Dear Driving Instructor...
OK, I expected today to be a crap lesson. I had a big scare last week, and much as you might exhort me to "forget about it" (and much as I might try not to think about it), it's sitting there in the back of my head.
Obviously I'm learning to drive, so it's par for the course for you to micro-manage my driving and remind me when I've done things wrong (not indicating when coming off a roundabout, not checking my blind spot sufficiently when pulling over in front of a parked car, etc). It drives me nuts, and makes me feel about five years old, but I accept that that's all part of the learning process.
I've noticed, though, that from the very beginning, the tone of voice you used to explain when I'd made a mistake held a slight edge of mockery. I thought about this and decided that it was a tactic designed to defuse my anxiety, and try not to make a big deal about my mistakes. Today, though, you called me lazy, and mimicked my mannerisms ("OK, go straight ahead at the stop sign" "Mmmhmm" "Mmmhmm?"), both of which I considered overly personal, attacking, and un-called-for. I did not feel like you were on my side anymore, and I think my driving suffered as a result.
I can think of three possible reasons for you to be behaving this way:
- You realise that I drive badly under pressure, and you're trying to rev me up to force me to cope with it. Well, you're succeeding on the revving up part. I completely acknowledge that I don't drive well under pressure. However, I have significant doubts that your mockery will increase my ability in this regard - if this worked, psychotherapists would treat poor self-esteem by berating their clients. If you know of any research where this has been done successfully, I'd very much like to hear about it. As it is, ignoring your barbs feels demeaning to me, and this is not good for my driving confidence either. Furthermore, I really hate driving under these conditions and I give no guarantees that I will continue paying you $60 per lesson to make me feel like dirt.
- You are used to dealing with cocky 17-year-olds, and you expect that part of your job is to flatten inflated egos. I'm sure this is part of your job in a lot of cases, but if you haven't noticed in the last sixteen lessons, I'm not one of those kids. I'm 28, I feel like an idiot that it's taken me this long to learn to drive, and I'm cautious to the point of timidity. If my ego had a shape, it would be practically two-dimensional. A little bit of support and encouragement wouldn't go astray, but if you could at least refrain from outright insult, that would be a start.
- You're just an arsehole. Well, this is the conclusion that I'm leaning towards at the moment. You don't need to be my best friend to be a good driving instructor, but at the moment either your personality or your lack of judgement is getting in the way of what I am trying to learn.
I am tired of watching life pass me by while I wait at the bus stop. I very badly want to get my license and stop paying for expensive lessons. Frankly, while I don't like to think of anybody as just a means to an end, it doesn't matter very much to me whether you're a good or a bad person, as long as you will help me learn and teach me what I need to know to pass my test.
Conclusion: If I notice any more of this kind of behaviour next week, I will confront you about it (gently, because that is what I do.) If it does not cease, I will contact the driving school and ask them to find me another instructor. I may or may not notify you that I am doing this, because frankly, the little sensitivity you have displayed has not earned you that kind of consideration from me.
Respectfully (see, it isn't that hard!)
Claire.
P.S. Has nobody pointed out to you how bad your teeth are? Seriously, the black bits are very concerning. See a dentist!