FIC - There's A Calm Surrender (5/5) -- Nuke BigBang 2012
Title: There's a Calm Surrender
Author: carolinablu85
Artist: frances_veritas ( HERE OMG)
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: I disclaim.
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Warnings: Characters deaths, Deviation from canon (story starts with canon from summer 2009), Angst, Multiple Flashbacks
Summary: When his dad is killed and he thinks it’s his fault, Luke runs away from his home and his family- and Noah. Years later, he reappears in a very changed Oakdale to right the wrongs he left behind.
PROLOGUE | ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | EPILOGUE
“Then she smacked him, right across the face,” Noah leaned back, smiling up at Luke when he laughed. “It was kind of impressive, actually.”
“Except for the fighting in school part, yeah,” Luke shook his head. “I hope Nat knows now that that’s not how you handle a boy teasing you.” He reached out for the bottle of water next to the bed, took a sip, and handed it to Noah before dropping his arm back where it had been, wrapped lightly around Noah’s stomach.
Noah nodded. “Faith and I sat her down, explained some things. Then again, she’s a Snyder, so you never know.” He let out a low chuckle when Luke poked him in retaliation, but didn’t move from his sprawled position against Luke’s chest. “Besides, I think Carl likes her.”
“What?” Luke almost freaked out, then reminded himself- Natalie was turning thirteen soon. Not a baby.
“They worked together on a science fair team last, and he picked her to be on his soccer team over Sophia the year before,” he shrugged, turning a little to set the water bottle back on the side table. Luke reached out again, running his hand down the line of shoulder and back muscles as they stretched. Just because he could.
He smiled from a hundred different things as Noah turned back and got comfortable against him again. It was a oddly wonderful feeling to see that Noah knew so much about Natalie’s life, the names of her friends, probably the title of that science fair project.
He ran his fingers through Noah’s hair (God he’d missed that), curling the short strands as much as he could. “You’re so good with them,” he murmured, resting his chin on Noah’s shoulder for a second to kiss the side of his neck, then sitting back again.
Noah blushed a little (he’d missed that too), tilting his face back to get a better look at Luke. “I wasn’t trying to replace you.”
Luke laughed again, shook his head. “That’s not what I was thinking.” He hugged him, keeping him quiet. “You’re just... you’re good with them. The kids, Grandma. You’re a part of the family, Noah. You really, really are. And you should be.” He hugged tighter. “Thank you.”
“They helped me too,” he heard the mumble and knew Noah was still blushing.
“I’m sure they did. I’m glad. Just like you helped them. I mean... Faith could’ve turned out like Mom,” he tried to explain. “She was starting to get- you know,before the accident. She was acting out a lot, and- God, she could’ve turned out to be the brattiest Mean Girl in existence by now. But she’s not. She’s got a lot of ‘you’ in her now, I can see it.”
Noah was quiet, fidgeting a little. “She had reason back then. Before the accident. She saw your mom and Damian kissing, before the Kentucky trip.”
Luke froze. “Damn it. Really?”
Noah nodded, his hair brushing against Luke’s hand when he’d held it still. “Don’t know if it was a one time or if- I don’t know. But that’s why she was a little messed up then.”
“Damn it,” he said again, closing his eyes, letting his other hand run up and down Noah’s side in an effort to find something soothing to anchor to. “I can’t... he has to be stopped.” Noah stayed conspicuously silent. “Noah?”
“We don’t know, Luke, if everything that’s evil in the world was done by him, or everything he’s done is evil,” Noah mumbled, having gone still in his arms again, quiet. “I just don’t know.”
Luke wanted to argue. He wanted to yell and prove to Noah with pie charts and powerpoint presentations just how evil Damian was, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t ready just yet, and Noah definitely wasn’t ready to hear it. It would have to wait. Instead he leaned down and kissed the top of Noah’s head softly. Okay.
He slid his arm up a little to find Noah’s hand, closing his own over it. Noah didn’t move, just watching, as Luke linked one, then two fingers together. Then they both held still, waiting, until Noah relaxed again.
He didn’t sigh, even though he kinda wanted to. They weren’t there yet. Having sex, even great sex, wasn’t enough to magically erase three years of everything. Luke suddenly understood why Noah hadn’t wanted to that first time, after the breakdown in the cemetery. They weren’t ready yet.
But they’d get there.
And he wasn’t the only one who thought so, judging by the way Noah carefully turned onto his side, pressing a kiss to Luke’s chest, dragging his lips upward to where Luke was waiting and already starting to breathe more ragged and rushed.
He tugged, pulling Noah into his lap, holding the backs of his thighs as Noah straddled him. A part of him wasn’t sure if he should be sad or worried or neither, that Noah seemed more comfortable with sex than with the little touches and intimacy, but he didn’t have time for either as one of the cell phones next to the bed rang.
Luke grabbed it first, smiling a little as Noah’s forehead dropped to Luke’s chest with a groan. “Hello?” he didn’t even bother to check to see who it was. Part of him hoped it was Damian.
“...Luke? Are you answering Noah’s phone?” Alison sounded very confused and very hopeful.
“Yeah, Alison, we’re a little busy at the moment.” He could feel Noah smile into his shoulder. “So maybe if you want to call back in, say-”
“Luke, no,” Alison’s voice trembled a little this time. “You need to bring him to the hospital right now.”
He froze, and Noah sensed it right away, sitting back with his eyes narrowed. “Why?”
“There was... I don’t know if it was an accident or- or...” she stopped, started again. “It’s Dr. Oliver. You two need to get here now. And hurry.”
***
Alison met them at the ER waiting room, very still and very quiet. One look at her, and Luke knew. He knew Reid was dead. Katie and Chris were already there too, sitting in a corner, his arm around her. Emily stood nearby, glaring at everyone. Luke reached for Noah’s hand, bracing himself, trying to brace Noah.
“Ali?” Noah’s voice was shell-shocked, weary. Like he already knew too, like he was expecting the worst.
She shook her head, maintaining eye contact,obviously using her ‘calm nurse’ persona. “He’s gone, Noah. I’m sorry.”
Luke moved closer, intertwining their arms and leaning into Noah’s side. He didn’t want to make Noah the center of attention if he didn’t want to be, but really wanted to do... something. Noah leaned into him just as much, nodding at Ali’s words. “He- he was...?”
“I don’t really know what happened, the cops are dealing with it,” she said, unaware of the way Noah and Luke both tensed at those words. “But... he was shot.” She reached out, touching his arm. “I’m so sorry, hon. Katie is working on finding his family and everything. I have to get back to work, but you call me if you need anything, okay?” She looked at Luke pointedly. “Either of you. Okay?”
“Thanks, Alison,” Luke murmured, offering a smile as best he could, already turning back to Noah. “Hey,” he whispered. When Noah looked to him, dazed and empty, he tightened his hold. “Do you want to be here? Do you want to... I don’t know, what do you need? Tell me.”
“I don’t know,” Noah whispered back, his eyes looking around, not staying on one thing for very long.
“Are you-” he wasn’t even sure what he was about to ask, so the interruption of the elevator doors opening was welcome. His eyes widened, though, when Jack and Lily stepped out. “What?”
“I heard what happened,” Jack said grimly, quietly. Luke wasn’t really surprised; Jack probably still had eyes and ears at the station- Dallas, maybe.
Luke nodded, looking at Lily. That didn’t explain why she was here. “Mom?”
She was watching Noah, who wasn’t meeting her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said, just as quiet. She stepped forward, reaching out for him a little. “Noah. I’m sorry.”
He just stood there, almost confused. “I- is something wrong?” he asked.
She nodded, eyes bright and sad. “Yes. So much is wrong. I’m so-” she came even closer and drew him into a hug as Luke let go of his hand.
Noah stood still, almost frozen for a few seconds, but slowly his arms came up, hugging her back. His shoulders dropped with a silent sigh, sinking into her embrace. She tightened her hold, running a hand up and down his back. “It’s okay, sweetie. It’ll be okay. I’m sorry for so much...” With a glance over his shoulder at Luke, she led Noah over to a row of chairs, pulling him to sit down, hugging and murmuring to him again.
Luke stayed where he was, watching, relieved, before Jack got his attention again. “Luke,” his voice was serious, almost a growl. “I need to tell you some things.”
“What now?” he was half-joking, half-exhausted.
“Dr. Oliver was carjacked,” he spoke for Luke’s ears only. “On a road halfway between his place and Noah’s. He was shot, car stripped of parts.”
The word ‘carjacked’ raised every alarm in him. Oh God. This was spiralling out of control. “He was?” was all that came out.
Jack’s eyes narrowed at that. “Yeah. Thing is, it was very clean, methodical. Most carjackings are messy and rushed in some way.This wasn’t.” He took a deep breath, glancing over at Lily and Noah. “The only other time I’ve seen one like this was-”
“Mason?” Luke guessed, trying to keep his own voice down. He subtly beckoned for Emily to come over, which she did immediately.
Jack almost took a step back. “How did you-?” he looked at both of them. “No. I don’t want to know. Bottom line, it’s the same exact pattern as what happened to Jarvis two years ago.”
“Grimaldi had Reid killed?” Emily caught on quickly, voice low but wrathful. Luke nodded heavily.
“You knew?” Jack tried to keep quiet. “Dallas and Margo and I have been trying for two years to get this, and you-”
“We can set up a conference meeting later if you want,” Emily snapped. “Pool our resources, whatever. Don’t waste my time right now. Can you prove Grimaldi did it?”
“Not without help,” Jack shook his head. “We need to get into his office.”
Luke ignored Emily’s pointed look at that. “I still have to talk to Noah about it,” he said.
Uncertainty shaded Jack’s face. “Luke,” he clenched his jaw, worried. “This is getting bad. You and Noah need to be careful.”
“Jack,” he began, trying to sound placating. Out of everyone in this town, he and Noah knew that more than anyone.
“No, Luke, I mean it.” Jack got even closer, adamant, firm. “This is going to get worse before we have any hope of making it better. Take Noah home, watch out for each other, stay safe. Let us handle it.”
Luke could guarantee the taking home part. The rest? He wasn’t so sure. Damian had to be stopped. And it had to be soon.
***
Awareness came back slowly, but it didn’t take long for Noah to realize he was on his couch. It was, after all, a very familiar feeling to wake up here. But he was having a hard time remembering when he’d ever been this comfortable.
And then he realized there was a hand carding through his hair. And his head wasn’t resting on the side of the couch, but on someone’s leg. Luke. He turned his face a little more into denim fabric, still feigning sleep. He wanted this- just this, just for a second. Just stillness and quiet and this.
Maybe Luke agreed. He scratched his fingers through his hair some more, moving in circles, soothing and aimless. Noah felt warm and steady and... safe. He hadn’t felt like this in a long time. Three years. Despite the situation, and the heavy, dark feeling in his chest from everything that was going on, Noah felt safe. With Luke.
It was only ever Luke.
He opened his eyes slowly, blinking away sleep, stretching out and then curling up his legs again. The hand in his hair stilled for a second then started moving again, twisting strands idly. “Hey.”
“Hey,” his voice rumbled out of his throat. He brought on hand up, hesitating for a moment before laying it on Luke’s knee. “Time is it?”
“Three thirty,” Luke’s other hand slid up his back, rubbing his shoulder. “You hungry?”
He shook his head, partly because it allowed him to press his face closer into Luke. “Not really.”
“You need to eat something,” Luke chided gently, sounding so much like Emma that he kinda wanted to cry.
He just nodded. He’d heard that before. He also knew, from experience, that he could go a while longer without food. “I will.”
“Soon?” Luke wasn’t letting it go. It threw Noah a little; he’d forgotten what stubborn-Luke was actually like. Sure, he’d remembered it in abstract, in memories, but he’d forgotten what it felt like to be on the receiving end of it.
“I missed that,” he murmured.
Luke gripped his shoulder tighter, leaned in closer. “Missed what?”
“You.”
There was silence for nearly a full minute, both of them wondering what Noah was trying to say. “I... You know I missed you too.”
Noah nodded into Luke’s leg, then took a deep breath and turned onto his back, head still propped up. Luke moved his hand, thumb brushing against Noah’s forehead, smoothing back his hair. And smiling down at him.
Noah opened his mouth to say something, but words failed. He didn’t have words for times like this, he never had. So instead he touched Luke’s other hand, the one on his shoulder, pulling it away. He linked their fingers together slowly, almost one by one, like that would make them lock all the tighter for it. It had to be tighter this time.
Luke brought their hands up to his mouth and kissed them softly, like he knew how important Noah’s gesture was. Noah hoped he did.
“I shouldn’t bring this up now,” Luke said quietly. “I know I shouldn’t, but I have to.” His thumb trailed lightly across Noah’s forehead. “Jack said something to me, at the hospital. He-”
“He thinks it was Damian,” Noah finished for him, still looking up at Luke. Luke nodded, both of his hands still gentle. Noah sighed, forcing himself to sit up, shoulder to shoulder with him. Their hands managed to stay clasped together, and Noah was happy about that. Maybe it was a sign, or maybe it wasn’t. But it made him happy. “So do I,” he admitted.
Luke whipped his head around to stare at him. “You do?”
His turn to nod. “It’s just like what happened,” he swallowed hard. “Before.” Luke’s shoulder got closer to his, and he offered a smile when Luke brushed a kiss across his cheek. “I want to help.”
“Help what?” Luke asked carefully.
“Prove it was him. Stop him. Make things right again.” He leaned his head against Luke’s. “Help you come home for real.”
Luke turned his head again, kissing Noah on the jaw this time, still light. “I am home.” Noah turned his head too, catching the next kiss on his lips. “I want you free of him too, you know.”
“I do too,” he said, surprising Luke. “I don’t... I hate getting caught up with people like him. I’m sick of it, people getting hurt and killed for me. It’s not to protect me,” he was realizing this as he spoke, or maybe he had realized it a long time ago and just finally said it out loud. His mother. Luke. Mason. Reid. “It’s to control me. I always let them do it, too. I let them get away with it. I won’t this time.” This wasn’t going to be like the Colonel all over again.
“It’s not you,” Luke insisted, twisting his body to fully face him, his bent knee landing in Noah’s lap. “It’s not. You don’t let them do this. You’re just...” he shook his head, laughed a little. “You believe in people. You see the good in them that nobody else does, or nobody else wants to see, even the people themselves.” His hand was magically in Noah’s hair again, cupping the side of his face. “I’ve been one of those people. And I love that about you.”
“So...” Noah snuck his free arm around Luke’s waist, drawing him closer, almost fully into his lap. “Next you’re gonna say that you need to be around to keep an eye on me, right?”
“And that someone needs to look out for you, yeah,” Luke nodded, eyes bright, playful. They finally let go of their clasped hands so Luke could wrap both arms around Noah’s neck, holding him close.
“And that you’re not going to leave me again,” he almost hesitated to say, but said anyway.
Luke went still, eyes locking with his. “I’m not going to leave you again.”
“And that you love me,” his voice trembled, stupidly, and there was a desperation in it too. But maybe Noah was desperate.
Luke shoved himself suddenly closer, chest to chest, his mouth capturing Noah’s furiously. Noah didn’t have time to think, to breathe, to bite at Luke’s upper lip the way he knew Luke loved. He just took it, letting Luke in, letting Luke control it. It was the only thing he knew how to do right now.
When Luke finally pulled back (a few inches at most), they were both out of breath, dizzy and giddy. “More than I’ve ever loved anything,” he finally replied.
Noah just nodded at first, Okay, still catching his breath. “Maybe it would be good then,” he said quietly. “For you to stay. Here.”
Luke’s eyes got extra bright. Not in that mischievous way they had earlier, but in that way he got when he had too many feelings he couldn’t contain so they spilled out through his eyes. “Right here?”
This time, when Luke leaned in to kiss him, Noah met him halfway.
***
“We’re almost there,” Luke insisted. “Trust me.”
He heard Emily’s sigh over the phone. “Okay, I admit I want to take this son of a bitch down right now after what happened to Reid, but kid- this has to be done right or we lose the entire case.”
“I know, I know,” Luke glanced into the other room, where Lily and Noah were talking quietly. “Emily, Noah knows the combination to Damian’s safe.”
There was a good few seconds of silence. “Come again?”
“Noah knows it. I don’t know how, he probably saw Damian open it one day and kept it memorized just in case. But he knows. Mom and I are going to have lunch with Damian and distract him, and Noah’s going to get everything out of the safe. Then he’s heading straight to your place.”
“You’re sure it’s safe- it’ll work?” Emily asked, seemingly despite herself.
He almost laughed. “Out of everyone, Damian would suspect my mom the least. And I don’t want him anywhere near Noah. Ever again. It’ll work.”
“I’m so getting this interview,” she didn’t quite gloat, she’d been more reserved since Reid’s death, but at least she sounded as determined as ever. “Jack and his merry band of rogue detectives, plus Tom Hughes, are at the Hughes residence, waiting for me. I’ll have them come over here too, we’ll get everything in one fell swoop. You sure your mother is up for all this? She’s on our side?”
Luke looked into the other room again. Lily had her arm threaded through Noah’s and her hand running up and down his shoulder, talking so quickly and forcefully that Noah’s blush kept getting redder and redder. When she called him sweetheart (again) and he ducked his head down (again), Luke grinned. “Yeah. She definitely is.”
Emily was quiet again, obviously thinking it all over. “Okay then. Send your boyfriend my way when he’s got everything, and make sure you’re all careful. Don’t screw up my story.”
“Thanks,” he said, still smiling. “We’ll see you soon.” He hung up, entering the living room. Lily and Noah both looked up at him, Lily wiping away a tear as she stood up, reluctantly letting go of Noah. “Ready?” he asked them.
Noah just nodded, smoothing down his shirt. (A plaid shirt, unbuttoned, over a t-shirt. Luke wanted to cry and hug him. Hi, Noah.) Lily was unconsciously doing the same with her outfit, reaching for Luke’s arm now. “I can’t believe...” she stopped, started again. “I guess I can believe he’d do this, I just don’t want to.”
Luke let her grab his arm and hold on. “He did do this, Mom. I’m sorry, but we owe it to Dad to stop him.”
Lily took a deep, tearful breath. “I’m going to have a lot to make up for when this is over, aren’t I?”
Luke didn’t want to answer that, and for some reason looked to Noah. He smiled just a little. “I think Faith’s been keeping a list, if you need help,” he offered softly.
Luke was relieved when Lily laughed, leaned in, and kissed his cheek. “I’ll be in the car,” she told Luke, walking out and leaving them alone.
Luke took both of Noah’s hands in his. Noah leaned in and kissed him once, twice, feather-light. “Be careful?” Noah begged, voice still soft. “Don’t... I don’t know, don’t let him get to you.”
He remembered a time years ago, sending Noah off to see his father in prison. “I won’t. I’ll just think of you,” he repeated Noah’s words now.
Noah smiled, maybe remembering too. “I’ll see you at Emily’s.”
Luke grabbed the collar of Noah’s shirt in both hands. “You be careful too. Okay? Don’t let anyone see you, don’t leave behind any-”
“Hey,” Noah smirked a little, getting in one more kiss. “You’re acting like this is the first time I’ve committed espionage in my boss’s evil empire. I’ll be fine.”
He rolled his eyes, letting go, but couldn’t help but smack Noah on the ass as he turned to head out. “Just get yourself to Emily’s fast and in one piece, 007.”
Noah blushed, from the smack or the nickname, Luke didn’t know (or care). “Call me, if anything-”
“You too,” Luke insisted.
They looked at each other in silence, steadying each other, getting ready. Luke could do that again, gather strength from Noah’s eyes. He almost smiled.
And then he did smile when Noah stepped in close again, delivering a hard, fast kiss to Luke’s mouth. “For luck,” he murmured, and then was gone. Luke took another deep breath and headed out to Lily’s car. For luck.
Knowing them, they were going to need it.
***
They got to the Lakeview two minutes late. Luke wanted to think it was out of some subconscious spite, but more likely it was because Lily nervously drove the speed limit the whole way there.
“Mom,” he said once they finally parked, both of them staring at the entrance to the hotel, unable to get out of the car just yet. “We have to do this.”
She nodded shakily, then laughed a little. “Your father would be so mad. He’d say this is too dangerous, we should let the police handle it.”
Luke smiled too. He could picture it. “And we need to think rationally, we’re not private detectives or superheroes.” He fidgeted a little.”And he’d break out that ‘not mad just disappointed’ face.”
She squeezed his arm. “But, and you know this too, he’d do anything to protect his family”
“I know,” he said softly.
“And while there’s a lot of... me, of Walsh blood in you,” she offered another smile, self-deprecating. “You’re more like him than you realize. He’d be so proud of you, honey.”
Luke was shaking his head before she’d even finished speaking. “I don’t... I ran away, Mom. I let everyone here down. I let things get this bad.”
“No,” she said firmly, still holding his arm. “You didn’t let any of this happen. This is- this is Damian. And you didn’t run away forever. You’re here now. And you and I- and Noah, and Jack, and Margo and everyone- we’re fixing it now. We’re fixing what Damian broke. We will.” If anything else, Lily seemed to get her own courage up with her speech. She jostled him a little, opening her car door.”Come on. We’ve got a lunch date.” He smiled gamely as he followed her out of the car.
The smile only lasted ten minutes.
***
It was creepy being here on the weekends, when the office was empty. Or, more accurately, it was creepy being here when Damian’s office was empty. Noah had been in on Saturdays before, catching up on his own work, but here... He tried not to make comparisons to graveyards.
He did spare a moment to look around, take it all in. He’d been fooling himself for years, and he didn’t have to anymore. It could be that simple, right? Damian was bad. He’d done bad things.
And now Noah could help fix it.
Moving as quickly and quietly as possible, he pulled the spare key from the secretary’s desk and opened the door to Damian’s private office. The safe was built into the far wall. Noah had seen Damian open the thing out of the corner of his eye more than once, enough times to remember the combination. Damian had never noticed. Or cared.
It made Noah want to smile a little, defiantly. Maybe he’d been mistaken about Damian the last few years and let all of this mess happen, but maybe...
Maybe Damian had underestimated him too.
***
“Where is he?” he muttered, not frantic or panicked. Yet. Damian was never late. But there was no sign of him, at all, in the Lakeview Lounge. “Where- where is he?”
“Don’t worry,” Lily’s voice sounded anything but calm though. “It could be anything. I’ll talk to the front desk, maybe they’ve seen him. You check the parking lot, see if his car is there. Okay?” She nodded to him, steadying. “It’s okay. It’s fine.”
Luke nodded back, not okay or fine. Where the hell was he? He tried to run without running, feeling ridiculous but not really caring, as he made it back out to the parking lot, scanning every car. If Damian wasn’t at lunch, like he was supposed to be, like he said he’d be, he could-
“Luke!” Lily was moving as fast as her heels would let her. “He’s not here. The front desk said he- he called to cancel the lunch reservation.”
“Why didn’t he call us? Why the hotel and not us?” Luke stammered and stumbled on his words.
Lily was already fishing for her keys, both of them hurrying back to the car. “Because he wanted us here. He wanted us to take the time to come here.”
If it weren’t for the situation, Luke would laugh. He felt a hysterical laugh bubble up close as it was. They had both tried to use the lunch as a diversion for something. But Damian had succeeded.
And for what?
Luke almost stopped his running. Lily was already starting the car. “Luke, what-”
“The office. We need to-” was all he got out before Lily’s eyes went wide. Noah.
He pretty much dove for the car, fumbling with his cell phone. No, no, no. This wasn’t happening. No. “Mom, call Jack.”
Noah wasn’t answering his phone.
***
“So.” Noah cleared his throat. He wanted to shift a little on his feet but didn’t really want to move at all unless he had to. Damian’s grip on the gun was unsurprisingly but scarily confident. He didn’t want to take any chances. “Lunch got canceled?”
Damian didn’t even smile.
***
“Wait out here,” Luke ordered. They were finally, after an agonizingly long drive, in front of Grimaldi Worldwide.
“What? Luke! No, we-”
“Mom, there shouldn’t be more people around than there needs to be.”
“Well, I need to be in there. Noah could be in trouble, I-”
“Mom!” he interrupted again, even as a tiny part of him wanted to smile at how quickly and fiercely Lily went back to loving Noah. “It’s too dangerous. If Damian gets startled, or careless...” He shook his head. “He won’t hurt me. I can protect Noah. You need to wait here for Jack and his guys.”
Jack had contacted his old friends in the FBI once he had Emily’s evidence. They all knew using local police wouldn’t work. Luke kinda wished they were here right now, but there was nothing he could do about that. He had to get to Damian and Noah.
“Just...” Lily looked ready to fall apart. Luke could relate. “Be careful. God, Luke, please be careful.”
“I will,” he promised. He had to be.
He was also pretty sure he was lying.
***
Damian kept himself between Noah and the door, which meant Noah either had to stay where he was, or jump out the window. Which was a dozen stories up, so that was probably not an option. He stayed where he was, an eye on Damian, an eye on the gun. It wasn’t pointed at him, not exactly, but he knew that was because Damian was choosing not to just yet. He held all the power right now.
Literally.
***
Luke threw himself into the elevator, almost sobbing with relief when it worked. He’d been half-expecting Damian to disable them, just to make all this worse. He bounced on the soles of his feet, fingers twitching impatiently against his thighs. It felt like the elevator moved inch by inch, and he wanted to spontaneously combust, if only to do something.
His phone buzzed in his pocket right when he was about to start cursing gods and elevators. It was Casey.
“Dude, what the hell is going on? Jack is freaking out and making eighteen calls at once and, like, arming himself for the next installment of Rambo. What happened?”
“Damian didn’t show up for lunch. We think he knows. That we know.”
“Oh. So, it’s Avengers Assemble time?”
He could almost hear the smile in Casey’s voice and wanted to scream. No. Everyone was supposed to be as scared as he was right now. “Casey, he could be alone in a room with Noah right now. He might have caught Noah breaking into the safe.”
There was a second of silence. “Shit. We’re on our way.”
The beep of the call disconnecting mixed with the ding of the elevator doors opening. Luke made a mad dash for the direction of Damian’s office.
***
“It’s all true, isn’t it?” Noah asked quietly. “All of it. Holden, Mason, Reid. They’re all dead because of you.”
Now Damian smiled. Not in a good way. Noah unconsciously took a step back, even farther from the door. “You tell me.” He used the gun to casually gesture to the stack of papers Noah still stubbornly held in his hands. “I’m sure you’ve figured most of it out by now. We both know it wasn’t because of me, exactly.”
“I don’t understand why,” he was stalling, he had to. He had no idea why Damian was here and not at lunch, and he held on to the barest belief that Damian cared too much about Luke and Lily to have done something to them. If they were okay, they’d know to send someone here. Eventually. He hoped.
“You’re a very bright young man, Noah,” Damian was still so freakishly calm. “Very loyal. Very hardworking.” Another smile. “And very weak.”
Noah flinched, backed away some more, and kicked himself for doing both. “What?”
“You can’t handle being alone anymore, can you? Everyone knows they can show you the slightest bit of attention, and you’ll fall for it. Every time.” He smirked, and Noah wanted to claw at his face for having the same smirk as Luke. It wasn’t right. “The problem was, I needed you on my team. You were useful. And both the professor and the doctor would’ve taken you away from me in some way. Jarvis was destroying you, and Oliver was getting close to destroying me.” He shrugged a little. “I couldn’t have that.”
Noah ignored it. All of it. He had to, or he’d sink way too far into the dark thoughts he’d been working hard to get rid of his whole life. “You knew Reid was-”
“Did I know that your little group of friends was digging into my affairs? Yes. I discovered the ‘investigation’ a few days ago. Congratulations on getting as far as you did, I’m a little impressed. But then,” another smile, serpent-like. “I always knew you were intelligent. It’s one of the reasons I kept you around.”
He shuddered. “Why don’t you just leave?” he didn’t beg, but he wanted to. “Just go. People know what you did now. There’s no way you can keep going here.Just go away and leave everyone here alone.”
Damian’s gaze hardened. Quickly. Terrifyingly. “I haven’t lost anything. I don’t run. Not without what’s mine.”
Noah tried really hard not to get flashbacks of his own father. “They were never yours,” he said quietly, firmly. Lily. Luke. “They’re Holden’s, still are.” He locked eyes with Damian, bravely or stupidly or both. “And mine.”
The gun was suddenly pointed directly at him, but he didn’t step back this time. Or flinch. This was what he was supposed to do, this is what Holden Snyder would do. Protect the family.
“You know what I did to Holden,” Damian’s voice was threatening and casual in the same breath. “Are you sure you don’t want to rethink this?”
Noah didn’t even look at the gun. “I’m sure.”
“Damian, don’t you dare.”
They were both startled by the new voice in the room. Damian took a small step back, just enough to keep Noah in his gun’s sights and see the door at the same time.
Luke stood there, looking so much like Holden in that moment that Noah had to blink hard. But it was Luke, glaring and defiant.
And for the first time, for just a second, Damian looked worried.
***
Luke was more than worried. He was terrified. The last time the three of them had been in a room with a gun, Noah had been shot and almost died. Nothing like that was allowed to happen again. “Don’t,” he repeated, fighting against every instinct that screamed at him to go stand in front of Noah. “It’s done. It’s over. Just stop.”
“Luciano, you shouldn’t be-”
“It’s Luke, and I absolutely should be. Right here.” He inched a little closer to Noah, ignoring Noah’s head shake. “You can either put the gun away and we’ll talk, or you can put the gun away and leave town. Your choice.”
It was Damian’s turn to shake his head, less frantically than Noah’s, much more... confident. Not good. “Luke, if you come any closer, I’ll shoot him. Leave now.”
They both froze. “What?” Luke gasped a little. “Are- are you crazy? It’s over. The damn FBI is on to you.” He swallowed hard, starting to shake. “You’ve already taken my dad away, and made me watch. You took away three years of my life. You’re not doing the same thing to my- to Noah.”
“You weren’t supposed to be on that trip,” Damian’s voice went suddenly harsh. “He made you go,” he gestured with the gun, and Luke needed it pointed away from Noah.
“No, he didn’t. I decided to go. With my dad. You killed him, Damian. And you almost killed me, and nothing is ever going to change that. Put the gun down, don’t make it worse.”
“It will get worse, if you don’t leave this room. Now.” He cocked the gun, the noise echoing extra loud.
“Luke,” Noah was quiet, seemingly calm. He was also moving, barely noticeable, towards Luke. “Please, just listen to-”
“No,” he snapped at both of them. “I’m not leaving you.”
Damian actually laughed. “I thought that was the only thing you were both good at.”
Luke froze, staring at Damian, who stared back almost challenging, crossing the line into crazy, like a cornered wild animal. They were both still, rooted to the spot, which made the moment Noah acted all the more startling.
Noah hadn’t been moving closer to Luke. He’d been moving closer to Damian, to the gun. He lunged for it, grabbing Damian’s arm and pushing it to the side.
“Noah-” Luke moved forward too, watching helplessly as he and Damian fought for the gun. It was a whirl of movement and Luke, dizzy with fear and shock, couldn’t track the struggle. He tried to grab at Damian, but the arm he reached for suddenly pushed outward, shoving Luke back into the wall, his head cracking painfully against the wood paneling.
He blinked, even dizzier, hearing Noah shout his name through the haze, then tried to shake himself out of it. When his vision cleared, Damian- eyes wild and glazed over- was looming over Noah on the floor, hands around his neck. Tight. Too tight, too much. Noah’s face was red, but he was silent, hands scrambling against the floor and Damian’s grip.
No.
Noah had tried to make him leave, not be here, get somewhere safe. Like Holden had. Luke wasn’t letting this happen again. He pushed forward onto his hands and knees, about to rush at Damian, when his hand came into contact with something cold. Metal.
He picked up the gun and pointed it at Damian. He was about to fire when Damian must have sensed it, looking up at him. “Luke-”
“Let him go.” He kept his voice level. In control. Because he was in control- he had the gun.
Damian slowly released Noah, who immediately rolled away, coughing harsh and ragged. “Noah?” he called out a little fearfully, keeping his eyes and the gun trained on Damian.
Noah nodded, pushing himself farther from Damian, out of reach, closer to Luke. “‘M okay.”
He didn’t sound okay. His voice sounded like sandpaper and gravel going through a shredder. Luke’s eyes narrowed, furious, at Damian. “What was that about making things worse?”
Damian kept his hands up, facing Luke. On anyone else it would look placating, compliant. Damian wasn’t anyone else. “Luke, you don’t want to-”
“Oh, I really, really do,” he spat out, shaking a little. “You- you’ve tried to take everything from me. You almost did. You took my dad from me,” he didn’t care that his voice cracked. “I spent years thinking it was my fault. And I come back to find you’ve nearly ruined my home. Ruined everything. Why shouldn’t I do to you what you were about to do to the best thing in my life?” He moved a little bit closer, threatening.
“Luke,” it was Noah who spoke up. “No. Don’t. You can’t kill him.”
“I can, actually,” Luke pointed out, very rational. “All I have to do is squeeze my hand. You showed me, remember? You don’t pull the trigger, you squeeze it. I can do that.”
“You shouldn’t,” Noah countered softly.
“Remember when you taught me?” he kept going. “It was after you shot that guy that was trying to attack me and Damian at the docks. You probably saved our lives that day. Look how Damian repaid you.”
“Luke, no,” Noah kept going too. “Please? It’s not you. You, you’ll regret it.”
“I won’t regret having him out of my life,” Luke snapped. Damian wisely stayed silent.
“You don’t have to kill him to do that,” Noah got closer, he could feel it. “This isn’t about him. Don’t do it for him, do it for you. You’re not a killer.”
“He is,” Luke was furious, could feel it burning from his feet up, could feel tears threatening his eyes. “He...”
“He’s not you,” Noah said firmly, despite the roughness of his throat. “And you’re not him. You’re Holden’s son, not his. Please, Luke. Come on.”
“I can’t. I can’t let him go,” Luke said it quieter, for Noah to hear. Who was right next to him now, calm and steady.
“You don’t have to. Jack and Margo and everyone are here,” he murmured. “They’ll take him.” Distantly, Luke realized he could hear movement and voices behind him, at the door. “Please? I... I need you to not do this. I need you to be Luke. Not him.” For the first time, Noah’s voice started to break too. “Please, I need you, Luke.”
He blinked, his breaths starting to go in and out faster. God, it would be so much easier to just kill him. Be done with him.
But easier is what Damian would do.
With a shudder, Luke lowered his arms, the gun clattering to the floor. Within seconds, Jack and Margo and half a dozen guys in those cheesy official FBI windbreakers were storming in, flattening Damian to the ground, cuffing him, dragging him away.
Luke didn’t see any of it. He reached for Noah at the same time Noah reached for him, and they crashed together with a rush of stuttered words and frantic hands. “God oh God oh God,” Luke babbled, running his hands up Noah’s arms and shoulders, gingerly touching his neck. “God, baby, I almost lost you, are you-”
He would’ve laughed at any other time, because Noah was doing the same to him, gently cradling his face, eyes wild and looking him over. “Are you okay? God, Luke, I-”
Luke pulled him in, reassuring them both in a way words couldn’t, but they both needed. Then he pulled back, smacking Noah on the chest. “What the hell were you thinking, going for the gun like that? You idiot, you yell at me all the time for taking risks but you could’ve-”
Noah shut him up, stealing the rest of his tirade with another press of their lips together, gentler this time. “Love you,” he whispered against Luke’s mouth, leaning against him, suddenly looking very tired.
“I love you too,” he stressed each word, keeping one hand flat against Noah’s chest, against his heart. “Idiot.”
“You’re both idiots,” Casey was suddenly there, crouched down in front of them, eyeing them both with equal parts concern and exasperation. “Are we done with the thrilling heroics? I missed lunch for this, you know.” Lily stood behind him, not even trying to hide her tears anymore, reaching for both of them.
Noah’s breathing was still labored. Luke’s hands were still trembling. But he smiled, arm going around Noah’s waist as they stood up shakily. “Yeah. Yeah, I think we’re ready to go.”
Noah held onto the bottom of Luke’s shirt, twisting it in his grip, almost childlike. “What do you want to do now?”
Luke leaned in and up, asking for a kiss. Noah half-smiled as he ducked his head a little to return it. “I’m with Casey,” Luke murmured. “I never did get my lunch.” He leaned his head against Noah’s shoulder as Casey and Lily walked them both out of the office. He paused for a second, taking a moment to look back at Damian’s office, for what he knew would be the last time. It would be the last time he did anything involving Damian. Finally, three years later, he remembered who he was, and who he wanted to be.
“Hey,” a hand brushed against his cheek, through his hair, landing gently on the back of his neck. “You with me, Snyder?”
Luke turned back to Noah, smiled a little, and leaned up to kiss him on the nose. The immediate blush that appeared on his face calmed and centered Luke more than anything else. “Always.”
( CONTINUE TO EPILOGUE)
Author: carolinablu85
Artist: frances_veritas ( HERE OMG)
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: I disclaim.
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Warnings: Characters deaths, Deviation from canon (story starts with canon from summer 2009), Angst, Multiple Flashbacks
Summary: When his dad is killed and he thinks it’s his fault, Luke runs away from his home and his family- and Noah. Years later, he reappears in a very changed Oakdale to right the wrongs he left behind.
PROLOGUE | ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | EPILOGUE
“Then she smacked him, right across the face,” Noah leaned back, smiling up at Luke when he laughed. “It was kind of impressive, actually.”
“Except for the fighting in school part, yeah,” Luke shook his head. “I hope Nat knows now that that’s not how you handle a boy teasing you.” He reached out for the bottle of water next to the bed, took a sip, and handed it to Noah before dropping his arm back where it had been, wrapped lightly around Noah’s stomach.
Noah nodded. “Faith and I sat her down, explained some things. Then again, she’s a Snyder, so you never know.” He let out a low chuckle when Luke poked him in retaliation, but didn’t move from his sprawled position against Luke’s chest. “Besides, I think Carl likes her.”
“What?” Luke almost freaked out, then reminded himself- Natalie was turning thirteen soon. Not a baby.
“They worked together on a science fair team last, and he picked her to be on his soccer team over Sophia the year before,” he shrugged, turning a little to set the water bottle back on the side table. Luke reached out again, running his hand down the line of shoulder and back muscles as they stretched. Just because he could.
He smiled from a hundred different things as Noah turned back and got comfortable against him again. It was a oddly wonderful feeling to see that Noah knew so much about Natalie’s life, the names of her friends, probably the title of that science fair project.
He ran his fingers through Noah’s hair (God he’d missed that), curling the short strands as much as he could. “You’re so good with them,” he murmured, resting his chin on Noah’s shoulder for a second to kiss the side of his neck, then sitting back again.
Noah blushed a little (he’d missed that too), tilting his face back to get a better look at Luke. “I wasn’t trying to replace you.”
Luke laughed again, shook his head. “That’s not what I was thinking.” He hugged him, keeping him quiet. “You’re just... you’re good with them. The kids, Grandma. You’re a part of the family, Noah. You really, really are. And you should be.” He hugged tighter. “Thank you.”
“They helped me too,” he heard the mumble and knew Noah was still blushing.
“I’m sure they did. I’m glad. Just like you helped them. I mean... Faith could’ve turned out like Mom,” he tried to explain. “She was starting to get- you know,before the accident. She was acting out a lot, and- God, she could’ve turned out to be the brattiest Mean Girl in existence by now. But she’s not. She’s got a lot of ‘you’ in her now, I can see it.”
Noah was quiet, fidgeting a little. “She had reason back then. Before the accident. She saw your mom and Damian kissing, before the Kentucky trip.”
Luke froze. “Damn it. Really?”
Noah nodded, his hair brushing against Luke’s hand when he’d held it still. “Don’t know if it was a one time or if- I don’t know. But that’s why she was a little messed up then.”
“Damn it,” he said again, closing his eyes, letting his other hand run up and down Noah’s side in an effort to find something soothing to anchor to. “I can’t... he has to be stopped.” Noah stayed conspicuously silent. “Noah?”
“We don’t know, Luke, if everything that’s evil in the world was done by him, or everything he’s done is evil,” Noah mumbled, having gone still in his arms again, quiet. “I just don’t know.”
Luke wanted to argue. He wanted to yell and prove to Noah with pie charts and powerpoint presentations just how evil Damian was, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t ready just yet, and Noah definitely wasn’t ready to hear it. It would have to wait. Instead he leaned down and kissed the top of Noah’s head softly. Okay.
He slid his arm up a little to find Noah’s hand, closing his own over it. Noah didn’t move, just watching, as Luke linked one, then two fingers together. Then they both held still, waiting, until Noah relaxed again.
He didn’t sigh, even though he kinda wanted to. They weren’t there yet. Having sex, even great sex, wasn’t enough to magically erase three years of everything. Luke suddenly understood why Noah hadn’t wanted to that first time, after the breakdown in the cemetery. They weren’t ready yet.
But they’d get there.
And he wasn’t the only one who thought so, judging by the way Noah carefully turned onto his side, pressing a kiss to Luke’s chest, dragging his lips upward to where Luke was waiting and already starting to breathe more ragged and rushed.
He tugged, pulling Noah into his lap, holding the backs of his thighs as Noah straddled him. A part of him wasn’t sure if he should be sad or worried or neither, that Noah seemed more comfortable with sex than with the little touches and intimacy, but he didn’t have time for either as one of the cell phones next to the bed rang.
Luke grabbed it first, smiling a little as Noah’s forehead dropped to Luke’s chest with a groan. “Hello?” he didn’t even bother to check to see who it was. Part of him hoped it was Damian.
“...Luke? Are you answering Noah’s phone?” Alison sounded very confused and very hopeful.
“Yeah, Alison, we’re a little busy at the moment.” He could feel Noah smile into his shoulder. “So maybe if you want to call back in, say-”
“Luke, no,” Alison’s voice trembled a little this time. “You need to bring him to the hospital right now.”
He froze, and Noah sensed it right away, sitting back with his eyes narrowed. “Why?”
“There was... I don’t know if it was an accident or- or...” she stopped, started again. “It’s Dr. Oliver. You two need to get here now. And hurry.”
***
Alison met them at the ER waiting room, very still and very quiet. One look at her, and Luke knew. He knew Reid was dead. Katie and Chris were already there too, sitting in a corner, his arm around her. Emily stood nearby, glaring at everyone. Luke reached for Noah’s hand, bracing himself, trying to brace Noah.
“Ali?” Noah’s voice was shell-shocked, weary. Like he already knew too, like he was expecting the worst.
She shook her head, maintaining eye contact,obviously using her ‘calm nurse’ persona. “He’s gone, Noah. I’m sorry.”
Luke moved closer, intertwining their arms and leaning into Noah’s side. He didn’t want to make Noah the center of attention if he didn’t want to be, but really wanted to do... something. Noah leaned into him just as much, nodding at Ali’s words. “He- he was...?”
“I don’t really know what happened, the cops are dealing with it,” she said, unaware of the way Noah and Luke both tensed at those words. “But... he was shot.” She reached out, touching his arm. “I’m so sorry, hon. Katie is working on finding his family and everything. I have to get back to work, but you call me if you need anything, okay?” She looked at Luke pointedly. “Either of you. Okay?”
“Thanks, Alison,” Luke murmured, offering a smile as best he could, already turning back to Noah. “Hey,” he whispered. When Noah looked to him, dazed and empty, he tightened his hold. “Do you want to be here? Do you want to... I don’t know, what do you need? Tell me.”
“I don’t know,” Noah whispered back, his eyes looking around, not staying on one thing for very long.
“Are you-” he wasn’t even sure what he was about to ask, so the interruption of the elevator doors opening was welcome. His eyes widened, though, when Jack and Lily stepped out. “What?”
“I heard what happened,” Jack said grimly, quietly. Luke wasn’t really surprised; Jack probably still had eyes and ears at the station- Dallas, maybe.
Luke nodded, looking at Lily. That didn’t explain why she was here. “Mom?”
She was watching Noah, who wasn’t meeting her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said, just as quiet. She stepped forward, reaching out for him a little. “Noah. I’m sorry.”
He just stood there, almost confused. “I- is something wrong?” he asked.
She nodded, eyes bright and sad. “Yes. So much is wrong. I’m so-” she came even closer and drew him into a hug as Luke let go of his hand.
Noah stood still, almost frozen for a few seconds, but slowly his arms came up, hugging her back. His shoulders dropped with a silent sigh, sinking into her embrace. She tightened her hold, running a hand up and down his back. “It’s okay, sweetie. It’ll be okay. I’m sorry for so much...” With a glance over his shoulder at Luke, she led Noah over to a row of chairs, pulling him to sit down, hugging and murmuring to him again.
Luke stayed where he was, watching, relieved, before Jack got his attention again. “Luke,” his voice was serious, almost a growl. “I need to tell you some things.”
“What now?” he was half-joking, half-exhausted.
“Dr. Oliver was carjacked,” he spoke for Luke’s ears only. “On a road halfway between his place and Noah’s. He was shot, car stripped of parts.”
The word ‘carjacked’ raised every alarm in him. Oh God. This was spiralling out of control. “He was?” was all that came out.
Jack’s eyes narrowed at that. “Yeah. Thing is, it was very clean, methodical. Most carjackings are messy and rushed in some way.This wasn’t.” He took a deep breath, glancing over at Lily and Noah. “The only other time I’ve seen one like this was-”
“Mason?” Luke guessed, trying to keep his own voice down. He subtly beckoned for Emily to come over, which she did immediately.
Jack almost took a step back. “How did you-?” he looked at both of them. “No. I don’t want to know. Bottom line, it’s the same exact pattern as what happened to Jarvis two years ago.”
“Grimaldi had Reid killed?” Emily caught on quickly, voice low but wrathful. Luke nodded heavily.
“You knew?” Jack tried to keep quiet. “Dallas and Margo and I have been trying for two years to get this, and you-”
“We can set up a conference meeting later if you want,” Emily snapped. “Pool our resources, whatever. Don’t waste my time right now. Can you prove Grimaldi did it?”
“Not without help,” Jack shook his head. “We need to get into his office.”
Luke ignored Emily’s pointed look at that. “I still have to talk to Noah about it,” he said.
Uncertainty shaded Jack’s face. “Luke,” he clenched his jaw, worried. “This is getting bad. You and Noah need to be careful.”
“Jack,” he began, trying to sound placating. Out of everyone in this town, he and Noah knew that more than anyone.
“No, Luke, I mean it.” Jack got even closer, adamant, firm. “This is going to get worse before we have any hope of making it better. Take Noah home, watch out for each other, stay safe. Let us handle it.”
Luke could guarantee the taking home part. The rest? He wasn’t so sure. Damian had to be stopped. And it had to be soon.
***
Awareness came back slowly, but it didn’t take long for Noah to realize he was on his couch. It was, after all, a very familiar feeling to wake up here. But he was having a hard time remembering when he’d ever been this comfortable.
And then he realized there was a hand carding through his hair. And his head wasn’t resting on the side of the couch, but on someone’s leg. Luke. He turned his face a little more into denim fabric, still feigning sleep. He wanted this- just this, just for a second. Just stillness and quiet and this.
Maybe Luke agreed. He scratched his fingers through his hair some more, moving in circles, soothing and aimless. Noah felt warm and steady and... safe. He hadn’t felt like this in a long time. Three years. Despite the situation, and the heavy, dark feeling in his chest from everything that was going on, Noah felt safe. With Luke.
It was only ever Luke.
He opened his eyes slowly, blinking away sleep, stretching out and then curling up his legs again. The hand in his hair stilled for a second then started moving again, twisting strands idly. “Hey.”
“Hey,” his voice rumbled out of his throat. He brought on hand up, hesitating for a moment before laying it on Luke’s knee. “Time is it?”
“Three thirty,” Luke’s other hand slid up his back, rubbing his shoulder. “You hungry?”
He shook his head, partly because it allowed him to press his face closer into Luke. “Not really.”
“You need to eat something,” Luke chided gently, sounding so much like Emma that he kinda wanted to cry.
He just nodded. He’d heard that before. He also knew, from experience, that he could go a while longer without food. “I will.”
“Soon?” Luke wasn’t letting it go. It threw Noah a little; he’d forgotten what stubborn-Luke was actually like. Sure, he’d remembered it in abstract, in memories, but he’d forgotten what it felt like to be on the receiving end of it.
“I missed that,” he murmured.
Luke gripped his shoulder tighter, leaned in closer. “Missed what?”
“You.”
There was silence for nearly a full minute, both of them wondering what Noah was trying to say. “I... You know I missed you too.”
Noah nodded into Luke’s leg, then took a deep breath and turned onto his back, head still propped up. Luke moved his hand, thumb brushing against Noah’s forehead, smoothing back his hair. And smiling down at him.
Noah opened his mouth to say something, but words failed. He didn’t have words for times like this, he never had. So instead he touched Luke’s other hand, the one on his shoulder, pulling it away. He linked their fingers together slowly, almost one by one, like that would make them lock all the tighter for it. It had to be tighter this time.
Luke brought their hands up to his mouth and kissed them softly, like he knew how important Noah’s gesture was. Noah hoped he did.
“I shouldn’t bring this up now,” Luke said quietly. “I know I shouldn’t, but I have to.” His thumb trailed lightly across Noah’s forehead. “Jack said something to me, at the hospital. He-”
“He thinks it was Damian,” Noah finished for him, still looking up at Luke. Luke nodded, both of his hands still gentle. Noah sighed, forcing himself to sit up, shoulder to shoulder with him. Their hands managed to stay clasped together, and Noah was happy about that. Maybe it was a sign, or maybe it wasn’t. But it made him happy. “So do I,” he admitted.
Luke whipped his head around to stare at him. “You do?”
His turn to nod. “It’s just like what happened,” he swallowed hard. “Before.” Luke’s shoulder got closer to his, and he offered a smile when Luke brushed a kiss across his cheek. “I want to help.”
“Help what?” Luke asked carefully.
“Prove it was him. Stop him. Make things right again.” He leaned his head against Luke’s. “Help you come home for real.”
Luke turned his head again, kissing Noah on the jaw this time, still light. “I am home.” Noah turned his head too, catching the next kiss on his lips. “I want you free of him too, you know.”
“I do too,” he said, surprising Luke. “I don’t... I hate getting caught up with people like him. I’m sick of it, people getting hurt and killed for me. It’s not to protect me,” he was realizing this as he spoke, or maybe he had realized it a long time ago and just finally said it out loud. His mother. Luke. Mason. Reid. “It’s to control me. I always let them do it, too. I let them get away with it. I won’t this time.” This wasn’t going to be like the Colonel all over again.
“It’s not you,” Luke insisted, twisting his body to fully face him, his bent knee landing in Noah’s lap. “It’s not. You don’t let them do this. You’re just...” he shook his head, laughed a little. “You believe in people. You see the good in them that nobody else does, or nobody else wants to see, even the people themselves.” His hand was magically in Noah’s hair again, cupping the side of his face. “I’ve been one of those people. And I love that about you.”
“So...” Noah snuck his free arm around Luke’s waist, drawing him closer, almost fully into his lap. “Next you’re gonna say that you need to be around to keep an eye on me, right?”
“And that someone needs to look out for you, yeah,” Luke nodded, eyes bright, playful. They finally let go of their clasped hands so Luke could wrap both arms around Noah’s neck, holding him close.
“And that you’re not going to leave me again,” he almost hesitated to say, but said anyway.
Luke went still, eyes locking with his. “I’m not going to leave you again.”
“And that you love me,” his voice trembled, stupidly, and there was a desperation in it too. But maybe Noah was desperate.
Luke shoved himself suddenly closer, chest to chest, his mouth capturing Noah’s furiously. Noah didn’t have time to think, to breathe, to bite at Luke’s upper lip the way he knew Luke loved. He just took it, letting Luke in, letting Luke control it. It was the only thing he knew how to do right now.
When Luke finally pulled back (a few inches at most), they were both out of breath, dizzy and giddy. “More than I’ve ever loved anything,” he finally replied.
Noah just nodded at first, Okay, still catching his breath. “Maybe it would be good then,” he said quietly. “For you to stay. Here.”
Luke’s eyes got extra bright. Not in that mischievous way they had earlier, but in that way he got when he had too many feelings he couldn’t contain so they spilled out through his eyes. “Right here?”
This time, when Luke leaned in to kiss him, Noah met him halfway.
***
“We’re almost there,” Luke insisted. “Trust me.”
He heard Emily’s sigh over the phone. “Okay, I admit I want to take this son of a bitch down right now after what happened to Reid, but kid- this has to be done right or we lose the entire case.”
“I know, I know,” Luke glanced into the other room, where Lily and Noah were talking quietly. “Emily, Noah knows the combination to Damian’s safe.”
There was a good few seconds of silence. “Come again?”
“Noah knows it. I don’t know how, he probably saw Damian open it one day and kept it memorized just in case. But he knows. Mom and I are going to have lunch with Damian and distract him, and Noah’s going to get everything out of the safe. Then he’s heading straight to your place.”
“You’re sure it’s safe- it’ll work?” Emily asked, seemingly despite herself.
He almost laughed. “Out of everyone, Damian would suspect my mom the least. And I don’t want him anywhere near Noah. Ever again. It’ll work.”
“I’m so getting this interview,” she didn’t quite gloat, she’d been more reserved since Reid’s death, but at least she sounded as determined as ever. “Jack and his merry band of rogue detectives, plus Tom Hughes, are at the Hughes residence, waiting for me. I’ll have them come over here too, we’ll get everything in one fell swoop. You sure your mother is up for all this? She’s on our side?”
Luke looked into the other room again. Lily had her arm threaded through Noah’s and her hand running up and down his shoulder, talking so quickly and forcefully that Noah’s blush kept getting redder and redder. When she called him sweetheart (again) and he ducked his head down (again), Luke grinned. “Yeah. She definitely is.”
Emily was quiet again, obviously thinking it all over. “Okay then. Send your boyfriend my way when he’s got everything, and make sure you’re all careful. Don’t screw up my story.”
“Thanks,” he said, still smiling. “We’ll see you soon.” He hung up, entering the living room. Lily and Noah both looked up at him, Lily wiping away a tear as she stood up, reluctantly letting go of Noah. “Ready?” he asked them.
Noah just nodded, smoothing down his shirt. (A plaid shirt, unbuttoned, over a t-shirt. Luke wanted to cry and hug him. Hi, Noah.) Lily was unconsciously doing the same with her outfit, reaching for Luke’s arm now. “I can’t believe...” she stopped, started again. “I guess I can believe he’d do this, I just don’t want to.”
Luke let her grab his arm and hold on. “He did do this, Mom. I’m sorry, but we owe it to Dad to stop him.”
Lily took a deep, tearful breath. “I’m going to have a lot to make up for when this is over, aren’t I?”
Luke didn’t want to answer that, and for some reason looked to Noah. He smiled just a little. “I think Faith’s been keeping a list, if you need help,” he offered softly.
Luke was relieved when Lily laughed, leaned in, and kissed his cheek. “I’ll be in the car,” she told Luke, walking out and leaving them alone.
Luke took both of Noah’s hands in his. Noah leaned in and kissed him once, twice, feather-light. “Be careful?” Noah begged, voice still soft. “Don’t... I don’t know, don’t let him get to you.”
He remembered a time years ago, sending Noah off to see his father in prison. “I won’t. I’ll just think of you,” he repeated Noah’s words now.
Noah smiled, maybe remembering too. “I’ll see you at Emily’s.”
Luke grabbed the collar of Noah’s shirt in both hands. “You be careful too. Okay? Don’t let anyone see you, don’t leave behind any-”
“Hey,” Noah smirked a little, getting in one more kiss. “You’re acting like this is the first time I’ve committed espionage in my boss’s evil empire. I’ll be fine.”
He rolled his eyes, letting go, but couldn’t help but smack Noah on the ass as he turned to head out. “Just get yourself to Emily’s fast and in one piece, 007.”
Noah blushed, from the smack or the nickname, Luke didn’t know (or care). “Call me, if anything-”
“You too,” Luke insisted.
They looked at each other in silence, steadying each other, getting ready. Luke could do that again, gather strength from Noah’s eyes. He almost smiled.
And then he did smile when Noah stepped in close again, delivering a hard, fast kiss to Luke’s mouth. “For luck,” he murmured, and then was gone. Luke took another deep breath and headed out to Lily’s car. For luck.
Knowing them, they were going to need it.
***
They got to the Lakeview two minutes late. Luke wanted to think it was out of some subconscious spite, but more likely it was because Lily nervously drove the speed limit the whole way there.
“Mom,” he said once they finally parked, both of them staring at the entrance to the hotel, unable to get out of the car just yet. “We have to do this.”
She nodded shakily, then laughed a little. “Your father would be so mad. He’d say this is too dangerous, we should let the police handle it.”
Luke smiled too. He could picture it. “And we need to think rationally, we’re not private detectives or superheroes.” He fidgeted a little.”And he’d break out that ‘not mad just disappointed’ face.”
She squeezed his arm. “But, and you know this too, he’d do anything to protect his family”
“I know,” he said softly.
“And while there’s a lot of... me, of Walsh blood in you,” she offered another smile, self-deprecating. “You’re more like him than you realize. He’d be so proud of you, honey.”
Luke was shaking his head before she’d even finished speaking. “I don’t... I ran away, Mom. I let everyone here down. I let things get this bad.”
“No,” she said firmly, still holding his arm. “You didn’t let any of this happen. This is- this is Damian. And you didn’t run away forever. You’re here now. And you and I- and Noah, and Jack, and Margo and everyone- we’re fixing it now. We’re fixing what Damian broke. We will.” If anything else, Lily seemed to get her own courage up with her speech. She jostled him a little, opening her car door.”Come on. We’ve got a lunch date.” He smiled gamely as he followed her out of the car.
The smile only lasted ten minutes.
***
It was creepy being here on the weekends, when the office was empty. Or, more accurately, it was creepy being here when Damian’s office was empty. Noah had been in on Saturdays before, catching up on his own work, but here... He tried not to make comparisons to graveyards.
He did spare a moment to look around, take it all in. He’d been fooling himself for years, and he didn’t have to anymore. It could be that simple, right? Damian was bad. He’d done bad things.
And now Noah could help fix it.
Moving as quickly and quietly as possible, he pulled the spare key from the secretary’s desk and opened the door to Damian’s private office. The safe was built into the far wall. Noah had seen Damian open the thing out of the corner of his eye more than once, enough times to remember the combination. Damian had never noticed. Or cared.
It made Noah want to smile a little, defiantly. Maybe he’d been mistaken about Damian the last few years and let all of this mess happen, but maybe...
Maybe Damian had underestimated him too.
***
“Where is he?” he muttered, not frantic or panicked. Yet. Damian was never late. But there was no sign of him, at all, in the Lakeview Lounge. “Where- where is he?”
“Don’t worry,” Lily’s voice sounded anything but calm though. “It could be anything. I’ll talk to the front desk, maybe they’ve seen him. You check the parking lot, see if his car is there. Okay?” She nodded to him, steadying. “It’s okay. It’s fine.”
Luke nodded back, not okay or fine. Where the hell was he? He tried to run without running, feeling ridiculous but not really caring, as he made it back out to the parking lot, scanning every car. If Damian wasn’t at lunch, like he was supposed to be, like he said he’d be, he could-
“Luke!” Lily was moving as fast as her heels would let her. “He’s not here. The front desk said he- he called to cancel the lunch reservation.”
“Why didn’t he call us? Why the hotel and not us?” Luke stammered and stumbled on his words.
Lily was already fishing for her keys, both of them hurrying back to the car. “Because he wanted us here. He wanted us to take the time to come here.”
If it weren’t for the situation, Luke would laugh. He felt a hysterical laugh bubble up close as it was. They had both tried to use the lunch as a diversion for something. But Damian had succeeded.
And for what?
Luke almost stopped his running. Lily was already starting the car. “Luke, what-”
“The office. We need to-” was all he got out before Lily’s eyes went wide. Noah.
He pretty much dove for the car, fumbling with his cell phone. No, no, no. This wasn’t happening. No. “Mom, call Jack.”
Noah wasn’t answering his phone.
***
“So.” Noah cleared his throat. He wanted to shift a little on his feet but didn’t really want to move at all unless he had to. Damian’s grip on the gun was unsurprisingly but scarily confident. He didn’t want to take any chances. “Lunch got canceled?”
Damian didn’t even smile.
***
“Wait out here,” Luke ordered. They were finally, after an agonizingly long drive, in front of Grimaldi Worldwide.
“What? Luke! No, we-”
“Mom, there shouldn’t be more people around than there needs to be.”
“Well, I need to be in there. Noah could be in trouble, I-”
“Mom!” he interrupted again, even as a tiny part of him wanted to smile at how quickly and fiercely Lily went back to loving Noah. “It’s too dangerous. If Damian gets startled, or careless...” He shook his head. “He won’t hurt me. I can protect Noah. You need to wait here for Jack and his guys.”
Jack had contacted his old friends in the FBI once he had Emily’s evidence. They all knew using local police wouldn’t work. Luke kinda wished they were here right now, but there was nothing he could do about that. He had to get to Damian and Noah.
“Just...” Lily looked ready to fall apart. Luke could relate. “Be careful. God, Luke, please be careful.”
“I will,” he promised. He had to be.
He was also pretty sure he was lying.
***
Damian kept himself between Noah and the door, which meant Noah either had to stay where he was, or jump out the window. Which was a dozen stories up, so that was probably not an option. He stayed where he was, an eye on Damian, an eye on the gun. It wasn’t pointed at him, not exactly, but he knew that was because Damian was choosing not to just yet. He held all the power right now.
Literally.
***
Luke threw himself into the elevator, almost sobbing with relief when it worked. He’d been half-expecting Damian to disable them, just to make all this worse. He bounced on the soles of his feet, fingers twitching impatiently against his thighs. It felt like the elevator moved inch by inch, and he wanted to spontaneously combust, if only to do something.
His phone buzzed in his pocket right when he was about to start cursing gods and elevators. It was Casey.
“Dude, what the hell is going on? Jack is freaking out and making eighteen calls at once and, like, arming himself for the next installment of Rambo. What happened?”
“Damian didn’t show up for lunch. We think he knows. That we know.”
“Oh. So, it’s Avengers Assemble time?”
He could almost hear the smile in Casey’s voice and wanted to scream. No. Everyone was supposed to be as scared as he was right now. “Casey, he could be alone in a room with Noah right now. He might have caught Noah breaking into the safe.”
There was a second of silence. “Shit. We’re on our way.”
The beep of the call disconnecting mixed with the ding of the elevator doors opening. Luke made a mad dash for the direction of Damian’s office.
***
“It’s all true, isn’t it?” Noah asked quietly. “All of it. Holden, Mason, Reid. They’re all dead because of you.”
Now Damian smiled. Not in a good way. Noah unconsciously took a step back, even farther from the door. “You tell me.” He used the gun to casually gesture to the stack of papers Noah still stubbornly held in his hands. “I’m sure you’ve figured most of it out by now. We both know it wasn’t because of me, exactly.”
“I don’t understand why,” he was stalling, he had to. He had no idea why Damian was here and not at lunch, and he held on to the barest belief that Damian cared too much about Luke and Lily to have done something to them. If they were okay, they’d know to send someone here. Eventually. He hoped.
“You’re a very bright young man, Noah,” Damian was still so freakishly calm. “Very loyal. Very hardworking.” Another smile. “And very weak.”
Noah flinched, backed away some more, and kicked himself for doing both. “What?”
“You can’t handle being alone anymore, can you? Everyone knows they can show you the slightest bit of attention, and you’ll fall for it. Every time.” He smirked, and Noah wanted to claw at his face for having the same smirk as Luke. It wasn’t right. “The problem was, I needed you on my team. You were useful. And both the professor and the doctor would’ve taken you away from me in some way. Jarvis was destroying you, and Oliver was getting close to destroying me.” He shrugged a little. “I couldn’t have that.”
Noah ignored it. All of it. He had to, or he’d sink way too far into the dark thoughts he’d been working hard to get rid of his whole life. “You knew Reid was-”
“Did I know that your little group of friends was digging into my affairs? Yes. I discovered the ‘investigation’ a few days ago. Congratulations on getting as far as you did, I’m a little impressed. But then,” another smile, serpent-like. “I always knew you were intelligent. It’s one of the reasons I kept you around.”
He shuddered. “Why don’t you just leave?” he didn’t beg, but he wanted to. “Just go. People know what you did now. There’s no way you can keep going here.Just go away and leave everyone here alone.”
Damian’s gaze hardened. Quickly. Terrifyingly. “I haven’t lost anything. I don’t run. Not without what’s mine.”
Noah tried really hard not to get flashbacks of his own father. “They were never yours,” he said quietly, firmly. Lily. Luke. “They’re Holden’s, still are.” He locked eyes with Damian, bravely or stupidly or both. “And mine.”
The gun was suddenly pointed directly at him, but he didn’t step back this time. Or flinch. This was what he was supposed to do, this is what Holden Snyder would do. Protect the family.
“You know what I did to Holden,” Damian’s voice was threatening and casual in the same breath. “Are you sure you don’t want to rethink this?”
Noah didn’t even look at the gun. “I’m sure.”
“Damian, don’t you dare.”
They were both startled by the new voice in the room. Damian took a small step back, just enough to keep Noah in his gun’s sights and see the door at the same time.
Luke stood there, looking so much like Holden in that moment that Noah had to blink hard. But it was Luke, glaring and defiant.
And for the first time, for just a second, Damian looked worried.
***
Luke was more than worried. He was terrified. The last time the three of them had been in a room with a gun, Noah had been shot and almost died. Nothing like that was allowed to happen again. “Don’t,” he repeated, fighting against every instinct that screamed at him to go stand in front of Noah. “It’s done. It’s over. Just stop.”
“Luciano, you shouldn’t be-”
“It’s Luke, and I absolutely should be. Right here.” He inched a little closer to Noah, ignoring Noah’s head shake. “You can either put the gun away and we’ll talk, or you can put the gun away and leave town. Your choice.”
It was Damian’s turn to shake his head, less frantically than Noah’s, much more... confident. Not good. “Luke, if you come any closer, I’ll shoot him. Leave now.”
They both froze. “What?” Luke gasped a little. “Are- are you crazy? It’s over. The damn FBI is on to you.” He swallowed hard, starting to shake. “You’ve already taken my dad away, and made me watch. You took away three years of my life. You’re not doing the same thing to my- to Noah.”
“You weren’t supposed to be on that trip,” Damian’s voice went suddenly harsh. “He made you go,” he gestured with the gun, and Luke needed it pointed away from Noah.
“No, he didn’t. I decided to go. With my dad. You killed him, Damian. And you almost killed me, and nothing is ever going to change that. Put the gun down, don’t make it worse.”
“It will get worse, if you don’t leave this room. Now.” He cocked the gun, the noise echoing extra loud.
“Luke,” Noah was quiet, seemingly calm. He was also moving, barely noticeable, towards Luke. “Please, just listen to-”
“No,” he snapped at both of them. “I’m not leaving you.”
Damian actually laughed. “I thought that was the only thing you were both good at.”
Luke froze, staring at Damian, who stared back almost challenging, crossing the line into crazy, like a cornered wild animal. They were both still, rooted to the spot, which made the moment Noah acted all the more startling.
Noah hadn’t been moving closer to Luke. He’d been moving closer to Damian, to the gun. He lunged for it, grabbing Damian’s arm and pushing it to the side.
“Noah-” Luke moved forward too, watching helplessly as he and Damian fought for the gun. It was a whirl of movement and Luke, dizzy with fear and shock, couldn’t track the struggle. He tried to grab at Damian, but the arm he reached for suddenly pushed outward, shoving Luke back into the wall, his head cracking painfully against the wood paneling.
He blinked, even dizzier, hearing Noah shout his name through the haze, then tried to shake himself out of it. When his vision cleared, Damian- eyes wild and glazed over- was looming over Noah on the floor, hands around his neck. Tight. Too tight, too much. Noah’s face was red, but he was silent, hands scrambling against the floor and Damian’s grip.
No.
Noah had tried to make him leave, not be here, get somewhere safe. Like Holden had. Luke wasn’t letting this happen again. He pushed forward onto his hands and knees, about to rush at Damian, when his hand came into contact with something cold. Metal.
He picked up the gun and pointed it at Damian. He was about to fire when Damian must have sensed it, looking up at him. “Luke-”
“Let him go.” He kept his voice level. In control. Because he was in control- he had the gun.
Damian slowly released Noah, who immediately rolled away, coughing harsh and ragged. “Noah?” he called out a little fearfully, keeping his eyes and the gun trained on Damian.
Noah nodded, pushing himself farther from Damian, out of reach, closer to Luke. “‘M okay.”
He didn’t sound okay. His voice sounded like sandpaper and gravel going through a shredder. Luke’s eyes narrowed, furious, at Damian. “What was that about making things worse?”
Damian kept his hands up, facing Luke. On anyone else it would look placating, compliant. Damian wasn’t anyone else. “Luke, you don’t want to-”
“Oh, I really, really do,” he spat out, shaking a little. “You- you’ve tried to take everything from me. You almost did. You took my dad from me,” he didn’t care that his voice cracked. “I spent years thinking it was my fault. And I come back to find you’ve nearly ruined my home. Ruined everything. Why shouldn’t I do to you what you were about to do to the best thing in my life?” He moved a little bit closer, threatening.
“Luke,” it was Noah who spoke up. “No. Don’t. You can’t kill him.”
“I can, actually,” Luke pointed out, very rational. “All I have to do is squeeze my hand. You showed me, remember? You don’t pull the trigger, you squeeze it. I can do that.”
“You shouldn’t,” Noah countered softly.
“Remember when you taught me?” he kept going. “It was after you shot that guy that was trying to attack me and Damian at the docks. You probably saved our lives that day. Look how Damian repaid you.”
“Luke, no,” Noah kept going too. “Please? It’s not you. You, you’ll regret it.”
“I won’t regret having him out of my life,” Luke snapped. Damian wisely stayed silent.
“You don’t have to kill him to do that,” Noah got closer, he could feel it. “This isn’t about him. Don’t do it for him, do it for you. You’re not a killer.”
“He is,” Luke was furious, could feel it burning from his feet up, could feel tears threatening his eyes. “He...”
“He’s not you,” Noah said firmly, despite the roughness of his throat. “And you’re not him. You’re Holden’s son, not his. Please, Luke. Come on.”
“I can’t. I can’t let him go,” Luke said it quieter, for Noah to hear. Who was right next to him now, calm and steady.
“You don’t have to. Jack and Margo and everyone are here,” he murmured. “They’ll take him.” Distantly, Luke realized he could hear movement and voices behind him, at the door. “Please? I... I need you to not do this. I need you to be Luke. Not him.” For the first time, Noah’s voice started to break too. “Please, I need you, Luke.”
He blinked, his breaths starting to go in and out faster. God, it would be so much easier to just kill him. Be done with him.
But easier is what Damian would do.
With a shudder, Luke lowered his arms, the gun clattering to the floor. Within seconds, Jack and Margo and half a dozen guys in those cheesy official FBI windbreakers were storming in, flattening Damian to the ground, cuffing him, dragging him away.
Luke didn’t see any of it. He reached for Noah at the same time Noah reached for him, and they crashed together with a rush of stuttered words and frantic hands. “God oh God oh God,” Luke babbled, running his hands up Noah’s arms and shoulders, gingerly touching his neck. “God, baby, I almost lost you, are you-”
He would’ve laughed at any other time, because Noah was doing the same to him, gently cradling his face, eyes wild and looking him over. “Are you okay? God, Luke, I-”
Luke pulled him in, reassuring them both in a way words couldn’t, but they both needed. Then he pulled back, smacking Noah on the chest. “What the hell were you thinking, going for the gun like that? You idiot, you yell at me all the time for taking risks but you could’ve-”
Noah shut him up, stealing the rest of his tirade with another press of their lips together, gentler this time. “Love you,” he whispered against Luke’s mouth, leaning against him, suddenly looking very tired.
“I love you too,” he stressed each word, keeping one hand flat against Noah’s chest, against his heart. “Idiot.”
“You’re both idiots,” Casey was suddenly there, crouched down in front of them, eyeing them both with equal parts concern and exasperation. “Are we done with the thrilling heroics? I missed lunch for this, you know.” Lily stood behind him, not even trying to hide her tears anymore, reaching for both of them.
Noah’s breathing was still labored. Luke’s hands were still trembling. But he smiled, arm going around Noah’s waist as they stood up shakily. “Yeah. Yeah, I think we’re ready to go.”
Noah held onto the bottom of Luke’s shirt, twisting it in his grip, almost childlike. “What do you want to do now?”
Luke leaned in and up, asking for a kiss. Noah half-smiled as he ducked his head a little to return it. “I’m with Casey,” Luke murmured. “I never did get my lunch.” He leaned his head against Noah’s shoulder as Casey and Lily walked them both out of the office. He paused for a second, taking a moment to look back at Damian’s office, for what he knew would be the last time. It would be the last time he did anything involving Damian. Finally, three years later, he remembered who he was, and who he wanted to be.
“Hey,” a hand brushed against his cheek, through his hair, landing gently on the back of his neck. “You with me, Snyder?”
Luke turned back to Noah, smiled a little, and leaned up to kiss him on the nose. The immediate blush that appeared on his face calmed and centered Luke more than anything else. “Always.”
( CONTINUE TO EPILOGUE)