The Conditional For Unconditional Love

[carmellaseyes]

Recently I have found myself disappointed with my skills as a musician and artist. Several factors led to my initial disappointment, but the most noteworthy was my recent bass playing at a jam session. I played horribly and found myself lost on almost every chart. To the average soul this may be seen as a flash in the pan; a one-night-only

Comments

Some people are innate overachievers

[anonymous]

I love what Noah, you have worked through in your child rearing analysis - I see this drive in Zach - my son - whom we have worked hard to help along to "believe in himself" but as a result he is driven but also depleted at times. But from observations over the past 42 years of my living - this is what I see- If I may.... I see Noah, your discovery example -Family #1 Parents who believe in their kid = a kid who strives to achieve but falls short sometimes but is strong enough to pick up again. THEN Family #1 (kid brother) --whose parents believe in him but cannot completely connect with that child maybe because of personality differences or some mental illness...= separation and unhealthy expectations to the point of partial or complete isolation from family. Family #2 Parents are distracted, maybe drunks, disinterested with kids-but this kid is a bigger believer than his parents= kid grows up and surpasses parents as a parent & in life because they are deeply driven to find family & love & God given beauty in living. Family#2 Same parents-older brother - naturally more timid & unsure- grows up, 55yrs old- Lives in a trailer behind parents cause he can't keep a job or get ahead - always a victim -gov ripped him off, girlfriend too, boss too. My summary: Life deals major crap to the real people - whether it is bad parents or relationships or tragedies - The question is how will we will live? Noah, you are a great guy...I'm so glad you got a good mom who loves you well. Live, Love, Laugh ---Dance when you are alone, smile in the mirror when nobody is looking. Sing after those tears have been emptied. Breathe in God's Grace.

Warmly said, Michal

Re: Some people are innate overachievers

[carmellaseyes]

Hey Michael,
Thanks for that post. I believe you are right. All of the scenarios you mentioned make perfect sense. Furthermore, I think that trying to capture that which drives the individual to react to their surroundings is key in our analysis, and in my initial theory.

For example, I have known people who grew up in a home similar to that of "Family #2," and I have seen the two different outcomes that you described...
In the children who grow up to succeed, one might find a person in a "perpetual state of adolescent rebellion." These children choose to hold on to their rebellious mindset after adolescence. And it is because of this that they work harder to contradict everything that their parents seem to stand for. (i.e. not showing love, or not working hard, or whatever it may be) These children strive to be the antithesis of that which they despise, and they succeed in spite of their parents.

So, to answer Cora's question, I believe it is possible for children with poor upbringings to grow up and succeed. But may I suggest that it is not as healthy? In fact, I feel that it's not as healthy because they are acting out in spite of their parents instead of with love for their parents.
Unfortunately, this is not the child's fault. They simply want to grow up having what they never had (a sense of importance) and knowing what they never knew (love).

I believe that a part of me is in this "perpetual state of adolescent rebellion" with my father, who has been disinterested since before I was born. Therefore, in spite of him, I strive to be everything that he is not.

Once again, thank you for the post, Michael. I will remember to "Live, Love, Laugh ---Dance when you are alone, smile in the mirror when nobody is looking. Sing after those tears have been emptied. Breathe in God's Grace." (Fleury, 2005)

With Amiable Salutations,
Noah Michael Wilson. :-)

Re: Some people are innate overachievers

[carmellaseyes]

Wow... I totally apologize for misspelling your name! Apologies all around :-) How embarassing. If you notice, I spelled your name differently in my last post too. "Michelle" "Michael" "Michal"
I'll get it right one of these days ;)

Take Care,
Naowh!

Re: Some people are innate overachievers

[anonymous]

No biggy - Thats what I get for being a Michal (supposed to be said like Mickelle but I don't) who married a Michael and we own & work a business together as well, it can happen. I should have specified - Zachs mom. But I appreciated your reply just the same. Life is good.

Warmly, Michal Marie Minton Fleury