Fic: (DMOC, Josh/Cooper, PG)
For the_darkglow, who requested Josh/Cooper three years pre-Bells Will Be Ringing. I wrote the Cooper part, so I figured I should write the Josh part too. 1088 words.
"Thanks, Pickle. It was really cool of you guys to come out this weekend," Josh said as he took the box Pickle handed him and stacked it on top of the pile in the back of the rented moving van.
"What are friends for?" Pickle said, grinning and pushing his hair out of his eyes. "Besides, it gave us a chance to come back and see Daleman again."
"I think it'll be awhile before I start missing this place." Josh grinned when Pickle laughed, but the truth was that he was going to miss Daleman a little. It had taken him longer to graduate than his friends, partly because of that first semester with Cooper and partly because he'd changed majors. But now he was finally leaving, moving to a different city with new people and new buildings and there would be nothing there to remind him of Cooper.
He knew it was stupid. He knew he should just get over it, but he'd been trying for three years and it hadn't worked so far. So he didn't try to stop himself from imagining Cooper here with the rest of their friends, helping Josh pack or maybe just getting in the way. And that would be fine; that would be perfect, because at least that way Cooper would be here.
He should be part of Josh's life, he should know that Josh is about to start grad school and that he's scared out of his mind that he's going to screw it up. Cooper should be here to tell Josh that if he does fail out of school his life isn't over, that his mother isn't right and he's not going to throw his life away.
Only maybe Cooper would agree with his mother; Josh never even got the chance to find out, because he didn't know anything about himself until after Cooper left. But he knew Cooper, and he knew better than to believe Cooper would have cared that Josh was gay. Maybe he'd care if he found out Josh was in love with him, but he never got the chance to find that out either.
That was the reason he couldn't let it go, he was pretty sure. He'd never gotten a chance to deal with it, to lay his cards on the table with the one guy who'd really mattered and either blow it or find out that Cooper felt exactly the same way. He'd never know, and he'd missed out on the one chance he'd had to find out the truth.
Which was the real reason he couldn't let it go, because he still didn't know if the last time he saw Cooper meant what he thought - hoped - it did. He'd spent three years trying to convince himself he'd imagined the kiss, spent just as much time wondering if things would have been different if he'd just followed his instincts and kissed Cooper goodbye for real. Maybe if he'd done it Cooper wouldn't have pushed Josh out of his life; maybe they'd still be friends, or maybe he'd be packing up to move in with Cooper right now instead of moving to a city where he didn't know anyone.
But that wasn't how his life had worked out, and now he was moving out of the dorm almost exactly five years to the day they'd first met.
"Hey. Earth to Josh."
Josh blinked and looked down to find Pickle watching him, another box sitting on the edge of the moving van and a knowing smile on his face.
"Sorry," Josh said, reaching for the box to add it to the stack. "Guess I spaced out for a second."
"No problem," Pickle said as Josh climbed down from the van and followed him back toward the dorm. "Hey, I almost forgot to tell you. I heard from Cooper yesterday."
And he hated that Pickle could do that; he always seemed to know what Josh was thinking, especially when it came to Cooper. Then again, he'd been there for Josh's entire meltdown, so if anyone should be able to see right through him, it would be Pickle.
"Oh yeah?" he said, working hard to keep his voice from cracking. "How's he doing?"
"Still working too hard," Pickle answered. "He said he was having dinner with clients last night. What a way to spend your Friday night, huh?"
Josh tried to picture it, but it was hard to imagine the Cooper he'd known giving up a Friday night to entertain a bunch of guys in suits. He knew Cooper's whole life had changed after his father's heart attack, but it was easier to picture him getting high with his friends back home. It was easier to picture him exactly the way he was when Josh first met him, but knowing Cooper didn't have much of a social life…well, it sort of made him feel better about his own pathetic life.
"I guess running a company takes a lot of work," he said, carefully avoiding Pickle's gaze as they reached their old room and he looked around at the few boxes that were left to move.
"Yeah. Hard to believe it's been five years since we all started college, huh? You know, yesterday was five years exactly."
He didn't need to be told that; he remembered exactly what day yesterday was, and that just made the thought of leaving Daleman forever even weirder. He'd spent the past five years of his life here, taking extra classes every summer just to avoid having to go home and deal with his mother. And okay, maybe there was a part of him that kind of hoped if he hung around long enough, maybe Cooper would actually come back. It was stupid and he'd never actually say it out loud, but he couldn't help thinking it every once in awhile.
"Time flies," he finally said, still not looking at Pickle as he reached for another box. "Guess we better get the rest of this stuff out of here. Rachel and Lucy should be back with lunch soon, and then we should probably hit the road."
"Sure," Pickle answered. "Guess you're looking forward to finally leaving this place behind, huh?"
"You bet," Josh said, forcing a half-hearted smile before he turned back to glance at his dorm room one more time. Everything about his life was changing, and he was looking forward to leaving the past behind. He was, and maybe if he told himself that enough times, he'd start to believe it.
~
rainydaypsycho and zoemargaret, I am sorry I missed your calls. All of them. I have had my phone turned off a lot lately, mostly because of work, but yesterday it was because I went to see Pan's Labyrinth and I forgot to turn it back on until tonight when I needed to set the alarm so I wake up for work tomorrow morning. Excellent movie, by the way. I have been a fan of Guillermo del Toro for a long time; The Devil's Backbone is my favorite film, but Pan's Labyrinth is right up there now. It's violent and heartwrenching, but so, so beautiful. I highly recommend it. Just bring some tissues. And a strong stomach.
Anyway, Tonya, this bit of DMOC fic is a little maudlin as well, since it is set at the exact same time as the Cooper part, but I will write another snippet in a happier part of this universe just for you. And for me, since this is my favorite Josh/Cooper universe and I forgot how much I enjoyed writing these two.
"Thanks, Pickle. It was really cool of you guys to come out this weekend," Josh said as he took the box Pickle handed him and stacked it on top of the pile in the back of the rented moving van.
"What are friends for?" Pickle said, grinning and pushing his hair out of his eyes. "Besides, it gave us a chance to come back and see Daleman again."
"I think it'll be awhile before I start missing this place." Josh grinned when Pickle laughed, but the truth was that he was going to miss Daleman a little. It had taken him longer to graduate than his friends, partly because of that first semester with Cooper and partly because he'd changed majors. But now he was finally leaving, moving to a different city with new people and new buildings and there would be nothing there to remind him of Cooper.
He knew it was stupid. He knew he should just get over it, but he'd been trying for three years and it hadn't worked so far. So he didn't try to stop himself from imagining Cooper here with the rest of their friends, helping Josh pack or maybe just getting in the way. And that would be fine; that would be perfect, because at least that way Cooper would be here.
He should be part of Josh's life, he should know that Josh is about to start grad school and that he's scared out of his mind that he's going to screw it up. Cooper should be here to tell Josh that if he does fail out of school his life isn't over, that his mother isn't right and he's not going to throw his life away.
Only maybe Cooper would agree with his mother; Josh never even got the chance to find out, because he didn't know anything about himself until after Cooper left. But he knew Cooper, and he knew better than to believe Cooper would have cared that Josh was gay. Maybe he'd care if he found out Josh was in love with him, but he never got the chance to find that out either.
That was the reason he couldn't let it go, he was pretty sure. He'd never gotten a chance to deal with it, to lay his cards on the table with the one guy who'd really mattered and either blow it or find out that Cooper felt exactly the same way. He'd never know, and he'd missed out on the one chance he'd had to find out the truth.
Which was the real reason he couldn't let it go, because he still didn't know if the last time he saw Cooper meant what he thought - hoped - it did. He'd spent three years trying to convince himself he'd imagined the kiss, spent just as much time wondering if things would have been different if he'd just followed his instincts and kissed Cooper goodbye for real. Maybe if he'd done it Cooper wouldn't have pushed Josh out of his life; maybe they'd still be friends, or maybe he'd be packing up to move in with Cooper right now instead of moving to a city where he didn't know anyone.
But that wasn't how his life had worked out, and now he was moving out of the dorm almost exactly five years to the day they'd first met.
"Hey. Earth to Josh."
Josh blinked and looked down to find Pickle watching him, another box sitting on the edge of the moving van and a knowing smile on his face.
"Sorry," Josh said, reaching for the box to add it to the stack. "Guess I spaced out for a second."
"No problem," Pickle said as Josh climbed down from the van and followed him back toward the dorm. "Hey, I almost forgot to tell you. I heard from Cooper yesterday."
And he hated that Pickle could do that; he always seemed to know what Josh was thinking, especially when it came to Cooper. Then again, he'd been there for Josh's entire meltdown, so if anyone should be able to see right through him, it would be Pickle.
"Oh yeah?" he said, working hard to keep his voice from cracking. "How's he doing?"
"Still working too hard," Pickle answered. "He said he was having dinner with clients last night. What a way to spend your Friday night, huh?"
Josh tried to picture it, but it was hard to imagine the Cooper he'd known giving up a Friday night to entertain a bunch of guys in suits. He knew Cooper's whole life had changed after his father's heart attack, but it was easier to picture him getting high with his friends back home. It was easier to picture him exactly the way he was when Josh first met him, but knowing Cooper didn't have much of a social life…well, it sort of made him feel better about his own pathetic life.
"I guess running a company takes a lot of work," he said, carefully avoiding Pickle's gaze as they reached their old room and he looked around at the few boxes that were left to move.
"Yeah. Hard to believe it's been five years since we all started college, huh? You know, yesterday was five years exactly."
He didn't need to be told that; he remembered exactly what day yesterday was, and that just made the thought of leaving Daleman forever even weirder. He'd spent the past five years of his life here, taking extra classes every summer just to avoid having to go home and deal with his mother. And okay, maybe there was a part of him that kind of hoped if he hung around long enough, maybe Cooper would actually come back. It was stupid and he'd never actually say it out loud, but he couldn't help thinking it every once in awhile.
"Time flies," he finally said, still not looking at Pickle as he reached for another box. "Guess we better get the rest of this stuff out of here. Rachel and Lucy should be back with lunch soon, and then we should probably hit the road."
"Sure," Pickle answered. "Guess you're looking forward to finally leaving this place behind, huh?"
"You bet," Josh said, forcing a half-hearted smile before he turned back to glance at his dorm room one more time. Everything about his life was changing, and he was looking forward to leaving the past behind. He was, and maybe if he told himself that enough times, he'd start to believe it.
~
rainydaypsycho and zoemargaret, I am sorry I missed your calls. All of them. I have had my phone turned off a lot lately, mostly because of work, but yesterday it was because I went to see Pan's Labyrinth and I forgot to turn it back on until tonight when I needed to set the alarm so I wake up for work tomorrow morning. Excellent movie, by the way. I have been a fan of Guillermo del Toro for a long time; The Devil's Backbone is my favorite film, but Pan's Labyrinth is right up there now. It's violent and heartwrenching, but so, so beautiful. I highly recommend it. Just bring some tissues. And a strong stomach.
Anyway, Tonya, this bit of DMOC fic is a little maudlin as well, since it is set at the exact same time as the Cooper part, but I will write another snippet in a happier part of this universe just for you. And for me, since this is my favorite Josh/Cooper universe and I forgot how much I enjoyed writing these two.