Definitions of Destiny: Chapter 12
Title: Definitions of Destiny
Author: Caryn B
Fandom: Star Wars (film canon only - see notes)
Timeline: 6 months after RotJ
Pairing: Luke/Han, slash
Rating: NC-17 overall; this chapter PG-13
Warnings: None
The list of chapters is here
Chapter 12
"Leia Organa!"
Giddean Danu walked swiftly across Mon Mothma's apartment to greet them. He clasped Leia's hands briefly before extending his greeting to Luke.
"And Jedi Skywalker, it's good to meet you again."
"You too Senator. But it's Luke, please."
Danu nodded his head in acknowledgement, then addressed Leia once more, a smile of apology on his face.
"Forgive the informality, but I did once know you. Only then, you were just learning to walk. I recall how determined you were to succeed."
Leia smiled back at him. "Your name is well known to me, Senator. My father spoke often of you and hoped he could find a way to get you released. He had great admiration for you."
"As I did for him. He was a good friend. I'm so very sorry about all that's happened."
"Thank you. I know my father would be overjoyed that you're finally free and able to join us."
"First and foremost, he'd have been immensely proud of you, and all that you've achieved."
"I have him to thank for that. But I've only played a very small part in everything that's happened. The Alliance has worked as a team for this."
"I think you're underestimating your role, from what Mon Mothma has been telling me," Danu pointed out. "For one thing, I've heard the story of the Death Star plans." His glance passed between Luke and Leia. "I understand that both of you were deeply involved in the capture of those."
"Yes, but you'll never get Luke to admit he did very much." Leia gave Luke a brief, conspiratorial smile.
"How are you finding things here on Arudin?" she asked Danu. "Chaotic I expect."
"It feels good to be back in the midst of things. My time life on Belinar was dominated by boredom, so the chaos is a welcome change. I'm looking forward to finding a role here." He twisted round to look at Mon Mothma. "I believe Mon Mothma may have a suggestion, but she's insisted on me having these first few days to accustom myself to the set-up here."
Mon Mothma gave a soft laugh and moved to join them. "Coming straight from Belinar, I thought you deserved some freedom before I rope you into our less-than-relaxing schedule. But now you've mentioned it, I can tell you that I'm hoping to talk to you this evening about an assignment."
"Good, because I'm impatient for something to do. As I was saying to Senator Organa, things have been quiet for me for far too long."
Leia nodded. "We'll be glad of your help. But please, do stick to calling me Leia. It's what you must've called me before."
"Rather a long time ago."
"I know." Leia hesitated for a moment. "In fact, both of us were hoping to talk to you about the past," she added. "But maybe it should wait, if you've work to discuss with Mon Mothma?"
"My matter can wait," Mon Mothma said. "I'd wanted to get the Senator and Luke together before broaching it, but I know you have things you'd like to ask him and I think they're more important."
Danu looked at Luke and raised his eyebrows. Luke gave a small shrug, because he knew as little as Danu did about a possible collaboration between them.
Danu turned back to Leia. "Is it general things about the past you want to know, or something specific?"
"Something specific," Leia said, her voice adopting a distinct note of insecurity. "But first, there's something we need to tell you."
***
Wearily, Han unfastened his comlink and tossed it onto the cluttered countertop in his apartment. The past few days had been as hectic as ever, and he and Chewie had spent most of their time flying backwards and forwards between the main base and Roqqini. The clearance project was now underway, and Han had thrown himself into it with a touch more enthusiasm than he might normally have shown.
If he was honest about it, he'd admit he was simply trying to keep his mind occupied. He didn't need to think very hard to know what he'd end up brooding about if he'd had the spare time.
He cast a quick glance around the apartment. Most of his stuff was still in the crate he'd thrown it into when he'd left the place he'd shared with Leia. He wondered if the fact that everything had fitted into one small container told him anything significant. Had he never properly moved into the previous apartment, preferring to keep his possessions on the Falcon?
Maybe he was looking for hidden meanings where there were none. After all, he didn't own much that belonged off the Falcon. And everywhere they'd stayed over the past few years had been temporary. Short-term hiding places to hole up in, before the Empire flushed them out again.
So he could explain it away with common-sense reasoning. Or he could admit to another possibility - that he'd failed to accept fully his first real planetside home since leaving Corellia. It was an uncomfortable thought because he'd always imagined that his outward show of commitment gave no clue to his inner uncertainties.
And what had Luke seen, when he'd visited the two of them there? Maybe nothing. He'd been surprised when Han had told him of the break-up, but perhaps he'd consciously avoided considering Han and Leia's relationship in any more depth than the fact that it existed. Luke had used it as a shield, and Han had taken that from him. And Han had no idea how Luke would react once the reality of the situation sunk in.
He'd made it clear to Han that his need to arrive at some decision over his future was beginning to dominate his life, and Han's sudden declaration was unlikely to have changed that. If anything, it would've added a whole new layer of issues for Luke to deal with. Han wondered how long it would be before Luke came up with a reason for leaving Arudin alone, just to gain the time to think. He had little doubt that it would happen.
Han walked across to the window and rubbed a palm across its dusty surface. It didn't have much of an outlook because the building turned at an angle just beyond his apartment, cutting off the view towards Jira. If he stretched his head out of the window, he could just catch a glimpse of the hilltop town on the other side of the valley. The sun had set too low and the distance was too great for Han to be able to distinguish the rough stone perimeter wall where he and Luke had walked to three nights ago, but he did note, with a slight shock, the steepness of the drop below the town. In the dark, the distance to the valley below had been indeterminable, and he wondered if Luke would have sat so nonchalantly on the wall if he'd realized how far up they were. But Luke probably had known. Physical danger wasn't really an issue for Luke - it was his own self he saw as the biggest potential risk.
Since that night in Jira and the snatched moments at breakfast the following day, Luke had been so busy that he'd barely had a chance to exchange more than passing words with Han. There'd been a brief, hurried comlink conversation - Han in the midst of the clamor of machinery in Roqqini, and Luke rushing off on his way to a Rogue training flight.
Luke had promised that he'd tell Han about his meeting with Mon Mothma in full when he got a chance. That chance didn't seem to be arriving, but that was typical of Luke's overfull schedule. The possibility that Luke was deliberately staying so busy, simply as an excuse to avoid spending any real time with him, had crossed Han's mind for a moment before he dismissed it outright. He'd said to Luke that night in Jira how Luke never flinched from facing difficulties. If he was viewing Han as one, he wouldn't stay away for that very reason.
***
The droid took its time refilling their glasses. Giddean Danu sipped at his refreshed drink, his brow creased in a thoughtful frown.
"I remember Anakin Skywalker," he said eventually. "Young, enthusiastic, highly skilled. Headstrong too, by all accounts."
"Whose accounts?" Luke asked.
"Some of the Jedi. I had good friends there. Skywalker was the subject of many conversations following his rescue of the Chancellor, and not just among the Jedi."
"What did they say about him?"
"On a personal level? Nothing very damning. The Jedi were loyal to each other. But I got the impression that Skywalker wasn't the easiest person to deal with. Rather impatient and a bit quick-tempered. Not a stickler for the rules either."
"These rules... were they very important to the Jedi?"
"Of course," Danu replied. "All Jedi training in the Order was based on allegiance to their rules and code."
"D'you know the code?"
Danu shook his head. "Not really. I'm sure it was formally taught, but we outsiders understood it only in terms of what we saw."
"What did you see?" Leia asked.
Danu took another sip of his drink, and placed the glass carefully down on the table beside him. "Well, they were defenders of peace and justice. They weren't in favor of war, but if they needed to fight, then they'd do that too. In that sense they were warriors. They practiced a selfless existence, and formed no ties that might distract them from that."
Luke frowned. "You mean they had no personal relationships?"
"Are you asking about friendships, or something more?"
"Both really."
"Friendships they had plenty of, and deep ones too," Danu said. "The bond between a master and an apprentice ran very deep, and one would surely have died for the other. A form of love, undoubtedly. But beyond that?" Danu hesitated. "No - they didn't allow themselves more. Their focus was on the Jedi Order, and what they could achieve within it. Other attachments were seen to be distracting and open to the wrong kind of emotions."
Luke grimaced. "And Anakin Skywalker developed just such an attachment." The words 'and look where it got him' remained unspoken, but hung heavily in the ensuing silence nevertheless.
"If you're looking for insight into what happened to your father, I can't give you any. Not really. All I can say is that he clearly broke the code. Whether that had any bearing on later events, I can't say."
"Those last few days - before the Jedi Temple was destroyed - did you see or hear anything about him?" Leia asked tentatively.
Danu shook his head. "Not specifically about Skywalker. There was some talk about the Jedi. Rumors that they were acting against the Republic."
"But you didn't believe the rumors?"
Danu smiled at Leia. "No. I'd stopped trusting Palpatine some time before, and I was convinced he was instrumental in starting the talk against the Jedi. It didn't suit him politically to have them asking questions about him. People listened to the Jedi. So obviously, they had to go."
"Were many people asking questions?"
"Oh yes. This won't sound like much, but we got together a petition of two thousand names to present to the Chancellor. Not many, I admit, when you look at the galaxy as a whole. But we were living through a time of great fear and distrust. Many worlds were simply too afraid to add their voices to ours."
Leia nodded and cast a quick glance at Luke. He gave her a small smile back and picked up the line of questioning. "Joining with the Jedi wasn't an option? I understand none of you knew who to trust. Mon Mothma explained how things were."
The senator shifted in his seat, the small movement managing to convey how troubling Danu found his old memories. "If we'd known for certain..." He sighed and rubbed a hand across his face. "For me, allying with the Jedi was the right way to go. But I didn't have the support of the majority of the group."
He looked across at Mon Mothma, unspoken apology written across his face. "They were right to be cautious. It's easy to look back with hindsight and see where we went wrong. In the end though, it made no difference. Events simply moved too quickly for all of us, the Jedi included."
"So many terrible things happened in the space of a few days," Mon Mothma added. "If you all knew how many times I've wished that we could've prevented it all."
Leia cleared her throat, the trace of nervousness that had been apparent earlier showing once more in her expression and in the barely perceptible tensing of her shoulders. She addressed Senator Danu.
"Mon Mothma told Luke about the first meetings of the Rebel Alliance. How you started it up. She said there'd been another member of your group who'd wanted to involve the Jedi from the beginning."
Danu studied Leia's face for a moment. "Senator Amidala of Naboo held a similar opinion to mine," he replied. "She was close to the Jedi and trusted them completely. She wanted to tell a member of the Order about our suspicions regarding the Chancellor, but as I've said, we were outnumbered by those against the idea."
"Do you... Can you remember which Jedi it was? Who it was she was close to?"
Luke watched Danu, and noticed how his eyes clouded over briefly with recollections that seemed painful. But Danu was also puzzling over Leia's reaction to the name he'd given out - his eyes searching Leia's face for a reason for her uneasiness.
As the silence expanded into several seconds, Luke noticed a subtle change in the senator's posture. He'd moved fractionally forwards in his chair, and a new alertness had stolen across his face. Luke read awareness in the increased stillness of Danu's body, and felt inside himself a small flutter of anticipation. He waited for Danu's answer with a mixture of expectation and foreboding, unsure as to why the latter feeling had suddenly grown much stronger.
"She never told me directly. I know she was good friends with Master Kenobi." Danu paused for a moment, as though considering his words. "I understood, from comments she made to me in private, that she was also friendly with Master Kenobi's apprentice, although she never mentioned him by name in conversation."
"Anakin Skywalker was Obi-Wan Kenobi's apprentice," Leia said. The remark fell into another short silence. It hadn't been necessary to say it - Senator Danu knew that fact as well as they did, but Luke knew that Leia was pushing for a level of directness that Danu might be reluctant to provide. He glanced at Leia and caught her eye. The tiniest exchange passed between them, revealing Leia's determination to proceed with this, regardless of how difficult she was finding it.
"Did you know that the Senator was carrying a child?" Leia asked.
Danu nodded slowly. "It was another thing she never alluded to, but it soon became obvious. She tried to hide it, and I'm sure she mostly succeeded. But in the last days of the Republic we'd drawn together more than usual, and I think she'd realized that I knew. She gave herself away - just the occasional stray touch of her hand, or a momentary lapse of concentration, when I suspect she'd felt the baby move. I never saw her do these things in the company of others. I don't know why she allowed her guard to slip in front of me - our friendship never developed into a deep one."
But there'd been Danu's allegiance to the Jedi - they'd had something in common, however slight, Luke thought. "So it was a secret she wanted to keep well guarded?"
"We all had secrets in those days - there was nothing unusual in that. But I respected her decision not to mention it, and I believe she was grateful for that." A small frown passed across Danu's brow. "I wondered at first if the baby might cause her difficulties in terms of her position. But the more I saw of her, the more I doubted that was the reason for her fear."
Leia shifted closer to Luke, her sudden movement coinciding exactly with a sharp stab of presentiment that took Luke by surprise, and made his breath catch slightly in his throat.
Noticing their reactions, Danu seemed anxious to clarify his remark. "We were all afraid of how things were going. There were hundreds of issues that could've caused Senator Amidala a lot of anxiety."
"But you thought there was something more going on with her? Something other than the problems in the Senate?" Luke asked, sensing the Senator's preference for keeping the conversation in some sort of bounds. But it was too late for that - they all knew where the subject was leading, and even though Danu was unlikely to admit to any certainty, his body language had already given away the direction of his thoughts.
Danu returned Luke's gaze, and he gave a small nod, acknowledging his own caution.
"There was no doubt she was disturbed by something. This will sound strange, but at times she gave the impression of someone torn between denial and acceptance of whatever it was she feared. I never found out which choice she'd made in the end. If indeed there'd been a choice."
"Because she died," Leia pointed out bluntly.
"Yes. And I was deeply shocked by that," Danu admitted. "We'd been at war, of course. Death was commonplace, and fear of assassination was something we senators lived with on a daily basis. But there was never a proper explanation for her death, and that bothered me. I had the feeling something out of the ordinary had happened. Bail Organa was the one who told me, and even then I felt he was holding something back. He was very upset, but that was understandable. He'd assumed the task of telling her family, which can't have been easy for him."
"Did my father... did Bail mention her baby?" Leia asked, stumbling over her words.
Danu nodded. "That in itself was odd. None of us had ever referred to the baby before. Just before her death, Senator Amidala had grown too large to hide the truth any more, but the aura of secrecy remained. There'd been no real reason for Bail to have mentioned it at all - even if they'd saved the baby, it was none of my business and I would've assumed the senator's family would've taken responsibilty."
Leia gave a short laugh. "No real reason but the obvious one. That he'd wanted the information to become common knowledge. Because no-one's going to bother hunting down a dead child."
***
Han had turned off his comlink and turned down the lighting to a subdued glow that matched his mood. He'd flung the window open wider and the sounds of laughter and the never-ending activity of the base drifted up into his room.
He realized he was doing exactly what he'd tried so hard to avoid over the last few days, but his overall feeling of lethargy made him reluctant to seek an alternative.
Down in the pilots' common room, the guys would be wondering where he was. Undoubtedly, they'd try his comlink and on finding it inaccessible, would dispatch someone to track him down. They'd decide amongst themselves that they were doing him a favor. Lately, he'd had nothing but sympathetic pats on the back from friends and colleagues, all of whom were clearly thinking he was taking the split from Leia very badly. Hiding himself away in his room would just add to that perception.
In some ways they were right. He had taken it badly. But they were so far off understanding what it was he was feeling bad about, that there wasn't any point in denying anything.
Because as well as guilt over Leia, Han was now feeling guilt over Luke. He'd forced him into admitting feelings that Han knew Luke had big problems with. And he'd pushed Luke into an impossible situation where any choice Luke now made would end up hurting someone.
Han had also begun to wonder if he'd jeopardized even his friendship with Luke by the way he'd behaved. He'd been like some wild animal, letting his feelings take precedence over everything else, slamming Luke back against that wall and barely giving him a chance to breathe, let alone to tell Han what he wanted. But Luke had chosen, for the second time, not to shove Han away. And he'd responded to Han in a way that had nearly made Han lose control completely.
The memory of the sound Luke had made when Han kissed him shot a now familiar spike of longing through Han's blood, and he sat down on the bed and closed his eyes. In many ways, it might've been easier if Luke had pushed him away. If Luke now turned round and said he was leaving, Han would have to contend with the too-vivid memory of those kisses.
The door buzzer made him jump guiltily, caught out in thoughts that were starting to take over. Han scowled, irritated by the unwanted interruption, and stalked over to hit the control panel.
He'd anticipated the visit, expecting to find one of the Rogues standing outside his door, full of assurances for a busy night out. Or Lando, waiting to remind Han of his promise of a drink together. Or maybe Chewie, a growl of concern at the ready, along with an endless supply of advice. He wouldn't even have been surprised to see one of the tech crew, bringing an offering of an elusive engine part. But the last person he'd expected to find there was Luke.
chapter 13
Author: Caryn B
Fandom: Star Wars (film canon only - see notes)
Timeline: 6 months after RotJ
Pairing: Luke/Han, slash
Rating: NC-17 overall; this chapter PG-13
Warnings: None
The list of chapters is here
Chapter 12
"Leia Organa!"
Giddean Danu walked swiftly across Mon Mothma's apartment to greet them. He clasped Leia's hands briefly before extending his greeting to Luke.
"And Jedi Skywalker, it's good to meet you again."
"You too Senator. But it's Luke, please."
Danu nodded his head in acknowledgement, then addressed Leia once more, a smile of apology on his face.
"Forgive the informality, but I did once know you. Only then, you were just learning to walk. I recall how determined you were to succeed."
Leia smiled back at him. "Your name is well known to me, Senator. My father spoke often of you and hoped he could find a way to get you released. He had great admiration for you."
"As I did for him. He was a good friend. I'm so very sorry about all that's happened."
"Thank you. I know my father would be overjoyed that you're finally free and able to join us."
"First and foremost, he'd have been immensely proud of you, and all that you've achieved."
"I have him to thank for that. But I've only played a very small part in everything that's happened. The Alliance has worked as a team for this."
"I think you're underestimating your role, from what Mon Mothma has been telling me," Danu pointed out. "For one thing, I've heard the story of the Death Star plans." His glance passed between Luke and Leia. "I understand that both of you were deeply involved in the capture of those."
"Yes, but you'll never get Luke to admit he did very much." Leia gave Luke a brief, conspiratorial smile.
"How are you finding things here on Arudin?" she asked Danu. "Chaotic I expect."
"It feels good to be back in the midst of things. My time life on Belinar was dominated by boredom, so the chaos is a welcome change. I'm looking forward to finding a role here." He twisted round to look at Mon Mothma. "I believe Mon Mothma may have a suggestion, but she's insisted on me having these first few days to accustom myself to the set-up here."
Mon Mothma gave a soft laugh and moved to join them. "Coming straight from Belinar, I thought you deserved some freedom before I rope you into our less-than-relaxing schedule. But now you've mentioned it, I can tell you that I'm hoping to talk to you this evening about an assignment."
"Good, because I'm impatient for something to do. As I was saying to Senator Organa, things have been quiet for me for far too long."
Leia nodded. "We'll be glad of your help. But please, do stick to calling me Leia. It's what you must've called me before."
"Rather a long time ago."
"I know." Leia hesitated for a moment. "In fact, both of us were hoping to talk to you about the past," she added. "But maybe it should wait, if you've work to discuss with Mon Mothma?"
"My matter can wait," Mon Mothma said. "I'd wanted to get the Senator and Luke together before broaching it, but I know you have things you'd like to ask him and I think they're more important."
Danu looked at Luke and raised his eyebrows. Luke gave a small shrug, because he knew as little as Danu did about a possible collaboration between them.
Danu turned back to Leia. "Is it general things about the past you want to know, or something specific?"
"Something specific," Leia said, her voice adopting a distinct note of insecurity. "But first, there's something we need to tell you."
***
Wearily, Han unfastened his comlink and tossed it onto the cluttered countertop in his apartment. The past few days had been as hectic as ever, and he and Chewie had spent most of their time flying backwards and forwards between the main base and Roqqini. The clearance project was now underway, and Han had thrown himself into it with a touch more enthusiasm than he might normally have shown.
If he was honest about it, he'd admit he was simply trying to keep his mind occupied. He didn't need to think very hard to know what he'd end up brooding about if he'd had the spare time.
He cast a quick glance around the apartment. Most of his stuff was still in the crate he'd thrown it into when he'd left the place he'd shared with Leia. He wondered if the fact that everything had fitted into one small container told him anything significant. Had he never properly moved into the previous apartment, preferring to keep his possessions on the Falcon?
Maybe he was looking for hidden meanings where there were none. After all, he didn't own much that belonged off the Falcon. And everywhere they'd stayed over the past few years had been temporary. Short-term hiding places to hole up in, before the Empire flushed them out again.
So he could explain it away with common-sense reasoning. Or he could admit to another possibility - that he'd failed to accept fully his first real planetside home since leaving Corellia. It was an uncomfortable thought because he'd always imagined that his outward show of commitment gave no clue to his inner uncertainties.
And what had Luke seen, when he'd visited the two of them there? Maybe nothing. He'd been surprised when Han had told him of the break-up, but perhaps he'd consciously avoided considering Han and Leia's relationship in any more depth than the fact that it existed. Luke had used it as a shield, and Han had taken that from him. And Han had no idea how Luke would react once the reality of the situation sunk in.
He'd made it clear to Han that his need to arrive at some decision over his future was beginning to dominate his life, and Han's sudden declaration was unlikely to have changed that. If anything, it would've added a whole new layer of issues for Luke to deal with. Han wondered how long it would be before Luke came up with a reason for leaving Arudin alone, just to gain the time to think. He had little doubt that it would happen.
Han walked across to the window and rubbed a palm across its dusty surface. It didn't have much of an outlook because the building turned at an angle just beyond his apartment, cutting off the view towards Jira. If he stretched his head out of the window, he could just catch a glimpse of the hilltop town on the other side of the valley. The sun had set too low and the distance was too great for Han to be able to distinguish the rough stone perimeter wall where he and Luke had walked to three nights ago, but he did note, with a slight shock, the steepness of the drop below the town. In the dark, the distance to the valley below had been indeterminable, and he wondered if Luke would have sat so nonchalantly on the wall if he'd realized how far up they were. But Luke probably had known. Physical danger wasn't really an issue for Luke - it was his own self he saw as the biggest potential risk.
Since that night in Jira and the snatched moments at breakfast the following day, Luke had been so busy that he'd barely had a chance to exchange more than passing words with Han. There'd been a brief, hurried comlink conversation - Han in the midst of the clamor of machinery in Roqqini, and Luke rushing off on his way to a Rogue training flight.
Luke had promised that he'd tell Han about his meeting with Mon Mothma in full when he got a chance. That chance didn't seem to be arriving, but that was typical of Luke's overfull schedule. The possibility that Luke was deliberately staying so busy, simply as an excuse to avoid spending any real time with him, had crossed Han's mind for a moment before he dismissed it outright. He'd said to Luke that night in Jira how Luke never flinched from facing difficulties. If he was viewing Han as one, he wouldn't stay away for that very reason.
***
The droid took its time refilling their glasses. Giddean Danu sipped at his refreshed drink, his brow creased in a thoughtful frown.
"I remember Anakin Skywalker," he said eventually. "Young, enthusiastic, highly skilled. Headstrong too, by all accounts."
"Whose accounts?" Luke asked.
"Some of the Jedi. I had good friends there. Skywalker was the subject of many conversations following his rescue of the Chancellor, and not just among the Jedi."
"What did they say about him?"
"On a personal level? Nothing very damning. The Jedi were loyal to each other. But I got the impression that Skywalker wasn't the easiest person to deal with. Rather impatient and a bit quick-tempered. Not a stickler for the rules either."
"These rules... were they very important to the Jedi?"
"Of course," Danu replied. "All Jedi training in the Order was based on allegiance to their rules and code."
"D'you know the code?"
Danu shook his head. "Not really. I'm sure it was formally taught, but we outsiders understood it only in terms of what we saw."
"What did you see?" Leia asked.
Danu took another sip of his drink, and placed the glass carefully down on the table beside him. "Well, they were defenders of peace and justice. They weren't in favor of war, but if they needed to fight, then they'd do that too. In that sense they were warriors. They practiced a selfless existence, and formed no ties that might distract them from that."
Luke frowned. "You mean they had no personal relationships?"
"Are you asking about friendships, or something more?"
"Both really."
"Friendships they had plenty of, and deep ones too," Danu said. "The bond between a master and an apprentice ran very deep, and one would surely have died for the other. A form of love, undoubtedly. But beyond that?" Danu hesitated. "No - they didn't allow themselves more. Their focus was on the Jedi Order, and what they could achieve within it. Other attachments were seen to be distracting and open to the wrong kind of emotions."
Luke grimaced. "And Anakin Skywalker developed just such an attachment." The words 'and look where it got him' remained unspoken, but hung heavily in the ensuing silence nevertheless.
"If you're looking for insight into what happened to your father, I can't give you any. Not really. All I can say is that he clearly broke the code. Whether that had any bearing on later events, I can't say."
"Those last few days - before the Jedi Temple was destroyed - did you see or hear anything about him?" Leia asked tentatively.
Danu shook his head. "Not specifically about Skywalker. There was some talk about the Jedi. Rumors that they were acting against the Republic."
"But you didn't believe the rumors?"
Danu smiled at Leia. "No. I'd stopped trusting Palpatine some time before, and I was convinced he was instrumental in starting the talk against the Jedi. It didn't suit him politically to have them asking questions about him. People listened to the Jedi. So obviously, they had to go."
"Were many people asking questions?"
"Oh yes. This won't sound like much, but we got together a petition of two thousand names to present to the Chancellor. Not many, I admit, when you look at the galaxy as a whole. But we were living through a time of great fear and distrust. Many worlds were simply too afraid to add their voices to ours."
Leia nodded and cast a quick glance at Luke. He gave her a small smile back and picked up the line of questioning. "Joining with the Jedi wasn't an option? I understand none of you knew who to trust. Mon Mothma explained how things were."
The senator shifted in his seat, the small movement managing to convey how troubling Danu found his old memories. "If we'd known for certain..." He sighed and rubbed a hand across his face. "For me, allying with the Jedi was the right way to go. But I didn't have the support of the majority of the group."
He looked across at Mon Mothma, unspoken apology written across his face. "They were right to be cautious. It's easy to look back with hindsight and see where we went wrong. In the end though, it made no difference. Events simply moved too quickly for all of us, the Jedi included."
"So many terrible things happened in the space of a few days," Mon Mothma added. "If you all knew how many times I've wished that we could've prevented it all."
Leia cleared her throat, the trace of nervousness that had been apparent earlier showing once more in her expression and in the barely perceptible tensing of her shoulders. She addressed Senator Danu.
"Mon Mothma told Luke about the first meetings of the Rebel Alliance. How you started it up. She said there'd been another member of your group who'd wanted to involve the Jedi from the beginning."
Danu studied Leia's face for a moment. "Senator Amidala of Naboo held a similar opinion to mine," he replied. "She was close to the Jedi and trusted them completely. She wanted to tell a member of the Order about our suspicions regarding the Chancellor, but as I've said, we were outnumbered by those against the idea."
"Do you... Can you remember which Jedi it was? Who it was she was close to?"
Luke watched Danu, and noticed how his eyes clouded over briefly with recollections that seemed painful. But Danu was also puzzling over Leia's reaction to the name he'd given out - his eyes searching Leia's face for a reason for her uneasiness.
As the silence expanded into several seconds, Luke noticed a subtle change in the senator's posture. He'd moved fractionally forwards in his chair, and a new alertness had stolen across his face. Luke read awareness in the increased stillness of Danu's body, and felt inside himself a small flutter of anticipation. He waited for Danu's answer with a mixture of expectation and foreboding, unsure as to why the latter feeling had suddenly grown much stronger.
"She never told me directly. I know she was good friends with Master Kenobi." Danu paused for a moment, as though considering his words. "I understood, from comments she made to me in private, that she was also friendly with Master Kenobi's apprentice, although she never mentioned him by name in conversation."
"Anakin Skywalker was Obi-Wan Kenobi's apprentice," Leia said. The remark fell into another short silence. It hadn't been necessary to say it - Senator Danu knew that fact as well as they did, but Luke knew that Leia was pushing for a level of directness that Danu might be reluctant to provide. He glanced at Leia and caught her eye. The tiniest exchange passed between them, revealing Leia's determination to proceed with this, regardless of how difficult she was finding it.
"Did you know that the Senator was carrying a child?" Leia asked.
Danu nodded slowly. "It was another thing she never alluded to, but it soon became obvious. She tried to hide it, and I'm sure she mostly succeeded. But in the last days of the Republic we'd drawn together more than usual, and I think she'd realized that I knew. She gave herself away - just the occasional stray touch of her hand, or a momentary lapse of concentration, when I suspect she'd felt the baby move. I never saw her do these things in the company of others. I don't know why she allowed her guard to slip in front of me - our friendship never developed into a deep one."
But there'd been Danu's allegiance to the Jedi - they'd had something in common, however slight, Luke thought. "So it was a secret she wanted to keep well guarded?"
"We all had secrets in those days - there was nothing unusual in that. But I respected her decision not to mention it, and I believe she was grateful for that." A small frown passed across Danu's brow. "I wondered at first if the baby might cause her difficulties in terms of her position. But the more I saw of her, the more I doubted that was the reason for her fear."
Leia shifted closer to Luke, her sudden movement coinciding exactly with a sharp stab of presentiment that took Luke by surprise, and made his breath catch slightly in his throat.
Noticing their reactions, Danu seemed anxious to clarify his remark. "We were all afraid of how things were going. There were hundreds of issues that could've caused Senator Amidala a lot of anxiety."
"But you thought there was something more going on with her? Something other than the problems in the Senate?" Luke asked, sensing the Senator's preference for keeping the conversation in some sort of bounds. But it was too late for that - they all knew where the subject was leading, and even though Danu was unlikely to admit to any certainty, his body language had already given away the direction of his thoughts.
Danu returned Luke's gaze, and he gave a small nod, acknowledging his own caution.
"There was no doubt she was disturbed by something. This will sound strange, but at times she gave the impression of someone torn between denial and acceptance of whatever it was she feared. I never found out which choice she'd made in the end. If indeed there'd been a choice."
"Because she died," Leia pointed out bluntly.
"Yes. And I was deeply shocked by that," Danu admitted. "We'd been at war, of course. Death was commonplace, and fear of assassination was something we senators lived with on a daily basis. But there was never a proper explanation for her death, and that bothered me. I had the feeling something out of the ordinary had happened. Bail Organa was the one who told me, and even then I felt he was holding something back. He was very upset, but that was understandable. He'd assumed the task of telling her family, which can't have been easy for him."
"Did my father... did Bail mention her baby?" Leia asked, stumbling over her words.
Danu nodded. "That in itself was odd. None of us had ever referred to the baby before. Just before her death, Senator Amidala had grown too large to hide the truth any more, but the aura of secrecy remained. There'd been no real reason for Bail to have mentioned it at all - even if they'd saved the baby, it was none of my business and I would've assumed the senator's family would've taken responsibilty."
Leia gave a short laugh. "No real reason but the obvious one. That he'd wanted the information to become common knowledge. Because no-one's going to bother hunting down a dead child."
***
Han had turned off his comlink and turned down the lighting to a subdued glow that matched his mood. He'd flung the window open wider and the sounds of laughter and the never-ending activity of the base drifted up into his room.
He realized he was doing exactly what he'd tried so hard to avoid over the last few days, but his overall feeling of lethargy made him reluctant to seek an alternative.
Down in the pilots' common room, the guys would be wondering where he was. Undoubtedly, they'd try his comlink and on finding it inaccessible, would dispatch someone to track him down. They'd decide amongst themselves that they were doing him a favor. Lately, he'd had nothing but sympathetic pats on the back from friends and colleagues, all of whom were clearly thinking he was taking the split from Leia very badly. Hiding himself away in his room would just add to that perception.
In some ways they were right. He had taken it badly. But they were so far off understanding what it was he was feeling bad about, that there wasn't any point in denying anything.
Because as well as guilt over Leia, Han was now feeling guilt over Luke. He'd forced him into admitting feelings that Han knew Luke had big problems with. And he'd pushed Luke into an impossible situation where any choice Luke now made would end up hurting someone.
Han had also begun to wonder if he'd jeopardized even his friendship with Luke by the way he'd behaved. He'd been like some wild animal, letting his feelings take precedence over everything else, slamming Luke back against that wall and barely giving him a chance to breathe, let alone to tell Han what he wanted. But Luke had chosen, for the second time, not to shove Han away. And he'd responded to Han in a way that had nearly made Han lose control completely.
The memory of the sound Luke had made when Han kissed him shot a now familiar spike of longing through Han's blood, and he sat down on the bed and closed his eyes. In many ways, it might've been easier if Luke had pushed him away. If Luke now turned round and said he was leaving, Han would have to contend with the too-vivid memory of those kisses.
The door buzzer made him jump guiltily, caught out in thoughts that were starting to take over. Han scowled, irritated by the unwanted interruption, and stalked over to hit the control panel.
He'd anticipated the visit, expecting to find one of the Rogues standing outside his door, full of assurances for a busy night out. Or Lando, waiting to remind Han of his promise of a drink together. Or maybe Chewie, a growl of concern at the ready, along with an endless supply of advice. He wouldn't even have been surprised to see one of the tech crew, bringing an offering of an elusive engine part. But the last person he'd expected to find there was Luke.
chapter 13