[i really don't think]
i love music anymore. no, seriously. people who love things do them or think about them or have them around all the time. i can barely remember to push the play button. i don't even know what i want to listen to. and when i do listen, i spend the whole time feeling guilty for not writing my own stuff, but when i do write my own stuff i feel awful because it's so terrible. vicious circle. and yet, my heart aches and aches and aches... for collaboration, for that zingy thrill like vinegar or sweet tarts that you get when you make really really *good* music with someone else. i'm getting really scared. i can't find my heart anymore. why is that? where did it go? what should i do?