(no subject)
I was checking my phone literally every 2 minutes precisely, just in case he text me. He always manages to text me at obscure times, when I have got exhausted from waiting and decided it was time to go on my travels home. For instance, 3.15am, “wish you came back to mine xx”
I decided like every other male in my life, he must just want a fuck. but there is something about him that makes me desire more. Is it the true fact that I know there are so many barriers stopping me getting to him? Or is it that I truly adore him. Its true, you want what you cant have. That’s what makes that thunderbolt.
The pub was bouncing, the conversation of drinkers echoed in my ears, gazing at the old fashioned furnishings, looking at the grimy pint glass, trying to see my reflection in it. Smelling the dampness of the old building mixed with spilt old alcohol. I am so unhappy. I am so displeased with this life. I tried envisioning those minutes when he was mine. How do you prepare for these feelings, when you know that you’re letting go more and more each day?
I wish I could forgive jerry. I keep telling myself over and over again that I should forget about what he did. That he has changed. That he has learnt from his mistakes, but evidently that isnt the case. He is a broken man, is that what I wanted? I couldn’t look into his eyes on Saturday night, I couldn’t face another lie.
The hum of mirth rang in my ears repeatedly and reminded me of how alone I am. How only I feel. How pathetic I looked. How limp I feel. But at least I have home sweet home. Family life hasn’t been better for a long time. My uncle’s death has really brought us together, although it is so sad. Saying those famous words did help the family apart from me. I cracked up on Friday. I held my head in my hands, wishing I wasn’t here.
He is always on my mind. Even when I didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks. He was still there in the back of my mind; I always wondered what he was up to. Whether he liked me to?
I will never forget the times when we steeped aside those rules; the fear we defied, the thrill of the journey, the blaze that burned, the innocence we lost, the hurt in the end, I’d go there again, because it was beautiful, it was beautiful.
I decided like every other male in my life, he must just want a fuck. but there is something about him that makes me desire more. Is it the true fact that I know there are so many barriers stopping me getting to him? Or is it that I truly adore him. Its true, you want what you cant have. That’s what makes that thunderbolt.
The pub was bouncing, the conversation of drinkers echoed in my ears, gazing at the old fashioned furnishings, looking at the grimy pint glass, trying to see my reflection in it. Smelling the dampness of the old building mixed with spilt old alcohol. I am so unhappy. I am so displeased with this life. I tried envisioning those minutes when he was mine. How do you prepare for these feelings, when you know that you’re letting go more and more each day?
I wish I could forgive jerry. I keep telling myself over and over again that I should forget about what he did. That he has changed. That he has learnt from his mistakes, but evidently that isnt the case. He is a broken man, is that what I wanted? I couldn’t look into his eyes on Saturday night, I couldn’t face another lie.
The hum of mirth rang in my ears repeatedly and reminded me of how alone I am. How only I feel. How pathetic I looked. How limp I feel. But at least I have home sweet home. Family life hasn’t been better for a long time. My uncle’s death has really brought us together, although it is so sad. Saying those famous words did help the family apart from me. I cracked up on Friday. I held my head in my hands, wishing I wasn’t here.
He is always on my mind. Even when I didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks. He was still there in the back of my mind; I always wondered what he was up to. Whether he liked me to?
I will never forget the times when we steeped aside those rules; the fear we defied, the thrill of the journey, the blaze that burned, the innocence we lost, the hurt in the end, I’d go there again, because it was beautiful, it was beautiful.