i'm not running from you<3.
i saw him again today (the guy i kissed last night). he stayed over his dad's last night, so he was still in town this morning. he called and i wanted to see him before he left, so we met up at my old school. i took my dog too, 'cause he loves her. i went up and hugged him and was like, "baby (my dog) missed you." and he goes, "aww.. and i missed YOU." and i can tell you right now that my cheeks were probably bright red. lol. we walked around the school and sat in my car and talked.. but it was so hard to look him in the eyes and not want to kiss him again. he told me that it's hard for him, too, and i know it is. i just wish it was easier than it is. he makes me so happy that i can't stop smiling, but at the same time i wanna cry, 'cause for the time being, i can't have him.
and god, that boy knows how to tease. he was holding me so close and he lifted up my face to his, but he didn't kiss me. i didn't kiss him either, because i knew i couldn't. he brushed his lips against mine, but it wasn't a kiss. whatever it was, though, it was probably the closest to pure torture as i'm ever going to get. and when he held me, like i could tell that he was fighting really hard not to kiss me, and i respect the fact that he's doing that much, and it makes me want him so much more. it's absolutely crazy.
we were on the phone until 5 in the morning last night and i don't think we ever ran out of anything to say in the four hours that we were talking. the only other person who's capable of having that kind of conversation with me is my best friend zach. it's funny because since we were only a few streets away from each other, we could both hear the wind blowing outside, and he was like "can you hear that?" and i was like "what, the wind?" and he was like "yea it's talking.. it's saying that i should dump my girlfriend and be with you." and i agree with that, because how can i not? but i told him that i couldn't tell him what decision to make, and he told me that the fact that i'm not pushing him towards a decision makes him want to be with me even more.
i just wish this was easier. =\