(no subject)
Well I sure as hell have been dead on LJ 8D; Life's been slow paced but productive for me though. MEME TIME. I was waiting to get most of it compiled so I wouldn't have to keep reposting it.
Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given. I would prefer to only give this to those who request since I'm pretty late in posting this as it is 8D;
From futomimii
Self-acceptance
According to previous research I did awhile back, self acceptance is the definition of 'loving yourself for what you are NOW, with the things that you would change in time as well'.
Generally if that is the description, then I would say I have a great deal of self-acceptance at this point. Not to the extent that I can say that I am completely happy with myself, but I can honestly I am happy with what I CAN BE when I am honest with what I am when I am myself.
I struggled with self-acceptance a lot through teenage years and still do from time to time. Its probably extremely over-mentioned in my opinion, but being the person I am, if its not me questioning what I am its a lot of other people questioning what you are. Many people have asked me why I term it as 'the person I am', as if its such a terrible thing to be. It also sounds that I hadn't come to terms with what it is that I was and am. Honestly though to put it context...
Yes, at a point in my life I did think being the type of person I am, honest to a fault in an extremely Asian environment, was more trouble than its worth.
Yes, unlike what probably a great amount of people think, sometimes I wish I could take back what I have said.
Do I wish I was a different person?
A long time ago I would have said 'yes'. In times of depression I would say 'definitely'. Now with a clear mind and a heart somewhat free of most troubles I usually have,
No, I wouldn't want to be a different person. Because then it just wouldn't be me.
I am the product of my environment, upbringing and events of my life. However much I wish things could have been different, its happened to mulling over it can't do much at this point.
So I am just truly, Me. With acknowledged flaws that are being worked upon, of course.
Adversity
Hmm.... adversity in my understanding is a certain state of continued difficulty or misfortune.
It could be silly to some, but I do honestly believe my life to full of adversity, and will continue being that way. Its not so much a continued difficulty, as much as it is a consistent one. Through 21 years of life, when stuff happens, its usually pretty bad. Not to mention it tends to happen in succession which makes things hard to deal with at times.
The good thing is, when nothing happens, my life is relatively peaceful.
Adversity in life has shaped who I am now, and possibly shaped some semblance of cynism in me which I have yet to fully rid myself off. I am thankful for certain levels of adversity in my life for it has given me the chance to be more mature, and yet at times I also resent it because I realize how jaded I've become due to a huge dose of it over a certain period of time.
But what comes comes, and for me, its hard to deal with at the time, but in the end, it always needs to be dealt with. I guess the hardest part about adversity in my life is that I can never guess the shape it comes in or when it hits. I can only pray that it come one at a time so I may have a clear head to deal with it.
Old school shoujo
I know its a source of amusement to a lot of people because most old school shoujo tends to be overly dramatic, but I put it down to the age it came from. Things were just more dramatic in those days as opposed to how the more modern shoujo incorporates more uses of chibi and silliness from time to time.
I like quite a lot of old school shoujo and I'm actually quite sad that most people don't give most old school shoujo a chance purely because of its 'art style'. I find a lot of old school shoujo to have a great deal of substance and research that is somewhat lacking in most of the more common day shoujos these days. Not to say that the new stuff ain't good, I love them too, but one could wish to see a certain amount of vigor or creativity in them now.
Amusingly enough, I learn a lot of things from old school shoujo. That's how good their research is, that its actually based of something that's true. I usually love to double check the references that are mentioned in them to confirm its validity.
Tear Grants
I love this character in Tales of the Abyss. I would say she's nothing like me in reality except that she's 'tsundere'. But I admire the qualities this character has because that's what makes her a great character. I like well rounded characters that seem human but have their level of skill and flaw.
There's really nothing much for me to say about her asides from the fact that she's an awesome character.
And she's voiced by Yukana 8D
Reading
Ah, one of my most devoted hobbies. As most people probably already know, I'm a lover of books and I love to read. I discovered the beauty of reading at the age of 3. Coincidently, I also started drawing because of reading, vice versa.
When one is the only child and you have no siblings for a good 6 years, with no neighbourhood children of your age group, you learn to be content with what you have. I started with 'Enid Blyton' and 'Peter and Jane' as the rest of the country probably did and it branched due to what I watched on television.
Reading provides me an escape. When I was young, I was severely lonely and I had a ton of insecurities I could never handle. I had too much energy too and I needed to channel it into something. A vivid imagination, pencil in hand and a whole pile of borrowed books and tapes solved that problem. In life, I was just plain old boring me. In the book, I was a swashbuckling knight, a pirate on the high seas, a damsel in distress, I was anything I wanted to be and could be.
Even now, so much older and obviously not lonely (I have siblings now, haha). Reading is still my escape. Its the one world no one can penetrate, the one world I let my imagination go wild. It also provides healthy material for drawing. I love the literary word and I'm generally accepting of most genres. I do have a certain love for 'fantasy and sci fi'. A healthy dose of that never goes wrong for me.
Reading also made me a writer. I close to never post any of these though. In that sense I have no confidence in showing to people. So no, no one will ever see the mountains of songs, poetry and stories I've created over the past 15 years or so. Haha.
From dmjewelle
Cosplay wigs
I'm not too sure what to say about this asides from the fact that my first wig was a one from the U.S. and I learned to use ebay from it. I 'used' to have a considerable amount of wigs but most of them are sold off now. I love to look at wig colours and styles because I find it highly fascinating. Being a cosplayer helps that too.
From once being the sort of cosplayer who would just buy a wig and wear it, I've come a long way IMO, to the extent I am able to style and cut the wigs with a certain degree of confidence. Mostly I started because my friends and I had no choice. Another because I've been reading about it for ages and I wanted to give a hand in it.
Its still kinda scary though, buying from a different seller, not knowing if your purchase was correct etc and styling an item that costs a great deal of money, praying nothing goes wrong.
Did I mention all my cosplay wigs are kept in a 'treasure chest' 8D?
Spastic fangirlism
I realize I'm seriously spastic when I fangirl... I put it down to being a very expressionate person. When I love it, I'll love it to bits. I guess my fangirling can be put down to that. I remember when I was much younger and ye gawds I must have annoyed people with how spastic I was back then >_>;
I've learnt to curb it down to mostly only certain friends or people who like the same thing since I realize it freaks people out at times. I don't do it much on my lj if I have had my outlet in someone's MSN window. My poor friends, they put up with my randomness so.
I realize when I love something, its hard for me to take it when people don't like it. Childish, I know. But I've learnt to handle that too. These days its mostly stamping down the mild irritation that builds up in my gutt when people tend to put down stuff I like, since its IS their opinion afterall so being silly about it doesn't do anyone any good.
Headstrong
One of my many middle names is 'headstrong'. My family's branded with it. There isn't a single one of us who isn't headstrong. It runs rampant in all the cousins as well. Don't be fooled by anyone who seems quiet in the 'Low' and the 'Pan' family. It just means the streak runs deeper in them. Its been proven.
This value of similarity shared by all my family is the reason we fight a lot with each other but its also the reason why we understand once its over, to make up with each other and all is well again.
It is this value in me which has caused most of my fights with people and most of the misunderstandings as well. Its another one of those things where people will ask me, would I change it? I would answer, only on certain occassions.
Its part of me, one I have to learn to control better. But I would never be rid of it. Its helped me out more than once in reality. I call it a 'trait' rather than a 'flaw'. One that needs to be reigned. That's how I see it.
Vulnerable
Hmm being a considerably emotional person I would say that emotionally I am considerably emotionally vulnerable to a few people. Amusingly enough, unless people know me well, they seem to take this the wrong way or they believe I can would not be so easily affected.
I would say that I am most vulnerable to family and friends. If I were to be wounded the easiest, it would come from them. The measure of my vulnerability is paralel to the measure of my trust imparted to them. Those whom I do not allow close to my heart have no hold over it, and are much more easily dismissed.
Physically vulnerable. Well I'm human. I'll bleed if cut. Though on a matter of health, I do a lot of things to work on my health, but I'm born with low blood pressure, a form of veritgo disorder coupled with occasional light migraines. So I'm not as healthy as I would wish to be but at least I don't look physically vulnerable. I think.
B...ust.
LOL, somehow I saw this one coming from a mile away.
I have a bust just like any other girl. Its apparently considered to be considerably bigger than most in the Asian size. Possibly by foreigner standards they're beyond normal.
Ironically, facts are facts. I'm not abnormally busty in any sense. In reality my chest size suits the rest of my body size, which is big built so generally its proportionate. It just tends to become an object of focus regardless covered or not. A great deal of grief to when it comes to buying clothes XD;
Asides from that, on the overall sense, while I like my chest the way it is, bigger or smaller even, what really sucks about it is when it becomes the ONLY object of attention. Its bound to get stares in this country so those I can dismiss. What really sucks is when I am 'defined' by my chest size. Archaic much?
I've been called a bimbo because of it before, I've also had to endure snide comments of people say that I love to have it on 'display'. I have it. Live with it. If you don't, that's your deal. I don't happen to be born with high metabolic rate or a skinny waist so everyone's got their own quality. I sometimes wish people would stop gripping with me about it. I don't mind my friends poking fun at it, but I do hate it when people think my intelligence doesn't extend past my bra cup size.
That and well, if you wish to stare, please have to grace to be discreet. I mean I know its bound to happen but at the very least, do so in a way which isn't so obvious to me.
From axtar
Library
Haha I was wondering if this was in reference to a real library or in reference to my 'home' library. I'll cover both just in case haha XD
I used to visit libraries when I was younger. Used to, and rarely at that. The major libraries were and are still far away from my home, so we gave up after awhile. Since my family was too poor to keep buying me books, I mostly borrowed them from Novel House, which used to be down my street, and later on Reader's Corner.
MPH once served as my library too. When times were safer my parents left me to my own devices in MPH, where I spent hours reading the time away.
In my teens, my family was a little better off and since I had no great love for clothes and pretties as a young, rebellious fat teenager, I started buying more books. Previously all I could afford were comics because they were RM3.50 and they came out once every month or so. In time I collected what is to be my current library in my house. I probably have more comics than I do fiction books, though actually I think the count is the same. I have more comics due to the fact that they're cheaper and they release faster than fiction books.
I'm believe I am quite generous with what I lend to people from my library, as long as they're my close friends. I trust friends with my things, but I am highly reluctant to allow anyone else that privellage.
My dream in the future is to have a library section of my own in my own house. I love the look of a filled bookshelf and rows and rows of worlds contained within the pages, all waiting to be read and brought to life in the mind. I love the feel of the bookcovers as I run my fingers across the bookspine. I love the feel of what a bookcase full of knowledge brings to a room or a home.
Games
I love to game 8D My gaming preference tends to revolve on how engaging the story and art style is though. I'm not the kind of gamer who wishes to over scrutinize everything on the level of its gameplay. I rather enjoy the experience of a good story, lovable characters and standard gameplay.
What I love most about games asides from its character and art direction, is also the music. I believe some of the best music I've heard comes from games. Some lovely tunes that always set the flames of inspiration in my heart and mind. I couldn't be more thankful to discover such a love for gaming.
Much as it can be quite a hindrance sometimes, haha xD
Confidence
I don't really think I come bottled with a whole lot of confidence. I think I just happen to be very good at making it seem like I have a lot of it. I have enough to keep me from bolting out the door when doing things, but I'm not usually as calm when I'm doing things like public speaking and all. There's always the initial shell shock fear, that numbing paralysis of the tongue, that cold shiver down your spine telling you you're bound to fail or its going to turn out for the worst.
But I've learnt to bottle it in and keep it inside. For certain matters anyways.
My confidence greatly depends on my mental state. When I am clear headed and even when I'm worried I can generally be pretty confident to do things even if it crumbles a little here and there. Depression brings my confidence down with a crumbling down like an avalanche.
I find self confidence to be a big problem when it comes to work and a lot of things about life. I tend to not talk about it because I sometimes feel as if it the very thing I fear would come to be if said aloud.
Car
I love my little Kaname <3 Yes, I named the car after a blood thirsty dark haired vampire. So sue me. Actually I didn't call it Kaname, my friends did. I call it 'Myvi chan'. Yes. Severely lacking in the creativity department 8D
My car is a lovely black Myvi that has served me well in the past few years that I have driven it. It connects me to people and served me well when I was running around going crazy doing things for various organizations and quenched my wander lust that was previously hindered by the greatly decreasing public safety in our country as well as the limitations of depending on my parents for transport. They were more than happy to deposit me into my car once I was able to drive on my own.
Its also a semblance of my independance as I am able to run around with it. I generally have considerable free reign with it. I use it to ferry a lot of other people though. Not that I mind really, and I love to travel at my own convenience <3
Femininity
I would say I am generally a considerably unfeminine person and yet in some ways I'm more feminine than not. Traditionally on the outlook and the manner, I would say I am far from feminine. I have a certain courseness inbred into me by days of running around the playground with boys and growing up being the oldest and having to live up to a grandmother who wanted a son as the eldest. I do wish I was more feminine and I'm working on it but it doesn't always work itself up.
I guess its a matter of perception. I love really feminine things. Not the whole lace and jazz though I do have a semblance of appreciation for it. I don't particularly favour pink either unless its really something lovely. I love cute things and I love elegant dresses, skirts, gowns, the works. But I do know my limitations in how good I look in things like that so its quite sad really when I don't have much of an outlet for it.
That coupled with a love for leather and a certain goth punk outlook to things doesn't always look very feminine XD Oh well, I am what I am. Don't be too shocked if I like cute little rabbits etc people, its not that shocking if I like them you know XD
Ye gawds that was long and I still don't have one from Max yet either hahaha. I'll edit that in some day or what not. I've been having a bit of wanderlust recently but I've had no oppurtunity to curb it. Somehow I feel as if I shouldn't do it alone and what not. Oh well. I really should get to scanning stuff I've been up to or taking a picture but since my camera is nonexistent ;A;
Ganbatte you TOA students going through your last term. JUST A LITTLE MORE~ GO FOR THE GOLD~ *is whacked*
Did I mention I recently fell in love with Nico Singers and Vocaloid songs? IMMA SCREWED DDDDD8
Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given. I would prefer to only give this to those who request since I'm pretty late in posting this as it is 8D;
From futomimii
Self-acceptance
According to previous research I did awhile back, self acceptance is the definition of 'loving yourself for what you are NOW, with the things that you would change in time as well'.
Generally if that is the description, then I would say I have a great deal of self-acceptance at this point. Not to the extent that I can say that I am completely happy with myself, but I can honestly I am happy with what I CAN BE when I am honest with what I am when I am myself.
I struggled with self-acceptance a lot through teenage years and still do from time to time. Its probably extremely over-mentioned in my opinion, but being the person I am, if its not me questioning what I am its a lot of other people questioning what you are. Many people have asked me why I term it as 'the person I am', as if its such a terrible thing to be. It also sounds that I hadn't come to terms with what it is that I was and am. Honestly though to put it context...
Yes, at a point in my life I did think being the type of person I am, honest to a fault in an extremely Asian environment, was more trouble than its worth.
Yes, unlike what probably a great amount of people think, sometimes I wish I could take back what I have said.
Do I wish I was a different person?
A long time ago I would have said 'yes'. In times of depression I would say 'definitely'. Now with a clear mind and a heart somewhat free of most troubles I usually have,
No, I wouldn't want to be a different person. Because then it just wouldn't be me.
I am the product of my environment, upbringing and events of my life. However much I wish things could have been different, its happened to mulling over it can't do much at this point.
So I am just truly, Me. With acknowledged flaws that are being worked upon, of course.
Adversity
Hmm.... adversity in my understanding is a certain state of continued difficulty or misfortune.
It could be silly to some, but I do honestly believe my life to full of adversity, and will continue being that way. Its not so much a continued difficulty, as much as it is a consistent one. Through 21 years of life, when stuff happens, its usually pretty bad. Not to mention it tends to happen in succession which makes things hard to deal with at times.
The good thing is, when nothing happens, my life is relatively peaceful.
Adversity in life has shaped who I am now, and possibly shaped some semblance of cynism in me which I have yet to fully rid myself off. I am thankful for certain levels of adversity in my life for it has given me the chance to be more mature, and yet at times I also resent it because I realize how jaded I've become due to a huge dose of it over a certain period of time.
But what comes comes, and for me, its hard to deal with at the time, but in the end, it always needs to be dealt with. I guess the hardest part about adversity in my life is that I can never guess the shape it comes in or when it hits. I can only pray that it come one at a time so I may have a clear head to deal with it.
Old school shoujo
I know its a source of amusement to a lot of people because most old school shoujo tends to be overly dramatic, but I put it down to the age it came from. Things were just more dramatic in those days as opposed to how the more modern shoujo incorporates more uses of chibi and silliness from time to time.
I like quite a lot of old school shoujo and I'm actually quite sad that most people don't give most old school shoujo a chance purely because of its 'art style'. I find a lot of old school shoujo to have a great deal of substance and research that is somewhat lacking in most of the more common day shoujos these days. Not to say that the new stuff ain't good, I love them too, but one could wish to see a certain amount of vigor or creativity in them now.
Amusingly enough, I learn a lot of things from old school shoujo. That's how good their research is, that its actually based of something that's true. I usually love to double check the references that are mentioned in them to confirm its validity.
Tear Grants
I love this character in Tales of the Abyss. I would say she's nothing like me in reality except that she's 'tsundere'. But I admire the qualities this character has because that's what makes her a great character. I like well rounded characters that seem human but have their level of skill and flaw.
There's really nothing much for me to say about her asides from the fact that she's an awesome character.
And she's voiced by Yukana 8D
Reading
Ah, one of my most devoted hobbies. As most people probably already know, I'm a lover of books and I love to read. I discovered the beauty of reading at the age of 3. Coincidently, I also started drawing because of reading, vice versa.
When one is the only child and you have no siblings for a good 6 years, with no neighbourhood children of your age group, you learn to be content with what you have. I started with 'Enid Blyton' and 'Peter and Jane' as the rest of the country probably did and it branched due to what I watched on television.
Reading provides me an escape. When I was young, I was severely lonely and I had a ton of insecurities I could never handle. I had too much energy too and I needed to channel it into something. A vivid imagination, pencil in hand and a whole pile of borrowed books and tapes solved that problem. In life, I was just plain old boring me. In the book, I was a swashbuckling knight, a pirate on the high seas, a damsel in distress, I was anything I wanted to be and could be.
Even now, so much older and obviously not lonely (I have siblings now, haha). Reading is still my escape. Its the one world no one can penetrate, the one world I let my imagination go wild. It also provides healthy material for drawing. I love the literary word and I'm generally accepting of most genres. I do have a certain love for 'fantasy and sci fi'. A healthy dose of that never goes wrong for me.
Reading also made me a writer. I close to never post any of these though. In that sense I have no confidence in showing to people. So no, no one will ever see the mountains of songs, poetry and stories I've created over the past 15 years or so. Haha.
From dmjewelle
Cosplay wigs
I'm not too sure what to say about this asides from the fact that my first wig was a one from the U.S. and I learned to use ebay from it. I 'used' to have a considerable amount of wigs but most of them are sold off now. I love to look at wig colours and styles because I find it highly fascinating. Being a cosplayer helps that too.
From once being the sort of cosplayer who would just buy a wig and wear it, I've come a long way IMO, to the extent I am able to style and cut the wigs with a certain degree of confidence. Mostly I started because my friends and I had no choice. Another because I've been reading about it for ages and I wanted to give a hand in it.
Its still kinda scary though, buying from a different seller, not knowing if your purchase was correct etc and styling an item that costs a great deal of money, praying nothing goes wrong.
Did I mention all my cosplay wigs are kept in a 'treasure chest' 8D?
Spastic fangirlism
I realize I'm seriously spastic when I fangirl... I put it down to being a very expressionate person. When I love it, I'll love it to bits. I guess my fangirling can be put down to that. I remember when I was much younger and ye gawds I must have annoyed people with how spastic I was back then >_>;
I've learnt to curb it down to mostly only certain friends or people who like the same thing since I realize it freaks people out at times. I don't do it much on my lj if I have had my outlet in someone's MSN window. My poor friends, they put up with my randomness so.
I realize when I love something, its hard for me to take it when people don't like it. Childish, I know. But I've learnt to handle that too. These days its mostly stamping down the mild irritation that builds up in my gutt when people tend to put down stuff I like, since its IS their opinion afterall so being silly about it doesn't do anyone any good.
Headstrong
One of my many middle names is 'headstrong'. My family's branded with it. There isn't a single one of us who isn't headstrong. It runs rampant in all the cousins as well. Don't be fooled by anyone who seems quiet in the 'Low' and the 'Pan' family. It just means the streak runs deeper in them. Its been proven.
This value of similarity shared by all my family is the reason we fight a lot with each other but its also the reason why we understand once its over, to make up with each other and all is well again.
It is this value in me which has caused most of my fights with people and most of the misunderstandings as well. Its another one of those things where people will ask me, would I change it? I would answer, only on certain occassions.
Its part of me, one I have to learn to control better. But I would never be rid of it. Its helped me out more than once in reality. I call it a 'trait' rather than a 'flaw'. One that needs to be reigned. That's how I see it.
Vulnerable
Hmm being a considerably emotional person I would say that emotionally I am considerably emotionally vulnerable to a few people. Amusingly enough, unless people know me well, they seem to take this the wrong way or they believe I can would not be so easily affected.
I would say that I am most vulnerable to family and friends. If I were to be wounded the easiest, it would come from them. The measure of my vulnerability is paralel to the measure of my trust imparted to them. Those whom I do not allow close to my heart have no hold over it, and are much more easily dismissed.
Physically vulnerable. Well I'm human. I'll bleed if cut. Though on a matter of health, I do a lot of things to work on my health, but I'm born with low blood pressure, a form of veritgo disorder coupled with occasional light migraines. So I'm not as healthy as I would wish to be but at least I don't look physically vulnerable. I think.
B...ust.
LOL, somehow I saw this one coming from a mile away.
I have a bust just like any other girl. Its apparently considered to be considerably bigger than most in the Asian size. Possibly by foreigner standards they're beyond normal.
Ironically, facts are facts. I'm not abnormally busty in any sense. In reality my chest size suits the rest of my body size, which is big built so generally its proportionate. It just tends to become an object of focus regardless covered or not. A great deal of grief to when it comes to buying clothes XD;
Asides from that, on the overall sense, while I like my chest the way it is, bigger or smaller even, what really sucks about it is when it becomes the ONLY object of attention. Its bound to get stares in this country so those I can dismiss. What really sucks is when I am 'defined' by my chest size. Archaic much?
I've been called a bimbo because of it before, I've also had to endure snide comments of people say that I love to have it on 'display'. I have it. Live with it. If you don't, that's your deal. I don't happen to be born with high metabolic rate or a skinny waist so everyone's got their own quality. I sometimes wish people would stop gripping with me about it. I don't mind my friends poking fun at it, but I do hate it when people think my intelligence doesn't extend past my bra cup size.
That and well, if you wish to stare, please have to grace to be discreet. I mean I know its bound to happen but at the very least, do so in a way which isn't so obvious to me.
From axtar
Library
Haha I was wondering if this was in reference to a real library or in reference to my 'home' library. I'll cover both just in case haha XD
I used to visit libraries when I was younger. Used to, and rarely at that. The major libraries were and are still far away from my home, so we gave up after awhile. Since my family was too poor to keep buying me books, I mostly borrowed them from Novel House, which used to be down my street, and later on Reader's Corner.
MPH once served as my library too. When times were safer my parents left me to my own devices in MPH, where I spent hours reading the time away.
In my teens, my family was a little better off and since I had no great love for clothes and pretties as a young, rebellious fat teenager, I started buying more books. Previously all I could afford were comics because they were RM3.50 and they came out once every month or so. In time I collected what is to be my current library in my house. I probably have more comics than I do fiction books, though actually I think the count is the same. I have more comics due to the fact that they're cheaper and they release faster than fiction books.
I'm believe I am quite generous with what I lend to people from my library, as long as they're my close friends. I trust friends with my things, but I am highly reluctant to allow anyone else that privellage.
My dream in the future is to have a library section of my own in my own house. I love the look of a filled bookshelf and rows and rows of worlds contained within the pages, all waiting to be read and brought to life in the mind. I love the feel of the bookcovers as I run my fingers across the bookspine. I love the feel of what a bookcase full of knowledge brings to a room or a home.
Games
I love to game 8D My gaming preference tends to revolve on how engaging the story and art style is though. I'm not the kind of gamer who wishes to over scrutinize everything on the level of its gameplay. I rather enjoy the experience of a good story, lovable characters and standard gameplay.
What I love most about games asides from its character and art direction, is also the music. I believe some of the best music I've heard comes from games. Some lovely tunes that always set the flames of inspiration in my heart and mind. I couldn't be more thankful to discover such a love for gaming.
Much as it can be quite a hindrance sometimes, haha xD
Confidence
I don't really think I come bottled with a whole lot of confidence. I think I just happen to be very good at making it seem like I have a lot of it. I have enough to keep me from bolting out the door when doing things, but I'm not usually as calm when I'm doing things like public speaking and all. There's always the initial shell shock fear, that numbing paralysis of the tongue, that cold shiver down your spine telling you you're bound to fail or its going to turn out for the worst.
But I've learnt to bottle it in and keep it inside. For certain matters anyways.
My confidence greatly depends on my mental state. When I am clear headed and even when I'm worried I can generally be pretty confident to do things even if it crumbles a little here and there. Depression brings my confidence down with a crumbling down like an avalanche.
I find self confidence to be a big problem when it comes to work and a lot of things about life. I tend to not talk about it because I sometimes feel as if it the very thing I fear would come to be if said aloud.
Car
I love my little Kaname <3 Yes, I named the car after a blood thirsty dark haired vampire. So sue me. Actually I didn't call it Kaname, my friends did. I call it 'Myvi chan'. Yes. Severely lacking in the creativity department 8D
My car is a lovely black Myvi that has served me well in the past few years that I have driven it. It connects me to people and served me well when I was running around going crazy doing things for various organizations and quenched my wander lust that was previously hindered by the greatly decreasing public safety in our country as well as the limitations of depending on my parents for transport. They were more than happy to deposit me into my car once I was able to drive on my own.
Its also a semblance of my independance as I am able to run around with it. I generally have considerable free reign with it. I use it to ferry a lot of other people though. Not that I mind really, and I love to travel at my own convenience <3
Femininity
I would say I am generally a considerably unfeminine person and yet in some ways I'm more feminine than not. Traditionally on the outlook and the manner, I would say I am far from feminine. I have a certain courseness inbred into me by days of running around the playground with boys and growing up being the oldest and having to live up to a grandmother who wanted a son as the eldest. I do wish I was more feminine and I'm working on it but it doesn't always work itself up.
I guess its a matter of perception. I love really feminine things. Not the whole lace and jazz though I do have a semblance of appreciation for it. I don't particularly favour pink either unless its really something lovely. I love cute things and I love elegant dresses, skirts, gowns, the works. But I do know my limitations in how good I look in things like that so its quite sad really when I don't have much of an outlet for it.
That coupled with a love for leather and a certain goth punk outlook to things doesn't always look very feminine XD Oh well, I am what I am. Don't be too shocked if I like cute little rabbits etc people, its not that shocking if I like them you know XD
Ye gawds that was long and I still don't have one from Max yet either hahaha. I'll edit that in some day or what not. I've been having a bit of wanderlust recently but I've had no oppurtunity to curb it. Somehow I feel as if I shouldn't do it alone and what not. Oh well. I really should get to scanning stuff I've been up to or taking a picture but since my camera is nonexistent ;A;
Ganbatte you TOA students going through your last term. JUST A LITTLE MORE~ GO FOR THE GOLD~ *is whacked*
Did I mention I recently fell in love with Nico Singers and Vocaloid songs? IMMA SCREWED DDDDD8