(no subject)

[carebear5488]

So.. I've decided that I'm against serious relationships in high school. If you fall in love with someone in high school, they end up dying. Not physically, of course... haha. I was reading an email from Chris from a few days before we started going out... and then a read a few more in the first half year of us going out... and I realized that the reason we don't work anymore and why we get in so many fights is because we both changed... I don't miss him... I miss the Chris that I fell in love with (if you dont wanna believe it was love, thats fine too) and he's gone... which is devastating. No matter what happens, I'm never going to have that Chris back... he says that I changed too, but he changed first... and the only reason that he doesn't like how I am now is because I'm standing up for myself.. and I wouldn't have to stand up for myself if he wasn't such an asshole n so controlling... which is what happened when he changed. If he went back to how he used to be, then I could too... but that won't happen. Ugh.. I miss how we used to be so much. I know that I grew so much and learned a lot while going out with him, but I also wish I could go back in time and never go out with him so that we could just be best friends again.... I wish he wasn't so into getting laid and getting drunk and going to parties.... we used to be so simple and so content with everything... and its changed so much. I hate it.

*sigh* Well I'm gonna stop this now.

I feel kinda lonely... cuz I'm thinking about this a lot... and no1 is home and I wanted to see Hilly but she doesn't wanna do anything tonight... so yeah. My family should be home soon, I hope.

PS. I've been having dreams almost every night about me and chris making up... or me and him talking or hanging out or something... and it sucks so much to wake up and realize its just a dream.

Much Love
*Cara*