it? Set in the Cretaceous...
Part: 5/?
Chapter one is here
Chapter two is here
Chapter three is here
Chapter four
Chapter Five of Hold My Silence is Behind The Cut
A/N: Gah, this fic is difficult! I hope you enjoy it, and thank you to all those that took a moment to review. Connor and I both need encouragement sometimes…
Chapter Five
"You're bleeding all over the place. Let me see it," Abby demanded.
"No. Answer the question, Abby," he implored.
Connor's dark eyes were deathly serious and he wasn't backing down or dropping his eyes or backpedaling as he usually did. Her blood began to boil as her discomfort grew; she didn't like being put on the spot, and she didn't like feeling off-balance. She clenched her fists and glared back at him, but so far she managed to keep control of her tongue. This wasn't what she had intended to happen. Connor wasn't supposed to push back like this, and he certainly was not supposed to argue with her. She drew breath to tell him where he could shove his question, but then she saw it. His façade was cracking before her eyes.
His mouth twitched, the corners turning down before he pressed his lips together tightly. She knew he didn't want her to see it, but she did. He looked down as eyes began to fill, unable to hold his resolve any longer. His throat worked but he didn't speak. He stood abruptly and walked away from her, standing at the edge of the cliff outside of their cave, cradling his hand against his body.
"Connor…" she began, still unsure of what she was going to say to him.
His shoulders tensed but he didn't turn to face her.
"I guess I have my answer then, don't I?" he said, his voice strained and tight.
He shook his head and sighed.
"I am such an idiot," Connor said quietly, almost quiet enough so she couldn't hear it… but Connor didn't have the best grasp of volume control.
She swore that Connor brought out the worst part of her sometimes. Frustration surged through her at her inability to act like a normal human being for once. She wanted to reach out to him, to wrap her arms around him and take away all his pain… pain that she caused. She wanted to argue that he was not the idiot, she was. She stood, rooted to the spot, mute and frozen in indecision. He was waiting for her to go away, but she couldn't… not like this.
He swayed on his feet and made a strange strangled noise in the back of his throat. Shit! He was going to go over the edge if she didn't get him back away from it. She reached for him to ease him back away from the cliff, and staggered backwards under his weight as he stumbled back and almost fell into her.
"Don't feel well," he said weakly.
She eased him down on the ground, his head resting in her lap, their argument forgotten for the moment. The front of his hoodie was covered in blood where he had held his hand against it. He'd sliced open his hand from the heel of his thumb across his palm to the edge of the other side; it was a deep cut, and still bleeding. Connor's skin grew pale and clammy, his hair stuck to his forehead and she brushed it away gently… he'd been quietly bleeding out while they argued. Idiot!
She covered the cut with the edge of his shirt again and pressed her hand against it to try to stop the bleeding. He'd stopped trying to push her away, but she thought it was likely because he felt too ill to keep trying rather than him giving in.
"I told you to show it to me, and now look what happens. Daft fool," she chastised.
Connor's eyes were glazed; he didn't even try and answer back. She tried not to panic. He had lost a little bit more blood than he should have, but it was far from life threatening if she could just get it to stop. She'd felt much the same when one of the ARC medics took too much blood on an empty stomach, she knew it felt horrible. He would feel better in a few moments though, as soon as his blood pressure normalized and he lay down long enough for the nausea and dizziness to pass. She was glad she was sat in the shade, Connor weighed more than he looked like he did, and she wouldn't want to have to try to carry him.
When he regained more of his color, she peeked at the cut on his palm and winced. It was fairly deep, but she thought it would be alright without stitches. The best she could do would be to wrap it tightly, and if she absolutely had to she would try to stitch it up. She helped him to sit up and bid him to keep pressure on his palm while she searched for something to wrap it with.
Connor ended up coming up with a solution; he used a small strip from the bottom hem of his hoodie to cushion the injury, and then some of the leather from the sleeve of his jacket to fashion a guard and secured it with the ties from his hoodie. He would need to be careful, but it should work to protect it until it healed. His gloves would have been ideal, but they had long since been destroyed beyond the point of wearing, the yarn utilized as thread and fishing line. He was able to use his fingers, and he wasn't complaining so Abby let him be when he said that he was fine.
After she'd helped patch him up, Connor had gone quiet and contemplative on her again. Knowing Connor, he was likely in the process of self-flagellation for injuring himself. He had lectured her often enough about the need to be careful. One infection, one broken bone… and it could mean death or permanent disfigurement. If they were to survive, neither one of them could afford to be reckless. Connor was probably the most easygoing and even-tempered person Abby had ever met, but he had cut his hand because he had lost his temper.
Abby had lived with Connor for three years, and she understood something about Connor that very few other people did. He got angry… he just didn't act on it. For him to let loose was a rarity. Abby had often wished she had an eighth of his control; she had a tendency to snap and snipe without thought to the consequences. This was just more evidence that being trapped here was getting to him, and Abby wasn't helping matters by adding to his stress. Still, she was getting what she asked for. Connor was giving her space… perhaps more than she wanted.
Abby's stomach growled audibly; she was hungry. They needed to replenish their supplies desperately, surviving here was exhausting and it was made worse by the scarce food supply. They had managed a few small lizards, and of course their small meals of snails and edible foliage, but she was beginning to forget what being full felt like. Connor cast a slant eyed glance at her and she knew he had heard her stomach rumbling. He nodded to himself and went inside the cave, coming back out with spear in hand.
"Gonna try for something bigger this time," he stated, not looking at her still.
Connor was determined to take down something large enough to feed them for a few days. The traps were a good supplement to a food source, but they would starve if they depended on them solely. Abby followed along behind him silently… if she couldn't go anywhere by herself then the same should apply for him. Connor didn't try to dissuade her; he acted as if he had expected her to come along as he handed her a stout branch to use as a club. He motioned for her to stay quiet. He hadn't spoken to her since she had helped him wrap up his hand. He hadn't even looked her in the eyes.
She had asked for space and she had gotten it, but not like she wanted. Connor had probably made up his mind that she was rejecting him again. She wasn't… not exactly. Okay, to be honest she had thought about it… briefly, though. After dealing with him giving her the cold shoulder all day she was a little bit angry, too. Did he expect her to just jump into his arms and snog him senseless because she said she was willing to give a relationship with him a try? What was he expecting from her now? She really wasn't sure. She wondered if he would tell her if she got up the courage to ask him. She shook herself, this was not the time to be lost in thought. She was supposed to be watching Connor's back. If something happened to him because she was careless she would never forgive herself.
Abby was sweating and tired, but she knew that Connor wasn't ready to give up even though he had been hunting for what seemed like hours. If he could do it, so could she. So far, they'd had to circle back to avoid two large dinosaurs and had yet to make a successful strike against anything small enough to take down. The sun was getting lower on the horizon and if they didn't find something soon it would mean snails for dinner again. Connor held up his hand for silence; he had seen something. She stared out through the trees and saw movement. She froze, watched in astonishment as Connor crept up silently behind what looked like a very strange bird the size of a turkey. Gone was her goofy friend that loved campy horror films and made bad jokes and had a love for funky socks… this was a different side of him.
Hunger had to be part of it. Connor had never had any spare fat on his body to begin with, and he had lost even more weight since they had been stuck here. He often pushed what little food they did have on her, saying he had enough. He forgot to eat when he was involved in a project, and he always seemed to be doing something he deemed more important than eating. He had spent many fruitless hours on the anomaly opening device in an attempt to get one working with parts from the one they had found here and the one they had taken from the future, and more time devising the traps, and still more time making weapons. She didn't like seeing him so thin, and it worried her.
Stress had to play another part, stripping away the softer edges of him. He was trying so hard to keep them alive, to keep them healthy and fed… to get them home safe. He was trying, and the failures were eating at him despite her reassurances that he was doing as much as he could and she knew it. His blindingly bright smile was a rare occurrence lately; he more often wore a look of pensive sadness. He tried to act positive, but Abby knew it for what it was…
This determined hunter sneaking up on what she hoped was their dinner was yet another departure from what she knew of Connor. His dark eyes were intense as he moved forward in a low crouch, moving in behind the creature purposefully. He took a running start and thrust the spear downward into the spine of the creature. She flinched as Connor struck a killing blow, felling it quickly. He turned to look at her with utter amazement plainly written on his face.
"Yes! Woohoo!" he shouted, before he remembered where they were.
She ran over to get a better look at it, and gasped as a laughing Connor picked her up in a joyful bear hug. It was the old Connor… almost.
"What is it?" she asked curiously after he put her down.
"Velociraptor," he answered quickly.
"I thought they were bigger... and less… feathered," she commented.
He rolled his eyes, "Don't tell me you are trying use Jurassic Park as your example. Please."
She shrugged a little self-consciously, "I didn't think it would look like this."
He chuckled and turned his full-out broad dimpled grin on her. God, she had missed that. She looked up into his dancing brown eyes and smiled back warmly. Realization flickered behind his eyes and the smile slid from his face along with all the joy behind it. He cleared his throat and took a step back. Abby swallowed down her disappointment and tried to act as if she wasn't bothered.
"I'll clean it if you build up the fire, yeah?" he offered.
She knew how to clean animals… truth be told she was better at it than Connor, but he knew she hated to do it. He had dissected enough things at Uni so that he had a passable skill at it even if it wasn't pretty, but with his hand injured it would be difficult for him. She wondered if it was a peace offering of sorts. She hoped so, the tension between them had continued to build throughout the day and his excitement at his successful hunting had broken it somewhat. She wanted to fix it.
"Don't be ridiculous, Connor. You're hurt. I'll clean it, you get the fire ready… then we can both go wash up in the river while it roasts," she proposed.
He looked as if he might argue, but then he just nodded. He slit the creature's throat to let it bleed out, and then they made their way back to the river so she could clean the kill away from the campsite. Connor stood watch while she made quick work of it and then he took over the cooking. Dinosaur meat left a lot to be desired in the taste category, but it was calories and that meant survival. The first time, they had eaten it raw. Since that, no matter what they ate it was palatable in comparison. She wasn't complaining.
Dinner seen to, they made their way back down to the base of the waterfall, watching carefully for the family group of Deinonychus. Before they had headed down, Connor had flatly stated that the base of the waterfall was off limits when they were alone. They would go together, or not at all. She had taken one look at the stubborn set of his jaw and decided that it wasn't worth it to argue. He was right, and he wasn't going by himself either so she didn't have a good basis for an argument anyway.
The traps were empty. Dinosaur for dinner, then. She pulled off her jacket and dropped it on the rocks and then told Connor to go first, and then he could watch for her. He began trying to rinse out his hoodie, struggling to do it one-handed. Sighing, Abby took it from him and rinsed it until no more blood ran from it and then lay it on the rocks to dry. She had to help him off with his black t-shirt, and once again she was reminded of what she had said to him about thinking he was well fit and turned away to hide her blush.
"Hurry up, Connor," she said nonchalantly, hoping he didn't realized how he affected her.
She heard him splash behind her, washing off all traces of blood. She pulled off her striped hoodie as she waited and began to rinse it out as she waited for him to finish. She was angry that the illusion of safety of this place had been destroyed for her; it had been one of her favorite places to relax. Now she just wanted to hurry up and get back to their camp.
"Alright Abby," he called out.
She turned to face him again and thrust the spear into his good hand. She expected him to turn around immediately, but he didn't. She found her eyes chasing a rivulet of water down his chest and snapped them back up to his face… oh god, now she was staring at his lips! She blinked rapidly and then motioned impatiently for him to turn around. He stared at her for a moment, challenge in his gaze before slowly turning his back on her. Evidently he had remembered what she said about his body, as well. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and tried to get the image of him out of her mind. It wasn't working so well while she was staring at his wet naked back and tight arse covered in wet black denim.
She stared resolutely down into the water and rinsed off quickly, inwardly cursing herself and Connor, and dinosaur meat and the Cretaceous, the traps, the sun, and the frigid water as she rinsed her clothing out, squeezed as much water as she could from it and then pulled it back on. She called out to Connor as she made her way out of the water, not pausing to wait for him as she scooped up her jacket and headed back. He hurried along behind her, likely as anxious to get back to the camp as she was.
That sat across from each other in front of the fire after eating their fill. Abby watched Connor from under her lashes. He was staring into the fire, expression bleak. He had retreated into himself, in as dark a place as she had ever seen him in. He didn't try to make conversation, didn't pretend to smile. He was in pain and he was letting Abby see just how much. It hurt, to see him like this… hurt even more knowing that it was because of her.
She would ask him what he expected from her. That was as good a place to start as any, between them. She just knew that this tension between them couldn't continue as it was. He had said he would wait another three years for her to be ready if he had to, but in her experience people often didn't truly mean what they said. His reaction to her this morning certainly didn't give her any hope that he had meant it.
But what if he did? She wanted her best friend back, and perhaps more than that. She took a deep breath and gathered her courage. Abby was a tough girl, and she didn't let go of what she wanted without a fight… and she wanted that big bright smile back in her life.
TBC
A/N: These two are such a train wreck, if they could just see how much they meant to the other. *sigh* You know, Connor was beginning to get more assertive towards the last part of season three… I think he was finally getting to the point where he could have enough belief in himself to say what he wants and just maybe to believe he deserves more. I also think he is so desperately in love with Abby at this point that it is killing him to not be with her… the little crumbs she has been giving him aren't enough for him anymore. Not after that kiss, not after what she told him about her life, and not after she just admitted she loved him and kissed him again.