scattered thoughts.
so, i keep having this dream lately.
in said dream, its raining. not like a sprinkle, but a downpour. i'm at my grandmother's house, and my family is all there, my grandma's cooking and for some reason it feels like thanksgiving, but darker. something horrible's happened, and they're screaming at me. i run out the door. i'm trying to fit all of my clothes and pillows and blankets into the trunk of my car but i keep slipping in the mud. its frustrating. do you ever have those dreams where you're trying to do something but you're paralyzed? its like that. so i start crying harder, and its raining, and there's mud all over my stuff.
and i always wake up right before i leave, but for some reason i feel very sure of the fact that i do get out.
it still bothers me sometimes that no one has ever really loved me.
every significant relationship in my life has turned into a total disaster over the course of the past two years. that's interesting, isn't it?
i realized something very important over the course of the last few months, and now, oddly enough, it does me no good.
i have been less depressed though. i wish i knew how to explain why that is.
in said dream, its raining. not like a sprinkle, but a downpour. i'm at my grandmother's house, and my family is all there, my grandma's cooking and for some reason it feels like thanksgiving, but darker. something horrible's happened, and they're screaming at me. i run out the door. i'm trying to fit all of my clothes and pillows and blankets into the trunk of my car but i keep slipping in the mud. its frustrating. do you ever have those dreams where you're trying to do something but you're paralyzed? its like that. so i start crying harder, and its raining, and there's mud all over my stuff.
and i always wake up right before i leave, but for some reason i feel very sure of the fact that i do get out.
it still bothers me sometimes that no one has ever really loved me.
every significant relationship in my life has turned into a total disaster over the course of the past two years. that's interesting, isn't it?
i realized something very important over the course of the last few months, and now, oddly enough, it does me no good.
i have been less depressed though. i wish i knew how to explain why that is.