When it's over...
I guess the problem for me, is that I havent come to terms with me and Sam being over. I don't know how or when I will come to terms with that. But he's come to terms with it, which is why he's ok with everything. Which is why he's ok with hooking up with other girls, which is why he doesn't think of me. I have to get over him, and there's no easy recipe. Time. It's time. And honestly I know that not seeing him, not talkingn to him, is the best way. April is lucky, she has someone to take her mind off of it, which is what I need. I need to be ok with being single. I've never been ok with being single. The greatest joy in my life is in love. It's hard, winter is fast approaching, and winter always depresses me. I feel no light in my life right now. I can't dwell on it. I need to focus on the sorority and my friends, and new guys and having fun. It's really hard knowing that he doesn't think of me on the weekends, and that he doesn't really think of me ever. Get excited for Florence Caroline. Get excited. I really am depressed. I need counseling, I know that. I need something. I need to exercise and do well in school and study for my lsats. I need to put all of my energy into that. I can't let myself fall into depression, I can't. I need every second to be occupied, and when I start to fall I need someone to be there to pick me back up. It's unfortunate, but I can't help but place really high hopes in this Tommy kid. I shouldn't, I know I shouldn't. And in two weeks, I probably won't anymore. I just want someone to be nice to me, to hold me, to talk to me, to care about me. I need someone in the winter. I need something. I feel an incredible lack, I'm missing a piece of me. Fuck. I feel like I need to get out of my room. I need to do something fun and exciting. Well it's about 3 hours later. April and I went and got food and coffee. It was good. I had definitely needed to calm down and take some space, remember my friends etc. April is basically in the same situation as me, with Skyler. Yeah, she is one step ahead because she has Brian, but seeing as she doesn't want Brian at all, it doesn't really make a difference to her. Even though it would be amazing to me. I'm going to stop sleeping with people. I swear everytime I do that I'll stop, but I don't. I'm going to have to ask April how she doesn't sleep with people, maybe I should tell people that at the outset, so I don't get myself into bad situations. Alright I have mad studying to do, and I'm just procrastinating, and the worst is I feel myself tiring. Which is all sorts of no good. So onto some PoliSci.