Tattooed lying on the bed don't regret smashing her fist into the wall, crazy beautiful
So I got my tattoo today. Got there way early to prevent being late and walked around in the snow, going in and out of small, over-expensive shops and dollar stores that make you leave your purse in the front, ate pizza and cheesecake, and then finallyfinallyfinally it was time. I went to the Tattoo shop. Got there a minute before 1 p.m. Perfect timing. The tattoo took 6 hours. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it - for most of the time it was enjoyable, but I am still trying to figure out if it hurt more or less than razor blades...or the same, but in a different way? idk. It certainly hurt a lot, mostly in a good way, which canceled out the awkwardness I felt making conversation with the tattooist (the awesome pain took away any insecurity or shyness or nervousness I could feel). The shop was playing awesome music, I wish I had a list of every song that was played when I was there because they were all abso-fucking-lutely amazing, in an awesome dark way. So many other things to say about the experience, but I'm sleepy and still have to pack my suitcase and I have to wake up really early tomorrow.
One thing is, it definitely was longer than any of my cutting episodes (it feel strange to refer to my cutting as "episodes"), which usually goes as, dig blade into arm, yank as hard as possible, repeat; never really lasts longer than 5 to 10 minutes. I definitely think (and this is a twisted thing to say) getting the tattoo helped me increase my ability to cut for longer, so when I do it it's effect can be better. And I thought I was going to try to stop. HAHAHAHAHA yeah right. It's foolish to try to decide to stop right before getting a tattoo because getting tattooed definitely convinces you otherwise. The guy was so impressed with me, though, for me to be able to sit perfectly still, never flinch, for that long with barely any breaks. I guess it's impressive but not really if the real reason is understood. My face was really pale and the end I was sleepy, almost dozed off several times; partially from 6 hours without eating I guess and also that much pain for that much time in a row, even if enjoyed, must have some sort of negative affect on the body. I loved the pain, hated the tireddness, also at one point it felt like my arm was hyperextended, either that or i had to hold it in a position that is unnatural so requires muscles and eventually muscles tire out.
Eventually I'll try to take a picture of it, I tried but it was hard to get a full one. I'll probably end up posting a couple angles of it the day after tomorrow (I will get home late tomorrow and then I'm going to sleep for a long, long, long time. I'm fucking tired of sleep deprivation, I'm so ready for it to be over because being sleepless for so long probably has something to do with how depressed I feel all the time. Not everything, but hopefully getting more sleep will make me feel slightly better).
One thing is, it definitely was longer than any of my cutting episodes (it feel strange to refer to my cutting as "episodes"), which usually goes as, dig blade into arm, yank as hard as possible, repeat; never really lasts longer than 5 to 10 minutes. I definitely think (and this is a twisted thing to say) getting the tattoo helped me increase my ability to cut for longer, so when I do it it's effect can be better. And I thought I was going to try to stop. HAHAHAHAHA yeah right. It's foolish to try to decide to stop right before getting a tattoo because getting tattooed definitely convinces you otherwise. The guy was so impressed with me, though, for me to be able to sit perfectly still, never flinch, for that long with barely any breaks. I guess it's impressive but not really if the real reason is understood. My face was really pale and the end I was sleepy, almost dozed off several times; partially from 6 hours without eating I guess and also that much pain for that much time in a row, even if enjoyed, must have some sort of negative affect on the body. I loved the pain, hated the tireddness, also at one point it felt like my arm was hyperextended, either that or i had to hold it in a position that is unnatural so requires muscles and eventually muscles tire out.
Eventually I'll try to take a picture of it, I tried but it was hard to get a full one. I'll probably end up posting a couple angles of it the day after tomorrow (I will get home late tomorrow and then I'm going to sleep for a long, long, long time. I'm fucking tired of sleep deprivation, I'm so ready for it to be over because being sleepless for so long probably has something to do with how depressed I feel all the time. Not everything, but hopefully getting more sleep will make me feel slightly better).