So this is life....hmmmmm....so this is life...
I really didn't think that I would care this much that camp was over this year. It didn't seem like other summers, what with the lack of certain counselors and such. But...I guess somehow, it was just as amazing. I will miss a lot about this summer. I will miss a lot about these past four years.
I guess that's what the end of camp was for me. Kind of a sense of finality for everything that's come before. College is looming just over the horizon. Twelve days away. When I got home from my staff day, my rooming assignment was sitting in my mailbox. In a way, I'm kind of glad that it didn't come before camp was over. Sure, I wanted to know where I was and who I was with, but if it had come before camp got out, it would have blended two worlds that I'm not sure should have been blended. High school wasn't as sad when it ended I think because I was starting camp a whole two days later. I didn't really have a chance to think about it. But now I have time, and it's weird. I'm leaving behind all of this. Sure, I have Caroline, Caroline, Meghan, Steffie, Mary, Jake and Holly up there, but that's so different. I'm still convinced that I'm going to have a nervous breakdown without Jon around next year. And I just got really sad thinking about it as I typed it.
I have to say goodbye to Katie tonight. Just like I had to say goodbye to Dan a couple of weeks ago. And I said goodbye to a whole bunch of camp people yesterday and the day before. Jake and I became such good friends this summer, and it was difficult saying "Hey, see you next year." And last night, sending Lily back to Montreal was tough. I just don't know how I'm supposed to react to all of this.
I saw Woody the other night at the circus. And I tried not to like him, I really did. I don't think anyone realizes how hard that I've been fighting this. All they can do is roll their eyes at me and suff, but it's not like I don't try. Do you think I like wanting someone so bad that I can't have? It fucking sucks.
I don't know where my head is anymore. What's going on?
I guess that's what the end of camp was for me. Kind of a sense of finality for everything that's come before. College is looming just over the horizon. Twelve days away. When I got home from my staff day, my rooming assignment was sitting in my mailbox. In a way, I'm kind of glad that it didn't come before camp was over. Sure, I wanted to know where I was and who I was with, but if it had come before camp got out, it would have blended two worlds that I'm not sure should have been blended. High school wasn't as sad when it ended I think because I was starting camp a whole two days later. I didn't really have a chance to think about it. But now I have time, and it's weird. I'm leaving behind all of this. Sure, I have Caroline, Caroline, Meghan, Steffie, Mary, Jake and Holly up there, but that's so different. I'm still convinced that I'm going to have a nervous breakdown without Jon around next year. And I just got really sad thinking about it as I typed it.
I have to say goodbye to Katie tonight. Just like I had to say goodbye to Dan a couple of weeks ago. And I said goodbye to a whole bunch of camp people yesterday and the day before. Jake and I became such good friends this summer, and it was difficult saying "Hey, see you next year." And last night, sending Lily back to Montreal was tough. I just don't know how I'm supposed to react to all of this.
I saw Woody the other night at the circus. And I tried not to like him, I really did. I don't think anyone realizes how hard that I've been fighting this. All they can do is roll their eyes at me and suff, but it's not like I don't try. Do you think I like wanting someone so bad that I can't have? It fucking sucks.
I don't know where my head is anymore. What's going on?