Free Thought Free Form
I figured since I have a bunch of stuff on my mind yet again I'd give one of these unplanned free flowing blogs another shot. Hopefully it'll be an interesting read, if not atleast it will cleanse my soul a bit.
Lately due to the anniversaries that come this week and the reminder from health physicians of my own mortality among a bunch of other things have got me thinking about my life in general and these are my thoughts and feelings.
I believe it may be time for me to actually grow up and start getting my life in order like I've been planning for over seven years now. Way before ShopRite. It is time for me to finally start studying for my G.E.D instead of complaining about the job I'm stuck at due to my lack of an education. It is also really high time for me to seriously start dieting, in which if anyone actually reads this damned thing they can see I've started...sorta. Yeah I am dieting but I am nowhere near what I should be at yet and I know it will take time.
It is not a comfortable feeling to know that if you do not get your life in order health wise you're only cutting short the time you have here and especially the pain and illness free time. So now at the age of twenty two since I've never taken care of myself I have to deal permanently with arthritis in both knees and I have to make big leaps and bounds now. When if I actually put more effort in, none of this would be a concern at all. My current health is nobodies fault but mine. I'm growing up enough to admit as much.
Just like my complacency and lack of motivation to get my G.E.D and go to college to better myself is also my fault. It is due to fears I have built into myself, no one else put them there. And instead of dealing with them and dealing with the impending change I have been hiding.
I also know I am not strong enough to do this on my own and yeah I have asked for help before and never followed through. I hope putting all of this out here will give me the motivation and courage to do so. Because this is a big leap for me to truly be this honest about a lot of things. I don't lie but I have censored.
I also know that in order to make myself appealing to the fairer sex I also should do those changes, which for most would be enough. But yet again it is self built fear because of preconceived notions of women that I have placed into myself due to some not so bright moments in my past. Which would be my attempt at a romantic life thus far.
And this will also be hard but I am writing it anyway.
Some of those problems are my fault. When trying to be in a relationship or even when in a relationship I immediately give my all and blindly usually. I rush into everything haphazardly just because I feel that if I don't give 120% to a girl she'll no longer want to be with me.
What I do not realize is I've been giving so much to the wrong women because if I had mate who was truly in it for me. Those things would not matter. I would be accepted as myself, not for how much I make myself available to them, at all hours of the day no matter where I am..or by showering them with ridiculous gifts.
I'd like to say those days are over but I will not know for sure until my next romantic encounter. I hope I atleast have learned my lessons and will take heed of my own words and advice for a change though.
But for now I am taking a break from romance anyway.
Its high time that 120% gets put into me helping myself. Into me becoming healthy and fit. Into me getting educated so I can finally join the real world and a true work force and not retail. Into finally getting my damned license instead sitting on it and pushing it off.
Its time for a new damned era.
In essence its time for Kev 3.0 because as much as 2.0 was an improvement in areas, I still also had bugs in others.
Time to work on those.
Time for a new me.
A better me.
Lately due to the anniversaries that come this week and the reminder from health physicians of my own mortality among a bunch of other things have got me thinking about my life in general and these are my thoughts and feelings.
I believe it may be time for me to actually grow up and start getting my life in order like I've been planning for over seven years now. Way before ShopRite. It is time for me to finally start studying for my G.E.D instead of complaining about the job I'm stuck at due to my lack of an education. It is also really high time for me to seriously start dieting, in which if anyone actually reads this damned thing they can see I've started...sorta. Yeah I am dieting but I am nowhere near what I should be at yet and I know it will take time.
It is not a comfortable feeling to know that if you do not get your life in order health wise you're only cutting short the time you have here and especially the pain and illness free time. So now at the age of twenty two since I've never taken care of myself I have to deal permanently with arthritis in both knees and I have to make big leaps and bounds now. When if I actually put more effort in, none of this would be a concern at all. My current health is nobodies fault but mine. I'm growing up enough to admit as much.
Just like my complacency and lack of motivation to get my G.E.D and go to college to better myself is also my fault. It is due to fears I have built into myself, no one else put them there. And instead of dealing with them and dealing with the impending change I have been hiding.
I also know I am not strong enough to do this on my own and yeah I have asked for help before and never followed through. I hope putting all of this out here will give me the motivation and courage to do so. Because this is a big leap for me to truly be this honest about a lot of things. I don't lie but I have censored.
I also know that in order to make myself appealing to the fairer sex I also should do those changes, which for most would be enough. But yet again it is self built fear because of preconceived notions of women that I have placed into myself due to some not so bright moments in my past. Which would be my attempt at a romantic life thus far.
And this will also be hard but I am writing it anyway.
Some of those problems are my fault. When trying to be in a relationship or even when in a relationship I immediately give my all and blindly usually. I rush into everything haphazardly just because I feel that if I don't give 120% to a girl she'll no longer want to be with me.
What I do not realize is I've been giving so much to the wrong women because if I had mate who was truly in it for me. Those things would not matter. I would be accepted as myself, not for how much I make myself available to them, at all hours of the day no matter where I am..or by showering them with ridiculous gifts.
I'd like to say those days are over but I will not know for sure until my next romantic encounter. I hope I atleast have learned my lessons and will take heed of my own words and advice for a change though.
But for now I am taking a break from romance anyway.
Its high time that 120% gets put into me helping myself. Into me becoming healthy and fit. Into me getting educated so I can finally join the real world and a true work force and not retail. Into finally getting my damned license instead sitting on it and pushing it off.
Its time for a new damned era.
In essence its time for Kev 3.0 because as much as 2.0 was an improvement in areas, I still also had bugs in others.
Time to work on those.
Time for a new me.
A better me.