une bonne journée
maybe it's just because he's not right for me,
but relationships as of late have only made me feel trapped and imprisoned.
i have always felt an affinity for birds: dreams of flying as a child; a love for costume wings; treasuring feathers from a simple bluebird or a regal peacock; singing songs of blackbirds, mockingbirds, buzzards circling with certainty of sustenance soon enough, and little birds that can sing, can fly, have flown; incessant sketches of sparrows; contemplation of cranes tattooed on my ribs; and i could continue but evidence enough has been provided for the fact that i associate myself with this species that exemplifies serenity, solitude, and unbridled freedom, for there seems to be a bird that symbolizes any emotion or thought that might possess me.
and now i am beginning to apply this metaphor more certainly than ever before: i feel caged in relationships. even in the most gilded of houses, a bird is not home. the skies are where she belongs, and the branches of cherry trees and oaks is where she rests most easily.
so as i sit behind the bars so benevolently constructed, for safety, security and assurance of attention, i cannot shake off feelings of regret and resentment.
i've done nothing about it yet, but i must speak to him soon. i haven't been happy for a little while; nor have i been sad, but simply existing, suffocated by certainty which i can only equate with monotony.
enough is enough is enough. i love you but enough is enough.
the only company i require daily is that of lauren, sophia, and margarita; my only inexhaustible source of happiness is riding my bike, making our morning lattes, and reading for my russian literature class.
but relationships as of late have only made me feel trapped and imprisoned.
i have always felt an affinity for birds: dreams of flying as a child; a love for costume wings; treasuring feathers from a simple bluebird or a regal peacock; singing songs of blackbirds, mockingbirds, buzzards circling with certainty of sustenance soon enough, and little birds that can sing, can fly, have flown; incessant sketches of sparrows; contemplation of cranes tattooed on my ribs; and i could continue but evidence enough has been provided for the fact that i associate myself with this species that exemplifies serenity, solitude, and unbridled freedom, for there seems to be a bird that symbolizes any emotion or thought that might possess me.
and now i am beginning to apply this metaphor more certainly than ever before: i feel caged in relationships. even in the most gilded of houses, a bird is not home. the skies are where she belongs, and the branches of cherry trees and oaks is where she rests most easily.
so as i sit behind the bars so benevolently constructed, for safety, security and assurance of attention, i cannot shake off feelings of regret and resentment.
i've done nothing about it yet, but i must speak to him soon. i haven't been happy for a little while; nor have i been sad, but simply existing, suffocated by certainty which i can only equate with monotony.
enough is enough is enough. i love you but enough is enough.
the only company i require daily is that of lauren, sophia, and margarita; my only inexhaustible source of happiness is riding my bike, making our morning lattes, and reading for my russian literature class.