Fic: Desire
Title Desire
Author castmeaway
Rating Pg-13
Pairing Arthur/Merlin
Word Count ~700
SummaryArthur must learn to live with the consequences of his decisions. A modern AU.
A/N Thanks to both rebeccaann08 and jelazakazone for their help with this.
Arthur closed his eyes. For a single solitary moment, he blocked out the very sounds he had once craved: screams and an endless list of platitudes amid the flashes and clicks of cameras. Faces swam in and out of his vision between moments of absolute blindness and complete clarity. ‘When had his life turned into this?’ He wondered, ‘when had it all turned badly?’ He had gotten caught up in the fast lane, and the transition between everything he had ever wanted and everything he had ever hated was subtle, like the transition from day to night- impossible to tell the exact moment when it ceased to be day and became the darkness of night. He wished his life were so poetic. He was drowning here, and he knew it, but god forbid they know it- all the thousands of people that were in love with an image that he no longer recognized as his own; with an image that was so far from who he was that he got lost simply looking in a mirror.
And then there was a face. He wasn’t sure for a moment if it was a dream or not, but then it was gone and he knew.
~~~
Arthur eyes fluttered open and closed, his lover flitting in and out of focus. He reveled in the soft open mouthed kisses lavished upon his throat, and wonderingly lingered on each moan pulled from his lips. The fire within him was slowly growing with each touch, each kiss, each moment that drew him to the ultimate moment between bliss and pain. He cried out in half agony as he felt his body yield, and in that moment the flame within his chest leapt and danced joyfully, threatening to force terrifying words from the depths of his soul.
They lay there afterwards, wrapped in each other's arms, and in that instant they knew each other more intimately then they had known anyone before. Merlin saw him, truly saw him through all of his faults and quirks, and Arthur couldn’t help but wonder at it.
He knew in that moment that he truly loved Merlin.
As soon as he had the thought though, a sudden choking panic took hold of him. He had his whole life in front of him and love was the last thing he needed. It complicated things, made him feel things that he didn’t need- didn't have time- to feel.
He turned away then, pulled from Merlin's arms, a whispered apology on his lips as he walked away…
~~~
“Love, Merlin?”
“Don’t tell me I’m wrong Arthur. I see it in your eyes.”
“I can’t love you, don’t you understand that? Last night it…It was a mistake.”
“A..mistake." Merlin's voice went soft and pained, and when Arthur turned his back to walk away every fear he had ever known rose up within his chest. "Don't walk away!"
Arthur paused, looked back over his shoulder. His eyes were dark and expressionless.“Merlin…I…If I don’t, I never will. I can’t afford that. Maybe it’s selfish. No, I know it is, but love is so fickle, and this life, this opportunity is all I’ve ever wanted. Don’t I deserve some happiness in my life?”
“I’ll wait for you then. As long as it takes I’ll wait for you. I won’t give up… you deserve that much. When the time comes, when you fall…that’s where you’ll find me.”
~~~
“Hottest New Actor of 2012: Arthur Pendragon”
The picture on the front cover of the magazine was a glamour shot, all carefully tousled hair, and eyes that sparkled with artificial light.
If there was a quiet sadness in his eyes, a subtle pout to his full lips, it only made him more appealing. More desirable.
~~~
Arthur was breaking and he knew it. An overwhelming feeling of agitation had taken hold. He felt as if all the air in his lungs was slowly being pressed out and he was helpless to fight it. And just as he felt himself breaking, he knew that all those years ago, before had had been what he is now, Merlin had been right. He only hoped that he hadn’t been running for too long, that it wasn’t too late.
His fingers trembled as they hovered over the keys of his phone, until finally, with eyes pressed tightly closed, he brought it to his ear and waited.
Author castmeaway
Rating Pg-13
Pairing Arthur/Merlin
Word Count ~700
SummaryArthur must learn to live with the consequences of his decisions. A modern AU.
A/N Thanks to both rebeccaann08 and jelazakazone for their help with this.
Arthur closed his eyes. For a single solitary moment, he blocked out the very sounds he had once craved: screams and an endless list of platitudes amid the flashes and clicks of cameras. Faces swam in and out of his vision between moments of absolute blindness and complete clarity. ‘When had his life turned into this?’ He wondered, ‘when had it all turned badly?’ He had gotten caught up in the fast lane, and the transition between everything he had ever wanted and everything he had ever hated was subtle, like the transition from day to night- impossible to tell the exact moment when it ceased to be day and became the darkness of night. He wished his life were so poetic. He was drowning here, and he knew it, but god forbid they know it- all the thousands of people that were in love with an image that he no longer recognized as his own; with an image that was so far from who he was that he got lost simply looking in a mirror.
And then there was a face. He wasn’t sure for a moment if it was a dream or not, but then it was gone and he knew.
~~~
Arthur eyes fluttered open and closed, his lover flitting in and out of focus. He reveled in the soft open mouthed kisses lavished upon his throat, and wonderingly lingered on each moan pulled from his lips. The fire within him was slowly growing with each touch, each kiss, each moment that drew him to the ultimate moment between bliss and pain. He cried out in half agony as he felt his body yield, and in that moment the flame within his chest leapt and danced joyfully, threatening to force terrifying words from the depths of his soul.
They lay there afterwards, wrapped in each other's arms, and in that instant they knew each other more intimately then they had known anyone before. Merlin saw him, truly saw him through all of his faults and quirks, and Arthur couldn’t help but wonder at it.
He knew in that moment that he truly loved Merlin.
As soon as he had the thought though, a sudden choking panic took hold of him. He had his whole life in front of him and love was the last thing he needed. It complicated things, made him feel things that he didn’t need- didn't have time- to feel.
He turned away then, pulled from Merlin's arms, a whispered apology on his lips as he walked away…
~~~
“Love, Merlin?”
“Don’t tell me I’m wrong Arthur. I see it in your eyes.”
“I can’t love you, don’t you understand that? Last night it…It was a mistake.”
“A..mistake." Merlin's voice went soft and pained, and when Arthur turned his back to walk away every fear he had ever known rose up within his chest. "Don't walk away!"
Arthur paused, looked back over his shoulder. His eyes were dark and expressionless.“Merlin…I…If I don’t, I never will. I can’t afford that. Maybe it’s selfish. No, I know it is, but love is so fickle, and this life, this opportunity is all I’ve ever wanted. Don’t I deserve some happiness in my life?”
“I’ll wait for you then. As long as it takes I’ll wait for you. I won’t give up… you deserve that much. When the time comes, when you fall…that’s where you’ll find me.”
~~~
“Hottest New Actor of 2012: Arthur Pendragon”
The picture on the front cover of the magazine was a glamour shot, all carefully tousled hair, and eyes that sparkled with artificial light.
If there was a quiet sadness in his eyes, a subtle pout to his full lips, it only made him more appealing. More desirable.
~~~
Arthur was breaking and he knew it. An overwhelming feeling of agitation had taken hold. He felt as if all the air in his lungs was slowly being pressed out and he was helpless to fight it. And just as he felt himself breaking, he knew that all those years ago, before had had been what he is now, Merlin had been right. He only hoped that he hadn’t been running for too long, that it wasn’t too late.
His fingers trembled as they hovered over the keys of his phone, until finally, with eyes pressed tightly closed, he brought it to his ear and waited.