FF MAD LIBS CHAPTER SIX: THE WIZARD PURPLE JENOVA
CHAPTER ONE: THE SWOLLEN DRAGOON
CHAPTER TWO: THE MOST HIRSUTE DANCER
CHAPTER THREE: I AM NOT WEARING MY GARTER BELT
CHAPTER FOUR: HOT BELGIAN WAFFLING DALMASCAN SAUSAGE
CHAPTER FIVE: I AM OUT OF PIMP CANE
LOCKE WAS THE BEST BARTENDER WHO HAD EVER WORKED AT THE 'WIZARD PURPLE JENOVA', BUT EVEN HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF THE GLISTENING BAND OF FOUR OVER-THE-COUNTER MEDICATIONS WHO SLOPPILY NOSE-PICKED THEIR WAY TO THE TABLE AT THE CORNER. HE KNEW FREYA, THE BLEEDING NINJA, BUT THE JENOVA HAD NEVER SEEN FREYA LOOKING SO SPERM AND APPEARING IN PUBLIC WITHOUT HER JOCK STRAP ON. FREYA WAS WITH TWO OTHER MEN - ONE WAS TALL AND MARVELOUS AND WAS HUMPING ENTHUSIASTICALLY, WHILE THE OTHER WAS SUAVE AND APPEARED TO HAVE JUST HEAD-BUTTED - AND A WOMAN, WHO HAD PROMPTLY ORDERED A PRUNE JUICE AND SASHAYED PANTINGLY.
THE MORE VICIOUS OF THE TWO MEN APPROACHED LOCKE. "HEY, SUGAR TITS," SAID BALTHIER. "I'D LIKE TO ORDER A GORILLA FART AND A PURPLE REVERSE COWGIRL, WITH NO ICE."
"NO PROBLEM," SAID LOCKE, DIDDLINGLY PREPARING THE DRINKS. "ANYTHING ELSE?"
"OH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT," SAID BALTHIER DRUNKENLY. "THESE ARE FOR ME."
AT THE TABLE, BASCH WAS MARVELOUSLY CONSUMING HIS LEMONY MASCOT - HIS FAVORITE DRINK - AND TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF THE DAY'S EVENTS. "FREYA," HE SAID. "WHILE IT IS REAL THAT WE HAVE DEFEATED THE FANCY-PANTS PINWHEEL, I CAME FOR A MUCH MORE IMPORTANT REASON."
"I AM IN YOUR DEBT," SAID FREYA, STEALING BALTHIER'S GORILLA FART. "SPEAK."
"THE QUEEFING RED MAGE IS AFTER ROSA," BASCH SPOOKED. ROSA RAVISHED HER HEAD IN AGREEMENT.
FREYA SHOOK HER TEETH. "AND YOU THINK I WILL BE ABLE TO FIND THE QUEEFING RED MAGE FOR YOU?"
"IF YOU USE BRIBE," ROSA BEGAN MASOCHISTICALLY, "WOULDN'T YOU BE ABLE TO--?"
"OUR FEATHER BOA ENDED LONG AGO." FREYA COCKBLOCKED. "THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN THE RED MAGE AND I ANY MORE."
"I DIDN'T KNOW YOU USED TO DROP-KICK THE RED MAGE," SAID BALTHIER. "IS IT TRUE THEY HAVE A PUFFY FINGERNAIL?"
"I WISH I COULD DEFILE YOU," FREYA TRAUMATIZED SLOWLY.
"IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE RED MAGE," SAID LOCKE UNEXPECTEDLY, "YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO MIDGAR. BRING A ELIXIR TO THE DANCER AT THE TAVERN AND TELL THEM A SNICKERS BAR SENT YOU. YOU'LL FIND HELP."
THEY ALL LOOKED UP AT LOCKE INCREDULOUSLY. "WHO ARE YOU?" BASCH SPLATTERED.
"DO YOU HAVE A PUFFY FINGERNAIL?" ASKED BALTHIER, WHO WAS QUICKLY DRUNK.
"I'M JUST A BARTENDER," SAID LOCKE WITH A SWEATY SMILE, "WHO WOULD LIKE A BIG TIP."
MUCH LATER IN THE NIGHT LOCKE WENT TO CLEAR OFF THE MESSY TABLE IN THE CORNER, MOVING TWO MAMMOTHJILLION SHOT GLASSES. HE FOUND A DISCO STICK OF GIL, THREE HICKORY SMOKED CHOCOBO WINGS, AND SOMEONE'S FISHNET STOCKINGS.
"JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE WIZARD PURPLE JENOVA," SIGHED LOCKE, AND HE WENT TO POUR SQUALL LEONHART ANOTHER SEX ON THE BEACH AND SERVE THE CAPSLOCK_FF COMMUNITY A ROUND OF 'TURQUOISE WITH FLECKS OF SILVER GLITTER RUIN'S.
#01 - ADJECTIVE
#02 - ITEM
#03 - NOUN
#04 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#05 - ARTICLE OF CLOTHING
#06 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#07 - ADVERB
#08 - ARTICLE OF CLOTHING
#09 - JOB CLASS
#10 - CHARACTER
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#13 - VERB, PAST TENSE
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#16 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#17 - ADJECTIVE
#18 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#19 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#20 - ADVERB
#21 - NOUN
#22 - BODY PART
#23 - ARTICLE OF CLOTHING
#24 - VERB, ENDING IN -ING
#25 - NOUN
#26 - FOOD
#27 - NOUN
#28 - CHARACTER
#29 - COLOR
#30 - SKILL
#31 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#32 - NOUN
#33 - EMOTION
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#35 - EMOTION
#36 - ITEM
#37 - NOUN
#38 - WEAPON
#39 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#40 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#41 - BODY PART
#42 - VERB, PRESENT TENSE
#43 - VERB, PRESENT TENSE
#44 - NOUN
#45 - VERB, PRESENT TENSE
#46 - NOUN, PLURAL
#47 - NOUN, PLURAL
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#49 - SOUND
#50 - EXPLETIVE
#51 - BOSS
#52 - ADJECTIVE
CHAPTER TWO: THE MOST HIRSUTE DANCER
CHAPTER THREE: I AM NOT WEARING MY GARTER BELT
CHAPTER FOUR: HOT BELGIAN WAFFLING DALMASCAN SAUSAGE
CHAPTER FIVE: I AM OUT OF PIMP CANE
LOCKE WAS THE BEST BARTENDER WHO HAD EVER WORKED AT THE 'WIZARD PURPLE JENOVA', BUT EVEN HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF THE GLISTENING BAND OF FOUR OVER-THE-COUNTER MEDICATIONS WHO SLOPPILY NOSE-PICKED THEIR WAY TO THE TABLE AT THE CORNER. HE KNEW FREYA, THE BLEEDING NINJA, BUT THE JENOVA HAD NEVER SEEN FREYA LOOKING SO SPERM AND APPEARING IN PUBLIC WITHOUT HER JOCK STRAP ON. FREYA WAS WITH TWO OTHER MEN - ONE WAS TALL AND MARVELOUS AND WAS HUMPING ENTHUSIASTICALLY, WHILE THE OTHER WAS SUAVE AND APPEARED TO HAVE JUST HEAD-BUTTED - AND A WOMAN, WHO HAD PROMPTLY ORDERED A PRUNE JUICE AND SASHAYED PANTINGLY.
THE MORE VICIOUS OF THE TWO MEN APPROACHED LOCKE. "HEY, SUGAR TITS," SAID BALTHIER. "I'D LIKE TO ORDER A GORILLA FART AND A PURPLE REVERSE COWGIRL, WITH NO ICE."
"NO PROBLEM," SAID LOCKE, DIDDLINGLY PREPARING THE DRINKS. "ANYTHING ELSE?"
"OH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT," SAID BALTHIER DRUNKENLY. "THESE ARE FOR ME."
AT THE TABLE, BASCH WAS MARVELOUSLY CONSUMING HIS LEMONY MASCOT - HIS FAVORITE DRINK - AND TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF THE DAY'S EVENTS. "FREYA," HE SAID. "WHILE IT IS REAL THAT WE HAVE DEFEATED THE FANCY-PANTS PINWHEEL, I CAME FOR A MUCH MORE IMPORTANT REASON."
"I AM IN YOUR DEBT," SAID FREYA, STEALING BALTHIER'S GORILLA FART. "SPEAK."
"THE QUEEFING RED MAGE IS AFTER ROSA," BASCH SPOOKED. ROSA RAVISHED HER HEAD IN AGREEMENT.
FREYA SHOOK HER TEETH. "AND YOU THINK I WILL BE ABLE TO FIND THE QUEEFING RED MAGE FOR YOU?"
"IF YOU USE BRIBE," ROSA BEGAN MASOCHISTICALLY, "WOULDN'T YOU BE ABLE TO--?"
"OUR FEATHER BOA ENDED LONG AGO." FREYA COCKBLOCKED. "THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN THE RED MAGE AND I ANY MORE."
"I DIDN'T KNOW YOU USED TO DROP-KICK THE RED MAGE," SAID BALTHIER. "IS IT TRUE THEY HAVE A PUFFY FINGERNAIL?"
"I WISH I COULD DEFILE YOU," FREYA TRAUMATIZED SLOWLY.
"IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE RED MAGE," SAID LOCKE UNEXPECTEDLY, "YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO MIDGAR. BRING A ELIXIR TO THE DANCER AT THE TAVERN AND TELL THEM A SNICKERS BAR SENT YOU. YOU'LL FIND HELP."
THEY ALL LOOKED UP AT LOCKE INCREDULOUSLY. "WHO ARE YOU?" BASCH SPLATTERED.
"DO YOU HAVE A PUFFY FINGERNAIL?" ASKED BALTHIER, WHO WAS QUICKLY DRUNK.
"I'M JUST A BARTENDER," SAID LOCKE WITH A SWEATY SMILE, "WHO WOULD LIKE A BIG TIP."
MUCH LATER IN THE NIGHT LOCKE WENT TO CLEAR OFF THE MESSY TABLE IN THE CORNER, MOVING TWO MAMMOTHJILLION SHOT GLASSES. HE FOUND A DISCO STICK OF GIL, THREE HICKORY SMOKED CHOCOBO WINGS, AND SOMEONE'S FISHNET STOCKINGS.
"JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE WIZARD PURPLE JENOVA," SIGHED LOCKE, AND HE WENT TO POUR SQUALL LEONHART ANOTHER SEX ON THE BEACH AND SERVE THE CAPSLOCK_FF COMMUNITY A ROUND OF 'TURQUOISE WITH FLECKS OF SILVER GLITTER RUIN'S.
#01 - ADJECTIVE
#02 - ITEM
#03 - NOUN
#04 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#05 - ARTICLE OF CLOTHING
#06 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#07 - ADVERB
#08 - ARTICLE OF CLOTHING
#09 - JOB CLASS
#10 - CHARACTER
#11 - NOUN
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#13 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#14 - NUMBER
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#19 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#20 - ADVERB
#21 - NOUN
#22 - BODY PART
#23 - ARTICLE OF CLOTHING
#24 - VERB, ENDING IN -ING
#25 - NOUN
#26 - FOOD
#27 - NOUN
#28 - CHARACTER
#29 - COLOR
#30 - SKILL
#31 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#32 - NOUN
#33 - EMOTION
#34 - NOUN
#35 - EMOTION
#36 - ITEM
#37 - NOUN
#38 - WEAPON
#39 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#40 - VERB, PAST TENSE
#41 - BODY PART
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