Headcanon that when Igor tended Drumknott's stab wound in The Truth, obviously he had to take his shirt off and so found out about Drumknott being a trans man
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I kind of want her to get to Ankh-Morpork for a bit and meet the Watch's Igor, who is also a non-traditionalist, and they can actually talk without someone lisping at them about tradition and what's ecthpected. I think it would be good for both of them.
I think at the off he might be eager to go right away- Igor's don't seem to understand human's hesitation to just lob off and replace bits of them, or at least they understand it's there but can't comprehend it on a truly empathic level- but he wouldn't try to pressure him or anything. "You know I can take care of that for you no problem. No? You sure? Cause it's really no problem. Well, all right, if you inthitht. Let me or any other Igor know if you change your mind."
(Yep! I have this private little headcanon that when Vetinari retires and leaves Moist in his place he leaves Drumknott to help smooth the transition and then he's like "but you can't keep him, and once he feels you're settled in he'll be joining me at wherever I am" and Moist is like "why do you need a secretary if you're retired" and Vetinari just gives him one of his Looks that lasts entirely too long and Moist is like "okay, forget I asked".)
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. For Igors, there's a general not-getting-it when it comes to human reluctance to hop up on the slab and get surgery, and even if this one's not being intentionally pushy, his default is probably going to be "Let's just do this! ...you're not instantly comfortable with the idea? This is one of those strange human things about needing to think before surgery, isn't it? Okay, let me know."
They keep a correspondence up after she goes back to Borogravia.
"I jutht don't understand humans."
Also it occurs to me that we've got two books where Vetinari ensures that the leader he wants to lead a population is the one that's put in place (which is coincidentally the leader that will work with Ankh-Morpork to make things better for everyone but especially for Ankh-Morpork), so now I'm wondering just how many world leaders owe their position to Vetinari's machinations, whether they know it or not.
And they have someone they can vent to, get encouragement from, and discuss new techniques with.
"Offer to cut out an internal organ, and they panic like you were threatening to take one of the useful ones."
...a lot, I'm thinking. And considerably more have been left in place because Vetinari judged them as good enough (on the "Harm of leaving them in power versus harm of the disruption caused by replacing them" scale), and their current successors have benefited from subtle nudges to put them next in line. (Most of the Sto Plains, I imagine, as well as an active interest in Genua, with plans involving select bits of Uberwald and Klatch.)
And then there are others, young Igors and Igorinas that they meet here and there who are also less traditional while still being, very firmly, of the clan, and suddenly there's a whole group of them offering support and making subtle changes to the way Igors work, but probably without anything vastly radical or hugely detrimental. They're still Igors, just in new and exciting ways.
"And it's not like I can't replace one of the useful ones with better ones anyway."
No wonder Vetinari never tried to rule the world. He already does, or practically, and he has someone else to do the paperwork.
Yes! All "It's okay to drop the lisp when it impedes communication!" and "Trousers are far more sensible in the lab, but that doesn't mean only people comfortable living as men should be allowed in the lab!"
"I keep telling humans how many improvements I can make, and they just get scared!"
And he's got a realistic sense of how much paperwork is involved, so "Let them handle most the details as long as they stay within a reasonable proximity to best interest of Ankh-Morpork" is clearly way easier.
"You don't have to call every Harry and Stan that walk through the door Master or Mistress just cause you're a servant" and "mad scientists might be some of the most fun to work for but there's no shame in working for someone who is merely differently normal and follows OSHA guidelines about safety".
"And once I take out all the female bits there'll be plenty of room for extra organs so you'll have backups in case one fails!"
And not only does he get the control without the hassle, but he also gets to be a little bit closer to his goal of making a world where men like John Keel don't die because they aren't needed in the first place.
"It turns out that many employers have pensions and severance plans that don't consist of hoarding as much gold you can carry while still being able to flee from the angry mob!"
"It's always good to have an extra liver!"
Yes, although I imagine that takes on a different feel after that one anniversary when Vimes brings Carcer in for an arrest.
"No torches or pitchforks at all." "Any? That sounds fake, but okay."
"You just offered to remove mine!" "Not remove, replace! Replace!"
Vetinari claims to have created Vimes, but in a roundabout way, Vimes also created Vetinari, or Vetinari as he is now. You can't have one without the other, which is why so many people ship them. (I don't, but I appreciate how willing the people who do are to jump on "Poly Sybil/Vimes/Vetinari arrangement of varying degrees" instead of writing Sybil off or being rude about her in some way just because she 'gets in the way' of their ship. It's so easy to shrug and carry on with an inconsequential ship if the fanbase isn't obnoxious.)
(Also I've only read a few of those fic and in every single one Sybil was the one to set them up, and in one she and Vetinari arranged it and she told Sam later. It was great.)
"I mean people own pitchforks, but they don't wave them at you."
"I can even leave your original in and add in an extra one!"
Yeah, without Vimes and the watch, the Vetinari from Guards, Guards would have accomplished maybe half of what he did and then fled the city because he's smarter than Lord Winder and gone off to Uberwald with Lady Margolotta to pull the political strings remotely.
"And torches are just used occasionally, to give the right ambience to dark places. But mostly they use candles and lanterns."
"Why do you keep fainting?"
It became a lot easier to start using his political string-pulling abilities to turning the world into a good one worth living in once he had Vimes breathing down his neck.
"So there's not going to be anyone with torches and pitchforks storming the castle? How do you know when the job's over?"
"Are you anemic? I have lots of extra blood available!"
And the Watch opened up all sorts of new abilities in building strong institutions for the city. Yes, before he'd had the Thieves and Assassins, but suddenly he had new possibilities in institutions that worked in the best interest of the city on purpose.
"When the boss gives you severance pay and two weeks notice."
"And I can give you an extra heart, too, if yours isn't up to it."
And having Vimes looking over his shoulder- and everyone else's, too, eventually- meant that he had a check there to ensure that everything he did was best for the city.
I think at the off he might be eager to go right away- Igor's don't seem to understand human's hesitation to just lob off and replace bits of them, or at least they understand it's there but can't comprehend it on a truly empathic level- but he wouldn't try to pressure him or anything. "You know I can take care of that for you no problem. No? You sure? Cause it's really no problem. Well, all right, if you inthitht. Let me or any other Igor know if you change your mind."
(Yep! I have this private little headcanon that when Vetinari retires and leaves Moist in his place he leaves Drumknott to help smooth the transition and then he's like "but you can't keep him, and once he feels you're settled in he'll be joining me at wherever I am" and Moist is like "why do you need a secretary if you're retired" and Vetinari just gives him one of his Looks that lasts entirely too long and Moist is like "okay, forget I asked".)
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Yeah, that's what I was thinking. For Igors, there's a general not-getting-it when it comes to human reluctance to hop up on the slab and get surgery, and even if this one's not being intentionally pushy, his default is probably going to be "Let's just do this! ...you're not instantly comfortable with the idea? This is one of those strange human things about needing to think before surgery, isn't it? Okay, let me know."
(...yes, that! Perfect!)
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"I jutht don't understand humans."
Also it occurs to me that we've got two books where Vetinari ensures that the leader he wants to lead a population is the one that's put in place (which is coincidentally the leader that will work with Ankh-Morpork to make things better for everyone but especially for Ankh-Morpork), so now I'm wondering just how many world leaders owe their position to Vetinari's machinations, whether they know it or not.
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"Offer to cut out an internal organ, and they panic like you were threatening to take one of the useful ones."
...a lot, I'm thinking. And considerably more have been left in place because Vetinari judged them as good enough (on the "Harm of leaving them in power versus harm of the disruption caused by replacing them" scale), and their current successors have benefited from subtle nudges to put them next in line. (Most of the Sto Plains, I imagine, as well as an active interest in Genua, with plans involving select bits of Uberwald and Klatch.)
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"And it's not like I can't replace one of the useful ones with better ones anyway."
No wonder Vetinari never tried to rule the world. He already does, or practically, and he has someone else to do the paperwork.
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"I keep telling humans how many improvements I can make, and they just get scared!"
And he's got a realistic sense of how much paperwork is involved, so "Let them handle most the details as long as they stay within a reasonable proximity to best interest of Ankh-Morpork" is clearly way easier.
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"And once I take out all the female bits there'll be plenty of room for extra organs so you'll have backups in case one fails!"
And not only does he get the control without the hassle, but he also gets to be a little bit closer to his goal of making a world where men like John Keel don't die because they aren't needed in the first place.
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"It's always good to have an extra liver!"
Yes, although I imagine that takes on a different feel after that one anniversary when Vimes brings Carcer in for an arrest.
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"Why are you screaming?"
After that it becomes "a world where men like John Keel don't have to die and men like Sam Vimes have the power to make the world right".
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"I only remove livers from dead people, I promise!"
Vimes was, in a weird, messy way, so good for Vetinari.
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"Any? That sounds fake, but okay."
"You just offered to remove mine!"
"Not remove, replace! Replace!"
Vetinari claims to have created Vimes, but in a roundabout way, Vimes also created Vetinari, or Vetinari as he is now. You can't have one without the other, which is why so many people ship them. (I don't, but I appreciate how willing the people who do are to jump on "Poly Sybil/Vimes/Vetinari arrangement of varying degrees" instead of writing Sybil off or being rude about her in some way just because she 'gets in the way' of their ship. It's so easy to shrug and carry on with an inconsequential ship if the fanbase isn't obnoxious.)
(Also I've only read a few of those fic and in every single one Sybil was the one to set them up, and in one she and Vetinari arranged it and she told Sam later. It was great.)
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"I can even leave your original in and add in an extra one!"
Yeah, without Vimes and the watch, the Vetinari from Guards, Guards would have accomplished maybe half of what he did and then fled the city because he's smarter than Lord Winder and gone off to Uberwald with Lady Margolotta to pull the political strings remotely.
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"Why do you keep fainting?"
It became a lot easier to start using his political string-pulling abilities to turning the world into a good one worth living in once he had Vimes breathing down his neck.
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"Are you anemic? I have lots of extra blood available!"
And the Watch opened up all sorts of new abilities in building strong institutions for the city. Yes, before he'd had the Thieves and Assassins, but suddenly he had new possibilities in institutions that worked in the best interest of the city on purpose.
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"And I can give you an extra heart, too, if yours isn't up to it."
And having Vimes looking over his shoulder- and everyone else's, too, eventually- meant that he had a check there to ensure that everything he did was best for the city.
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"Well, he's gone. Too bad. All the fainting and screaming cannot be a good sign for his health."
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