Where's Krista? THE Krista?
whoah... I've been passive as hell since Wednesday... I just wanna lie in my bed and sleep. And when I don't sleep I just wanna look at the walls. I've been at school only 2 times this week...
I feel like I can't do anything. I'm tired as fuck but I can't sleep. I just stay inside of four walls in my robe and PJs. I don't take care of my looks anymore. At first it was because of winter 'cos it's so cold that I can't wear my lovely skirts and corsets etc, but now I just don't care. I go to school without any make-up, wearing T-shirts and jeans because I can't get up from the bed early enough to put my make-up on. Atleast I still straighten my hair... sometimes... T-shirts. jeans and Krista = a huge wtf
Where has the unique style owning Krista disappeared? Good guestion...
I've noticed that my schoolwork is always late.. My grades are getting lower and lower all the time.
My room is messy 24/7. I can barely walk there. But I simply don't have the energy to empty the floor from all the laundry I have there. Clean laundry. Soon all the clothes will be covered in dust...
I have money problems and it breaks me that I can't have fun on weekends.. Every single weekend I'm alone, 'cos my bf is gone, spending time with his friends... at first I laughed that I have to be alone on weekends, but now I just wanna cry because of it. I wish I could go party. I wish I could see my friends in other cities. I can't...
Atleast I'm going to see my uncle and sister during the winter holiday... Unfortunately, I have to take the money from my savings... But I have to. I've had it, I'm NOT gonna be stuck here in Jyväskylä the whole fucking week... And I can't call the week "holiday" actually. I don't have school, but I have to read for an exam.... Not sure if I'm gonna pass....
I had a nervous breakdown again on Thursday. I wish my new meds would affect already... Why do they have to affect the opposite way for the first 2-3 weeks? It sucks....
I just wish I could get rid of my depression... I wish I could live without meds and make the simple attitude change. Actually I tried that last autumn and I felt GREAT for like... a week or two, but after that I totally snapped. It's not good for me to keep my negative feelings inside.
The only thing that makes me happy and cheerful atm is my KungFu-practise. I feel great when I go there. I can't stop smiling during it, and I still smile when I'm coming home. But when I arrive home, the smile disappears as fast as it appeared...
I don't wanna go back to the same psychologist as I did last year. It didn't go anywhere. Study-psychologist? idk. If this shit continues, I have to go there. This is the first time I've actually noticed that my depression takes over my activity at school. Maybe it's because I live on my own now. When I was in high school, I always did my important school work and read for exams because my mum made me to. No matter how shitty I felt, I did what I had to. I just put my feelings aside for a while I guess....
This sounds weird but I wish I had someone to force me to do the schoolwork and clean my house.
I need help for fuck's sake. But I'm too powerless to get it myself...
I feel like I can't do anything. I'm tired as fuck but I can't sleep. I just stay inside of four walls in my robe and PJs. I don't take care of my looks anymore. At first it was because of winter 'cos it's so cold that I can't wear my lovely skirts and corsets etc, but now I just don't care. I go to school without any make-up, wearing T-shirts and jeans because I can't get up from the bed early enough to put my make-up on. Atleast I still straighten my hair... sometimes... T-shirts. jeans and Krista = a huge wtf
Where has the unique style owning Krista disappeared? Good guestion...
I've noticed that my schoolwork is always late.. My grades are getting lower and lower all the time.
My room is messy 24/7. I can barely walk there. But I simply don't have the energy to empty the floor from all the laundry I have there. Clean laundry. Soon all the clothes will be covered in dust...
I have money problems and it breaks me that I can't have fun on weekends.. Every single weekend I'm alone, 'cos my bf is gone, spending time with his friends... at first I laughed that I have to be alone on weekends, but now I just wanna cry because of it. I wish I could go party. I wish I could see my friends in other cities. I can't...
Atleast I'm going to see my uncle and sister during the winter holiday... Unfortunately, I have to take the money from my savings... But I have to. I've had it, I'm NOT gonna be stuck here in Jyväskylä the whole fucking week... And I can't call the week "holiday" actually. I don't have school, but I have to read for an exam.... Not sure if I'm gonna pass....
I had a nervous breakdown again on Thursday. I wish my new meds would affect already... Why do they have to affect the opposite way for the first 2-3 weeks? It sucks....
I just wish I could get rid of my depression... I wish I could live without meds and make the simple attitude change. Actually I tried that last autumn and I felt GREAT for like... a week or two, but after that I totally snapped. It's not good for me to keep my negative feelings inside.
The only thing that makes me happy and cheerful atm is my KungFu-practise. I feel great when I go there. I can't stop smiling during it, and I still smile when I'm coming home. But when I arrive home, the smile disappears as fast as it appeared...
I don't wanna go back to the same psychologist as I did last year. It didn't go anywhere. Study-psychologist? idk. If this shit continues, I have to go there. This is the first time I've actually noticed that my depression takes over my activity at school. Maybe it's because I live on my own now. When I was in high school, I always did my important school work and read for exams because my mum made me to. No matter how shitty I felt, I did what I had to. I just put my feelings aside for a while I guess....
This sounds weird but I wish I had someone to force me to do the schoolwork and clean my house.
I need help for fuck's sake. But I'm too powerless to get it myself...