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[messiah_me]

Everyone but Wesley left the room. I was actually glad that we were alone. "Wesley." I started as I looked to him. "I know you want me to rest, but I honestly am tapped out on rest, I think I would much rather go for a walk, or I don't know have a drink." I could tell that Wesley didn't want this, that he wanted me to lay down, play the sickly

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[_wes_pryce_]

I can’t help but stare at her when she points out she’s missing something. Did she miss the whole speech I just gave her? Why again do I bother to open my mouth? She of course also missed how everyone was crying for Willow and Angel to come safe the day. Always the super heroes’ with the super powers. Or the muscles like Gunn. Never the skinny little book fellow who can save the woman he loves

[messiah_me]

"I am not asking you to spoon feed me everything, I am asking you to possibly just tell me what the hell I did so I can fix it. You always talk in circles, probably comes from reading all those boring prophecies, but for once can you please just tell me what I did." I was starting to get upset, for the first time since Xander I let anyone see how I really felt, my actual emotions, no cover.

"And do you want me to go with you?" I asked honestly because I didn't think I was really wanted right now.

[_wes_pryce_]

Hurt flashes over my face at her words. Is that what she thinks of me too? First it putting me on the same line with every man in the world, and now I’m boring. Well, that’s nice to know. I’m starting to think I liked it better when we just bickered without all these emotions in involved

[messiah_me]

"I do not think your boring....ok sometimes I do with all your prophecies that I don't understand, but thats only because I don't understand them. You are far from boring otherwise. I do think you are cryptic sometimes, and maybe you read too much into what I am saying since you came to the conclusion that I implied you wanted sex from the statement that you won't always get what you want. I, as I told you before, truly only meant that you won't always get me to do what you want, as in rest and so on

[_wes_pryce_]

“How else am I supposed to interpret it when you say it like that. With your hands on your hips and you waggling that finger at me just after I asked if we could lie down so I could hold you. Either you meant that or you meant that you didn’t want me holding you. And quite frankly I decided that the first option was….” the least painful. And I think she’s in denial, considering our past. It’s not really all that surprising that I thought that

[messiah_me]

"I'm sorry that you thought that and that I implied that. It wasn't what I meant, but I can see how you would think that."

I listen to his words, I listen to how hurt he is, I finally get it, I finally get that though he didn't fail me he sees that he did. I guess the reason I love him so much is because he has such a soft touch, he is so caring, not heavy handed like Angel, or even Gunn. I never told him this, I never thought I had to, but now it seems important that I do.

"Wesley" I whisper as I walk closer to him. "I know you think you failed me, but you didn't. You should have been given some choice, when something happens to me you are the one person I would hope would have some say in what happens to me." I look away.

"They were wrong" I whisper not sure what else to say...I mean they should have asked him what he thought, he is a smart man, but can't we just be happy that I am safe?

[_wes_pryce_]

Some say. Not the away I just completely given my life over to her should I be incapable of making my own choices. No. ‘Some say’. That’s like saying I’m allowed to tell them that she doesn’t like her coffee this or that way. I guess that makes it clear how she really feels about me and my ability to make choices for someone else. For her

[messiah_me]

"I honestly wish you had been the one to help me. I don't like the fact that the one person I didn't trust had to be the one to save me, but she did." I told him as I sat down on the edge of the bed.

I finally looked up at him and whispered the next statement. "Doesn't matter what happened, you save me every night in my dreams." Ok did I really just say that outloud? No matter how cheesy it was the truth.

I didn't know what else to say. Honestly I wasn't usually the one to talk sense into people, I was usually the one judging them. Maybe this whole thing, the nearly dying has changed me...I just wish it didn't hurt the one person I loved in the process.

[_wes_pryce_]

“It’s not about who saved you,” I sighed. “It’s about the… never mind.” I’m giving up. I can talk until I’m blue in the face, it’s not going to change a bloody thing. It still happened, I still failed to help her. I was still not allowed to help her much. I was still not allowed to make any kind of choice when it came to my woman. I was still…. Brushed aside. Only Nia and possibly Lorne knew what would’ve been the better option.

Running a hand through my hair, I sink down on the bed next to her bone tired. I’ve not slept from the time this happened. And trying to help her and reigning in my anger and frustration had worn me out. Took far to much energy to do that, even though she is worth it every time.

“Are you sure those are dreams and not nightmares?” I mutter, letting out a sigh that seems to come from my toes. Me saving her at the moment sounds like a joke to me. I wish I’d been the one to save her. Even just once, and from now on I’m going to make certain she’s not going to be *needing* any saving.

[messiah_me]

"I know its not about who saved me, its that you feel like you failed me and no one else gave you the chance to try to help...I get it really I do, I just don't want you sick now because you were so upset at thinking you failed me." I wanted to say so much more, but I didn't know if it would help...not that the thought of not helping has ever stopped me from what I wanted to say

[_wes_pryce_]

“I’m not sick,” I pointed out reasonably. “You were the one that was sick.” To the point where she was nearly dying. And all I could do was watch. I’m not a watcher anymore. I’ve given that up the moment I’d been fired by the bloody council. And I refused to be a watcher the next time - and there wouldn’t be a next time - the woman I loved was nearly dying

[messiah_me]

I listened to him speak, his tone soft and different from the beginning of this conversation. I liked this much better than the fighting. "I know I was the one that was sick, and the fact that you were by my side, that means a lot to me." i explain

[_wes_pryce_]

“I’d never leave your side when you’re ill. Except when you kick me out, in which case you can’t be very sick.” Hell, when they were all running out to kick some Wolfram and Hart arse I wasn’t going to join them. I wanted to make certain Cordelia was alright. Wolfram and Hart would still be there after that. I wonder how that went, we’ve not heard anything yet

[messiah_me]

I smile at him when he says that. "Just don't give me reason to and I won't kick you out." I said with a smile, I was completely joking, but I didn't know if he caught that. "Look, Wes, I don't know why, but you have made my life so much better, I would be lost without you...so you never have to worry, I won't ask you to leave....unless you piss me off." I add knowing full well even then I couldn't get him to leave.

I sat there a moment taking all of this in, taking his touch, his kiss on the tip of my nose, and everything in, I couldn't imagine giving this up, or even being without this for a moment. "I will do my best, you know I have no control over these things, and how much I hate to admit that."

I could feel my body telling me that I was tired, I wanted to ignore it, I wanted to continue talking, but I knew I couldn't. "Wesley..." I whispered. "Can you take me home?" I wanted to just be with him, in his arms, and resting.

[_wes_pryce_]

My eyebrows raised when she told me not to give her a reason to kick me out. I think in the past I’ve given her plenty of reasons, considering she’d threatened with it more then once. Well, that and sleeping on the sofa. I’m not even taking it serious anymore. I think I’d recognize if it were serious. I think we’d both be to stubborn to throw the other out though, one of us would leave.

I seriously hope it’ll never come to that.

“You love it when I…errr…piss you off,” I murmured, rubbing my hand over her arm. I could feel her slump a little. See? If she’d just done what I’d told her from the start, which was to take it easy and rest, she’d not be so worn out now. Nor would we’d have that fight. Women, I am completely lost when it comes to them at times.

“Of course I can, Sweetheart,” I whisper back, pressing a kiss on her forehead. Maybe we can see how the rest is doing on our way out. At least leave them a message where we went. Wouldn’t want them to worry unnecessarily. “Do you need to get anything before we go?”

[messiah_me]

"I wouldn't have it any other way." I said in response to his comment about pissing me off. "And before you say it, yes you were right, I should have rested...I will start listening to you from now on."

I leaned against him, not sure why I was so weak, but it didn't matter, I had Wesley, who would get me home, make sure I don't do anything else stupid. "No, I don't need anything else, just leave a note for Angel say Hey I am the boss and I will be back when I get back and lets go home." I suggested. No sense in Angel worrying for no reason, though I think he should worry about more than just Willow.