(no subject)
'got my tarot cards read last week, right before mercury went into retrograde. its mostly just comforting to speak to an unaffiliated older woman with enough confidence in her insight to the fuckinguniverse that its reassuring (similarly, every time i hear my mothers voice lately, I cry). they all read me like a book the way anyone can, psychic or not: panicked. detached. lonely. desperate. mostly just young. You're Fine.
present card: The Fool (unlimited but untapped potential; new beginnings)
cross-to-bear: Nine of Cups (melancholia; detachment from youth)
possible future: Ace of Pentacles (universe hands me anything I want if I allow it to)
future: Two of Swords (blocking emotions, avoiding truth, AFRAID TO MOVE)
everything else: lots of major arcana. generally positive feminine lunar fuckingenergy.
'stood in the middle of the road last night, stared at the stars and tried to make myself feel insignificant (it didn't work) after wallowing myself to my mothers house. she's a hypochondriac and an emotional hedonist, thus:
im so pissed about getting my wisdom teeth pulled. so pissed that they didn't tell me that the pre-op anti-anxiety pill was going to disarrange any fear to big wet idontknowwhatswrongwithme sobbing. so pissed that the post-op pain killers were going to render me motionless as I watch my life unravel. And So Fucking Pissed that after they invade and uproot the most intimate part of my body, they won't hand back what I gave to them, this right-of-fucking-passage, in a little glass jar.
but today, in a 10x10 white room waiting for my oral surgeon for half an hour, I made lists. pen-on-paper. fuckingmantras. fuckinggoals. things that i want to allow the fuckinguniverse to hand me.
monday I'll start at point zero
present card: The Fool (unlimited but untapped potential; new beginnings)
cross-to-bear: Nine of Cups (melancholia; detachment from youth)
possible future: Ace of Pentacles (universe hands me anything I want if I allow it to)
future: Two of Swords (blocking emotions, avoiding truth, AFRAID TO MOVE)
everything else: lots of major arcana. generally positive feminine lunar fuckingenergy.
'stood in the middle of the road last night, stared at the stars and tried to make myself feel insignificant (it didn't work) after wallowing myself to my mothers house. she's a hypochondriac and an emotional hedonist, thus:
im so pissed about getting my wisdom teeth pulled. so pissed that they didn't tell me that the pre-op anti-anxiety pill was going to disarrange any fear to big wet idontknowwhatswrongwithme sobbing. so pissed that the post-op pain killers were going to render me motionless as I watch my life unravel. And So Fucking Pissed that after they invade and uproot the most intimate part of my body, they won't hand back what I gave to them, this right-of-fucking-passage, in a little glass jar.
but today, in a 10x10 white room waiting for my oral surgeon for half an hour, I made lists. pen-on-paper. fuckingmantras. fuckinggoals. things that i want to allow the fuckinguniverse to hand me.
monday I'll start at point zero