Fic: Smalltown Boy (DMOC, Josh/Cooper, NC17)
Title: Smalltown Boy
Fandom: Dead Man On Campus
Pairing: Josh/Cooper
Rating: NC17
Summary: AU. Josh goes to visit Cooper in Buffalo and learns a lot more than he bargained for about how Cooper grew up. Part five of the Senior Year series.
Granted they hadn't actually left the house much since he'd gotten to Buffalo, but Josh was starting to get a little more comfortable with being in Cooper's hometown. It had taken him a few days to ease into being around Cooper all the time again, but the more time they spent together the more Josh liked just hanging out with him. They'd never really had much time to just hang out and do nothing together, and so far since he'd been in town that was pretty much all they'd done.
He knew it couldn't last forever, but even though he'd told himself they were going to have to leave the house eventually he wasn't really looking forward to meeting Nick at his uncle's club that night. The fact that he wouldn’t be meeting Cooper’s parents any time soon made him feel a little better, but a whole club full of cousins and uncles and whatever other relatives he didn’t know about was more than a little intimidating. Cooper had tried to reassure him that it was no big deal, that they were just to put in an appearance to make Nick feel better.
Josh liked Nick, at least as much as he could like someone that he was a little afraid of, but that didn’t mean he really wanted to spend the evening hanging out with him and twenty or thirty of his relatives. His guilt over taking Cooper away from Nick had faded a lot in the few days they’d been alone together, and now that he found himself sitting on the edge of Cooper’s bed watching his boyfriend get dressed he was starting to resent the fact that they had to worry about Nick at all.
He wasn’t going to say anything, though, because he didn’t want to make Cooper think that he was completely selfish. Anyway he’d already tried getting out of going, and it hadn’t worked the first time so he had a feeling if he brought it up again they’d both just end up irritated at each other all night. If he couldn’t get out of meeting part of Cooper’s extended family for the first time he didn’t really want Cooper to be in a bad mood for it; one friendly face in the room was really all he could hope for, and if he screwed that up he was guaranteed to have a bad time.
Watching Cooper get dressed was at least entertaining, although the number of outfits Cooper had already decided against was a little alarming. Josh didn’t even own half that many clothes, and Cooper still had more to choose from. He looked down at his own black cotton button-down and black slacks, feeling woefully underdressed as he watched Cooper another suit out of his closet and frown thoughtfully before turning to look at Josh.
“What do you think?”
“I think you have enough clothes to start your own store,” Josh answered as he watched Cooper hold the suit up to his chin. “Am I totally undressed here or what? I don’t even own a suit, and you’ve gone through like ten already.”
Cooper dropped the suit in the pile with the others and crossed the room, stopping in front of Josh and reaching out to toy with the buttons on the other boy’s shirt. “You look amazing, Josh.”
“Are you sure? Because you seem kind of stressed about what you’re going to wear just to go hang out with Nick.”
“It’s hard to explain,” Cooper said, easing forward when Josh parted his legs to pull Cooper closer. “Sometimes it feels like there’s a uniform. I mean nobody would say anything if I showed up in jeans, but I’d still know what they were thinking.”
“Why are we going to this thing again?”
“Because if we put in an appearance tonight we can blow off my family for the rest of the week,” Cooper answered, his voice soft as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the side of Josh’s neck. When he put it that way Josh had to admit it sounded reasonable, and if it meant he got Cooper all to himself for a few more days he was willing to sacrifice one night.
It bothered him that he was so possessive of Cooper’s time, but their first week together was already more than half over and he knew the rest of his visit was going to fly by. He wasn’t used to having to worry about family obligations, at home it was just him and his mom and she was almost always at work. So getting used to the fact that Cooper’s family expected certain things of him was an adjustment, but it was definitely worth it if it made Cooper happy.
Making Cooper happy was the main focus of his life lately, and he was less disturbed by that than he’d expected to be. Part of it was knowing that Cooper felt the same way, but part of it was the fact that his boyfriend didn’t seem to have a lot of people that cared one way or the other how he felt. There was Nick, but other than Cooper’s cousin and Josh he didn’t seem to have anybody to count on. Josh had spent a lot of time as a kid feeling sorry for himself because his dad wasn’t around, but after seeing the way Cooper’s parents treated him he was grateful that he at least had one parent that gave a damn.
“Wear the gray one,” Josh said, his breath hitting Cooper’s neck as the other boy’s mouth moved over his jaw. He felt the shiver roll through Cooper’s body and instantly wished he hadn’t reminded the other boy of what they were supposed to be doing, but the sooner they got there the sooner they could leave and get back to pretending the rest of the world didn’t exist. He swallowed a sigh when Cooper straightened up and took a step backwards, his hand lingering on Josh’s collar for a moment before he grinned and let out a deep breath.
“The gray one. Okay,” Cooper said, although Josh was pretty sure he wasn’t aware of what he was saying. In fact he looked a little dazed, and it was all Josh could do not to reach out and pull him back down onto the bed. He curled his hands into fists as he watched Cooper back toward the closet and turn to stare at the pile of discarded clothes, finally reaching into the mess and pulling out his gray suit.
Josh had a feeling he should get up and go find something else to do while Cooper changed, but Cooper didn’t seem to mind having an audience and if he went downstairs and turned on the TV he was just going to be thinking about what Cooper was doing up here. He watched as the other boy hung the suit on the closet door and reached for the hem of his tee shirt, tugging it over his head and dropping it on the floor.
“Should I put on a tie at least?” Josh asked, glancing down at his own clothes again.
“No. What you should do is undo another one of those buttons,” Cooper answered, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth as he unzipped his jeans.
Josh made a face at him but reached for his collar anyway, tugging another button open while he watched Cooper push his jeans down his hips to pool around his ankles. “How long do these things usually last?”
Cooper kicked his jeans out of the way and reached into his closet, pulling out a crisp white shirt and sliding his arms into it before he turned to look at Josh again. “It’s not like there’s a schedule. Why?”
Heat crept into Josh’s cheeks as he let his gaze wander down Cooper’s still-exposed chest, focusing his attention on the other boy’s hands as Cooper began to button his shirt. “No reason.”
Cooper’s hands stilled on his shirt long enough to glance down at his watch, and when he looked up again Josh could tell without asking that they were thinking the same thing. He pushed himself off the bed and started across the room, but before he got halfway to Cooper the doorbell rang. The sound was too loud in the silence of the room, and he flinched and felt his blush deepen.
"Nick's early," Cooper said, smirking as he watched Josh sigh. He finished buttoning his shirt and closed the rest of the distance between them, pulling Josh forward for a quick kiss before he released the other boy again. "We'll just put in an appearance, okay? Nobody ever notices when I bail on these things early anyway."
Josh nodded and bit his lip to stop himself from saying anything disparaging about Cooper's relatives. He didn't understand why they all treated Cooper like he was a burden, but he knew bringing it up wouldn't make the evening any easier. "I'll just…I'll go let Nick in," Josh stammered when Cooper pulled away from him, struggling to get his hormones back under control so he wouldn't embarrass himself in front of Cooper's family.
Cooper grinned and headed back to his closet to finish getting dressed, and Josh forced himself to focus on putting one foot in front of the other as he made his way out of the room and down the stairs. When he reached the front door he took a deep breath and pulled it open, managing a nervous grin as he stepped aside to let Nick in. "Hey. Cooper's almost ready."
Nick nodded and looked Josh up and down before turning away and reaching into his jacket pocket for a pack of cigarettes. He tapped one out and lit it before he turned around again, raising an eyebrow at the other boy as he exhaled. He was wearing a suit a lot like the one Cooper was upstairs changing into, but his collar was unbuttoned and he wasn't wearing a tie. The semi-casual look made Josh feel a little better about his own clothes, although he had a feeling he was still underdressed. He had no idea what to expect, but for some reason Josh kept picturing a scene from The Godfather.
"So you guys done anything yet besides…you know, whatever you do," Nick asked, glancing toward the stairs before he turned back to look at Josh again.
"No…I mean we've just been hanging out around here," Josh answered, shifting uncomfortably and wishing Cooper would hurry up. He hadn't really seen Nick since Christmas, and he'd forgotten how intimidating the other boy could be. "I mean it's been nice, especially since I don't know when we'll get to see each other again."
Nick frowned at him and Josh struggled not to flinch, wondering suddenly what he was missing. If he didn't know better he would have sworn Nick was surprised to hear him say that, but he knew that Josh was going to college in Massachusetts and there was no telling when he'd get another chance to see Cooper. A second later the look was gone and Nick was regarding him carefully again, taking a long drag from his cigarette before he pointed it at Josh's chest. "Cooper's a real pain in the ass sometimes," he began, holding up his hand when Josh opened his mouth to argue, "but he's family. And he's nuts about you, for some reason. I mean I can see why, you're a good kid. But sometimes he doesn't think before he does stuff. So just…you know, keep that in mind."
Now Josh knew he was missing something, because it sounded like Nick thought maybe Cooper had done something that Josh wasn't going to be happy about. His mind was so full of all the horrible possibilities that he couldn't even focus long enough to ask Nick what the hell he was talking about, and before he found his voice Cooper appeared at the top of the stairs.
"Sorry," he said as he took the stairs two at a time and stopped in front of the other boys. "Took me awhile to find something to wear."
Standing next to each other clad in nearly identical suits Josh could see the family resemblance; it was faint, but he could just barely make it out in the way they held themselves and the shape of their eyes. Nick's shirt was a soft blue while Cooper's was white, but they were both unbuttoned at the collar and they both reached into their right pocket for their keys.
As soon as Nick rolled his eyes over Cooper's clothes emergency the resemblance was gone, but it was eerie enough to make Josh wonder why he'd never seen it before. Then again he hadn't been around Cooper and Nick together for more than a few days, and the last time had been over six months ago. He let Cooper slide an arm around his shoulders and guide him out the door, waiting while the other boy locked the house behind them and then falling into step next to him again.
They piled into Nick's car and Josh leaned back against the leather upholstery, watching Cooper's neighborhood roll by as Nick turned the car in the direction of the club. He'd never seen so many huge houses in his life; back in Sandborn the only really big houses were Emily's and one other rancher's, and that one was just a big run-down farmhouse that someone had built onto over the years. He had a feeling even the more upscale parts of Indianapolis would pale in comparison to some of the houses in Cooper's neighborhood, and he found himself wishing again that Emily had come with him just so she could see the houses.
He couldn't say anything about his culture shock in front of Nick or Cooper; this was normal for them, and no matter how cute Cooper thought Josh's naiveté was he wasn't interested in reminding either of them that he was still just a hick from the country. Not being able to react to his surroundings made him feel even more out of place, and by the time they pulled up in front of the club he was sure he was going to find a way to embarrass himself in front of Cooper's family.
He took a deep breath before he forced himself to get out of the car, ignoring the fluttering in his stomach as he followed Cooper and Nick to the front door. He'd never been to an actual night club until that time in France, and he wasn't sure if the dark, noisy warehouse really counted as a 'club'. This was definitely a club; it was dark, but the music was mellow and the conversation was hushed so that all he could hear was a low murmur of voices over the music as they walked into the main room.
As soon as they were inside Nick reached into his pocket for his cigarettes and made a beeline toward the bar, not bothering to look back to see if Cooper and Josh were following him. Josh wanted to ask why they'd had to come if Nick was just going to ignore them all night, but he had a feeling he wouldn't really understand the answer. Cooper seemed to think it was important that they be there, so all Josh could do was keep his mouth shut and hope Cooper got bored quickly.
He felt a hand close around his and looked down in time to see Cooper tugging him toward the back of the club, resisting the urge to pull his hand free as he glanced around at the people around them. No one seemed to notice either of them, or if they did they didn't seem to care that Cooper was holding his hand. He still wasn't used to doing things like that in public, but he remembered how nice it had been in Paris to be able to touch Cooper whenever he wanted without worrying about who was going to disapprove. He wanted to feel that way again, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t going to happen in a room where at least half the occupants were related to his boyfriend in some way.
"Are all these people here for the party?" Josh asked when they stopped at the bar, leaning close to Cooper as he glanced back at the crowd.
Cooper shrugged and followed Josh's gaze long enough to take in the faces closest to them. "Most of them," he answered. "I mean if they're not here because of Mark's promotion they at least know Nick's uncle," Cooper answered.
"So which one's Mark?"
Cooper scanned the crowd until he found a group of men in suits just like the ones he and Nick were wearing. They were gathered around a large booth in the back of the club, carrying on what looked like an animated conversation. "The one in the middle. Red tie," Cooper answered, pointing toward a guy who didn't look much older than them.
"He's young."
"Yeah. College isn't exactly popular with my family. Most of us just go into whatever end of the business our fathers are in."
"Like plumbing supplies," Josh said, turning away from the crowd of Cooper's relatives to look at the other boy.
Before Cooper could answer Nick reappeared, handing a beer to each of them. "Cooper's old man isn't exactly part of the family business," Nick answered. "Cooper's grandfather married Pop's aunt, the plumbing supplies thing was from his family. But it worked out okay."
Josh shook his head and looked down at the beer in his hand, frowning at it for a second before he looked up again. He knew the fact that they were allowed to drink right out in front of Cooper's family shouldn't surprise him at this point, but he was still used to drinking being something kids did in secret when there weren't any adults around. "Your family's kind of confusing."
A derisive snort escaped Nick as he turned away from the other boys, but Cooper just grinned and slid an arm around his waist. "You'll get used to them," he said. "Once you figure out who everybody is it's pretty easy. And I don't even know who some of them are, so don't worry about it."
Josh was pretty sure that was supposed to make him feel better, but all it did was make him wonder if he'd have enough time to figure out the dynamics of Cooper's family before he didn't even know Cooper anymore. He hated thinking like that and he knew better than to say it out loud, but no matter how many times Cooper told him not to, he couldn't help worrying about the future.
He'd been avoiding any conversation about college on purpose since he got to New York, mostly because he didn't want to think about what happened when he was in school again and Cooper was stuck learning the ins and outs of his father's business. They couldn't keep up a long-distance relationship forever; no matter how they felt about each other, eventually Cooper was going to get bored and want something different. It still surprised Josh that they'd lasted as long as they had, and he couldn't help wondering when Cooper was finally going to get tired of phone calls and a few stolen days here and there.
That question had been on his mind since the first night they spent together, though, and if anything Cooper seemed even more determined now than he had been at the beginning. So maybe he really could find a way to make their relationship work while Josh was in college; he hoped so, because the thought of breaking up with Cooper left him feeling more hollow than he ever had all those years he'd been pretending to be just one of the guys back home.
He realized he'd been staring at Cooper's profile when he saw the other boy tense, his shoulders squaring as he pushed himself off the bar and straightened up. Josh followed Cooper's gaze in time to see an older man stop in front of them, frowning sternly as he pulled Cooper and Nick's beers out of their hands. He shook his head and set them down on the bar before he turned to Josh, raising an eyebrow and holding out a hand. Josh swallowed hard and handed the bottle over automatically, wondering suddenly if Cooper had any cops in the family he'd forgotten to mention.
"Pop, come on, it's just a beer," Nick said, and Josh's eyes grew a little wider as he realized the man glaring at them was Nick's father. The older man ignored Nick's protest and set Josh's beer down next to the others, gesturing for the bartender to retrieve the drinks before he turned back to them.
"How many times do I have to tell you boys that if you're driving you can't drink? That means all of you," he added as he glanced at Josh again. "Who's your friend?"
"He's with Cooper," Nick muttered, evoking an eye roll from his father that looked alarmingly like the expression Josh had seen on Nick at least a dozen times.
"This is Josh Miller," Cooper said. "Josh, this is my Uncle Tino."
"Miller, what is that, English?"
Josh nodded, wishing he had his beer back just to chase the sudden dryness out of his throat. "Yes, sir. Nice to meet you, Mr. Cristiani."
The older man took Josh's hand in a firm grip, his features relaxing a little as he let go. "Your mother taught you manners, she should be proud."
Josh managed not to wince at the mention of his mother; he'd been trying not to think about what she'd been going through back home, but the one time he'd called to let her know he'd made it safely she'd sounded so exhausted that he was sure things back in Sandborn hadn't calmed down just because he was gone. "I hope so," he finally answered, praying he didn't sound as worried about it as he felt.
"Cooper, you bring your friend by the house next weekend. Amelia's cooking already, she's expecting both of you."
Cooper nodded and Josh glanced over at him in time to watch the other boy grin, his heart skipping a beat at the look on his boyfriend's face. He knew Cooper was close to Nick's family, at least if the way he talked about them was any indication. He'd never stopped to consider how much they meant to him, though, and he was just starting to realize that for Cooper maybe 'family' meant more than just his parents. Josh didn't have anyone besides his mother, even his grandparents had died when he was still just a kid. He'd heard Nick and Cooper talk about Nick's parents and various uncles and aunts and cousins, but none of it had seemed real until he found himself standing in the center of it.
When Tino turned away from them to talk to Nick Cooper leaned a little closer to Josh, dropping his voice to barely a whisper so nobody would overhear him. "He likes you."
Josh got the impression that that was important to Cooper, so he stopped himself from asking why it mattered. Instead he smiled nervously and stole another glance at the older man, but his back was still to them. "I barely said anything."
"Doesn't matter. Besides, who wouldn't like you?" Cooper's grin grew a little brighter as he leaned forward and brushed a quick kiss across Josh's lips, evoking a surprised laugh and a blush from the other boy.
"You're not just dating me to impress your family, are you?"
"Trust me, Josh, if I was really worried about what they thought I'd be dating some nice Italian girl and probably making both of us miserable."
Josh opened his mouth to say something; he wasn't sure what, because he'd never really given any thought to the fact that Cooper's family didn't approve of the fact that he was gay. He'd always seemed so open about it, as though it just came naturally to him to be honest about who he was. Josh had never stopped to think that maybe it was just as hard for Cooper as it was for him. Before he came up with the right words for an apology Cooper leaned forward again, planting another, longer kiss on him before he pulled away.
He knew it shouldn't make him feel any better, but somehow just a single kiss from Cooper told him more than whatever explanation he could have come up with. They both knew exactly what Cooper was saying anyway; it was hard being different in a way that made the people that were supposed to care about them look at them like they were suddenly untrustworthy, and the temptation to give in and play the role everyone thought they should play was hard to resist sometimes. Josh had played it for almost eighteen years, and half the time he was so busy feeling sorry for himself that it was hard to remember that Cooper had to go through the same thing with his own family.
"Yeah, well, I'm glad you don't care, because I don't want to share you with some girl, no matter how nice she is," he said. He managed what he hoped was a convincing grin and closed his hand around Cooper's again, swallowing against the lump in his throat when Cooper squeezed his hand. He cast another self-conscious glance around the crowd, but he couldn't tell if anyone had noticed the kiss, or if they even cared. It was possible they were used to Cooper's boyfriends coming to these things; Josh wasn't the first guy Cooper had ever dated, after all, and even though Cooper had said he'd never had a steady boyfriend before that didn't mean he'd never brought dates to family functions.
"I have to go say congratulations," Cooper said when Nick glanced over at them and nodded toward the table at the back of the club. Josh nodded and started to let go of Cooper's hand, but before he could protest he felt himself being tugged forward through the crowd. He knew Cooper was planning to introduce him to his cousins and some of his uncles, but when he found himself actually faced with it he was even more nervous than he'd expected to be.
Way before he was ready he found himself standing in front of a booth full of men of various ages and sizes; well, technically he was standing behind Cooper and Nick, but he was close enough to the rest of the men to feel the weight of their gazes on him. He was so busy wondering if they could smell the fear on him that he barely registered first Nick and then Cooper congratulating their cousin on his promotion to manager of his father's club, and when he heard Nick say his name he was positive they could all hear his heart pounding.
For a long, painful moment all eyes were on him, but no one bothered to address him directly and he found himself breathing a little more easily when the attention shifted back to the cousin they were supposed to be congratulating. Somewhere along the way Cooper had let go of his hand, and Josh felt a little guilty for being almost glad he had. It wasn't like they all didn't know who he was, or at least that he was there with Cooper. But actually advertising in public that they were a couple…it still felt weird, even after almost a year of being Cooper's boyfriend.
By the time he tuned into the conversation again the talk had turned to the restaurant business, and Nick was right in the middle of the debate. Judging from Cooper's expression he was as interested in the conversation as Josh, but considering he was destined for a future in plumbing supplies it wasn't really surprising. Josh glanced toward the table to make sure they were all ignoring him before he leaned close enough to whisper in Cooper's ear. "Does anybody in your family pick their own career?"
Cooper frowned as though he was considering the question, then he glanced at the group of men to make sure none of them were watching before he grabbed Josh's arm and pushed him away from the table. "Come on, I wanna show you something."
"What about them?" Josh asked, glancing over his shoulder as Cooper steered him toward a door near the back of the room.
"They won't even notice we're gone," Cooper answered, and Josh couldn't tell by his tone whether that bothered him or not. "Nick's the only one that'll notice, and it'll take him awhile."
A few moments later Josh found himself standing in a short hallway behind the main part of the club, the sudden silence almost eerie as Cooper shut the door behind them. The hallway was lined with several doors on either side, which Josh assumed from the quiet served as the club's business offices. He followed Cooper down the hall, nearly colliding with the other boy when Cooper stopped in front of a row of pictures.
"That's Nick's grandfather," Cooper said, pointing to a picture of a man about the age of Nick's father. "He opened this place with his brother back when they were in their twenties. After the bar took off they opened a restaurant down the block, Nick's grandfather stayed here to run the bar and his brother ran the restaurant. Since then their sons and now the grandsons have all sort of traded off responsibility, but the whole family pretty much has a hand in this place."
"Except your dad."
"That's the thing. My dad's not one of Uncle Tino's brothers. Tino's not even really my uncle, I just call him that. He's my dad's cousin. So the only reason I have anything to do with this part of the family is because Nick's mom pretty much raised me. If it wasn't for that and the fact that Nick and I are best friends I wouldn't even know most of them."
He gestured toward the other pictures on the wall, some of them photographs of the men Josh had just been introduced to. Some of the pictures were obviously older, but it was easy to tell that they were all related. "So how come your dad's not part of it? I mean all the other cousins seem like they're involved."
"It gets complicated. My dad's dad married Angela Cristiani. She was Nick's grandfather's sister. That makes Pop and Uncle Tino cousins, but since Pop's a Frederickson he went into the Frederickson family business. Nobody ever really accepted my grandfather because he wasn't Italian. The fact that he was a total bastard didn't help either." Cooper paused to take a breath, finally turning away from the wall of family photos to look at Josh. "So even though I look more like the family than Nick does, I'll never really be part of this. You throw in the whole gay thing and forget it."
"Coop," Josh said, but as soon as the name escaped his lips he realized he had no idea what to say. There was really nothing he could say, he couldn't do anything to change the way Cooper's family looked at him. The fact that Cooper would never belong the way Nick did had to bother him, but there wasn't anything either of them could do about it. Instead of saying something that would just sound lame he reached out, trailing his fingers along the expanse of skin just above Cooper's collar.
Cooper's hand came up to close around his, bringing Josh's fingers to his lips to press a soft kiss to his palm before he took a step backwards and pulled Josh toward the door at the end of the hall. "Come on."
Josh thought about arguing, telling Cooper they should go back to the party or at least go tell Nick they were leaving and catch a cab back to his house. He had a feeling if anybody caught them in the offices that Cooper would be in trouble, but the other boy didn't seem worried about it and part of Josh didn't want to remind him of where they were. He had a feeling Cooper was right about nobody noticing they were gone for awhile, and the silence in the back of the club was seductive enough to make him forget how many people there were just on the other side of the door.
He let Cooper pull him into a small room with a desk that was way too big for the space. The rest of the room was taken up by a long leather couch, and when Cooper pulled him down onto it Josh couldn't bring himself to ask whether or not this was a good idea. He pushed the possibility of someone walking in on them as far back in his mind as it would go, focusing on the feeling of Cooper's hands pressing against his back through the fabric of his shirt. He turned his attention back to the skin revealed by Cooper's open collar as the other boy's hands slid down past his waist, traveling back up under his shirt to flatten against his skin.
The couch was too narrow for them to stretch out comfortably, but Cooper didn't seem to think that was a problem. He pulled Josh forward, his hands pressing against the small of Josh's back to urge him closer as Josh mapped the curves of Cooper's neck with his mouth. And he knew he'd never get enough of the way Cooper tasted; the sweetness of his tongue or the slightly salty, masculine taste of the skin on his neck. Then there was the way he tasted in the moments before he came, the vaguely bitter flavor of his release and the indescribable taste of not-quite-desperation when he pushed Josh down and tasted himself on Josh's tongue.
Every new inch of skin held a new taste, a breathy little moan or the slightest clenching of muscles that he knew Cooper didn't even feel. It was almost like Cooper lost himself so deeply in the sensations that he didn't notice the details, but Josh never missed a single one. He'd spent hours committing everything he could about Cooper to memory, from the hoarseness of his voice when he was hard and needy to the uneven rhythm of his heart right after he came. He could lie with his ear pressed to Cooper's chest and just listen to his heart beating for hours, because just knowing that it was Cooper's heart beating strong and clear was enough to make Josh happy.
He knew he'd give Cooper whatever he wanted, he'd come to terms with that almost as soon as they met. The part that he still hadn't gotten used to was that Cooper would do the same for him, that all he had to do was ask and if there was a way Cooper would get whatever it was for him. And if there wasn't a way Cooper would invent one, because he never backed down from a challenge. That knowledge was the thing that gave Josh hope that somehow they'd stay together, even if he was in college in another state and Cooper was stuck in Buffalo hawking plumbing supplies.
He pulled his mouth off the other boy's neck, smiling when he found Cooper staring up at him with wide, unfocused eyes. "Maybe I could transfer to a school in Buffalo," he said before he even realized he was thinking it. Not that he hadn't considered that idea a thousand times before, but he'd always stopped himself from saying it out loud. It had always seemed like too much to ask, and he'd never really let himself believe they'd stay together as long as they had. It had been almost a year, though, and he knew Cooper wanted him around. So if the only thing keeping them apart was Cooper's family obligations then Josh would just have to find a way to be with him.
"You'd do that?" Cooper asked, his eyes wide as though he'd never really considered the possibility before.
"Yeah, of course. I'll do whatever it takes."
For a brief, heart-stopping moment Cooper's whole face lit up in a smile that made Josh fall just a little more in love with him, and he leaned forward to fuse their lips together. Before he made contact Cooper shook his head, though, his smile fading a little as he ran a hand through Josh's hair. "You can't. You've got a full ride to Daleman, you can't give that up."
"So I'll get a scholarship to a school up here," Josh answered. "Or I'll get a job. People do it all the time, Coop. I have to do something. I can't spend the next four years just seeing you during school vacations."
"Josh, there's something I've gotta tell you."
Josh had never known those words to lead to anything good; that was how it had started the night his mother broke the news to him that his father was gone, and that was how he'd started the coming out speech he gave his mother after Cooper left Indiana. He felt his whole body tense, but he didn't move off Cooper as he waited for the other boy to continue. "What?" he heard himself ask, but his voice sounded soft and far-away and he wasn't even sure if he'd said it out loud.
He felt Cooper's hands leave his back and he braced himself for the words he'd feared since the first time Cooper kissed him, but before Cooper got a chance to break his heart the door to the office opened. He tensed for an entirely different reason as Cooper pushed against him, urging Josh back into a sitting position. The last thing he wanted to do was deal with whoever had walked in on them; what he really wanted was for Cooper to answer the question, but Cooper was already looking over Josh's shoulder at whoever had walked in.
"Jesus, if Uncle Paul comes back here you two are dead." Nick's voice rang clearly in Josh's ears, but the fact that it was just Cooper's best friend and not some other, less tolerant member of his family didn't make Josh feel any better.
"We were just talking," Cooper said, but he stood up and reached down to tug Josh off the couch. "Are we going yet or what?"
"I can drop you guys off," Nick answered, glancing down the hall before he stood aside to let Josh and Cooper out of the office. "I'm meeting somebody later."
"That girl Joey set you up with?"
"None of your business," Nick shot back, but he glanced over his shoulder long enough to grin at them.
When they stepped back into the main part of the club Josh reached for Cooper's arm, ignoring the surprise in the other boy's eyes as he pulled Cooper to a stop. "What were you going to tell me?" he asked, hoping he didn't sound as panicked as he felt.
"What? Oh," Cooper said. "It's not important, Josh. I'll tell you later."
"It sounded important. Coop, if there's something you want to tell me…"
Josh trailed off when his voice caught in his throat, swallowing and looking away as he felt his cheeks flush. For a long moment Cooper didn't say anything, then a hand landed on the back of his neck. "Jesus, Josh. Did you think…I wasn't trying to break up with you. I love you, remember?"
"I know," Josh mumbled, caught between feeling stupid for jumping to the worst possible conclusion and wondering what the hell Cooper was going to say if it wasn't that. "You just made it sound so…I don't know. Final. I mean if you don't want me to transfer to Buffalo…"
"It's nothing like that, Josh," Cooper answered. "If you wanted to go to school here I'd be in Indiana right now helping you pack your stuff. But you've got a full scholarship to Daleman, and I'm not letting you give that up for me. We're talking about your whole future here."
"Yeah, we are," Josh said, his heart skipping a beat as he watched the meaning behind his words sink in. Cooper's whole face lit up in a triumphant grin a moment before he pulled Josh forward, planting a hard kiss on him that Josh was sure at least a few of Cooper's cousins had noticed. He couldn't make himself care, though, not when he was too busy being relieved that Cooper wasn't breaking up with him.
The sound of a throat clearing penetrated the fog quickly settling in his brain, and he felt Cooper pull away from him reluctantly. "You guys coming or what?" Nick asked, raising an eyebrow as Cooper grinned and closed his hand around Josh's again.
"Yeah, we're ready," Cooper answered, his fingers entwined with Josh's as they followed Nick through the crowd. Josh's head was still spinning from a combination of the kiss and the confusion, but he was more than willing to follow Cooper wherever he wanted to lead. For the first time since Cooper had brought up the future in that hotel room in Paris Josh actually believed they had a shot, and even if it was a million in one chance he'd take it.
Fandom: Dead Man On Campus
Pairing: Josh/Cooper
Rating: NC17
Summary: AU. Josh goes to visit Cooper in Buffalo and learns a lot more than he bargained for about how Cooper grew up. Part five of the Senior Year series.
Granted they hadn't actually left the house much since he'd gotten to Buffalo, but Josh was starting to get a little more comfortable with being in Cooper's hometown. It had taken him a few days to ease into being around Cooper all the time again, but the more time they spent together the more Josh liked just hanging out with him. They'd never really had much time to just hang out and do nothing together, and so far since he'd been in town that was pretty much all they'd done.
He knew it couldn't last forever, but even though he'd told himself they were going to have to leave the house eventually he wasn't really looking forward to meeting Nick at his uncle's club that night. The fact that he wouldn’t be meeting Cooper’s parents any time soon made him feel a little better, but a whole club full of cousins and uncles and whatever other relatives he didn’t know about was more than a little intimidating. Cooper had tried to reassure him that it was no big deal, that they were just to put in an appearance to make Nick feel better.
Josh liked Nick, at least as much as he could like someone that he was a little afraid of, but that didn’t mean he really wanted to spend the evening hanging out with him and twenty or thirty of his relatives. His guilt over taking Cooper away from Nick had faded a lot in the few days they’d been alone together, and now that he found himself sitting on the edge of Cooper’s bed watching his boyfriend get dressed he was starting to resent the fact that they had to worry about Nick at all.
He wasn’t going to say anything, though, because he didn’t want to make Cooper think that he was completely selfish. Anyway he’d already tried getting out of going, and it hadn’t worked the first time so he had a feeling if he brought it up again they’d both just end up irritated at each other all night. If he couldn’t get out of meeting part of Cooper’s extended family for the first time he didn’t really want Cooper to be in a bad mood for it; one friendly face in the room was really all he could hope for, and if he screwed that up he was guaranteed to have a bad time.
Watching Cooper get dressed was at least entertaining, although the number of outfits Cooper had already decided against was a little alarming. Josh didn’t even own half that many clothes, and Cooper still had more to choose from. He looked down at his own black cotton button-down and black slacks, feeling woefully underdressed as he watched Cooper another suit out of his closet and frown thoughtfully before turning to look at Josh.
“What do you think?”
“I think you have enough clothes to start your own store,” Josh answered as he watched Cooper hold the suit up to his chin. “Am I totally undressed here or what? I don’t even own a suit, and you’ve gone through like ten already.”
Cooper dropped the suit in the pile with the others and crossed the room, stopping in front of Josh and reaching out to toy with the buttons on the other boy’s shirt. “You look amazing, Josh.”
“Are you sure? Because you seem kind of stressed about what you’re going to wear just to go hang out with Nick.”
“It’s hard to explain,” Cooper said, easing forward when Josh parted his legs to pull Cooper closer. “Sometimes it feels like there’s a uniform. I mean nobody would say anything if I showed up in jeans, but I’d still know what they were thinking.”
“Why are we going to this thing again?”
“Because if we put in an appearance tonight we can blow off my family for the rest of the week,” Cooper answered, his voice soft as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the side of Josh’s neck. When he put it that way Josh had to admit it sounded reasonable, and if it meant he got Cooper all to himself for a few more days he was willing to sacrifice one night.
It bothered him that he was so possessive of Cooper’s time, but their first week together was already more than half over and he knew the rest of his visit was going to fly by. He wasn’t used to having to worry about family obligations, at home it was just him and his mom and she was almost always at work. So getting used to the fact that Cooper’s family expected certain things of him was an adjustment, but it was definitely worth it if it made Cooper happy.
Making Cooper happy was the main focus of his life lately, and he was less disturbed by that than he’d expected to be. Part of it was knowing that Cooper felt the same way, but part of it was the fact that his boyfriend didn’t seem to have a lot of people that cared one way or the other how he felt. There was Nick, but other than Cooper’s cousin and Josh he didn’t seem to have anybody to count on. Josh had spent a lot of time as a kid feeling sorry for himself because his dad wasn’t around, but after seeing the way Cooper’s parents treated him he was grateful that he at least had one parent that gave a damn.
“Wear the gray one,” Josh said, his breath hitting Cooper’s neck as the other boy’s mouth moved over his jaw. He felt the shiver roll through Cooper’s body and instantly wished he hadn’t reminded the other boy of what they were supposed to be doing, but the sooner they got there the sooner they could leave and get back to pretending the rest of the world didn’t exist. He swallowed a sigh when Cooper straightened up and took a step backwards, his hand lingering on Josh’s collar for a moment before he grinned and let out a deep breath.
“The gray one. Okay,” Cooper said, although Josh was pretty sure he wasn’t aware of what he was saying. In fact he looked a little dazed, and it was all Josh could do not to reach out and pull him back down onto the bed. He curled his hands into fists as he watched Cooper back toward the closet and turn to stare at the pile of discarded clothes, finally reaching into the mess and pulling out his gray suit.
Josh had a feeling he should get up and go find something else to do while Cooper changed, but Cooper didn’t seem to mind having an audience and if he went downstairs and turned on the TV he was just going to be thinking about what Cooper was doing up here. He watched as the other boy hung the suit on the closet door and reached for the hem of his tee shirt, tugging it over his head and dropping it on the floor.
“Should I put on a tie at least?” Josh asked, glancing down at his own clothes again.
“No. What you should do is undo another one of those buttons,” Cooper answered, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth as he unzipped his jeans.
Josh made a face at him but reached for his collar anyway, tugging another button open while he watched Cooper push his jeans down his hips to pool around his ankles. “How long do these things usually last?”
Cooper kicked his jeans out of the way and reached into his closet, pulling out a crisp white shirt and sliding his arms into it before he turned to look at Josh again. “It’s not like there’s a schedule. Why?”
Heat crept into Josh’s cheeks as he let his gaze wander down Cooper’s still-exposed chest, focusing his attention on the other boy’s hands as Cooper began to button his shirt. “No reason.”
Cooper’s hands stilled on his shirt long enough to glance down at his watch, and when he looked up again Josh could tell without asking that they were thinking the same thing. He pushed himself off the bed and started across the room, but before he got halfway to Cooper the doorbell rang. The sound was too loud in the silence of the room, and he flinched and felt his blush deepen.
"Nick's early," Cooper said, smirking as he watched Josh sigh. He finished buttoning his shirt and closed the rest of the distance between them, pulling Josh forward for a quick kiss before he released the other boy again. "We'll just put in an appearance, okay? Nobody ever notices when I bail on these things early anyway."
Josh nodded and bit his lip to stop himself from saying anything disparaging about Cooper's relatives. He didn't understand why they all treated Cooper like he was a burden, but he knew bringing it up wouldn't make the evening any easier. "I'll just…I'll go let Nick in," Josh stammered when Cooper pulled away from him, struggling to get his hormones back under control so he wouldn't embarrass himself in front of Cooper's family.
Cooper grinned and headed back to his closet to finish getting dressed, and Josh forced himself to focus on putting one foot in front of the other as he made his way out of the room and down the stairs. When he reached the front door he took a deep breath and pulled it open, managing a nervous grin as he stepped aside to let Nick in. "Hey. Cooper's almost ready."
Nick nodded and looked Josh up and down before turning away and reaching into his jacket pocket for a pack of cigarettes. He tapped one out and lit it before he turned around again, raising an eyebrow at the other boy as he exhaled. He was wearing a suit a lot like the one Cooper was upstairs changing into, but his collar was unbuttoned and he wasn't wearing a tie. The semi-casual look made Josh feel a little better about his own clothes, although he had a feeling he was still underdressed. He had no idea what to expect, but for some reason Josh kept picturing a scene from The Godfather.
"So you guys done anything yet besides…you know, whatever you do," Nick asked, glancing toward the stairs before he turned back to look at Josh again.
"No…I mean we've just been hanging out around here," Josh answered, shifting uncomfortably and wishing Cooper would hurry up. He hadn't really seen Nick since Christmas, and he'd forgotten how intimidating the other boy could be. "I mean it's been nice, especially since I don't know when we'll get to see each other again."
Nick frowned at him and Josh struggled not to flinch, wondering suddenly what he was missing. If he didn't know better he would have sworn Nick was surprised to hear him say that, but he knew that Josh was going to college in Massachusetts and there was no telling when he'd get another chance to see Cooper. A second later the look was gone and Nick was regarding him carefully again, taking a long drag from his cigarette before he pointed it at Josh's chest. "Cooper's a real pain in the ass sometimes," he began, holding up his hand when Josh opened his mouth to argue, "but he's family. And he's nuts about you, for some reason. I mean I can see why, you're a good kid. But sometimes he doesn't think before he does stuff. So just…you know, keep that in mind."
Now Josh knew he was missing something, because it sounded like Nick thought maybe Cooper had done something that Josh wasn't going to be happy about. His mind was so full of all the horrible possibilities that he couldn't even focus long enough to ask Nick what the hell he was talking about, and before he found his voice Cooper appeared at the top of the stairs.
"Sorry," he said as he took the stairs two at a time and stopped in front of the other boys. "Took me awhile to find something to wear."
Standing next to each other clad in nearly identical suits Josh could see the family resemblance; it was faint, but he could just barely make it out in the way they held themselves and the shape of their eyes. Nick's shirt was a soft blue while Cooper's was white, but they were both unbuttoned at the collar and they both reached into their right pocket for their keys.
As soon as Nick rolled his eyes over Cooper's clothes emergency the resemblance was gone, but it was eerie enough to make Josh wonder why he'd never seen it before. Then again he hadn't been around Cooper and Nick together for more than a few days, and the last time had been over six months ago. He let Cooper slide an arm around his shoulders and guide him out the door, waiting while the other boy locked the house behind them and then falling into step next to him again.
They piled into Nick's car and Josh leaned back against the leather upholstery, watching Cooper's neighborhood roll by as Nick turned the car in the direction of the club. He'd never seen so many huge houses in his life; back in Sandborn the only really big houses were Emily's and one other rancher's, and that one was just a big run-down farmhouse that someone had built onto over the years. He had a feeling even the more upscale parts of Indianapolis would pale in comparison to some of the houses in Cooper's neighborhood, and he found himself wishing again that Emily had come with him just so she could see the houses.
He couldn't say anything about his culture shock in front of Nick or Cooper; this was normal for them, and no matter how cute Cooper thought Josh's naiveté was he wasn't interested in reminding either of them that he was still just a hick from the country. Not being able to react to his surroundings made him feel even more out of place, and by the time they pulled up in front of the club he was sure he was going to find a way to embarrass himself in front of Cooper's family.
He took a deep breath before he forced himself to get out of the car, ignoring the fluttering in his stomach as he followed Cooper and Nick to the front door. He'd never been to an actual night club until that time in France, and he wasn't sure if the dark, noisy warehouse really counted as a 'club'. This was definitely a club; it was dark, but the music was mellow and the conversation was hushed so that all he could hear was a low murmur of voices over the music as they walked into the main room.
As soon as they were inside Nick reached into his pocket for his cigarettes and made a beeline toward the bar, not bothering to look back to see if Cooper and Josh were following him. Josh wanted to ask why they'd had to come if Nick was just going to ignore them all night, but he had a feeling he wouldn't really understand the answer. Cooper seemed to think it was important that they be there, so all Josh could do was keep his mouth shut and hope Cooper got bored quickly.
He felt a hand close around his and looked down in time to see Cooper tugging him toward the back of the club, resisting the urge to pull his hand free as he glanced around at the people around them. No one seemed to notice either of them, or if they did they didn't seem to care that Cooper was holding his hand. He still wasn't used to doing things like that in public, but he remembered how nice it had been in Paris to be able to touch Cooper whenever he wanted without worrying about who was going to disapprove. He wanted to feel that way again, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t going to happen in a room where at least half the occupants were related to his boyfriend in some way.
"Are all these people here for the party?" Josh asked when they stopped at the bar, leaning close to Cooper as he glanced back at the crowd.
Cooper shrugged and followed Josh's gaze long enough to take in the faces closest to them. "Most of them," he answered. "I mean if they're not here because of Mark's promotion they at least know Nick's uncle," Cooper answered.
"So which one's Mark?"
Cooper scanned the crowd until he found a group of men in suits just like the ones he and Nick were wearing. They were gathered around a large booth in the back of the club, carrying on what looked like an animated conversation. "The one in the middle. Red tie," Cooper answered, pointing toward a guy who didn't look much older than them.
"He's young."
"Yeah. College isn't exactly popular with my family. Most of us just go into whatever end of the business our fathers are in."
"Like plumbing supplies," Josh said, turning away from the crowd of Cooper's relatives to look at the other boy.
Before Cooper could answer Nick reappeared, handing a beer to each of them. "Cooper's old man isn't exactly part of the family business," Nick answered. "Cooper's grandfather married Pop's aunt, the plumbing supplies thing was from his family. But it worked out okay."
Josh shook his head and looked down at the beer in his hand, frowning at it for a second before he looked up again. He knew the fact that they were allowed to drink right out in front of Cooper's family shouldn't surprise him at this point, but he was still used to drinking being something kids did in secret when there weren't any adults around. "Your family's kind of confusing."
A derisive snort escaped Nick as he turned away from the other boys, but Cooper just grinned and slid an arm around his waist. "You'll get used to them," he said. "Once you figure out who everybody is it's pretty easy. And I don't even know who some of them are, so don't worry about it."
Josh was pretty sure that was supposed to make him feel better, but all it did was make him wonder if he'd have enough time to figure out the dynamics of Cooper's family before he didn't even know Cooper anymore. He hated thinking like that and he knew better than to say it out loud, but no matter how many times Cooper told him not to, he couldn't help worrying about the future.
He'd been avoiding any conversation about college on purpose since he got to New York, mostly because he didn't want to think about what happened when he was in school again and Cooper was stuck learning the ins and outs of his father's business. They couldn't keep up a long-distance relationship forever; no matter how they felt about each other, eventually Cooper was going to get bored and want something different. It still surprised Josh that they'd lasted as long as they had, and he couldn't help wondering when Cooper was finally going to get tired of phone calls and a few stolen days here and there.
That question had been on his mind since the first night they spent together, though, and if anything Cooper seemed even more determined now than he had been at the beginning. So maybe he really could find a way to make their relationship work while Josh was in college; he hoped so, because the thought of breaking up with Cooper left him feeling more hollow than he ever had all those years he'd been pretending to be just one of the guys back home.
He realized he'd been staring at Cooper's profile when he saw the other boy tense, his shoulders squaring as he pushed himself off the bar and straightened up. Josh followed Cooper's gaze in time to see an older man stop in front of them, frowning sternly as he pulled Cooper and Nick's beers out of their hands. He shook his head and set them down on the bar before he turned to Josh, raising an eyebrow and holding out a hand. Josh swallowed hard and handed the bottle over automatically, wondering suddenly if Cooper had any cops in the family he'd forgotten to mention.
"Pop, come on, it's just a beer," Nick said, and Josh's eyes grew a little wider as he realized the man glaring at them was Nick's father. The older man ignored Nick's protest and set Josh's beer down next to the others, gesturing for the bartender to retrieve the drinks before he turned back to them.
"How many times do I have to tell you boys that if you're driving you can't drink? That means all of you," he added as he glanced at Josh again. "Who's your friend?"
"He's with Cooper," Nick muttered, evoking an eye roll from his father that looked alarmingly like the expression Josh had seen on Nick at least a dozen times.
"This is Josh Miller," Cooper said. "Josh, this is my Uncle Tino."
"Miller, what is that, English?"
Josh nodded, wishing he had his beer back just to chase the sudden dryness out of his throat. "Yes, sir. Nice to meet you, Mr. Cristiani."
The older man took Josh's hand in a firm grip, his features relaxing a little as he let go. "Your mother taught you manners, she should be proud."
Josh managed not to wince at the mention of his mother; he'd been trying not to think about what she'd been going through back home, but the one time he'd called to let her know he'd made it safely she'd sounded so exhausted that he was sure things back in Sandborn hadn't calmed down just because he was gone. "I hope so," he finally answered, praying he didn't sound as worried about it as he felt.
"Cooper, you bring your friend by the house next weekend. Amelia's cooking already, she's expecting both of you."
Cooper nodded and Josh glanced over at him in time to watch the other boy grin, his heart skipping a beat at the look on his boyfriend's face. He knew Cooper was close to Nick's family, at least if the way he talked about them was any indication. He'd never stopped to consider how much they meant to him, though, and he was just starting to realize that for Cooper maybe 'family' meant more than just his parents. Josh didn't have anyone besides his mother, even his grandparents had died when he was still just a kid. He'd heard Nick and Cooper talk about Nick's parents and various uncles and aunts and cousins, but none of it had seemed real until he found himself standing in the center of it.
When Tino turned away from them to talk to Nick Cooper leaned a little closer to Josh, dropping his voice to barely a whisper so nobody would overhear him. "He likes you."
Josh got the impression that that was important to Cooper, so he stopped himself from asking why it mattered. Instead he smiled nervously and stole another glance at the older man, but his back was still to them. "I barely said anything."
"Doesn't matter. Besides, who wouldn't like you?" Cooper's grin grew a little brighter as he leaned forward and brushed a quick kiss across Josh's lips, evoking a surprised laugh and a blush from the other boy.
"You're not just dating me to impress your family, are you?"
"Trust me, Josh, if I was really worried about what they thought I'd be dating some nice Italian girl and probably making both of us miserable."
Josh opened his mouth to say something; he wasn't sure what, because he'd never really given any thought to the fact that Cooper's family didn't approve of the fact that he was gay. He'd always seemed so open about it, as though it just came naturally to him to be honest about who he was. Josh had never stopped to think that maybe it was just as hard for Cooper as it was for him. Before he came up with the right words for an apology Cooper leaned forward again, planting another, longer kiss on him before he pulled away.
He knew it shouldn't make him feel any better, but somehow just a single kiss from Cooper told him more than whatever explanation he could have come up with. They both knew exactly what Cooper was saying anyway; it was hard being different in a way that made the people that were supposed to care about them look at them like they were suddenly untrustworthy, and the temptation to give in and play the role everyone thought they should play was hard to resist sometimes. Josh had played it for almost eighteen years, and half the time he was so busy feeling sorry for himself that it was hard to remember that Cooper had to go through the same thing with his own family.
"Yeah, well, I'm glad you don't care, because I don't want to share you with some girl, no matter how nice she is," he said. He managed what he hoped was a convincing grin and closed his hand around Cooper's again, swallowing against the lump in his throat when Cooper squeezed his hand. He cast another self-conscious glance around the crowd, but he couldn't tell if anyone had noticed the kiss, or if they even cared. It was possible they were used to Cooper's boyfriends coming to these things; Josh wasn't the first guy Cooper had ever dated, after all, and even though Cooper had said he'd never had a steady boyfriend before that didn't mean he'd never brought dates to family functions.
"I have to go say congratulations," Cooper said when Nick glanced over at them and nodded toward the table at the back of the club. Josh nodded and started to let go of Cooper's hand, but before he could protest he felt himself being tugged forward through the crowd. He knew Cooper was planning to introduce him to his cousins and some of his uncles, but when he found himself actually faced with it he was even more nervous than he'd expected to be.
Way before he was ready he found himself standing in front of a booth full of men of various ages and sizes; well, technically he was standing behind Cooper and Nick, but he was close enough to the rest of the men to feel the weight of their gazes on him. He was so busy wondering if they could smell the fear on him that he barely registered first Nick and then Cooper congratulating their cousin on his promotion to manager of his father's club, and when he heard Nick say his name he was positive they could all hear his heart pounding.
For a long, painful moment all eyes were on him, but no one bothered to address him directly and he found himself breathing a little more easily when the attention shifted back to the cousin they were supposed to be congratulating. Somewhere along the way Cooper had let go of his hand, and Josh felt a little guilty for being almost glad he had. It wasn't like they all didn't know who he was, or at least that he was there with Cooper. But actually advertising in public that they were a couple…it still felt weird, even after almost a year of being Cooper's boyfriend.
By the time he tuned into the conversation again the talk had turned to the restaurant business, and Nick was right in the middle of the debate. Judging from Cooper's expression he was as interested in the conversation as Josh, but considering he was destined for a future in plumbing supplies it wasn't really surprising. Josh glanced toward the table to make sure they were all ignoring him before he leaned close enough to whisper in Cooper's ear. "Does anybody in your family pick their own career?"
Cooper frowned as though he was considering the question, then he glanced at the group of men to make sure none of them were watching before he grabbed Josh's arm and pushed him away from the table. "Come on, I wanna show you something."
"What about them?" Josh asked, glancing over his shoulder as Cooper steered him toward a door near the back of the room.
"They won't even notice we're gone," Cooper answered, and Josh couldn't tell by his tone whether that bothered him or not. "Nick's the only one that'll notice, and it'll take him awhile."
A few moments later Josh found himself standing in a short hallway behind the main part of the club, the sudden silence almost eerie as Cooper shut the door behind them. The hallway was lined with several doors on either side, which Josh assumed from the quiet served as the club's business offices. He followed Cooper down the hall, nearly colliding with the other boy when Cooper stopped in front of a row of pictures.
"That's Nick's grandfather," Cooper said, pointing to a picture of a man about the age of Nick's father. "He opened this place with his brother back when they were in their twenties. After the bar took off they opened a restaurant down the block, Nick's grandfather stayed here to run the bar and his brother ran the restaurant. Since then their sons and now the grandsons have all sort of traded off responsibility, but the whole family pretty much has a hand in this place."
"Except your dad."
"That's the thing. My dad's not one of Uncle Tino's brothers. Tino's not even really my uncle, I just call him that. He's my dad's cousin. So the only reason I have anything to do with this part of the family is because Nick's mom pretty much raised me. If it wasn't for that and the fact that Nick and I are best friends I wouldn't even know most of them."
He gestured toward the other pictures on the wall, some of them photographs of the men Josh had just been introduced to. Some of the pictures were obviously older, but it was easy to tell that they were all related. "So how come your dad's not part of it? I mean all the other cousins seem like they're involved."
"It gets complicated. My dad's dad married Angela Cristiani. She was Nick's grandfather's sister. That makes Pop and Uncle Tino cousins, but since Pop's a Frederickson he went into the Frederickson family business. Nobody ever really accepted my grandfather because he wasn't Italian. The fact that he was a total bastard didn't help either." Cooper paused to take a breath, finally turning away from the wall of family photos to look at Josh. "So even though I look more like the family than Nick does, I'll never really be part of this. You throw in the whole gay thing and forget it."
"Coop," Josh said, but as soon as the name escaped his lips he realized he had no idea what to say. There was really nothing he could say, he couldn't do anything to change the way Cooper's family looked at him. The fact that Cooper would never belong the way Nick did had to bother him, but there wasn't anything either of them could do about it. Instead of saying something that would just sound lame he reached out, trailing his fingers along the expanse of skin just above Cooper's collar.
Cooper's hand came up to close around his, bringing Josh's fingers to his lips to press a soft kiss to his palm before he took a step backwards and pulled Josh toward the door at the end of the hall. "Come on."
Josh thought about arguing, telling Cooper they should go back to the party or at least go tell Nick they were leaving and catch a cab back to his house. He had a feeling if anybody caught them in the offices that Cooper would be in trouble, but the other boy didn't seem worried about it and part of Josh didn't want to remind him of where they were. He had a feeling Cooper was right about nobody noticing they were gone for awhile, and the silence in the back of the club was seductive enough to make him forget how many people there were just on the other side of the door.
He let Cooper pull him into a small room with a desk that was way too big for the space. The rest of the room was taken up by a long leather couch, and when Cooper pulled him down onto it Josh couldn't bring himself to ask whether or not this was a good idea. He pushed the possibility of someone walking in on them as far back in his mind as it would go, focusing on the feeling of Cooper's hands pressing against his back through the fabric of his shirt. He turned his attention back to the skin revealed by Cooper's open collar as the other boy's hands slid down past his waist, traveling back up under his shirt to flatten against his skin.
The couch was too narrow for them to stretch out comfortably, but Cooper didn't seem to think that was a problem. He pulled Josh forward, his hands pressing against the small of Josh's back to urge him closer as Josh mapped the curves of Cooper's neck with his mouth. And he knew he'd never get enough of the way Cooper tasted; the sweetness of his tongue or the slightly salty, masculine taste of the skin on his neck. Then there was the way he tasted in the moments before he came, the vaguely bitter flavor of his release and the indescribable taste of not-quite-desperation when he pushed Josh down and tasted himself on Josh's tongue.
Every new inch of skin held a new taste, a breathy little moan or the slightest clenching of muscles that he knew Cooper didn't even feel. It was almost like Cooper lost himself so deeply in the sensations that he didn't notice the details, but Josh never missed a single one. He'd spent hours committing everything he could about Cooper to memory, from the hoarseness of his voice when he was hard and needy to the uneven rhythm of his heart right after he came. He could lie with his ear pressed to Cooper's chest and just listen to his heart beating for hours, because just knowing that it was Cooper's heart beating strong and clear was enough to make Josh happy.
He knew he'd give Cooper whatever he wanted, he'd come to terms with that almost as soon as they met. The part that he still hadn't gotten used to was that Cooper would do the same for him, that all he had to do was ask and if there was a way Cooper would get whatever it was for him. And if there wasn't a way Cooper would invent one, because he never backed down from a challenge. That knowledge was the thing that gave Josh hope that somehow they'd stay together, even if he was in college in another state and Cooper was stuck in Buffalo hawking plumbing supplies.
He pulled his mouth off the other boy's neck, smiling when he found Cooper staring up at him with wide, unfocused eyes. "Maybe I could transfer to a school in Buffalo," he said before he even realized he was thinking it. Not that he hadn't considered that idea a thousand times before, but he'd always stopped himself from saying it out loud. It had always seemed like too much to ask, and he'd never really let himself believe they'd stay together as long as they had. It had been almost a year, though, and he knew Cooper wanted him around. So if the only thing keeping them apart was Cooper's family obligations then Josh would just have to find a way to be with him.
"You'd do that?" Cooper asked, his eyes wide as though he'd never really considered the possibility before.
"Yeah, of course. I'll do whatever it takes."
For a brief, heart-stopping moment Cooper's whole face lit up in a smile that made Josh fall just a little more in love with him, and he leaned forward to fuse their lips together. Before he made contact Cooper shook his head, though, his smile fading a little as he ran a hand through Josh's hair. "You can't. You've got a full ride to Daleman, you can't give that up."
"So I'll get a scholarship to a school up here," Josh answered. "Or I'll get a job. People do it all the time, Coop. I have to do something. I can't spend the next four years just seeing you during school vacations."
"Josh, there's something I've gotta tell you."
Josh had never known those words to lead to anything good; that was how it had started the night his mother broke the news to him that his father was gone, and that was how he'd started the coming out speech he gave his mother after Cooper left Indiana. He felt his whole body tense, but he didn't move off Cooper as he waited for the other boy to continue. "What?" he heard himself ask, but his voice sounded soft and far-away and he wasn't even sure if he'd said it out loud.
He felt Cooper's hands leave his back and he braced himself for the words he'd feared since the first time Cooper kissed him, but before Cooper got a chance to break his heart the door to the office opened. He tensed for an entirely different reason as Cooper pushed against him, urging Josh back into a sitting position. The last thing he wanted to do was deal with whoever had walked in on them; what he really wanted was for Cooper to answer the question, but Cooper was already looking over Josh's shoulder at whoever had walked in.
"Jesus, if Uncle Paul comes back here you two are dead." Nick's voice rang clearly in Josh's ears, but the fact that it was just Cooper's best friend and not some other, less tolerant member of his family didn't make Josh feel any better.
"We were just talking," Cooper said, but he stood up and reached down to tug Josh off the couch. "Are we going yet or what?"
"I can drop you guys off," Nick answered, glancing down the hall before he stood aside to let Josh and Cooper out of the office. "I'm meeting somebody later."
"That girl Joey set you up with?"
"None of your business," Nick shot back, but he glanced over his shoulder long enough to grin at them.
When they stepped back into the main part of the club Josh reached for Cooper's arm, ignoring the surprise in the other boy's eyes as he pulled Cooper to a stop. "What were you going to tell me?" he asked, hoping he didn't sound as panicked as he felt.
"What? Oh," Cooper said. "It's not important, Josh. I'll tell you later."
"It sounded important. Coop, if there's something you want to tell me…"
Josh trailed off when his voice caught in his throat, swallowing and looking away as he felt his cheeks flush. For a long moment Cooper didn't say anything, then a hand landed on the back of his neck. "Jesus, Josh. Did you think…I wasn't trying to break up with you. I love you, remember?"
"I know," Josh mumbled, caught between feeling stupid for jumping to the worst possible conclusion and wondering what the hell Cooper was going to say if it wasn't that. "You just made it sound so…I don't know. Final. I mean if you don't want me to transfer to Buffalo…"
"It's nothing like that, Josh," Cooper answered. "If you wanted to go to school here I'd be in Indiana right now helping you pack your stuff. But you've got a full scholarship to Daleman, and I'm not letting you give that up for me. We're talking about your whole future here."
"Yeah, we are," Josh said, his heart skipping a beat as he watched the meaning behind his words sink in. Cooper's whole face lit up in a triumphant grin a moment before he pulled Josh forward, planting a hard kiss on him that Josh was sure at least a few of Cooper's cousins had noticed. He couldn't make himself care, though, not when he was too busy being relieved that Cooper wasn't breaking up with him.
The sound of a throat clearing penetrated the fog quickly settling in his brain, and he felt Cooper pull away from him reluctantly. "You guys coming or what?" Nick asked, raising an eyebrow as Cooper grinned and closed his hand around Josh's again.
"Yeah, we're ready," Cooper answered, his fingers entwined with Josh's as they followed Nick through the crowd. Josh's head was still spinning from a combination of the kiss and the confusion, but he was more than willing to follow Cooper wherever he wanted to lead. For the first time since Cooper had brought up the future in that hotel room in Paris Josh actually believed they had a shot, and even if it was a million in one chance he'd take it.