Pheonix, Rising
YES! The day has finally come. Tomorrow the semester ends after an exam that I'm going to fail (or get a C on, if I get around to reading my textbook)....either way, I'll probably get a C in the course, so it doesn't matter. Then it's time to sell back my geology textbook, hopefully get a lot of money for it, and then get on the bus to the Tattoo shop and linger around in the town until its 1 p.m., the time of my appointment! I'm so hyped for this - it's real, it's real, it's real!!!!!!!!!!!
A pheonix is a perfect tattoo for me to get, too, since the mythical pheonix rises from the ashes and has healing powers, and therefore is a symbol of resiliency....I was hoping it would be able to mean that I had been able to stop cutting, but I guess I'm not there yet.....It wouldn't mean that much anyways as, relatively I haven't been cutting for that long (cumulatively, only 7 months)....but it can mean resiliency in general. A reminder that someday, I can get past this, just like I got past anorexia. I just have to let it get out of my system, however long that will take, but I know I will be able to, someday, and everything that I have gone through and have not yet but will go through will make me that much stronger.
A reminder that yes, I CAN live my dreams. Whatever needs to happen, I can make it happen. A reminder to let go of my self-doubt. A reminder that I can do better next semester, even though grades don't really matter if I am able to get straight A's it will be like re-finding a piece of the person I used to be. I never want to go back. I am jealous of the old me's ability to study and pour every ounce into learning. But there's so much about her that repulses me now. She didn't know any better, I wish she did, but I'm different now, I'm not her anymore but there's always a little bit of nostalgia.
And now I must study. Here's for hoping. XD
A pheonix is a perfect tattoo for me to get, too, since the mythical pheonix rises from the ashes and has healing powers, and therefore is a symbol of resiliency....I was hoping it would be able to mean that I had been able to stop cutting, but I guess I'm not there yet.....It wouldn't mean that much anyways as, relatively I haven't been cutting for that long (cumulatively, only 7 months)....but it can mean resiliency in general. A reminder that someday, I can get past this, just like I got past anorexia. I just have to let it get out of my system, however long that will take, but I know I will be able to, someday, and everything that I have gone through and have not yet but will go through will make me that much stronger.
A reminder that yes, I CAN live my dreams. Whatever needs to happen, I can make it happen. A reminder to let go of my self-doubt. A reminder that I can do better next semester, even though grades don't really matter if I am able to get straight A's it will be like re-finding a piece of the person I used to be. I never want to go back. I am jealous of the old me's ability to study and pour every ounce into learning. But there's so much about her that repulses me now. She didn't know any better, I wish she did, but I'm different now, I'm not her anymore but there's always a little bit of nostalgia.
And now I must study. Here's for hoping. XD