The Conditional For Unconditional Love
Recently I have found myself disappointed with my skills as a musician and artist. Several factors led to my initial disappointment, but the most noteworthy was my recent bass playing at a jam session. I played horribly and found myself lost on almost every chart. To the average soul this may be seen as a flash in the pan; a one-night-only happening, but for me it meant one thing... Failure.
This “failure” raised the following questions:
Why must I overachieve to the point of tears? When do I throw in the towel and admit that I make mistakes just the same as any other human being? And, most importantly, what spurs my dissatisfaction with mediocrity?
This final question has been bouncing around in my head for a couple of days now and I have formed a hypothesis. My hypothesis is that, in order to justify the unconditional love and support I have received from my mother, I set lofty goals that, if met, will undoubtedly please her.
In other words, I am searching for a condition for her unconditional love.
But why would I invest so much time and effort into a concept that seems so illogical? I mean, by definition, my mother's love knows no bounds and certainly needs no reason for being. It simply is.
Well, I believe that my need to please my mother is instinctual just as is her unconditional love for me. In a way, my mother has reared me for success by making me feel as though I am worth it. It is this, let's say, self-fulfilling prophecy that drives me to be my best, to succeed and to search for the kind of love I am "worthy" of.
In a similar fashion, a child who is deprived of love and attention while growing up is more than likely to have a scarred image of his/her self-worth, nor will they feel the instinctual need to please their parents. This is likely to lower their standards for goals, love and success because they simply have never known or been told that they were worthy of such ideals.
In conclusion, I must say, "good job mom!" But sometimes life is tough with the bar being set so high... My finite limitations make it difficult (but not impossible) to achieve my goals. However, I would certainly rather be in this situation, as an overachiever, than take whatever waits behind door #2, as an underachiever.
I love you mom!
-Noah
This “failure” raised the following questions:
Why must I overachieve to the point of tears? When do I throw in the towel and admit that I make mistakes just the same as any other human being? And, most importantly, what spurs my dissatisfaction with mediocrity?
This final question has been bouncing around in my head for a couple of days now and I have formed a hypothesis. My hypothesis is that, in order to justify the unconditional love and support I have received from my mother, I set lofty goals that, if met, will undoubtedly please her.
In other words, I am searching for a condition for her unconditional love.
But why would I invest so much time and effort into a concept that seems so illogical? I mean, by definition, my mother's love knows no bounds and certainly needs no reason for being. It simply is.
Well, I believe that my need to please my mother is instinctual just as is her unconditional love for me. In a way, my mother has reared me for success by making me feel as though I am worth it. It is this, let's say, self-fulfilling prophecy that drives me to be my best, to succeed and to search for the kind of love I am "worthy" of.
In a similar fashion, a child who is deprived of love and attention while growing up is more than likely to have a scarred image of his/her self-worth, nor will they feel the instinctual need to please their parents. This is likely to lower their standards for goals, love and success because they simply have never known or been told that they were worthy of such ideals.
In conclusion, I must say, "good job mom!" But sometimes life is tough with the bar being set so high... My finite limitations make it difficult (but not impossible) to achieve my goals. However, I would certainly rather be in this situation, as an overachiever, than take whatever waits behind door #2, as an underachiever.
I love you mom!
-Noah