FUCK ME!!!!!
GOD!!!! I miss her so much it hurts. I just wish she would talk to me so I can figure out what has happened to my life. Before her, I didn't doubt myself, I didn't really have much to lose, but now...I've lost everything. I feel so empty with out her. She made me feel like I had something, she made me want to do something with myself, she made me want to improve all my downfalls, and now...I just don't care. All I want is her back. I know I couldn't have her the way I want, but I just want to talk to her one last time, if that's what it turned out to be, I guess I'll just have to accept it. I miss her so much that it literally hurts me. I have panic attacks, she haunts my dreams, her memory haunts my world. It's like I'm back at square one, like the first week I moved back. I can't understand why this is all going on, maybe because I just want to know, did she ever have the same feelings as me? Why didn't she try to stop me when I would make passes at her, or stop my constant flirting, or confront me about why I was doing all the things for her a boyfriend should be doing for her. Does she even care that I loved her, does she even care that I would have done anything for her. Does she realize all the pain I went through just so I could be with her and not let my secret slip. Does she know how many times I tried to tell her, or does she realize I treated her better than anyone I've ever known. Does she even care now, that I'm all fucked up inside because I can't have her, or does she realize I still love her. I sound like a stalker, but I just can't stop thinking. My mind races ever minute of everyday with scenario's or situations of what I should have done, what I should have said, but it never does any good. I wish the answers would just fall into my lap or she would just talk to me. Take a few hours out of her life, so she could give me some closure. I gave her enough of my life to make up for the few hours I would take up, but I will probably never get the chance, so I guess I'll figure out a way to fix this whole thing on my own. FUCK