(Untitled)

[carolinecrane]

Rejected! That is how I feel today, in pretty much every aspect of my life. But instead of talking about it, I will post this meme, which I stole from goldatamera:

Name three or so fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return, I will attempt to write a snippet of (at least) one of them.While I am here, I want to wish a very happy birthday to

Comments

[carolinecrane]

Breakup fic! Woo. It could be a lot better if I dedicated the time to writing the actual fic, but I'm at work, so this is what you get.
_________________________________________________________________

"I'm saying I need more than this. I like you, Tim, and I want to be able to tell people."

"Look, you knew when we started this how it was going to be."

"I know. But that doesn't mean it can't change."

Except that was exactly what it meant, because as soon as Tyler tried to change the rules, everything changed. Tim grew more and more distant, until eventually they just went back to being coworkers. It was weird and awkward and everything Tyler knew was going to happen, but he wasn't sorry he'd done it. He liked Tim -- more than liked him -- but he couldn't climb back into the closet for anyone. It just wasn't him, and he wanted Tim to want him for who he was.

So he wasn't sorry he'd done it, at least not as long as he thought there was a chance Tim might change his mind. And there was always a chance; every time Tim walked into the A/V lab with evidence for Tyler, there was a chance he'd break down and tell Tyler that he missed him. That he missed them. And granted, that wasn't exactly Tim's style, but at least there was a chance he'd touch Tyler, maybe brush his fingers against Tyler's shoulder in some kind of awkward and completely Tim gesture that would say what he couldn't. At the very least there was a chance maybe Tim would look at him, realize what a good thing he'd thrown away and maybe ask if they could talk about it over drinks sometime.

There was always a chance, until one day there just...wasn't anymore. Until the day Tim and Horatio went out on a routine call and Tim didn't come back. Until that day Tyler figured there'd be plenty of time for them to make things work, and if he just held on eventually Tim would see that he was right. They were perfect for each other, and one of these days Tim would give in and admit he wanted Tyler back.

Only now...now Tim was never going to walk into his A/V lab again, he was never going to stand behind Tyler radiating tension and Tyler was never going to have to stop himself from turning around and giving in. He'd never have to worry about sacrificing his pride for great conversation and even better sex again; it should have been a relief, because he could finally stop wondering if he'd made the right decision.

Only now he didn't have a choice anymore, and he'd give anything in the world for the chance to be the one who gave in first.

[rabidfan]

You made me cry. I hate crying, I do way too much of it. But I still love you.

[carolinecrane]

I am both sorry and surprised to have made you cry. I didn't feel like this little snippet resonated emotionally, but then, I detach myself from the death fic when I write it, so maybe it's just me.

[rabidfan]

It probably wouldn't normaly be a problem...but coming on the heels of "lets hold hands at the dance recital", well...you must remember this is me...the emotional cripple. It was sad and had a very real longing woven thru...and yeah, it made me cry.

[carolinecrane]

Well yes, that's why I spend so much time in the Denial!Verse, because Speed's canonical death a) makes no sense and b) is very depressing. Anyway, I am glad to hear this resonated with you, but I am sorry about the crying. Next time I will write more cheerful Speed/Tyler to make up for it.

[sunfire1216]

That was very sad in a sweet way.

For some reason I keep posting my comments in the wrong place, sorry.

[carolinecrane]

No worries : ) Thanks for reading.