This is why I only watch reality TV.
+ Oh, look, there's a Brittany/Santana lesbian fantasy featuring not only Mark from SYTYCD, but also Puck behind a bar being hot while Kurt sits atop the bar looking all fashion-conscious and diva-esque.
+ And hey, let's throw in random jocks calling Finn gay, and him reacting by being all, "Okay, if that's the best you can come up with, but my girlfriend's an actual girl this time. I checked. She kind of sucks, though, so maybe when I grow up I can explore this bisexuality to which you are referring."
+ And oh, then let's get Will to buy a sports car for his midlife crisis. In a hideous shade of yellow! And also remind him why relationships with women don't work out for him.
+ But that's not enough, he must also sing three bars -- and ONLY three bars -- of Caroline's number one top secret guilty pleasure song of all time, "Sailing" by Christopher Cross. THAT'S MY JAM TOO, WILL. IT'S MY JAM TOO.
+ Then Will can be all hot and kinda gay with John Stamos, and I can be all, "Emma who?" because even though I like her, I really don't like her with Will.
+ And then! We will remind Caroline that Rachel Berry is boring and that is the reason the only history she and Liz have come up with for Rachel in their fantastic universe is that she refuses to use Herbal Essences because Brittany landed that campaign and now she's more famous than Rachel, and every time the commercial comes on Rachel throws something at the TV.
It's like the best episode ever, with all the parallels to our universe and the 'hey, our future for them could really happen if you think about it' moments. And then. THEN. The previews for next week.
Look, Show, this is why I don't watch scripted shows anymore. I can't handle it, okay? I can't handle Nick getting blown up every fucking season, I can't handle Morgan getting shot at or pushed off a building or Reid pumped full of fucking anthrax or whatever. I can't handle Speed being KILLED for no good reason, just because Caruso's ego is bigger than the entire state of Florida. I can't handle it!
Seriously, bitches in fandom are CONSTANTLY killing Burt in fic. They do it all the fucking time, just to make Kurt cry so that Puck can heal his pain with his magical dick. Well, no, we don't even get any smut out of it, usually there's just cuddling and shit. And I get it. That is a popular trope in fandom. It's not my thing, but people clearly like it. So it's been written at least two dozen times! Which means we don't need it on the show, okay?
Unless the writers are just as sick as I am of people killing off Burt all the time, and they're writing the Burt drama into the show so it'll be canon and people will stop writing it in fic. In which case, bring it on, and I hope it works. (But it won't.)
Ugh. Now I am going to stress about a stupid TV show for the next week. And my sister's husband thinks I'm crazier than he already did because I went all crazy fannish and forgot myself while watching at their house. And there wasn't even any wine.
I will probably cope with the stress by writing even more ridic happily ever after future fic than usual. Or drinking heavily. Either way, really.
And now I have to go, because the Parade of Realtors is coming through again tomorrow, and if I don't at least wash the kitchen floor they're going to know. I mean, obviously.
ETA: I just realized I left my iTouch in my sister's basement and my alarm is going to go off at 5:00 am wake up my teenage nephew sleeping in the next room. Oops.