Resignations and Resolutions (1/4)
Resignations and Resolutions
By CascadePD
Rating T (for language)
Spoilers: Anything up to Intruder
Disclaimer: I don't own them…duh.
Summary: What happened to Elizabeth and John while they were on Earth prior to the events of The Intruder. I have taken a bit of artistic license with the timing of the flashbacks shown in the episode.
oOoOo
“I’ve met someone…” Simon’s words echoed in her ears. Dinner forgotten, she had left abruptly feeling like she’d been slapped in the face. Not wanting Simon to see how badly he’d hurt her, she fled not even saying goodbye. Her ride home seemed to pass by in a matter of seconds. Tears escaped her eyes betraying her perfect composure. Mentally she scolded herself for letting Simon get to her. I've dealt with the Wraith…I can handle this.
Before she knew it, she was standing in front of her apartment unlocking the door. Elizabeth absently removed her shoes and tossed her jacket and purse on the front hall table as she passed by. Making her way to the nearly bare refrigerator, she opened it finding the object of her desire. She uncorked the nicely chilled bottle of wine, pouring the pink substance into a glass. She sipped the wine allowing the tangy liquid to spread across her tongue. Taking the full glass to the living room, she spread out onto the plush sofa pulling a lap blanket closely around her. Lightning flashed beyond the windows illuminating the night sky, thunder following shortly behind. Great…rain…perfect end to a perfect day, she thought sardonically.
The shock was wearing off and the reality of the evening was starting to set in. Another tear threatened to escape. She wiped it away She stared at a lone piece of lint from the blanket that had attached itself to the lace of her blouse. Elizabeth allowed another tear to form and slowly trail down her face.
Confusion and contradiction dominated her thoughts. It was petty to be upset that Simon had left her. Regardless, it angered her that Simon had cheated on her. She knew in the end, this was largely her fault. She had been unrealistic in thinking that Simon would take a VHS version of a 'Dear John' in stride. Like he wouldn’t be hurt? Elizabeth couldn’t expect a flesh and blood man to not assume that it was over, to not assume that he would never see her again; because that had been the reality. She didn't know if she would ever come back. She had known it then, but was too much of a coward to tell him in person. What if he had talked her out of going, like she had been afraid of then?
Here she sat again, year later, and still in the same position. Finding Simon’s name on the list of top physicians to embark on the next phase of the Atlantis mission was a shock. She was pleased to see his name there but just couldn’t understand why Carson did not have him on the confirmed list. Hearing Carson say that Simon had refused to sign the consent forms was quite a blow. Why would he not want to go? Finally Elizabeth would be able to stop arguing with her heart. Simon would be there with her. No more confusion. Her heart could stop betraying her mind.
But no, he needed more time. Simon needed more time? She should have known then. There she was a master of reading people and she couldn’t see what was in front of her face.
As she took another sip of the wine, another thought came to mind. Even though she felt great animosity towards Simon, she realized he had done her a favor. A sense of relief washed over her. She was free. She didn’t have to worry what her head wanted and what her heart wanted. Simon made that decision for her. She had been fighting a losing battle from the moment she stepped through that stargate into the great unknown. She no longer loved Simon. The trip home only confirmed the fact. She allowed a small smile at the thought.
Though Elizabeth had found freedom, she wished that she could go back and change how she treated her crew over the last year. On so many occasions she had wanted to reach out to someone else for companionship, but chided herself when she would get too close because of Simon...because of decorum. She had almost lost those dearest to her on too many occasions. She never allowed herself the opportunity to tell them how much they meant to her.
How much he meant to her.
She couldn’t bear the thought of losing him to the Wraith or to her own inaction. Elizabeth knew that it was too close the last time. He ran up the stairs looking back only once. She knew in her heart she’d never see him again. He wanted to play kamikaze and it was the only way to save them and to save Earth. In that last look, she tried to hide the regret and fear. She was afraid she’d never be able to see that devilish grin that gave her the butterflies every time he flashed it. She was afraid she loved him more than just a friend. She was afraid that he didn’t feel the same way. She was petrified that the wrong people would find out.
Elizabeth finished the wine and rose from the sofa. Padding over to the balcony door, she peered over the cityscape, watching the lightning. Streams of water were just beginning to trail down the pane. Elizabeth admired the differences of the two cities: Washington DC and its low buildings and grand monuments versus Atlantis’s tall elegant spires teetering over a great nameless ocean. She felt a pang of longing for Atlantis. Her city. Her people. Her home.
A tentative knock on her door stirred her from her reverie. Dread edged in as she walked across the apartment. She silently begged for the person on the other side of the door to be anyone other than Simon. Her pulse pounding she peered out the peephole finding messy dark hair, and a face sporting a wince. She wiped her face from any smeared makeup and tears. Deeming it safe, Elizabeth exhaled sharply. She opened the door, dread replaced with curiosity.
She watched him scratch the back of his head. He seemed to be staring very intently at a mud spot on the carpet. She smiled at the man before her. “Major?”
Sheppard started, finally taking his eyes off the carpeted floor. “Hi…do you mind if I…” he gestured at the space behind her.
“Yeah…come on in,” she offered, taking his jacket laying it on top of her own on the table. “So what brings you here? This isn’t really in your neighborhood,” she commented, following him into the main living room.
“Uh, no. It isn’t,” he quickly answered. Hoping to divert the conversation, John admired the small but functional apartment. It was immaculate and adorned with souvenirs, he assumed, from her many world travels. “ Exactly what I expected. This place really suits you.” He was silent for a moment as he really looked at her for the first time. He noticed her eyes were reddened and her make-up streaked from tears. He hesitantly asked, “Uh…are you okay?”
She thought for a moment, and then replied coyly. “Yes and no." After an uncomfortable silence, she remembered her manners. "Oh my, I didn't offer you anything! Can I get you something to drink?” He shook his head, declining the offer. Elizabeth led him towards the sofa, offering him a seat. She gracefully sat on the couch tucking one leg under her. “Maj-John,” correcting herself. “I know you didn’t fly 1000 miles out of your way just to make small talk. What’s on your mind?” she easily diverted the conversation away from herself.
Sighing, he collapsed onto the couch. “Nothing really,” he straightened up with a half-smile. She raised an eyebrow in questioning. Sheppard decided is wasn’t worth fighting, “I just had a visit across town with Ford’s next-of-kin.” He paused for a moment, “That’s just the weirdest term next-of-kin. Why don’t they just say relative?” John shook his head as he digressed. “Anyway, I owed it to him to deliver the message in person. I wonder how that must feel. Getting some jerk at your door telling you that your cousin is lost, can’t find him, and oh yeah, even if we do find him, he may never be the same again?” He suddenly stood and made his way to the same balcony door Elizabeth stood at a few minutes earlier. “It’s shitty. It’s shitty hearing it and it’s shitty saying it.”
He turned and looked at her. Concern was etched on her face. “I’ve never had to do this, Elizabeth. It’s always been someone else’s responsibility to deliver the bad news. I don’t know if I’m cut out for this command.” Sheppard lightly leaned against the glass door and brought a hand to his weary face rubbing his forehead. Images of Aiden and his newly blackened eye ran through his mind. "I wasn't supposed to command. God knows I've never taken my career seriously enough to plan for this.
"The crazy question is, What nut job would actually want a fuck-up like me commanding anyway? Look at the mess I've created already. Look at what happened to Ford."
“What are you saying, John?” Fear grabbed her heart as she considered the possibility of him not returning to Atlantis.
“Honestly? I don’t know. He is my friend…was my friend. My teammate. He had my back and I had his. Now that’s gone…he’s gone.
“How many more do we have to lose Elizabeth? How many before it’s too many? Before they shut us down? Part of me says that I can’t go back to that.”
She was stunned to hear the heartfelt words coming from her second-in-command, her friend. Elizabeth had always felt an attraction to John. The moment he sat in the Ancient chair he had her attention. Whether it was his boyish good looks, or his kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar smile. She adored him. Now he was baring his soul to her. The tightly held walls were crumbling. The real John was standing in front of her. No cocky remarks, no cynicism. She knew that she had to do everything in her power to make sure he stayed with her. ‘With Atlantis’ she corrected herself. She was not the priority.
“John, I know how you’re feeling right now…probably better than anyone.”
“No, I don’t think you do. It’s not your fault that the Wraith were awakened. You didn’t kill that freak as she drained the life out of your CO. You didn't kill Sumner. You didn’t find a missing Wraith tracking device and then lead your team to dozens of worlds with the Wraith following shortly behind. And then to have to literally sit back and watch as they destroyed entire civilizations. You didn’t command Ford and send him into that ocean to become some kind of weird superfreak, did you?”
Elizabeth was startled at his outburst and brutal honesty. She was compelled to be closer to him. She rose from the sofa and stood next to him at the balcony door. She carefully put her hand on his arm.
Attempting to soothe him she calmly disagreed. “Those things were not your fault, John. You didn’t know-“
“Ignorance is not innocence, Elizabeth!” he shouted cutting her off mid sentence. She jerked her hand away.
Sternly she retorted, anger edging in on her already exhausted emotions, “It’s not guilt either, Major. Now I will not have you bowing out of your command because it’s too hard. You’re better than that. I personally vouched that you were the right man for the job to the President and the sub-committee. You don't back down from a challenge. I’ve seen you face impossible odds and come out none the worse for wear. Frankly, I refuse to believe that you could live with yourself if you ran."
With steel cold eyes he stared back at her. “Well maybe you don’t know me very well at all.”
“I guess not…I didn’t know you were such a coward.” She saw a spark of irritation and something else. She had hit a nerve, but he kept his mouth shut. Odd, Sheppard could never keep his mouth shut when someone upset him. Much like Rodney, a sarcastic comment would usually follow.
Elizabeth chose her next words carefully, playing on his obviously conflicting emotions. “Amazing. A man, who had the courage to make a morally correct decision to go against direct orders to return to base, rescued a small contingent of army rangers behind enemy lines. That same man had his chopper fired upon by insurgents and was able to bring back said chopper and team of rangers alive. That just doesn’t sound like the same man that is standing in front of me now.
“In fact, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’re being less than truthful with me”
Sheppard closed his eyes and dropped his head. He sighed deeply and allowed his piercing green gaze to fall upon her. "You would think that." Abruptly, he turned back to the front door. Grabbing his jacket he stormed out of the apartment leaving Elizabeth in shock.
What the Hell just happened? I was so sure he'd come clean. Suddenly Elizabeth realized that in so many words he'd just given his resignation. Oh no! No no no no no!
Rushing to the door she grabbed her coat and stumbled out the door trying to place one foot into her shoe. Catching herself on the hallway wall, she slowed enough to completely slide the shoe on to her foot. She picked up the pace racing towards the elevator, only to find the doors already closed and the car on its way to lobby. Muttering a curse, she made for the stairwell, desperate to catch up to the man who meant so much to her. Stupid Elizabeth! The man tried to bare his soul to you. Why don't you just shoot him next time? Bursting out of the front doors to the apartment building into the pouring rain, she spotted John a half a block ahead of her half inside a cab.
"MAJOR! JOHN!" she hollered over the din of the thunderstorm. Running as fast as her sodden shoes could take her, she chased after him.
He never heard her desperate plea. The taxi door slammed shut and pulled into traffic.
"JOHN!" she cried again, hot tears stinging at her eyes falling unbidden down her face.
By CascadePD
Rating T (for language)
Spoilers: Anything up to Intruder
Disclaimer: I don't own them…duh.
Summary: What happened to Elizabeth and John while they were on Earth prior to the events of The Intruder. I have taken a bit of artistic license with the timing of the flashbacks shown in the episode.
oOoOo
“I’ve met someone…” Simon’s words echoed in her ears. Dinner forgotten, she had left abruptly feeling like she’d been slapped in the face. Not wanting Simon to see how badly he’d hurt her, she fled not even saying goodbye. Her ride home seemed to pass by in a matter of seconds. Tears escaped her eyes betraying her perfect composure. Mentally she scolded herself for letting Simon get to her. I've dealt with the Wraith…I can handle this.
Before she knew it, she was standing in front of her apartment unlocking the door. Elizabeth absently removed her shoes and tossed her jacket and purse on the front hall table as she passed by. Making her way to the nearly bare refrigerator, she opened it finding the object of her desire. She uncorked the nicely chilled bottle of wine, pouring the pink substance into a glass. She sipped the wine allowing the tangy liquid to spread across her tongue. Taking the full glass to the living room, she spread out onto the plush sofa pulling a lap blanket closely around her. Lightning flashed beyond the windows illuminating the night sky, thunder following shortly behind. Great…rain…perfect end to a perfect day, she thought sardonically.
The shock was wearing off and the reality of the evening was starting to set in. Another tear threatened to escape. She wiped it away She stared at a lone piece of lint from the blanket that had attached itself to the lace of her blouse. Elizabeth allowed another tear to form and slowly trail down her face.
Confusion and contradiction dominated her thoughts. It was petty to be upset that Simon had left her. Regardless, it angered her that Simon had cheated on her. She knew in the end, this was largely her fault. She had been unrealistic in thinking that Simon would take a VHS version of a 'Dear John' in stride. Like he wouldn’t be hurt? Elizabeth couldn’t expect a flesh and blood man to not assume that it was over, to not assume that he would never see her again; because that had been the reality. She didn't know if she would ever come back. She had known it then, but was too much of a coward to tell him in person. What if he had talked her out of going, like she had been afraid of then?
Here she sat again, year later, and still in the same position. Finding Simon’s name on the list of top physicians to embark on the next phase of the Atlantis mission was a shock. She was pleased to see his name there but just couldn’t understand why Carson did not have him on the confirmed list. Hearing Carson say that Simon had refused to sign the consent forms was quite a blow. Why would he not want to go? Finally Elizabeth would be able to stop arguing with her heart. Simon would be there with her. No more confusion. Her heart could stop betraying her mind.
But no, he needed more time. Simon needed more time? She should have known then. There she was a master of reading people and she couldn’t see what was in front of her face.
As she took another sip of the wine, another thought came to mind. Even though she felt great animosity towards Simon, she realized he had done her a favor. A sense of relief washed over her. She was free. She didn’t have to worry what her head wanted and what her heart wanted. Simon made that decision for her. She had been fighting a losing battle from the moment she stepped through that stargate into the great unknown. She no longer loved Simon. The trip home only confirmed the fact. She allowed a small smile at the thought.
Though Elizabeth had found freedom, she wished that she could go back and change how she treated her crew over the last year. On so many occasions she had wanted to reach out to someone else for companionship, but chided herself when she would get too close because of Simon...because of decorum. She had almost lost those dearest to her on too many occasions. She never allowed herself the opportunity to tell them how much they meant to her.
How much he meant to her.
She couldn’t bear the thought of losing him to the Wraith or to her own inaction. Elizabeth knew that it was too close the last time. He ran up the stairs looking back only once. She knew in her heart she’d never see him again. He wanted to play kamikaze and it was the only way to save them and to save Earth. In that last look, she tried to hide the regret and fear. She was afraid she’d never be able to see that devilish grin that gave her the butterflies every time he flashed it. She was afraid she loved him more than just a friend. She was afraid that he didn’t feel the same way. She was petrified that the wrong people would find out.
Elizabeth finished the wine and rose from the sofa. Padding over to the balcony door, she peered over the cityscape, watching the lightning. Streams of water were just beginning to trail down the pane. Elizabeth admired the differences of the two cities: Washington DC and its low buildings and grand monuments versus Atlantis’s tall elegant spires teetering over a great nameless ocean. She felt a pang of longing for Atlantis. Her city. Her people. Her home.
A tentative knock on her door stirred her from her reverie. Dread edged in as she walked across the apartment. She silently begged for the person on the other side of the door to be anyone other than Simon. Her pulse pounding she peered out the peephole finding messy dark hair, and a face sporting a wince. She wiped her face from any smeared makeup and tears. Deeming it safe, Elizabeth exhaled sharply. She opened the door, dread replaced with curiosity.
She watched him scratch the back of his head. He seemed to be staring very intently at a mud spot on the carpet. She smiled at the man before her. “Major?”
Sheppard started, finally taking his eyes off the carpeted floor. “Hi…do you mind if I…” he gestured at the space behind her.
“Yeah…come on in,” she offered, taking his jacket laying it on top of her own on the table. “So what brings you here? This isn’t really in your neighborhood,” she commented, following him into the main living room.
“Uh, no. It isn’t,” he quickly answered. Hoping to divert the conversation, John admired the small but functional apartment. It was immaculate and adorned with souvenirs, he assumed, from her many world travels. “ Exactly what I expected. This place really suits you.” He was silent for a moment as he really looked at her for the first time. He noticed her eyes were reddened and her make-up streaked from tears. He hesitantly asked, “Uh…are you okay?”
She thought for a moment, and then replied coyly. “Yes and no." After an uncomfortable silence, she remembered her manners. "Oh my, I didn't offer you anything! Can I get you something to drink?” He shook his head, declining the offer. Elizabeth led him towards the sofa, offering him a seat. She gracefully sat on the couch tucking one leg under her. “Maj-John,” correcting herself. “I know you didn’t fly 1000 miles out of your way just to make small talk. What’s on your mind?” she easily diverted the conversation away from herself.
Sighing, he collapsed onto the couch. “Nothing really,” he straightened up with a half-smile. She raised an eyebrow in questioning. Sheppard decided is wasn’t worth fighting, “I just had a visit across town with Ford’s next-of-kin.” He paused for a moment, “That’s just the weirdest term next-of-kin. Why don’t they just say relative?” John shook his head as he digressed. “Anyway, I owed it to him to deliver the message in person. I wonder how that must feel. Getting some jerk at your door telling you that your cousin is lost, can’t find him, and oh yeah, even if we do find him, he may never be the same again?” He suddenly stood and made his way to the same balcony door Elizabeth stood at a few minutes earlier. “It’s shitty. It’s shitty hearing it and it’s shitty saying it.”
He turned and looked at her. Concern was etched on her face. “I’ve never had to do this, Elizabeth. It’s always been someone else’s responsibility to deliver the bad news. I don’t know if I’m cut out for this command.” Sheppard lightly leaned against the glass door and brought a hand to his weary face rubbing his forehead. Images of Aiden and his newly blackened eye ran through his mind. "I wasn't supposed to command. God knows I've never taken my career seriously enough to plan for this.
"The crazy question is, What nut job would actually want a fuck-up like me commanding anyway? Look at the mess I've created already. Look at what happened to Ford."
“What are you saying, John?” Fear grabbed her heart as she considered the possibility of him not returning to Atlantis.
“Honestly? I don’t know. He is my friend…was my friend. My teammate. He had my back and I had his. Now that’s gone…he’s gone.
“How many more do we have to lose Elizabeth? How many before it’s too many? Before they shut us down? Part of me says that I can’t go back to that.”
She was stunned to hear the heartfelt words coming from her second-in-command, her friend. Elizabeth had always felt an attraction to John. The moment he sat in the Ancient chair he had her attention. Whether it was his boyish good looks, or his kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar smile. She adored him. Now he was baring his soul to her. The tightly held walls were crumbling. The real John was standing in front of her. No cocky remarks, no cynicism. She knew that she had to do everything in her power to make sure he stayed with her. ‘With Atlantis’ she corrected herself. She was not the priority.
“John, I know how you’re feeling right now…probably better than anyone.”
“No, I don’t think you do. It’s not your fault that the Wraith were awakened. You didn’t kill that freak as she drained the life out of your CO. You didn't kill Sumner. You didn’t find a missing Wraith tracking device and then lead your team to dozens of worlds with the Wraith following shortly behind. And then to have to literally sit back and watch as they destroyed entire civilizations. You didn’t command Ford and send him into that ocean to become some kind of weird superfreak, did you?”
Elizabeth was startled at his outburst and brutal honesty. She was compelled to be closer to him. She rose from the sofa and stood next to him at the balcony door. She carefully put her hand on his arm.
Attempting to soothe him she calmly disagreed. “Those things were not your fault, John. You didn’t know-“
“Ignorance is not innocence, Elizabeth!” he shouted cutting her off mid sentence. She jerked her hand away.
Sternly she retorted, anger edging in on her already exhausted emotions, “It’s not guilt either, Major. Now I will not have you bowing out of your command because it’s too hard. You’re better than that. I personally vouched that you were the right man for the job to the President and the sub-committee. You don't back down from a challenge. I’ve seen you face impossible odds and come out none the worse for wear. Frankly, I refuse to believe that you could live with yourself if you ran."
With steel cold eyes he stared back at her. “Well maybe you don’t know me very well at all.”
“I guess not…I didn’t know you were such a coward.” She saw a spark of irritation and something else. She had hit a nerve, but he kept his mouth shut. Odd, Sheppard could never keep his mouth shut when someone upset him. Much like Rodney, a sarcastic comment would usually follow.
Elizabeth chose her next words carefully, playing on his obviously conflicting emotions. “Amazing. A man, who had the courage to make a morally correct decision to go against direct orders to return to base, rescued a small contingent of army rangers behind enemy lines. That same man had his chopper fired upon by insurgents and was able to bring back said chopper and team of rangers alive. That just doesn’t sound like the same man that is standing in front of me now.
“In fact, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’re being less than truthful with me”
Sheppard closed his eyes and dropped his head. He sighed deeply and allowed his piercing green gaze to fall upon her. "You would think that." Abruptly, he turned back to the front door. Grabbing his jacket he stormed out of the apartment leaving Elizabeth in shock.
What the Hell just happened? I was so sure he'd come clean. Suddenly Elizabeth realized that in so many words he'd just given his resignation. Oh no! No no no no no!
Rushing to the door she grabbed her coat and stumbled out the door trying to place one foot into her shoe. Catching herself on the hallway wall, she slowed enough to completely slide the shoe on to her foot. She picked up the pace racing towards the elevator, only to find the doors already closed and the car on its way to lobby. Muttering a curse, she made for the stairwell, desperate to catch up to the man who meant so much to her. Stupid Elizabeth! The man tried to bare his soul to you. Why don't you just shoot him next time? Bursting out of the front doors to the apartment building into the pouring rain, she spotted John a half a block ahead of her half inside a cab.
"MAJOR! JOHN!" she hollered over the din of the thunderstorm. Running as fast as her sodden shoes could take her, she chased after him.
He never heard her desperate plea. The taxi door slammed shut and pulled into traffic.
"JOHN!" she cried again, hot tears stinging at her eyes falling unbidden down her face.