(no subject)
hello
so its been about 5 days since my dog passed
i know, its all i talk about on this journal right now..but im still grieving
im noticing the grief comes in waves
last night i had a dream that i went to the bathroom really late at night and i saw her in the hallway to the bathroom and i went to pet her and she disappeared
i didnt go to school today causei was just so exhausted....tuesday i had school, then school store, work 3-6 then the fashion show rehersal which took fricken 3 hours in heels. and the night before i went to bed at 3...cause i couldnt fall asleep.
ive just been really grouchy latley...i feel like i have so many things to do before graduation
i have to send in my deposit slip for marist tomrorow....then i have to go get my vaccinations before the end of the month...i have the fashion show friday...all of the final projects are being handed out....i have to find a prom dress still....and finish planning the weekend..gotta finish community service....i just feel the pressure mounting again all at the wrong time for me..even though im trying the whole one foot in front of the other. its really hard though...im not usually optimisitic.
i mean when i got home i looked forward to my dog greeting me...her sleeping next to my bed...she really just knew how to de-stress me when i was down
and im starting to notice that people who've never had pets ..ive appreciated their sympathies but after speaking to them really just do not understand how im feeling right now...its so wierd cause i know like 5 other people who within the past month have had to put their dog down
its just such a strange concept.....in 2 weeks they are sending us her ashes and an inked pawprint and a patch of fur....i know ill be a mess then cause just when ill be starting to get over it ill probably cry hysterically when that happens
and the grief just comes out of NOwhere...today i was looking in these draws for papers in my kitchen and i found her old leash...the first leash we ever got her....it was brown leather and i remembered the first day we brought her home...and then when i was in my moms room layin with my mom for a little she was eating goldfish and she started tearing because my dog used to sit next to her bed and she'd throw them to her to see how many she can catch
and my dads just been a mess...he's the one who'd walk her usually 3 times a day --(me in the middle usually) and like me make sure she was fed....hes quiet which is wierd cause he's usually really angry when he's upset so i can tell its deeper
and i just feel as if there is this tension..this house is so quiet without her
at night sometimes i feel like i hear her going down the hall which let me tell you is creepy.
and whatever, people can say what they want about me still grieving but the truth is she lived in my house the past 12 years. she was a big part of my life, and to me i considered her nothing less of family. obviously if this wasnt a big deal i wouldnt be this upset right now. even when i try not to i feel a hole inside that just cant be filled right now. im expecting it to get easier but im not sure when its going to.
i honeslty just dont want to go to school and i want to sleep. i didnt go to school today cause i feel a head cold coming on and i slept from 11:00 last night to 2:00 today.
ive been thinking to myself to write all of this down..cause i know its a part of life...and it sucks because even when we are at our happiest, its harder to remember sometimes then when we were in pain. no matter how much time passes, even though the grief goes away, the minute we are reminded of something that made us sad or in pain its like the feelings can be brought back to the time that it actually happened. emotions suck that way.
this friday i have the fashion show at 8:00. everyone should come cause its for grad night.
i think tix for students are 10 and parents is like 20? something like that??
i dont know.
then saturday im chillen with krissie and sunday i have marist open house.
im gonna go...im rediculously tired again..
cm
so its been about 5 days since my dog passed
i know, its all i talk about on this journal right now..but im still grieving
im noticing the grief comes in waves
last night i had a dream that i went to the bathroom really late at night and i saw her in the hallway to the bathroom and i went to pet her and she disappeared
i didnt go to school today causei was just so exhausted....tuesday i had school, then school store, work 3-6 then the fashion show rehersal which took fricken 3 hours in heels. and the night before i went to bed at 3...cause i couldnt fall asleep.
ive just been really grouchy latley...i feel like i have so many things to do before graduation
i have to send in my deposit slip for marist tomrorow....then i have to go get my vaccinations before the end of the month...i have the fashion show friday...all of the final projects are being handed out....i have to find a prom dress still....and finish planning the weekend..gotta finish community service....i just feel the pressure mounting again all at the wrong time for me..even though im trying the whole one foot in front of the other. its really hard though...im not usually optimisitic.
i mean when i got home i looked forward to my dog greeting me...her sleeping next to my bed...she really just knew how to de-stress me when i was down
and im starting to notice that people who've never had pets ..ive appreciated their sympathies but after speaking to them really just do not understand how im feeling right now...its so wierd cause i know like 5 other people who within the past month have had to put their dog down
its just such a strange concept.....in 2 weeks they are sending us her ashes and an inked pawprint and a patch of fur....i know ill be a mess then cause just when ill be starting to get over it ill probably cry hysterically when that happens
and the grief just comes out of NOwhere...today i was looking in these draws for papers in my kitchen and i found her old leash...the first leash we ever got her....it was brown leather and i remembered the first day we brought her home...and then when i was in my moms room layin with my mom for a little she was eating goldfish and she started tearing because my dog used to sit next to her bed and she'd throw them to her to see how many she can catch
and my dads just been a mess...he's the one who'd walk her usually 3 times a day --(me in the middle usually) and like me make sure she was fed....hes quiet which is wierd cause he's usually really angry when he's upset so i can tell its deeper
and i just feel as if there is this tension..this house is so quiet without her
at night sometimes i feel like i hear her going down the hall which let me tell you is creepy.
and whatever, people can say what they want about me still grieving but the truth is she lived in my house the past 12 years. she was a big part of my life, and to me i considered her nothing less of family. obviously if this wasnt a big deal i wouldnt be this upset right now. even when i try not to i feel a hole inside that just cant be filled right now. im expecting it to get easier but im not sure when its going to.
i honeslty just dont want to go to school and i want to sleep. i didnt go to school today cause i feel a head cold coming on and i slept from 11:00 last night to 2:00 today.
ive been thinking to myself to write all of this down..cause i know its a part of life...and it sucks because even when we are at our happiest, its harder to remember sometimes then when we were in pain. no matter how much time passes, even though the grief goes away, the minute we are reminded of something that made us sad or in pain its like the feelings can be brought back to the time that it actually happened. emotions suck that way.
this friday i have the fashion show at 8:00. everyone should come cause its for grad night.
i think tix for students are 10 and parents is like 20? something like that??
i dont know.
then saturday im chillen with krissie and sunday i have marist open house.
im gonna go...im rediculously tired again..
cm