Utterly endless spiral of depression
Yes, I'm going to be complaining for a bit. But if you read it, you'll see that I have every right to complain. Especially since this a LiveJournal and if they weren't created to allow one an outlet in which to dump their feelings, then why were they created? List of crappinesses done to Jody:
1. Baby Sister/Confidante/Best friend/Only person who really truly understands Jody is moving to friggin' California. She is the first person I look to for support. After my mother, she is the one person I need sitting in the audience of any play I'm in. How is she supposed to do that when she's in friggin' California? And maybe that seems selfish, but everyone has someone they need to cheer them on. Amy is my person. Cheesiness alert: She is my pillar of strength when I'm unsure of what I'm doing. The only person who knows when I'm upset before I really even know it. And the worst part is that I want her to go to USC. I would be really sad if she didn't go there. But her going to USC makes me depressed because she will be in LA while I am in Bellevue. So it is basically a lose-lose situation, although her not going there would be a bigger loss. So in a week and a half I will have to leave my baby sister alone in a brand new world. And I will not be happy for a long time.
2. Two people in this crazy f-ed up world have the honor of being my best friend. One of them is now packing her room in preparation to move to Miami. Miami, Florida. Florida. The state that is at the complete opposite corner of the Continental United States of America from Washington. It is difficult to say good-bye to someone you care about (in a platonic way). It is infinitely more difficult to go from seeing someone you care about a lot (also in a platonic way) all of the time to not seeing them until December, if then. Plus, it sucks even more if you don't have enough time to spend a proper amount of time with them to say good-bye. This bites. Once I stop being unhappy about my baby sister moving 20 hours away, I will be shot into another downward spiral of unhappiness at the loss of best friend.
3. My mom is very very VERY strongly considering moving out of this house. Not only will I be 20 hours from my baby sister, an entire country away from one of my best friends, and totally unhappy, I will now be an hour's drive away from my last remaining best friend, my other very close friends, and anyone else I would normally be a stone's throw away from. I will be isolated from everyone except my mother, sister Karen, and work. And school.
4. I have a very strong feeling that I am in love with some guy who's older than me and smokes. That may not seem like a big deal to any of you. But I go through a mental checklist when considering men to date. Number one on my list is Does he smoke? If the answer is yes, I can't date him. It's just a no-no. And not far from the top of the list is Is he a large number of years older than you? This one is not as important as number one, but it holds a little sway. So, even if he was able to look past the age boundary and like me, I wouldn't be able to date him because he smokes. I am allergic to smoke. I would never be able to breathe around him. Plus, it's just a disgusting habit. It makes your teeth nasty and your breath smelly and it looks incredibly goofy. So, to sum up, I am in love with someone I will not be able to date. Unless he gives up smoking.
5. WARNING! This crappiness is stupid, but relevant to my depression none-the-less. I will probably never meet Elijah Wood, let alone convince him to fall madly in love with me and get married and have little Elijahs and Jodys. If any of you knows a way in which to hook me up with Elijah Wood, for goodness' sake hook me up. As soon as possible. Otherwise there might not be anything left with which to hook him up.