A manifesto of sorts
I hate relationships. I want to be in one, a monogamous one. I am loyal, caring and committed. I do everything I can to make the person I love happy. And yet I am always the one who ends up getting hurt. Therefore, I hate them. I am tired. I am tired of working so hard and ending up with nothing or things thrown back in my face. I no longer have the energy to live this way. I cannot keep making sacrifices and improvements, and taking huge steps, only to have those things mean nothing to the person I am with. I cannot keep working so hard only to achieve zero payoff. I cannot put so much time and effort into something that was never really mind to begin with. And I certainly cannot be with someone who is too afraid to commit or too confused to know what they want. I deserve more than that. I am ready for more than that. I am tired of being strung along. I am tired of broken promises. I am tired of never being enough. I am tired of watching as people look for greener pastures. I am just t i r e d. I cannot believe how much time I have wasted, thinking this was it. I cannot believe how many lies I have been told and how many times I believed it. I cannot believe I have spent almost four years being told this is what he wanted, only now to be informed maybe not. This is ridiculous. Men are ridiculous. People are ridiculous. Relationships are ridiculous.
Why can't we all just worry about our own lives? Why the hell do we sit there comparing ourselves to other people? It is useless and wasteful. Why do some of us always think we want what we do not have? Why do we never appreciate things until they are gone? Why? Why do we waste so much time worrying what other people think? Why do we waste so much time worrying that we are not where we should be in life when there are no deadlines? Why do we care where other people are headed? Why do we assume maybe we should be heading in the same direction? Too much of life is spent worrying about things that do not even matter, and it prevents us from being happy. So many people never stop to look at what is right in front of them. Too many are blinded by what everyone else has, what everyone else wants, what everyone else is doing. It is all propelled by fear. Fear that you are falling behind, fear that you are not good enough, fear that you need what you do not have, fear that you have what you do not want. Why do people try to revert back to their past the second they get scared about the future? Why do people sit there and try to figure out who they are when self-discovery is obviously a lifelong journey? What a waste. What a sad way to live life.
Hold on to the things about yourself that actually matter. Your greatest passions, your largest influences, your most cherished loves. Let go of who you used to be because you will never remain the same. You will change as life progresses, and that is just the way it is. Let go of who you think you want to be and just be. Stop living in the past, stop worrying about the future, and focus on the present. Constantly looking behind you will only interfere with your direction ahead. Just concern yourself with the path you are on and the paths you want to take later. Just let go. Relax. Be yourself. Live you own life, not someone else's.
Do what makes you happy. There is no need to hurt anyone else in the process.
Fear, fear, fear. It is what we live for. It is what keeps some of us going and it is what stops most of us from moving forward. Life is not a goddamn rat race unless you make it one. Live for yourself instead of living for other people. Life is not impossible no matter how much you have been through. I am living proof. Life is always worth living. There is so much help out there if people would only accept it. No one is perfect. There is no need to be perfect in a world full of fools and confusion. You may as well accept it and move on, do the best you can. People are not static beings. We change, we grow, we evolve. We can, therefore, never become exactly who we want to be or know exactly who we are. And that is okay because we are all in the same boat. We are all paddling away. We are all changing directions and discovering new paths. Uncertainty is a given. Uncertainly is life's hidden charm, if you let it be.
You have to earn what you receive. You cannot have everything at once, and you cannot have things for which you have not worked. Patience truly is a virtue, and everyone is capable of maintaining it. Want, want, want. Take, take, take. Greed will lead you to unpleasant and useless places. Do not live selfishly. Be grateful for everything you have, even the smallest things. Your pets, your talents, the shirt on your back. Do not forget those things even in times of anger, confusion or irrationality. Make a list, if you must. But never forget the people who have helped you, the kindness of strangers or the gifts you have been given.
Running away is never the answer.
Life is hard. Get over it. We are all still capable.
We all have the ability to survive, no matter what has happened to us in the past and no matter what obstacles await us in the future. And the only way to get through it all is to honestly believe it. Believe in yourself. Believe in others. And most of all, instead of complaining and claiming there is no way, try to make a difference on this planet before you leave it.
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