The Long-awaited Photo Post, Concludes
Adventures in Science and Revenge, Part 3
Ah, I see the hour is growing late. I must get on with the conclusion of my tale. When last I stopped for dramatic effect, I had just broken out of prison alongside Dr. Schnellman, and agreed, as part of my complex revenge plot, to serve as his lab assistant.
And so serve I did.
I aided him in his dastardly schemes . . .
I cooked his meals, according to his strange diet . . .
And I learned many things . . .
One day he explained some of his secrets to me.
"Never touch zis clock," he said, holding up an ancient-looking, giant pocket watch. "Zis is in many vays ze source of my powers."
I made note of this, for I was all the while secretly plotting my revenge, and the completion of my mission. For it dawned on me that, dangerous as Schnellman was when working for the Third Reich, he was infinitely more dangerous by himself, free to act according only to his twisted desires.
After a few months, I had apparently earned the mad doctor's trust, for he took me aside and whipered into my face.
"Und naow, my boy, I vill show you vat I haf been verking on. Zis is ze realization of my perfect wision, under Der Fuhrer's guidance. He asked me to build for him a zuper zoldier, a varrior immune to pain und fear and capable of extraordinary feats of strength and speed."
The maniac moved towards a small table in the center of his cluttered laboratory. On the table was an indistinguishable form covered by a sheet.
"Vell, now zat he has turned his back on me, I shall use zis creature for myself. Ze world will quake at ze name of Schnellman for behold!"
He ripped the sheet off with a flourish, exposing the creature beneath~
"My zuper zoldier!"
There was a moment of silence, and then I spoke.
"Doctor, that is a puppet."
He whirled on me with astounding speed and struck me in the face.
"Inzonlent wretch! It ees zo much mo-ah zen a puppet! Vatch!"
And he pulled from his coat a small, circular electronic device. He pressed a series of buttons. The puppet rose and stood to attention.
Schnellman pressed another button. The puppet hopped down from the table walked around the room.
Then over to a large crate.
It must have weighed at least 300 pounds.
The puppet placed his small felt hands under the crate and, without the slightest sign of effort, lifted it into the air.
Schnellman pushed another button, and the puppet let it down.
"That is amazing, Doc!" I yelled, genuinely impressed.
"Ja. He can do zo much more. Laser eyes, super speed. He is a perfect marksman. Und he cooks a delightful struedel. Und he only obeys me, because I haf ze remote!"
The puppet gazed into my eyes. I was lost for a moment. I could feel him inside my mind.
"Shnap out of it!" said Schnellman. "I am trusting you to watch over the puppet. Be wery careful."
He handed me the puppet and left.
I don't know why I did what I did next, but I did it.
I grabbed the remote and ate it!
"You're free now, little friend!" I said.
The puppet smiled gratefully and hovered into the air.
He landed right in my outstretched hand.
The he clambered up onto my shoulder.
The puppet leaned close and whispered in my ear . . .
I was shocked by what he told me!
He told me how the doctor subjected him to terrible experiments. How harsh his life was. How he didn't want to be a soldier and kill things.
So I grabbed the poor fellow and vowed to get him to safety.
Schnellman burst into the room.
"Vat are you doing?" he demanded. "Vy ees ze puppet shtanding on eet's own?"
"I have sabbotaged your work, doctor!" I said triumphantly. "You'll never hurt that puppet again!"
"You fool!" Schnellman cried.
He grabbed the puppet and stuffed him into a shot glass.
"Now! Ve shall settle zis!"
We looked each other in the eyes, then our gazes snapped simultaneous to a rack of laser swords in the corner. We rushed over, grabbed one each, and faced each other.
We clashed swords, the humming sound of the laser blades resounding off the solid walls of the lab. Schnellman moved his weapon expertly, and scored several hits. My wounds sizzled and bled.
I dodged a strike and landed a powerful right hook on his jaw. He spun in three quick circles, then engaged me again.
We locked blades!
We looked each other straight in the eyes. Then I leaned in and delivered a stunning head-butt. Schnellman staggered back.
Then he rushed forward and knocked my sword aside. He grabbed me, forcing my head toward the whirring teeth of his saw.
I threw him off and picked up my sword. I turne to face him just in time for him to deliver the killing strike.
Within me I could feel the remote splinter and break. My telepathic connection to the puppet became painful. I was still under his spell, but I knew now that he had lied to me. That Schnellman's stab had released the true puppet.
I sobbed in despair.
Schnellman smiled triumphantly and started to walk away.
But I wasn't done yet!
I ran at him, tackled him to the ground.
With a strength I knew came mostly from the puppet itself, I hefted the mad doctor into my arms, raised him up, looked to the puppet for a signal, and brought him down hard upon my knee, snapping his spine. There was a sickening crunch, like breaking celery, and Schnellman went limp.
I staggered backward and tumbled to the ground.
The puppet smiled strangely at me, his black, doll's eyes glowing red.
He picked up the sledge hammer and strode toward Schnellman.
"Nein . . . nein . . ." Schnellman breathed.
But the puppet ignored him and, still smiling, smashed his skull open.
I breathed a strained sigh of relief, wanting to belive everything was safe now.
But the puppet turned to me, the smile still plastered on its face, the gelam still in it's eyes.
It started forward.
"No! I helped you!" I yelled.
I grabbed the nearest weapon, a small mallet, and tried to steady myself.
The puppet was not daunted.
Things looked bleak. I was not strong enough to stop him. Then suddenly, a figure rose behind it puppet.
It was Schnellman!
"it takes more than that to shtop me," he chuckled. "Zo long as I haf my Revitalixir." He indicated a large, pink vial.
"Now! He must be shtopped!" yelled Schnellman
The puppet turned and leaped at him, teeth bared, but Schnellman waved his hand and uttered an incantation. The puppet went limp, still clutching the mad doctor's arm.
He placed the creature on a strange circular altar, which was covered in some sort of hide.
Raising his hammer he screamed a curse, the epitome of Teutonic fury, and brought the hammer crashing down.
I felt my lifeblood seeping out of me, slowly but unstoppably. I knew I would die. Then something caught my eye. The doctor's Revitalixir. While he was busy bashing the stuffing out of the super puppet, I dragged my bleeding body over to the healing liquid, snapped off the cap, and drank deeply.
I could feel the Revitalixir course through my veins, burning, surging, rushing. I felt my wounds close and heal. I stood, saved from the brink of death.
Schnellman was standing, panting, his face flushed, over the ruins of the super puppet.
"Vell, zat is owah vis. Now, you an I can settle up . . ."
He raised the hammer menacingly and fixed me with a mad glare.
He had just started forward with the expressed intent of determining the consistency of my brain matter when a rustling on the ground caught his attention.
The puppet was dragging its tattered remains toward the one thing Schnellman prized above all else: his clock!
"Nein!" Schnellman cried, and ran towards the puppet.
But it was too late. The puppet had clambered onto the clock face and was humping it brutally with his last vestiges of strength.
The clock cracked. A gust of wind tore through the room. The lights flickered. A violent tremor rtocked the ground beneath our feet. Beakers fell and smashed, machines snapped and broke into pieces. A spark hit one of the pools of chemicals, igniting a blaze.
I turned to look at Schnellman. He was convulsing, shuttering and screaming. He began to shrink.
"Not now . . . not ven I vas zo close . . ." he muttered brokenly.
And then, with a *poof*, Schnellman changed back into his true form.
I took one look at his horrific visage and bolted from the room. I only looked back once, to see the mad chipmunk squealing in fright as it battled the dying puppet amidst its crumbling lab.
Then the ceiling of the lab collapsed, knocking me out of the doorway with a concussive force, and sealing the doctor off forever.
I came back to the states shortly after that, and opened this antigue shop you're standing in now. I've lived a happy enough life. But sometimes, on cold winter nights like this one, I can still here Schnellman's devious cackle, resounding eerily through the night.
Now, stranger, you'd best be on your way.
Oh, odd as it is, I never got your name.
What's that you say? I can't hear as well as I used to . . .
No! No, it must be a cruel joke! It cannot be!
Your name . . .
is Schnellman?
Noooo!