things i'm looking forward to

[carpe_embreem]

Okay, i've been spending way too much time doing activities simply to avoid feeling bad, dwelling on my moods and survivor-hood, and not looking forward to much except NOT working. I kick my feet in the air when work is over for the day, but then spend the rest of the day either moping or trying to prevent myself from moping.

I really need to start looking forward to life.

so today, i am totally jazzed about

1. working with my awesome kids! I'm so lucky to HAVE a job, let alone one that makes me smile! I'm respected by my work peers, I do a damn good job, and I get paid to cultivate relationships with awesome children who make me smile and feel worthwhile

1. Painting my nails! My fingernails have been bare for a while, and i'm still sporting nasty chipped messiness on my toes. Time to sparkle again!

1. Eating the chocolate bar I bought yesterday! Mmmm...it's nice and cold in the fridge, and it'll taste sooo good later when i really want it. i'll use it to reward myself after getting something accomplished

1. Today is a NO COMPLAINTS journal day! My life is pretty awesome, and i'm a pretty awesome person to be living it. I've been drowning myself in "I'm just one big mood swing, i'm just an incest survivor, wahhhhhh". Um, am not. I get dealt shit because that's the way life is, but i get through it and make things work for me because that's the way I am. So fuck you, shittiness, i'm a force to be reckoned with

1. I've been sooo not digging my hair lately. Definitely a good day to rock a new style

1. There's a coffee place I've been totally wanting to check out. I've been lame and feeling like i need to wait to have someone go with me. Fuck that! I'm going tonight, whoever wants to join me, great.

1. More art in my life, please! I used to do this really cool thing where I would decorate an index card on one side, and write down something inspiring on the other (at the time, they were all Bible verses I was trying to commit to memory). I had a huge collection and decorated my room with them. I'm totally going to do that today, with ideas that are meaningful to me. Hmm, possible tattoo designs on one side, words of wisdom on the other...

1. I get what I give, and I need to give my body a good workout. I want my endorphins (and abs) back!

1. When I was a kid I used to love grabbing the insert in a CD and learning the lyrics to songs that I liked. I'm going to try to learn a song that I enjoy so that I can actually sing it when i want to, and not do my "something something somethiiiiiing something"

1. I want to get jazzed about grad school again. Not because I want to be an elitist degree-chaser but because learning is AWESOME and there is so much out there and i have so much to offer, i would totally blossom in a kick-ass school program