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blah blah blah. what am i doing here? got to remember in all the goal-setting that the goal is always Him. Him, Him, Him. not me, not my happiness (that's supposed to come along with it), not my own ideas of how things are supposed to work. just talked to my sister, who's brilliant, and witty, and... sad... and... in denial, by her own admission... why do we always want what we can't have? my life feels bland, and blank, and it's got everything in it that it's supposed to have. all that's missing is... me. my heart. where is it? it feels buried... like it's just trapped under a pile of rocks, waiting for someone to come along and dig it out rock by rock. this isn't supposed to be this way. maybe i'm in denial too.