So here we are again.
So I'm being informed tonight that a former friend is rewriting history, once again, and claiming that I said exceptionally offensive things I never, ever did. Gotta love that shit. Not that it's a big surprise, since this former friend has a history of making over events to suit her own narratives and always, always casts herself as the aggrieved party.
Life with her was like being a frog in hot water. You didn't realize how deeply horrible things were until the water was boiling and churning around you. It was one of those situations where the longer things went on, the more it was agree with her every thought and word, or be subject to tirades that went on for days and days. (I am not fucking kidding. Three days of ranting emails every few hours, literally terrorizing me, until I meekly apologized exactly how she wanted me to. I can't even remember what the fuck the argument was about... No, wait, I can. Three days of ranting because I wasn't reading her fic, because I confessed [when pressed] I didn't like how she wrote Sean Bean.)
You know what broke the friendship? She had a separate disagreement with another close friend -- someone whom I both care about a great deal and am perfectly capable of disagreeing with without the whole thing blowing up in either of our faces -- and when she cut her off, she cut me off too.
You know how much I had to do with that argument? Exactly ZERO. I didn't even fucking know about it until it was over.
And you know what I felt when the friendship was over? When she dealt what I'm sure was supposed to be a death blow?
RELIEF.
So here's the truth. Nobody said any bullshit racist things to her. Nobody ran her off from fandom. And here's the shocker. The real, honest-to-god shocker. Both myself and the other friend? We don't make a habit of dragging this shit out in public, because that's what it is. Shit. Pointless vagaries designed to elicit sympathy from kind, unknowing commenters who will fall into the trap because of course they're going to think the best of her.
Of course they are.
Because the water hasn't started to boil just yet.
Life with her was like being a frog in hot water. You didn't realize how deeply horrible things were until the water was boiling and churning around you. It was one of those situations where the longer things went on, the more it was agree with her every thought and word, or be subject to tirades that went on for days and days. (I am not fucking kidding. Three days of ranting emails every few hours, literally terrorizing me, until I meekly apologized exactly how she wanted me to. I can't even remember what the fuck the argument was about... No, wait, I can. Three days of ranting because I wasn't reading her fic, because I confessed [when pressed] I didn't like how she wrote Sean Bean.)
You know what broke the friendship? She had a separate disagreement with another close friend -- someone whom I both care about a great deal and am perfectly capable of disagreeing with without the whole thing blowing up in either of our faces -- and when she cut her off, she cut me off too.
You know how much I had to do with that argument? Exactly ZERO. I didn't even fucking know about it until it was over.
And you know what I felt when the friendship was over? When she dealt what I'm sure was supposed to be a death blow?
RELIEF.
So here's the truth. Nobody said any bullshit racist things to her. Nobody ran her off from fandom. And here's the shocker. The real, honest-to-god shocker. Both myself and the other friend? We don't make a habit of dragging this shit out in public, because that's what it is. Shit. Pointless vagaries designed to elicit sympathy from kind, unknowing commenters who will fall into the trap because of course they're going to think the best of her.
Of course they are.
Because the water hasn't started to boil just yet.