Under Her Skin 36
Title: Under Her Skin 36
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: 5.20 Lowdown
Disclaimer: They're not mine, I'll put them back when I'm done
Author's Note: Wow, am I sorry it took this long to finish this chapter!!! As my only form of internet access the past year has been a smart phone and an ancient desktop that is *so* outdated it takes an hour to type a sentence on LJ, I hope I am forgiven! Thanks to the author of a fanfic I'm addicted to that has hit the writer's block wall that I hit myself for reminding me that completing the story isn't really about me, it's about the readers.....and as usual, thanks to my beta buddy, you know who you are ;)
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"He was HIV positive," Detective Olivia Benson realized aloud, her voice a mixture of shock and awe and disbelief.
She was, of course, aware that her partner was still talking, "paid in cash, blah blah blah," but the three little letters he'd just uttered were on an agonizing loop in her head......."AZT, AZT, AZT......"
Reacting to the lull in conversation on her end, Elliot took a good look at his partner.
"Liv?"
No response, as she stared at the pill bottle he'd just set down.
"I'll search the bathroom, bedroom," he softly stated, "why don't you take a few minutes to process this while I finish up?"
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As soon as he'd seen Olivia withdraw into herself, her partner had quietly stepped into the bedroom and placed a call.
"Casey, it's Elliot. We're at York's apartment, just finished the search and found his - "
"Oh my God, no!" ADA Casey Novak exclaimed, "Is she ok?"
"Meds," Elliot finished, "how did you - "
Hearing the doorknob turn, he snapped the phone shut.
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"She knows, doesn't she?" Mary Conway Clark asked, as her lunch companion ADA Casey Novak shut her phone.
"Yes, she does."
Seeing the determined look on her young friend's face, Mary warned, "Tread lightly Casey, and think before you act."
At the young ADA's obstinate silence, Conway Clark continued, "I know you don't like it, and I know you don't agree with it, but please listen to me when I say that you need to stay out of this and let the police do their job. Let *them* find York's killer. Prosecute him, when you have sufficient evidence and are confident that you have the right man. But for God’s sake, leave your personal feelings out of it."
"As a friend," Casey quietly replied, "believe me when I say that I will - "
"You will do nothing!" Mary sharply interjected, "Because - ”
“Because you said so?” the young ADA challenged.
“Because Jeff was a lawyer. Most likely, a lawyer who was sharing his secret with his good friend and fellow ADA Andy Abbott. And,” Mary paused, “because you know that you can do more good as a prosecutor than as a disgraced former prosecutor."
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Olivia was in a daze the whole way to the street, where Elliot finally felt compelled to ask, "You okay?"
Distracted, she mumbled, "Yeah, I...."
"You know," he interjected, "if you slept with Jeff, you might want - "
"I'm gonna get tested!" she snapped.
Gentling his tone, he advised, "You don't want the results in departmental records, insurance, so go to an anonymous clinic, ok?"
Olivia knew that he was only trying to help, but that didn't lessen her urge to want to punch him.
"I know," she responded, "like Jeff did."
Pausing as they reached the car, he turned and offered, "Look, do you want me to go with you?"
Having no intention of going to get that test anytime soon, she quickly responded, "No. I'll be fine. Let's just focus on the case."
Leaning against the car, she continued, "Jeff's date book said that he was having drinks with Andy Abbott the night he was killed. So, why didn't Andy tell us that?"
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Ring!
"Warner."
"Melinda, it's Casey, do you have a minute?"
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After what seemed to be a completely pointless interview with Andy Abbott, Olivia matter-of-factly stated, "He's lying."
"What makes you say that?" Elliot asked.
"His reaction when we told him that Jeff was gay," she replied, "it was the standard closeted gay man response."
"O-o-k-a-y-y," her partner responded, "explain?"
"Sure. To begin with, guess who was at that bar with Jeff, all those years ago?"
"Andy Abbott?"
"Correct. And who was Jeff rumored to be having an affair with?"
"Another ADA."
"Right again. And "Really? Are you sure? He didn't seem gay"," she mimicked, "plus, he put on the "happy family show" for us."
"Care to elaborate?"
"You know," she replied, "kiss the kids, have the wife help the hopelessly inept husband fix the cuff links - "
"My wife fixes my cuff links, doesn't make me gay."
"But I bet Kathy knows how to do it," she countered, "and I'd also bet that you could carry a conversation while she was doing it without constantly glancing at your wrist because she was doing it wrong."
"She did seem a little clumsy with the execution," he conceded, "but we need more than that to prove your theory. Right now, his story is solid."
"Until we can prove otherwise," she replied. "So, what's next?"
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“I knew that he was gay,” Novak explained to the M.E., “hell, everyone knew.”
“Everyone but Olivia,” Warner gently reminded.
“That’s why I’m taking this so personally!” Casey lied, “I hate the idea that she might even entertain the thought that I knew, and was somehow laughing along with the rest of those idiots that knew about York’s much regretted one night stand with a woman. She and I, we don’t exactly have the best, well, you know - ”
“Working relationship?” Melinda offered, thinking wow these two are in denial.
“Exactly,” Casey readily agreed, “and I went to the station to tell her, you know, *after* I connected all the dots and realized how devastating this news could be for her, but…”
With a shaky sigh Casey stopped talking, unwilling or unable to voice the embarrassing truth.
“But she wouldn’t talk to you?” Warner guessed.
“No, she wouldn’t.”
“Threw a very controlled, very dignified adult tantrum?” Melinda continued, “Used phrases like “Captain’s orders” and “you’ll be my first call”, right?”
When the young redhead didn't respond, the M.E. swore and said, “She turned her back and let her partner say them for her, didn't she?”
“Yeah,” the desolate counselor admitted.
“And you still care?”
Of course I do! was what Casey’s mind screamed, but in response to her astute friend’s question she simply replied, “I do.”
“What can I do to help?”
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“So as broke as York was, he was still coming to this ridiculously overpriced hotel once a week, having drinks with Andy Abbott and getting a room. We know that Abbott left, went home to the wife, but Jeff would stay. Why? Who was he staying for? Who was paying the bill? And what in the world could a basically unknown gay ADA from the Bronx have in common with a famous former pro football star like Dushawn McGovern?"
Realizing that he was talking to himself, Elliot scowled as his partner listened with rapt attention to the voice on the other end of her phone.
"Ok, thanks," he heard her say, as she finished the call and turned to him.
"Well?"
"McGovern has no criminal history, no common political or charitable interests with Abbott or York, and although Jeff was apparently trying to sell his place, it's not the type of real estate Dushawn's company handles."
"So what the hell could they have in common?" Elliot wondered aloud.
"Well if it’s not the law, football or real estate,“ she replied, “maybe he’s gay.“
“Dushawn McGovern? Former pro football star Dushawn McGovern?“
At her smirk he snarked, “No way.“
“Well then,“ Olivia replied as she moved past him and opened her car door, “if you’re so sure that I’m wrong, let’s go ask him.”
Catching the door as she pulled it open, Elliot softly ordered, “Stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop personalizing this case,” he replied, “stop seeing a perp around every corner just because - ”
“Just because we’re trying to solve the murder of a man who knew he was gay, knew he had HIV, slept with me anyway and never bothered to tell me?” she snapped.
“Yeah,” he growled, “what you said.”
Pissed, he walked around the car and got into the driver’s seat.
More pissed, she slammed into the passenger seat and pulled on her sunglasses.
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Hanging up the phone and feeling incredibly ashamed, Casey struggled with the weight of what she’d just done.
She wouldn’t listen to you, what choice did you have?
Sighing, the counselor wiped guilty tears from her face and picked up the phone.
Ring!
“Donnelley.”
“I did it,” the ADA confided.
After a heavy pause, the EADA replied, “And how did she take it?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Explain?”
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"Well, he's lying," Olivia growled as she and her partner exited McGovern's building and headed for the car.
"Met at a kids charity benefit," Elliot snorted, "does he actually think we didn't look into all possible, credible explanations before we interviewed him?"
"Are you ready to admit that I might be right about him?" Olivia retorted.
“Don’t answer a question with a question,” he whined.
Smack!
“Ow! Stop that!”
“Stop pissing me off,” she deadpanned, “and I’ll stop responding.”
Knowing that he wasn‘t going to win this one, he changed the subject.
“Ok, so far what we know in our guts is that Abbott and McGovern are liars, and at least one of them is lying about his connection to Jeff. And as sure as we are that one or both of them knows who killed our dead ADA, we have no actual proof that we can take to our live ADA to bring the guilty party to justice, correct?"
"Cynic," she grumbled as he started the car.
Smiling, he replied, "Maybe Fin found what we needed."
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"Novak!"
“We like Abbott for York’s murder, how fast can you be here?”
“Liv and Elliot back yet?”
“No.”
“I’m on my way.”
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Creeping into the squad room, Casey was once again floored by the emotional strain on Olivia’s face. Had she been to the lab yet? How had Warner told her? Did Olivia know that the DNA confirming York’s HIV hadn’t come back yet, that somebody had tipped the M.E. off?
Taking a deep breath, she approached the cluster of detectives, then resignedly followed Benson and Stabler into Cragen’s office at the Captain’s request.
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Once inside the office, Casey quickly moved to put the captain's big desk between herself and Olivia.
How did we get here? She wondered, as her mind wandered back to the intimacy of that moment right before Olivia had been summoned to the docks.
To Jeff York’s murder scene.
To what appeared to be the end of the fragile relationship that had been budding between them, the maybe-friendship-maybe-more that had terrified them both.
I should just let it go, just walk away and forget it, the redhead decided, why do I even bother to stick around and try?
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Olivia, for her part, seemed distracted. Barely involved in the conversation, the detective didn’t dare look at the counselor, choosing instead to keep her eyes down and fidget with her watch.
Why are you avoiding her? Olivia’s irritating inner voice prodded, especially when you know that all you want to do right now is kick the captain and your partner out of this office and -
At the sound of Casey's voice Olivia raised her head and made eye contact.
The moment her breath caught in her throat at the delicious sight of the casually dressed counselor, she instantly berated herself.
She deserves better than this mess you got yourself into, Benson! If you care about her at all, leave her alone!
Tearing her eyes away from the young redhead, a guilty Olivia turned towards her partner, arguing that Abbott knew their tricks and would lawyer up before they got anything useful out of him.
If she noticed that Casey seemed hurt by the “Elliot-and-Olivia-Casey-Who?” show, she didn’t show it.
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Seeing the conflicting set of emotions that had just played across Olivia’s face, hope and fear and confusion warred for control over the counselor’s own expression.
She’d seen the sharp intake of the detective’s breath, seen the briefest flash of desire in her eyes, and realized why she stuck around.
Because she's worth it.
Firm in her resolve to stand by Olivia no matter what, Casey guiltily looked at the floor as Cragen hung up the phone he’d just answered and stated, “Elliot, go enlist Andy’s cooperation,” and with a glance to Olivia, “Warner wants to see you at the morgue.”
Staring blankly at her boss, Olivia barely heard the ADA ask, “Did she say why?”
Relieved that Casey had filled the awkward silence, annoyed that her own reaction had created a situation where the counselor felt the need to step in, Olivia wordlessly left the office before the captain replied.
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Finding a reason to make herself scarce, Casey quickly grabbed her phone.
“Huang.”
“Hey George, it’s Casey. Do you have a minute?”
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With a deep breath, Olivia entered the morgue to find her friend the M.E. waiting at the front door for her.
Casually shrugging off her jacket, the detective asked, “What’s up? Break in the case?”
Turning her back on her friend and motioning for Olivia to follow, Melinda lied, “I tested Jeff York’s blood, high viral load.”
Now that the lie was out of the way, Warner faced the friend who’d have seen the deception written all over her face, asking, “When did you two date?” as she shut the lab door.
“Five years ago, we only slept together once and used protection,” the detective woodenly responded, shaking her head as if it were all just a misunderstanding instead of the very real life or death decision that it had turned out to be.
Crossing the lab to face Olivia, Melinda reminded, “Condoms are effective, not perfect. It only takes once.”
Arms crossed in a textbook classic defensive posture, the detective insisted, “I’m gonna get tested, I just haven’t had time.”
Knowing that she was lying as the words came out, she also knew that the coroner could see right through her.
Placing a reassuring hand on the detective's arm, Melinda offered, “Why don’t we do it here? Right now?”
Exasperated, Olivia insisted, “Melinda, I’ll do it.”
Their eyes locked, and they both knew that they both knew that Olivia was lying.
“Olivia, how many rape victims have you told to get tested?” the M.E. gently asked.
“All of them.”
“Would you tell them it’s alright to wait?”
Stung by the truth behind the softly spoken inquiry, Olivia wordlessly shook her head and acquiesced.
“Sit down and roll up your sleeve. No paperwork, I’ll do the test myself.”
Pushing up her sleeve, Olivia nervously sat and fidgeted, crossed her legs.
Looked utterly terrified.
It was a look that Warner was loathe to put there, and hoped to never see again.
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Once she’d drawn the blood, Melinda asked, “Are you ok?”
“Fine.”
“Liv, look, maybe you should talk to someone, like - ”
“Huang?” Olivia interjected, “no thanks.”
Pulling her jacket back on, feeling violated, she marched out of the lab and tossed “Call me when you have the results” over a determinedly set shoulder.
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“Huang.”
“Where are you?”
With a smile, the doctor waved across the parking lot at the seriously pissed off detective coming his way.
Resisting the urge to throw her phone at the tiny Asian, she growled, “Did you seriously think that telling her was going to result in me finally sitting down with you?”
“I didn’t tell Warner about York,” he softly deflected, “how are you feeling?”
She slowly raised her hand, made a frustrated fist, tilted her head in aggravation and walked away.
“Liv, you’ve already put everything about this case off for entirely too long,” he tried, following her into the squad room.
Silence.
“Come on, talk to me,” he urged.
She kept walking, ignoring him like one would a persistent puppy yipping at their heels, until he uttered those dreadful words: “I can have you removed from active duty until you deal with this.”
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Olivia knew that Huang would never lie to her, knew that he was the most trustworthy person in her world; so, if he hadn’t gone to Warner, who had?
Her sole purpose in that moment was to find out who had called the M.E., because the instant Melinda had turned her back while she was talking, Olivia knew that she’d been lying to her.
The list of suspects was pretty short; Elliot, of course, was the first to know. Cragen, naturally. Then Huang, Munch and Fin. Having already eliminated Huang, and deducing that since the captain had received the call from Warner clearly it wasn’t him, that left the other three men in her life.
Hmmm.
Marching towards her confrontation with the trio of detectives, Olivia stopped dead in her tracks when her mind registered, “I can have you removed from active duty….” coming from the pesky psychiatrist’s mouth.
Crap!
“Liv?”
Ok, deal with him first……….
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“Alright George, you’ve got my attention,” she said with an attempt at a grin, “where do you wanna chat?”
“I know you’re busy Olivia,” he replied, “let’s just talk right now.”
“Ok,” she started, “what should I say?”
“Say what you feel.”
“I feel violated,” she admitted, “and I feel like my own sexuality is under a microscope! I’m not gay!”
“Nobody said you were,” he gently reminded, “why do you think you’re reacting this way?”
Taking a deep breath, she tried, ”Because he was gay, yet he chose me. Does that mean I reminded him of a man? And what does that say about me? And why didn’t he tell me that he was HIV positive? Could Jeff have been HIV positive back then?”
“Yes, but your risk of exposure’s very low,” he whispered, knowing full well that her final question in that barrage was the one that was truly weighing on her mind.
“How could I have missed this?” she asked with more than a hint of self-loathing in her voice.
Smoothly, he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her aside, stopping her forward motion and thus her exposure to her colleagues in this critical moment as the walls started crashing down.
She ran an agitated hand through her hair as he reassured, “Liv, you’re not the first woman to sleep with a closeted man.”
Arms crossed defensively, hands with a tight grip on their opposing elbows she rationalized, “Maybe he didn’t know. I - ”
“Sexuality’s very complicated,” he soothed, “just because he was gay, doesn’t mean he wasn’t attracted to you…”
Shaking her head, she was about to disagree when she looked past the doctor and spotted Maryellen Abbott.
“That’s Andy’s wife,” she told him, and walked away to deal with the woman.
Not letting her end the discussion that easily, Huang walked past them into Cragen’s office, offering a quick “I’ll see you inside” in passing.
Double crap!
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It wasn’t technically a lie when she told Mrs. Abbott that she didn’t know where her husband was at that moment; she *had* just returned, and although she knew that bringing Andy in was the plan, she still hadn’t seen him with her own eyes.
In all honesty, she just couldn’t deal with the woman right now.
Not with the needle stick from the blood test still throbbing in her arm, the blood test that she desperately wanted to tell the woman to get; the blood test that could prove, with a dreadful finality, that they were all connected by the same strain of HIV.
With a lame, “If I see him I’ll tell him to call you,” Olivia forced herself to send the woman away.
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“He’s not gonna give us anything,” Cragen mentioned to Huang as he joined him at the observation window, “he’s too smart.”
“Agreed,” said the doctor, both of them avoiding the real reason that Huang was there.
“Did she talk to you?” Don asked.
“She started to,” the diminutive Asian replied, “but we were interrupted by Maryellen Abbott’s arrival.”
“She’s here?”
“Liv dealt with her,” Huang replied.
The captain nodded, knowing very well how good his detective was at handling people.
And then Olivia was in the room, accusingly asking, “What’s going on?”
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“Novak, sex crimes.”
“Casey, I…..”
“I know,” the ADA interjected, “I was there when you called Cragen. Did she let you do it?”
“She did,” the M.E. replied, “but Case?”
“Yeah Melinda?”
“It was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do in that lab.”
“That bad?”
“I’ve seen her at her best and at her worst,” Warner explained, “but I’ve never seen her literally try to crawl out of her own skin.”
Eyes closed, silent tears rolling down her face, the ADA vowed to make whoever had infected Jeff pay for what her detective was going through, no matter what the cost.
If it were possible, she’d have resurrected York to take it out of his ass as well.
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“I can’t stop thinking about his wife,” Olivia admitted to the captain and the psychiatrist as they watched Elliot work with Abbott in the interrogation room, “Jeff was HIV positive and Andy might be too.”
“Makes you want to warn her,” Cragen stated, knowing exactly what was going through Olivia’s head.
“Can we do that? Legally?” she asked, voice full of hope.
“Absolutely not,” Huang responded, “HIV status is confidential, even after death.”
Watching them through the window, Olivia became increasingly agitated.
Noticing her reaction to the interrogation, Huang placed a warm hand on her shoulder, suggested that they go upstairs and finish their chat; instead, she shook off his hand and barged into the room.
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"Well you look like hell."
Almost in tears, Casey threw herself into the welcoming arms of her best friend.
"Sweetie, what's wrong?" Jenny, best friend and bartender extraordinaire, gently asked.
"Everything," the counselor replied.
"Disaronno?"
"More like Jim & Jack," Casey replied, as her friend pulled out a fresh glass, added ice, and poured.
After she'd drained two, the gorgeous blond poured another, shouted for her fiance' to man the bar, then said, "Alright, lay it on me."
With a defeated sigh, Casey took another sip and began her tale.........
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Looking at the captain, Huang remarked, “I‘m worried about her.”
“Me too,“ Cragen agreed, adding, “she sure didn’t pull any punches, did she?”
With a sad shake of his head, the doctor stated, “She played all the cards: you’re gay, you’re a killer, and oh, did I mention that I’m about to tell your wife?”
“Do you think she will?” the captain asked.
“Tell his wife?”
“Yeah.”
“In her current state of mind, I’d say it’s a safe bet that she will.”
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Predictably, Abbott stormed out, threatening hellfire and brimstone in legal action once he'd realized that he was a suspect.
Motioning for Elliot to follow him, Cragen ordered, “Olivia, sit and talk to the doc or you’re off this case.”
Scowling, she sat.
Grinning, Elliot followed the captain out of the office, where he, Munch and Fin started tracking down the members of Abbott’s poker game.
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"Wow," Jenny remarked as she poured Casey another, "so what are you going to do?"
Tearfully, Casey admitted, "There's nothing I can do. Warner lied for me, so I gotta cover her ass. Donnelley really doesn't care about me or Olivia, she just wants to clear her own conscience - which, with my betrayal, is done. Huang is bound by his own code of ethics, and Olivia -"
Another sob caught in her throat, which compelled Jenny to soothingly rub her friend's back and suggest, "I think I have an idea...."
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“Olivia,” Huang started, “I only want to help.”
“Then tell Maryellen Abbot that her husband killed his HIV infected lover.”
Silence.
“Ok,” she relented, “tell me how to get past this, this, this…..”
“Dirty feeling?” he tried.
“YES!”
With a sad smile he whispered, “Nobody can erase that feeling but you.”
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The following day, Fin returned from his interview with Dushawn McGovern with good news; McGovern had cracked under the pressure of the interrogation, and had admitted everything, including the fact that Abbott had “accidentally” killed York.
Olivia, who’d spent yet another night in the crib, jumped at the chance to arrest him.
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“Where the hell are you taking me?”
“You have the right to remain silent,” Elliot replied to his enraged passenger, “why don’t you exercise that right until we get you to your lawyer?”
With a smirk, Stabler winked at his partner, whose emotions were hidden behind the too large sunglasses on her face.
Unwilling to go into the M.E.’s office so soon after the sneakily coerced blood test, Olivia chose to remain in the car while Andy’s DNA sample was taken.
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Ring!
Head pounding, Casey pulled her pillow tightly over her face.
Ring!
Tighter.
Ring!
Finally realizing that it was just going to keep ringing until she answered it, the ADA grabbed the offending noisemaker and snapped, “Casey Novak.”
"Rough night counselor?"
"Quit enjoying it detective," she snarled at the chuckling Munch, "what do you want?"
“Benson and Stabler are on their way in. McGovern rolled on Abbott and they just arrested him, thought you might want to beat Zeirko here.”
“Thanks John, be right there.”
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Agitated, the ADA paced in the hallway as she waited for the detectives to return.
“So he will testify that Andy Abbott confessed, right?” she asked Fin for the millionth time.
“Relax Casey,” he soothed, “I’m tellin’ you, when I threatened to expose him, McGovern couldn’t stop spilling his guts. He’ll testify, no doubt.”
“I can’t relax!” she exploded, “Abbott’s an ADA, and a damn good one! He’s got Zeirko on his team - you do remember our last go round with him, don’t you?”
“We’re still lookin’ for that boy,” Fin recalled with a grimace, “but I’m tellin’ you, this time is different.”
Unconvinced, she replied, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”
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Watching the interview, seeing Abbott and Zeirko spin the truth to fit their defense, Casey grew increasingly frustrated.
Seeing her agitation, Fin reminded, “We still got Dushawn.”
Absolutely sick to her stomach, she snapped, “He’s good! This cockamamie story might work!”
“The jury’ll see right through him,” he countered.
With her back to the observation window, an unconscious maneuver that removed Olivia from her sight and allowed her to think clearly, Casey snapped, “Will they? Handsome DA, family man, gets drunk with a colleague and lands in the wrong place at the wrong time. We can’t prove otherwise!”
Seeing her confidence slipping, knowing how much more invested in this case she was than either she or Olivia realized, he softly reassured, “Dushawn McGovern can. He gave it up to me, he’ll testify for you.”
She nodded, felt the tears coming again, fought them.
“Come on,” he offered, “let’s go see him.”
With a final, heart wrenching look at her detective, she agreed and allowed him to lead her away.
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“He’s gonna walk, isn’t he?” Olivia quietly asked her partner.
“We have McGovern,” he reminded, “his testimony before the grand jury, a former pro athlete admitting his darkest secret in the name of justice? It’ll be a lock.”
With a scornful shake of her head she disagreed, stating, “I don’t see him testifying. Fin may have gotten him to talk, off the record, but Abbott’ll get inside his head. Once Andy convinces Dushawn that even the grand jury isn’t leak proof, he’ll bolt.”
“But he already went as far as to tell Fin,” Elliot countered, “for lack of a better term, that was his outcry witness. We both know it gets easier, becomes less of a burden, with every telling.”
Rubbing her eyebrow with the back of her finger, a sure tell that she was frustrated, Olivia said, “And if he doesn’t testify, and Abbott gets off, how is his wife ever going to know that she’s been exposed?”
“She’s not your concern, Liv,” he advised, “you gotta let this go. If you disclose Jeff’s status, his relationship with Andy? There goes your career. Is it worth it?”
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Arriving at McGovern’s office, Fin and Novak were surprised to find him in an extremely hostile state. In fact, he flatly refused to see them.
Head pounding, angry, tired of being lied to and manipulated due to the details of this case, the hard-headed counselor with the screaming hangover had just had enough.
Barging into the giant ex-athlete's office, Casey threatened, “I am the ADA responsible for prosecuting Jeffrey York’s murderer and you *will* talk to me and this fine officer. Otherwise,” she sweetly stated, her voice dripping with honey and sarcasm, “I’m going to have to call my friend at The Ledger and see what he can dig up. Wonder what he’ll find when he starts tossing money at some of your less well-to-do poker buddies?”
As Dushawn seethed and an impressed Fin smirked, Casey lowered herself into a chair.
Following her lead, Fin sat as well.
Stunned, caught completely off guard by the fiery redhead, McGovern slammed his office door shut, booming, “There’s no way I’m testifying!” as he stomped past them.
“Wait a minute, just tell her what you told me,” Fin tried, as the hulk of a man paced like a caged panther behind his desk.
Agitated, Dushawn spat, “I didn’t tell you anything!”
Putting a little bass in her own voice, the counselor reasoned, “Mr. McGovern you’d be testifying before the grand jury. Those proceedings are kept secret.”
“Secret?” he snapped, “Jurors go home after I talk, they’ll spread the news. I know all about gossip,” he continued in full rant mode, “I lived with it for years when I played ball.”
Pissed, Fin replied, “Well you got no choice! She’ll subpeona you and I’ll haul your ass in there!”
“And I’ll put my hand on the bible and swear to tell the whole truth,” McGovern taunted, “I’ve worked too hard to get where I am to mess it up now.”
Rounding the desk, coming to a stop right in front of the detective, he dared, “Go on, ask me if Andy killed a man. I’ll say: I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Continuing on past the cop and the counselor, Dushawn opened the door. With a wave of his arm he added, “If you’ll excuse me I’m very busy,” his tone leaving no doubt that he wanted them out.
With a final poisonous glare, Casey walked out; turning to Fin, she sighed, “Well, there goes our case.”
“What’s it gonna take to bring it back?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Proof that Jeff York and Andy Abbott were lovers,” she replied.
“Andy’s on the downlow and Jeff sure ain’t talkin’,” he sighed, wishing that he had never given her the false hope of McGovern’s testimony to begin with.
“Maybe Jeff will talk to Warner.”
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Ring!
“Tutuola.”
Listening for a moment, Fin said, “Agreed, be right there,” and hung up his phone.
With a puzzled glance, Casey asked, “Who was that?”
Staring straight ahead, he dodged, “Nobody.”
Silence.
Realizing how important this case was to her and Olivia and whatever the hell it was between them that made the counselor attack this case like a rabid dog, he sighed.
“Look, can you keep a secret?”
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Following Elliot into the men’s room, Cragen asked, “Got a minute?”
With an irritated smirk, Stabler replied, “Follow me in here because it’s the one place Olivia won’t interrupt?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok, shoot,” the detective said, as he crossed his arms and leaned against the sink.
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“Cragen just got a call from downstairs that Abbott’s wife is on her way up,” Fin confided, “and both he and Huang, actually, all of us,” he corrected, “are afraid that Olivia’s going to tell her about York’s HIV status.”
“And since we already know that she’s aware of the charges against her husband,” Casey deduced, “disclosing Jeff’s status will be an inadvertent way of telling her to get tested.”
“Liv’s right on the edge with this one,” he admitted, “her past is slapping her in the face, her present is a constant churning in her gut, and her future’s uncertain. Not only has she lost her objectivity, but in her mind there’s a fifty percent chance she’s about to lose everything anyway.”
Ashen, the ADA realized, "She thinks she's got nothing to lose."
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“Liv, got a minute?”
“Yeah John, what’s up?”
With a conspiratorial glance at the guys, he whispered, “Follow me.”
Leaving little room for argument, he headed for the stairs.
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Watching the little exchange, Elliot smiled.
As Olivia and John disappeared into the stairwell, Cragen asked, “How does he do it?”
Chuckling, Stabler replied, “I have no clue. All I know is that when she’s at her most frustrating, Uncle Munchie can handle her.”
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Heading for his car, Munch simply explained, “I have an appointment that I really need to keep, but I got nailed this morning for outdated inspection stickers.”
Incredulous, she asked, “So you expect *me* to follow you to drop your car off, then take you to this appointment?”
“Yep.”
Rolling her eyes, she growled, “Get a uniform to drive you!”
Lowering his voice, he leaned in close and whispered, “But a uniform wouldn’t be you.”
Annoyed, she turned and headed for her car.
Grinning, he asked, “Was it something I said?” to her retreating form.
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Arriving at the M.E.’s lab, Fin drove around and parked in the back.
“Hiding from Olivia?” Casey asked.
“Yep,” he replied.
“Smart move.”
“Glad you think so,” he remarked as they walked around the building.
“Why’s that?” she asked, as he held the front door open for her.
“Because,” he said with a smirk, “you get to ride back with her.”
DOINK DOINK
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: 5.20 Lowdown
Disclaimer: They're not mine, I'll put them back when I'm done
Author's Note: Wow, am I sorry it took this long to finish this chapter!!! As my only form of internet access the past year has been a smart phone and an ancient desktop that is *so* outdated it takes an hour to type a sentence on LJ, I hope I am forgiven! Thanks to the author of a fanfic I'm addicted to that has hit the writer's block wall that I hit myself for reminding me that completing the story isn't really about me, it's about the readers.....and as usual, thanks to my beta buddy, you know who you are ;)
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"He was HIV positive," Detective Olivia Benson realized aloud, her voice a mixture of shock and awe and disbelief.
She was, of course, aware that her partner was still talking, "paid in cash, blah blah blah," but the three little letters he'd just uttered were on an agonizing loop in her head......."AZT, AZT, AZT......"
Reacting to the lull in conversation on her end, Elliot took a good look at his partner.
"Liv?"
No response, as she stared at the pill bottle he'd just set down.
"I'll search the bathroom, bedroom," he softly stated, "why don't you take a few minutes to process this while I finish up?"
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As soon as he'd seen Olivia withdraw into herself, her partner had quietly stepped into the bedroom and placed a call.
"Casey, it's Elliot. We're at York's apartment, just finished the search and found his - "
"Oh my God, no!" ADA Casey Novak exclaimed, "Is she ok?"
"Meds," Elliot finished, "how did you - "
Hearing the doorknob turn, he snapped the phone shut.
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"She knows, doesn't she?" Mary Conway Clark asked, as her lunch companion ADA Casey Novak shut her phone.
"Yes, she does."
Seeing the determined look on her young friend's face, Mary warned, "Tread lightly Casey, and think before you act."
At the young ADA's obstinate silence, Conway Clark continued, "I know you don't like it, and I know you don't agree with it, but please listen to me when I say that you need to stay out of this and let the police do their job. Let *them* find York's killer. Prosecute him, when you have sufficient evidence and are confident that you have the right man. But for God’s sake, leave your personal feelings out of it."
"As a friend," Casey quietly replied, "believe me when I say that I will - "
"You will do nothing!" Mary sharply interjected, "Because - ”
“Because you said so?” the young ADA challenged.
“Because Jeff was a lawyer. Most likely, a lawyer who was sharing his secret with his good friend and fellow ADA Andy Abbott. And,” Mary paused, “because you know that you can do more good as a prosecutor than as a disgraced former prosecutor."
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Olivia was in a daze the whole way to the street, where Elliot finally felt compelled to ask, "You okay?"
Distracted, she mumbled, "Yeah, I...."
"You know," he interjected, "if you slept with Jeff, you might want - "
"I'm gonna get tested!" she snapped.
Gentling his tone, he advised, "You don't want the results in departmental records, insurance, so go to an anonymous clinic, ok?"
Olivia knew that he was only trying to help, but that didn't lessen her urge to want to punch him.
"I know," she responded, "like Jeff did."
Pausing as they reached the car, he turned and offered, "Look, do you want me to go with you?"
Having no intention of going to get that test anytime soon, she quickly responded, "No. I'll be fine. Let's just focus on the case."
Leaning against the car, she continued, "Jeff's date book said that he was having drinks with Andy Abbott the night he was killed. So, why didn't Andy tell us that?"
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Ring!
"Warner."
"Melinda, it's Casey, do you have a minute?"
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After what seemed to be a completely pointless interview with Andy Abbott, Olivia matter-of-factly stated, "He's lying."
"What makes you say that?" Elliot asked.
"His reaction when we told him that Jeff was gay," she replied, "it was the standard closeted gay man response."
"O-o-k-a-y-y," her partner responded, "explain?"
"Sure. To begin with, guess who was at that bar with Jeff, all those years ago?"
"Andy Abbott?"
"Correct. And who was Jeff rumored to be having an affair with?"
"Another ADA."
"Right again. And "Really? Are you sure? He didn't seem gay"," she mimicked, "plus, he put on the "happy family show" for us."
"Care to elaborate?"
"You know," she replied, "kiss the kids, have the wife help the hopelessly inept husband fix the cuff links - "
"My wife fixes my cuff links, doesn't make me gay."
"But I bet Kathy knows how to do it," she countered, "and I'd also bet that you could carry a conversation while she was doing it without constantly glancing at your wrist because she was doing it wrong."
"She did seem a little clumsy with the execution," he conceded, "but we need more than that to prove your theory. Right now, his story is solid."
"Until we can prove otherwise," she replied. "So, what's next?"
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“I knew that he was gay,” Novak explained to the M.E., “hell, everyone knew.”
“Everyone but Olivia,” Warner gently reminded.
“That’s why I’m taking this so personally!” Casey lied, “I hate the idea that she might even entertain the thought that I knew, and was somehow laughing along with the rest of those idiots that knew about York’s much regretted one night stand with a woman. She and I, we don’t exactly have the best, well, you know - ”
“Working relationship?” Melinda offered, thinking wow these two are in denial.
“Exactly,” Casey readily agreed, “and I went to the station to tell her, you know, *after* I connected all the dots and realized how devastating this news could be for her, but…”
With a shaky sigh Casey stopped talking, unwilling or unable to voice the embarrassing truth.
“But she wouldn’t talk to you?” Warner guessed.
“No, she wouldn’t.”
“Threw a very controlled, very dignified adult tantrum?” Melinda continued, “Used phrases like “Captain’s orders” and “you’ll be my first call”, right?”
When the young redhead didn't respond, the M.E. swore and said, “She turned her back and let her partner say them for her, didn't she?”
“Yeah,” the desolate counselor admitted.
“And you still care?”
Of course I do! was what Casey’s mind screamed, but in response to her astute friend’s question she simply replied, “I do.”
“What can I do to help?”
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“So as broke as York was, he was still coming to this ridiculously overpriced hotel once a week, having drinks with Andy Abbott and getting a room. We know that Abbott left, went home to the wife, but Jeff would stay. Why? Who was he staying for? Who was paying the bill? And what in the world could a basically unknown gay ADA from the Bronx have in common with a famous former pro football star like Dushawn McGovern?"
Realizing that he was talking to himself, Elliot scowled as his partner listened with rapt attention to the voice on the other end of her phone.
"Ok, thanks," he heard her say, as she finished the call and turned to him.
"Well?"
"McGovern has no criminal history, no common political or charitable interests with Abbott or York, and although Jeff was apparently trying to sell his place, it's not the type of real estate Dushawn's company handles."
"So what the hell could they have in common?" Elliot wondered aloud.
"Well if it’s not the law, football or real estate,“ she replied, “maybe he’s gay.“
“Dushawn McGovern? Former pro football star Dushawn McGovern?“
At her smirk he snarked, “No way.“
“Well then,“ Olivia replied as she moved past him and opened her car door, “if you’re so sure that I’m wrong, let’s go ask him.”
Catching the door as she pulled it open, Elliot softly ordered, “Stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop personalizing this case,” he replied, “stop seeing a perp around every corner just because - ”
“Just because we’re trying to solve the murder of a man who knew he was gay, knew he had HIV, slept with me anyway and never bothered to tell me?” she snapped.
“Yeah,” he growled, “what you said.”
Pissed, he walked around the car and got into the driver’s seat.
More pissed, she slammed into the passenger seat and pulled on her sunglasses.
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Hanging up the phone and feeling incredibly ashamed, Casey struggled with the weight of what she’d just done.
She wouldn’t listen to you, what choice did you have?
Sighing, the counselor wiped guilty tears from her face and picked up the phone.
Ring!
“Donnelley.”
“I did it,” the ADA confided.
After a heavy pause, the EADA replied, “And how did she take it?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Explain?”
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"Well, he's lying," Olivia growled as she and her partner exited McGovern's building and headed for the car.
"Met at a kids charity benefit," Elliot snorted, "does he actually think we didn't look into all possible, credible explanations before we interviewed him?"
"Are you ready to admit that I might be right about him?" Olivia retorted.
“Don’t answer a question with a question,” he whined.
Smack!
“Ow! Stop that!”
“Stop pissing me off,” she deadpanned, “and I’ll stop responding.”
Knowing that he wasn‘t going to win this one, he changed the subject.
“Ok, so far what we know in our guts is that Abbott and McGovern are liars, and at least one of them is lying about his connection to Jeff. And as sure as we are that one or both of them knows who killed our dead ADA, we have no actual proof that we can take to our live ADA to bring the guilty party to justice, correct?"
"Cynic," she grumbled as he started the car.
Smiling, he replied, "Maybe Fin found what we needed."
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"Novak!"
“We like Abbott for York’s murder, how fast can you be here?”
“Liv and Elliot back yet?”
“No.”
“I’m on my way.”
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Creeping into the squad room, Casey was once again floored by the emotional strain on Olivia’s face. Had she been to the lab yet? How had Warner told her? Did Olivia know that the DNA confirming York’s HIV hadn’t come back yet, that somebody had tipped the M.E. off?
Taking a deep breath, she approached the cluster of detectives, then resignedly followed Benson and Stabler into Cragen’s office at the Captain’s request.
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Once inside the office, Casey quickly moved to put the captain's big desk between herself and Olivia.
How did we get here? She wondered, as her mind wandered back to the intimacy of that moment right before Olivia had been summoned to the docks.
To Jeff York’s murder scene.
To what appeared to be the end of the fragile relationship that had been budding between them, the maybe-friendship-maybe-more that had terrified them both.
I should just let it go, just walk away and forget it, the redhead decided, why do I even bother to stick around and try?
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Olivia, for her part, seemed distracted. Barely involved in the conversation, the detective didn’t dare look at the counselor, choosing instead to keep her eyes down and fidget with her watch.
Why are you avoiding her? Olivia’s irritating inner voice prodded, especially when you know that all you want to do right now is kick the captain and your partner out of this office and -
At the sound of Casey's voice Olivia raised her head and made eye contact.
The moment her breath caught in her throat at the delicious sight of the casually dressed counselor, she instantly berated herself.
She deserves better than this mess you got yourself into, Benson! If you care about her at all, leave her alone!
Tearing her eyes away from the young redhead, a guilty Olivia turned towards her partner, arguing that Abbott knew their tricks and would lawyer up before they got anything useful out of him.
If she noticed that Casey seemed hurt by the “Elliot-and-Olivia-Casey-Who?” show, she didn’t show it.
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Seeing the conflicting set of emotions that had just played across Olivia’s face, hope and fear and confusion warred for control over the counselor’s own expression.
She’d seen the sharp intake of the detective’s breath, seen the briefest flash of desire in her eyes, and realized why she stuck around.
Because she's worth it.
Firm in her resolve to stand by Olivia no matter what, Casey guiltily looked at the floor as Cragen hung up the phone he’d just answered and stated, “Elliot, go enlist Andy’s cooperation,” and with a glance to Olivia, “Warner wants to see you at the morgue.”
Staring blankly at her boss, Olivia barely heard the ADA ask, “Did she say why?”
Relieved that Casey had filled the awkward silence, annoyed that her own reaction had created a situation where the counselor felt the need to step in, Olivia wordlessly left the office before the captain replied.
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Finding a reason to make herself scarce, Casey quickly grabbed her phone.
“Huang.”
“Hey George, it’s Casey. Do you have a minute?”
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With a deep breath, Olivia entered the morgue to find her friend the M.E. waiting at the front door for her.
Casually shrugging off her jacket, the detective asked, “What’s up? Break in the case?”
Turning her back on her friend and motioning for Olivia to follow, Melinda lied, “I tested Jeff York’s blood, high viral load.”
Now that the lie was out of the way, Warner faced the friend who’d have seen the deception written all over her face, asking, “When did you two date?” as she shut the lab door.
“Five years ago, we only slept together once and used protection,” the detective woodenly responded, shaking her head as if it were all just a misunderstanding instead of the very real life or death decision that it had turned out to be.
Crossing the lab to face Olivia, Melinda reminded, “Condoms are effective, not perfect. It only takes once.”
Arms crossed in a textbook classic defensive posture, the detective insisted, “I’m gonna get tested, I just haven’t had time.”
Knowing that she was lying as the words came out, she also knew that the coroner could see right through her.
Placing a reassuring hand on the detective's arm, Melinda offered, “Why don’t we do it here? Right now?”
Exasperated, Olivia insisted, “Melinda, I’ll do it.”
Their eyes locked, and they both knew that they both knew that Olivia was lying.
“Olivia, how many rape victims have you told to get tested?” the M.E. gently asked.
“All of them.”
“Would you tell them it’s alright to wait?”
Stung by the truth behind the softly spoken inquiry, Olivia wordlessly shook her head and acquiesced.
“Sit down and roll up your sleeve. No paperwork, I’ll do the test myself.”
Pushing up her sleeve, Olivia nervously sat and fidgeted, crossed her legs.
Looked utterly terrified.
It was a look that Warner was loathe to put there, and hoped to never see again.
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Once she’d drawn the blood, Melinda asked, “Are you ok?”
“Fine.”
“Liv, look, maybe you should talk to someone, like - ”
“Huang?” Olivia interjected, “no thanks.”
Pulling her jacket back on, feeling violated, she marched out of the lab and tossed “Call me when you have the results” over a determinedly set shoulder.
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“Huang.”
“Where are you?”
With a smile, the doctor waved across the parking lot at the seriously pissed off detective coming his way.
Resisting the urge to throw her phone at the tiny Asian, she growled, “Did you seriously think that telling her was going to result in me finally sitting down with you?”
“I didn’t tell Warner about York,” he softly deflected, “how are you feeling?”
She slowly raised her hand, made a frustrated fist, tilted her head in aggravation and walked away.
“Liv, you’ve already put everything about this case off for entirely too long,” he tried, following her into the squad room.
Silence.
“Come on, talk to me,” he urged.
She kept walking, ignoring him like one would a persistent puppy yipping at their heels, until he uttered those dreadful words: “I can have you removed from active duty until you deal with this.”
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Olivia knew that Huang would never lie to her, knew that he was the most trustworthy person in her world; so, if he hadn’t gone to Warner, who had?
Her sole purpose in that moment was to find out who had called the M.E., because the instant Melinda had turned her back while she was talking, Olivia knew that she’d been lying to her.
The list of suspects was pretty short; Elliot, of course, was the first to know. Cragen, naturally. Then Huang, Munch and Fin. Having already eliminated Huang, and deducing that since the captain had received the call from Warner clearly it wasn’t him, that left the other three men in her life.
Hmmm.
Marching towards her confrontation with the trio of detectives, Olivia stopped dead in her tracks when her mind registered, “I can have you removed from active duty….” coming from the pesky psychiatrist’s mouth.
Crap!
“Liv?”
Ok, deal with him first……….
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“Alright George, you’ve got my attention,” she said with an attempt at a grin, “where do you wanna chat?”
“I know you’re busy Olivia,” he replied, “let’s just talk right now.”
“Ok,” she started, “what should I say?”
“Say what you feel.”
“I feel violated,” she admitted, “and I feel like my own sexuality is under a microscope! I’m not gay!”
“Nobody said you were,” he gently reminded, “why do you think you’re reacting this way?”
Taking a deep breath, she tried, ”Because he was gay, yet he chose me. Does that mean I reminded him of a man? And what does that say about me? And why didn’t he tell me that he was HIV positive? Could Jeff have been HIV positive back then?”
“Yes, but your risk of exposure’s very low,” he whispered, knowing full well that her final question in that barrage was the one that was truly weighing on her mind.
“How could I have missed this?” she asked with more than a hint of self-loathing in her voice.
Smoothly, he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her aside, stopping her forward motion and thus her exposure to her colleagues in this critical moment as the walls started crashing down.
She ran an agitated hand through her hair as he reassured, “Liv, you’re not the first woman to sleep with a closeted man.”
Arms crossed defensively, hands with a tight grip on their opposing elbows she rationalized, “Maybe he didn’t know. I - ”
“Sexuality’s very complicated,” he soothed, “just because he was gay, doesn’t mean he wasn’t attracted to you…”
Shaking her head, she was about to disagree when she looked past the doctor and spotted Maryellen Abbott.
“That’s Andy’s wife,” she told him, and walked away to deal with the woman.
Not letting her end the discussion that easily, Huang walked past them into Cragen’s office, offering a quick “I’ll see you inside” in passing.
Double crap!
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It wasn’t technically a lie when she told Mrs. Abbott that she didn’t know where her husband was at that moment; she *had* just returned, and although she knew that bringing Andy in was the plan, she still hadn’t seen him with her own eyes.
In all honesty, she just couldn’t deal with the woman right now.
Not with the needle stick from the blood test still throbbing in her arm, the blood test that she desperately wanted to tell the woman to get; the blood test that could prove, with a dreadful finality, that they were all connected by the same strain of HIV.
With a lame, “If I see him I’ll tell him to call you,” Olivia forced herself to send the woman away.
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“He’s not gonna give us anything,” Cragen mentioned to Huang as he joined him at the observation window, “he’s too smart.”
“Agreed,” said the doctor, both of them avoiding the real reason that Huang was there.
“Did she talk to you?” Don asked.
“She started to,” the diminutive Asian replied, “but we were interrupted by Maryellen Abbott’s arrival.”
“She’s here?”
“Liv dealt with her,” Huang replied.
The captain nodded, knowing very well how good his detective was at handling people.
And then Olivia was in the room, accusingly asking, “What’s going on?”
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“Novak, sex crimes.”
“Casey, I…..”
“I know,” the ADA interjected, “I was there when you called Cragen. Did she let you do it?”
“She did,” the M.E. replied, “but Case?”
“Yeah Melinda?”
“It was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do in that lab.”
“That bad?”
“I’ve seen her at her best and at her worst,” Warner explained, “but I’ve never seen her literally try to crawl out of her own skin.”
Eyes closed, silent tears rolling down her face, the ADA vowed to make whoever had infected Jeff pay for what her detective was going through, no matter what the cost.
If it were possible, she’d have resurrected York to take it out of his ass as well.
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“I can’t stop thinking about his wife,” Olivia admitted to the captain and the psychiatrist as they watched Elliot work with Abbott in the interrogation room, “Jeff was HIV positive and Andy might be too.”
“Makes you want to warn her,” Cragen stated, knowing exactly what was going through Olivia’s head.
“Can we do that? Legally?” she asked, voice full of hope.
“Absolutely not,” Huang responded, “HIV status is confidential, even after death.”
Watching them through the window, Olivia became increasingly agitated.
Noticing her reaction to the interrogation, Huang placed a warm hand on her shoulder, suggested that they go upstairs and finish their chat; instead, she shook off his hand and barged into the room.
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"Well you look like hell."
Almost in tears, Casey threw herself into the welcoming arms of her best friend.
"Sweetie, what's wrong?" Jenny, best friend and bartender extraordinaire, gently asked.
"Everything," the counselor replied.
"Disaronno?"
"More like Jim & Jack," Casey replied, as her friend pulled out a fresh glass, added ice, and poured.
After she'd drained two, the gorgeous blond poured another, shouted for her fiance' to man the bar, then said, "Alright, lay it on me."
With a defeated sigh, Casey took another sip and began her tale.........
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Looking at the captain, Huang remarked, “I‘m worried about her.”
“Me too,“ Cragen agreed, adding, “she sure didn’t pull any punches, did she?”
With a sad shake of his head, the doctor stated, “She played all the cards: you’re gay, you’re a killer, and oh, did I mention that I’m about to tell your wife?”
“Do you think she will?” the captain asked.
“Tell his wife?”
“Yeah.”
“In her current state of mind, I’d say it’s a safe bet that she will.”
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Predictably, Abbott stormed out, threatening hellfire and brimstone in legal action once he'd realized that he was a suspect.
Motioning for Elliot to follow him, Cragen ordered, “Olivia, sit and talk to the doc or you’re off this case.”
Scowling, she sat.
Grinning, Elliot followed the captain out of the office, where he, Munch and Fin started tracking down the members of Abbott’s poker game.
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"Wow," Jenny remarked as she poured Casey another, "so what are you going to do?"
Tearfully, Casey admitted, "There's nothing I can do. Warner lied for me, so I gotta cover her ass. Donnelley really doesn't care about me or Olivia, she just wants to clear her own conscience - which, with my betrayal, is done. Huang is bound by his own code of ethics, and Olivia -"
Another sob caught in her throat, which compelled Jenny to soothingly rub her friend's back and suggest, "I think I have an idea...."
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“Olivia,” Huang started, “I only want to help.”
“Then tell Maryellen Abbot that her husband killed his HIV infected lover.”
Silence.
“Ok,” she relented, “tell me how to get past this, this, this…..”
“Dirty feeling?” he tried.
“YES!”
With a sad smile he whispered, “Nobody can erase that feeling but you.”
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The following day, Fin returned from his interview with Dushawn McGovern with good news; McGovern had cracked under the pressure of the interrogation, and had admitted everything, including the fact that Abbott had “accidentally” killed York.
Olivia, who’d spent yet another night in the crib, jumped at the chance to arrest him.
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“Where the hell are you taking me?”
“You have the right to remain silent,” Elliot replied to his enraged passenger, “why don’t you exercise that right until we get you to your lawyer?”
With a smirk, Stabler winked at his partner, whose emotions were hidden behind the too large sunglasses on her face.
Unwilling to go into the M.E.’s office so soon after the sneakily coerced blood test, Olivia chose to remain in the car while Andy’s DNA sample was taken.
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Ring!
Head pounding, Casey pulled her pillow tightly over her face.
Ring!
Tighter.
Ring!
Finally realizing that it was just going to keep ringing until she answered it, the ADA grabbed the offending noisemaker and snapped, “Casey Novak.”
"Rough night counselor?"
"Quit enjoying it detective," she snarled at the chuckling Munch, "what do you want?"
“Benson and Stabler are on their way in. McGovern rolled on Abbott and they just arrested him, thought you might want to beat Zeirko here.”
“Thanks John, be right there.”
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Agitated, the ADA paced in the hallway as she waited for the detectives to return.
“So he will testify that Andy Abbott confessed, right?” she asked Fin for the millionth time.
“Relax Casey,” he soothed, “I’m tellin’ you, when I threatened to expose him, McGovern couldn’t stop spilling his guts. He’ll testify, no doubt.”
“I can’t relax!” she exploded, “Abbott’s an ADA, and a damn good one! He’s got Zeirko on his team - you do remember our last go round with him, don’t you?”
“We’re still lookin’ for that boy,” Fin recalled with a grimace, “but I’m tellin’ you, this time is different.”
Unconvinced, she replied, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”
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Watching the interview, seeing Abbott and Zeirko spin the truth to fit their defense, Casey grew increasingly frustrated.
Seeing her agitation, Fin reminded, “We still got Dushawn.”
Absolutely sick to her stomach, she snapped, “He’s good! This cockamamie story might work!”
“The jury’ll see right through him,” he countered.
With her back to the observation window, an unconscious maneuver that removed Olivia from her sight and allowed her to think clearly, Casey snapped, “Will they? Handsome DA, family man, gets drunk with a colleague and lands in the wrong place at the wrong time. We can’t prove otherwise!”
Seeing her confidence slipping, knowing how much more invested in this case she was than either she or Olivia realized, he softly reassured, “Dushawn McGovern can. He gave it up to me, he’ll testify for you.”
She nodded, felt the tears coming again, fought them.
“Come on,” he offered, “let’s go see him.”
With a final, heart wrenching look at her detective, she agreed and allowed him to lead her away.
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“He’s gonna walk, isn’t he?” Olivia quietly asked her partner.
“We have McGovern,” he reminded, “his testimony before the grand jury, a former pro athlete admitting his darkest secret in the name of justice? It’ll be a lock.”
With a scornful shake of her head she disagreed, stating, “I don’t see him testifying. Fin may have gotten him to talk, off the record, but Abbott’ll get inside his head. Once Andy convinces Dushawn that even the grand jury isn’t leak proof, he’ll bolt.”
“But he already went as far as to tell Fin,” Elliot countered, “for lack of a better term, that was his outcry witness. We both know it gets easier, becomes less of a burden, with every telling.”
Rubbing her eyebrow with the back of her finger, a sure tell that she was frustrated, Olivia said, “And if he doesn’t testify, and Abbott gets off, how is his wife ever going to know that she’s been exposed?”
“She’s not your concern, Liv,” he advised, “you gotta let this go. If you disclose Jeff’s status, his relationship with Andy? There goes your career. Is it worth it?”
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Arriving at McGovern’s office, Fin and Novak were surprised to find him in an extremely hostile state. In fact, he flatly refused to see them.
Head pounding, angry, tired of being lied to and manipulated due to the details of this case, the hard-headed counselor with the screaming hangover had just had enough.
Barging into the giant ex-athlete's office, Casey threatened, “I am the ADA responsible for prosecuting Jeffrey York’s murderer and you *will* talk to me and this fine officer. Otherwise,” she sweetly stated, her voice dripping with honey and sarcasm, “I’m going to have to call my friend at The Ledger and see what he can dig up. Wonder what he’ll find when he starts tossing money at some of your less well-to-do poker buddies?”
As Dushawn seethed and an impressed Fin smirked, Casey lowered herself into a chair.
Following her lead, Fin sat as well.
Stunned, caught completely off guard by the fiery redhead, McGovern slammed his office door shut, booming, “There’s no way I’m testifying!” as he stomped past them.
“Wait a minute, just tell her what you told me,” Fin tried, as the hulk of a man paced like a caged panther behind his desk.
Agitated, Dushawn spat, “I didn’t tell you anything!”
Putting a little bass in her own voice, the counselor reasoned, “Mr. McGovern you’d be testifying before the grand jury. Those proceedings are kept secret.”
“Secret?” he snapped, “Jurors go home after I talk, they’ll spread the news. I know all about gossip,” he continued in full rant mode, “I lived with it for years when I played ball.”
Pissed, Fin replied, “Well you got no choice! She’ll subpeona you and I’ll haul your ass in there!”
“And I’ll put my hand on the bible and swear to tell the whole truth,” McGovern taunted, “I’ve worked too hard to get where I am to mess it up now.”
Rounding the desk, coming to a stop right in front of the detective, he dared, “Go on, ask me if Andy killed a man. I’ll say: I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Continuing on past the cop and the counselor, Dushawn opened the door. With a wave of his arm he added, “If you’ll excuse me I’m very busy,” his tone leaving no doubt that he wanted them out.
With a final poisonous glare, Casey walked out; turning to Fin, she sighed, “Well, there goes our case.”
“What’s it gonna take to bring it back?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Proof that Jeff York and Andy Abbott were lovers,” she replied.
“Andy’s on the downlow and Jeff sure ain’t talkin’,” he sighed, wishing that he had never given her the false hope of McGovern’s testimony to begin with.
“Maybe Jeff will talk to Warner.”
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Ring!
“Tutuola.”
Listening for a moment, Fin said, “Agreed, be right there,” and hung up his phone.
With a puzzled glance, Casey asked, “Who was that?”
Staring straight ahead, he dodged, “Nobody.”
Silence.
Realizing how important this case was to her and Olivia and whatever the hell it was between them that made the counselor attack this case like a rabid dog, he sighed.
“Look, can you keep a secret?”
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Following Elliot into the men’s room, Cragen asked, “Got a minute?”
With an irritated smirk, Stabler replied, “Follow me in here because it’s the one place Olivia won’t interrupt?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok, shoot,” the detective said, as he crossed his arms and leaned against the sink.
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“Cragen just got a call from downstairs that Abbott’s wife is on her way up,” Fin confided, “and both he and Huang, actually, all of us,” he corrected, “are afraid that Olivia’s going to tell her about York’s HIV status.”
“And since we already know that she’s aware of the charges against her husband,” Casey deduced, “disclosing Jeff’s status will be an inadvertent way of telling her to get tested.”
“Liv’s right on the edge with this one,” he admitted, “her past is slapping her in the face, her present is a constant churning in her gut, and her future’s uncertain. Not only has she lost her objectivity, but in her mind there’s a fifty percent chance she’s about to lose everything anyway.”
Ashen, the ADA realized, "She thinks she's got nothing to lose."
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“Liv, got a minute?”
“Yeah John, what’s up?”
With a conspiratorial glance at the guys, he whispered, “Follow me.”
Leaving little room for argument, he headed for the stairs.
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Watching the little exchange, Elliot smiled.
As Olivia and John disappeared into the stairwell, Cragen asked, “How does he do it?”
Chuckling, Stabler replied, “I have no clue. All I know is that when she’s at her most frustrating, Uncle Munchie can handle her.”
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Heading for his car, Munch simply explained, “I have an appointment that I really need to keep, but I got nailed this morning for outdated inspection stickers.”
Incredulous, she asked, “So you expect *me* to follow you to drop your car off, then take you to this appointment?”
“Yep.”
Rolling her eyes, she growled, “Get a uniform to drive you!”
Lowering his voice, he leaned in close and whispered, “But a uniform wouldn’t be you.”
Annoyed, she turned and headed for her car.
Grinning, he asked, “Was it something I said?” to her retreating form.
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Arriving at the M.E.’s lab, Fin drove around and parked in the back.
“Hiding from Olivia?” Casey asked.
“Yep,” he replied.
“Smart move.”
“Glad you think so,” he remarked as they walked around the building.
“Why’s that?” she asked, as he held the front door open for her.
“Because,” he said with a smirk, “you get to ride back with her.”
DOINK DOINK