The Ten Mod Commandments
I.
God said unto the students, Thou shalt not covet thy modmate's food, unless agreed upon.
II.
Then God said unto the students, This shall be an uggo-free zone.
III.
But Lord, asked the students, Shalt this not also be a judgment-free space? And the Lord said, This shall be a judgment-free space for the modmates only, But they may judge those who enter this dwelling uninvited. And the students saw that it was good.
IV.
And the Lord God said unto the students, Thou shalt clean up thy shit. And not only thine own shit shalt thou clean, But if thou takest heed of general pileup in the mod, Thou shalt tend to the clutter for the betterment of the common space or thou shalt feel My wrath upon thee.
V.
And so the friends lay down at the close of a long day, And did fill their pipes with the bounty of the earth in the form of hallucinogenic herbs. And the Lord God said unto them, For thine own sake and for the sake of thy neighbors in the Prescott tower, Thou shalt cover the smoke detectors with bags made of plastic when partaking in the smoking of doobage. And the students saw that it was very good.
VI.
And speaking of doobage, Said the Lord God, I caution ye to beware the substances that ye do ingest. Lest ye do not end up in the E.R. of the Cooley Dickinson Hospital, Trusteth not a hippie to provide you with drugs uncut with a substance more dangerous. Trusteth not a hippie with anything.
VII.
And one day a modmate returned home with a handsome harlot, And the others did wish that he partake with them in their daily ritual of watching Wife Swap. And God said unto the others, Thou shalt not cock-block. Thou shalt aid thy fellow modmates in the bedding of many harlots, As you would have your modmates do unto you.
VIII.
And the Lord told unto the students that their dwelling should have a theme, And that theme beith dinosaurs. Thou shalt honor thy figurines and posters of these reptilian wonders, And Thou shalt not worship false dinosaurs, Such as Barney, Who scareth the crap out of everyone who was a smart kid.
IX.
This beith our last year as students of Hampshire, Noted the friends. We shall be in isolation completing our projects, Which we shall feel the need to explicate so as not to descend into a pit of loneliness. And God said unto them, Thou shalt not talk excessively about thy Division Three project without agreeing to hear another long-winded rant of another's project or experience, Either at the given time or at another time agreed upon. Thou shalt be aware that no one careth about your project as much as you do.
X.
And so, I leaveth thee to your dwelling, Said the Lord God, With one last commandment: What happens in the mod does stayeth in the mod. Mod gossip shalt not leave this dwelling, Hilarious though it may be. Let not thy debauchery be known to the outside world, But within this space thou shalt indulge in every perversity that thou seeist fit. And the friends saw that it was good.