"i have a mental illness"
The calm, well-thought version:
I referred to myself as mentally ill the other day. I don't like that term, but for the purposes of communicating with other people and not having to digress to explain what I'm trying to say, I used it. What I was trying to communicate was that, I'm not mentally well or able. There are just some things that are extremely difficult for me without medication.
I don't think people get that. I don't think the majority of my friends (especially male friends) understand that there are some things I can't do. I can't just "calm down" or "not freak out" sometimes. I have to work hard to do that, and doing the work doesn't always mean I'll calm down.
Today I did 40 push ups, because whenever I got upset I had to do something active that involved a small spurt of endorphins and counting. I did about 10 each time I got upset to the point where I couldn't work on my assignment for work. Four times, in a time span of 3 hours.
I think part of it is that I function well for the most part. My anxiety doesn't hurt my grades (it probably helps my grades) or things like that, but it does hurt my ability to communicate with others and the quality of my life. It's not like I'm a destitute alcoholic that can't hold a job, and harms others around me.
I've been in therapy for 2+ years and while it's helped with a few things (changed my perspective, helped me grow and center myself) but I'm still fucking anxious. It hasn't lowered my anxiety; it's not like Barry is a magical antidote that makes me less anxious. I'm often very anxious during and after therapy because of what I talk about, because I'm working hard to examine things that can be embarassing or painful. It's not always cathartic, it's work.
I think disorders that involve extremes of other feelings everyone else have are particularly invisible. I mean, I'm not like Monk, the detective, who has to count things, can't touch anything because of germaphobia etc. I feel really anxious all the time, about pretty much everything. Most people brush me off and say "eh, everyone's anxious, it's not that big of a deal." That bugs me. It's easier for someone without an anxiety disorder to deal with their anxiety, period.
The rant:
Oh and for the record--
I'm chemically imbalanced, and if the drugstore decides to randomly give me another genaric that makes my symptoms worse right before I increase my dosage and am unaware of what I'm putting in my body, then yes, it is completely reasonable for me to be emotionally unstable.
So fuck all of you thinking that I use it as a "get out of jail free" card. It's not a privilege that gets me out of work, or responsibilities.
I referred to myself as mentally ill the other day. I don't like that term, but for the purposes of communicating with other people and not having to digress to explain what I'm trying to say, I used it. What I was trying to communicate was that, I'm not mentally well or able. There are just some things that are extremely difficult for me without medication.
I don't think people get that. I don't think the majority of my friends (especially male friends) understand that there are some things I can't do. I can't just "calm down" or "not freak out" sometimes. I have to work hard to do that, and doing the work doesn't always mean I'll calm down.
Today I did 40 push ups, because whenever I got upset I had to do something active that involved a small spurt of endorphins and counting. I did about 10 each time I got upset to the point where I couldn't work on my assignment for work. Four times, in a time span of 3 hours.
I think part of it is that I function well for the most part. My anxiety doesn't hurt my grades (it probably helps my grades) or things like that, but it does hurt my ability to communicate with others and the quality of my life. It's not like I'm a destitute alcoholic that can't hold a job, and harms others around me.
I've been in therapy for 2+ years and while it's helped with a few things (changed my perspective, helped me grow and center myself) but I'm still fucking anxious. It hasn't lowered my anxiety; it's not like Barry is a magical antidote that makes me less anxious. I'm often very anxious during and after therapy because of what I talk about, because I'm working hard to examine things that can be embarassing or painful. It's not always cathartic, it's work.
I think disorders that involve extremes of other feelings everyone else have are particularly invisible. I mean, I'm not like Monk, the detective, who has to count things, can't touch anything because of germaphobia etc. I feel really anxious all the time, about pretty much everything. Most people brush me off and say "eh, everyone's anxious, it's not that big of a deal." That bugs me. It's easier for someone without an anxiety disorder to deal with their anxiety, period.
The rant:
Oh and for the record--
I'm chemically imbalanced, and if the drugstore decides to randomly give me another genaric that makes my symptoms worse right before I increase my dosage and am unaware of what I'm putting in my body, then yes, it is completely reasonable for me to be emotionally unstable.
So fuck all of you thinking that I use it as a "get out of jail free" card. It's not a privilege that gets me out of work, or responsibilities.