emotions entry
Today I had a good day in terms of anxiety.
I had my CSCAR appointment, and figured out what to do for analysis. That was reassuring. Also at the seminar today I realized that I didn't have to have a huge introduction, so that was also reassuring.
But the pendulum just swung back in my chest and now, I feel sad? I'm not even sure why. I feel kind of alone here. Alone in that way you know there's no one to catch you if you fall. Alone because there are only two people who can be there for me, and one of them is paid.
For some reason I want to hold someone accountable. I want to point and say, yknow what, you owe me. So when I tell myself that it doesn't work like that, I just feel even worse, feel even less control.
Sure, there are people I can say things to. I can say it all in the presence of another human body. But I don't think anyone knows how to listen, or knows what to say. Maybe you need a degree or you have to love the person in order to truly comfort (when it comes to this).
Sigh. I better set up some kind of emotional safety net soon.
I had my CSCAR appointment, and figured out what to do for analysis. That was reassuring. Also at the seminar today I realized that I didn't have to have a huge introduction, so that was also reassuring.
But the pendulum just swung back in my chest and now, I feel sad? I'm not even sure why. I feel kind of alone here. Alone in that way you know there's no one to catch you if you fall. Alone because there are only two people who can be there for me, and one of them is paid.
For some reason I want to hold someone accountable. I want to point and say, yknow what, you owe me. So when I tell myself that it doesn't work like that, I just feel even worse, feel even less control.
Sure, there are people I can say things to. I can say it all in the presence of another human body. But I don't think anyone knows how to listen, or knows what to say. Maybe you need a degree or you have to love the person in order to truly comfort (when it comes to this).
Sigh. I better set up some kind of emotional safety net soon.