Lonesome for loneliness
I'm a little scared... not scared so much, I suppose. Maybe uncomfortable is the right word. Things might be drifting back to where they shouldn't be. That is, I feel out of my hands again and I need my 3 am solitude to feel right again. Or any would do. Just some kind of quiet.
And life's just so much shit, but just enough to make me want to stay on. And it's a different edge that I'm on now. I've got the most fantastic tailoring internship I could dream of starting soon and because of that my college choice is hands-down U of O. And that's all so wonderful and good that it worries me. My artist's talk is on Wednesday and I'm a little upset that I know people I know will be there, so I'll probably end up letting my parents come too even though I don't really want them to be there. I want to be alone for once... do it on my own... or something like that. If I think about it too much I won't want to do it at all, but that's just how it goes.
I did homework that didn't actually exist this weekend and that just fucking crushes me because there was so much else that never got done because of it. And then there's this scholarship essay I'm supposed to be doing that makes me want to shoot myself every time I look at it... but that can't be helped. ...You know I only post things when I'm angry or upset over something. It's so much easier to fill the space that way.
And life's just so much shit, but just enough to make me want to stay on. And it's a different edge that I'm on now. I've got the most fantastic tailoring internship I could dream of starting soon and because of that my college choice is hands-down U of O. And that's all so wonderful and good that it worries me. My artist's talk is on Wednesday and I'm a little upset that I know people I know will be there, so I'll probably end up letting my parents come too even though I don't really want them to be there. I want to be alone for once... do it on my own... or something like that. If I think about it too much I won't want to do it at all, but that's just how it goes.
I did homework that didn't actually exist this weekend and that just fucking crushes me because there was so much else that never got done because of it. And then there's this scholarship essay I'm supposed to be doing that makes me want to shoot myself every time I look at it... but that can't be helped. ...You know I only post things when I'm angry or upset over something. It's so much easier to fill the space that way.